FIAMMA01
Novice writer starting out with my first fiction. For the time being I'll just try to make this story work as best as I can so look forward to it! Updates on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays too.
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There are a few grammar errors, like the absence of quotation marks, and the use of capital letters, but other than that its shaping up to be pretty solid. The system style concept is a tad generic but I'll see where it goes. Try using more paragraphs though, itll make for a smoother read. Keep it up!
Its referring to Niveria's reaction to Kanon's presence after what he'd just done. Since he'd just finished slaughtering dozens of her comrades, it was her reflex reaction spurred on by instinctual fear.
It starts off with an interesting pemise and builds up to the mystery surrounding lucy and her mother. The story even has magical elements that I didn't expect to see at all, so this should be pretty interesting........try using more dialoue and consistently sticking to one perspective to enhance your flow.
This was actually pretty good. It starts of with a vivid setting description and immediately draws your attention to Ophelia, the main character. The worldbuilding then follows immediately after this but, I almost got lost a few times so spacing that out a bit might be a good idea. The story delves into Ophelia's past as early as chapter two, which makes it feel a little fast pace, but not to a degree where its overbearing. All in all this was a good read, just mind the pacing and you should be fine.
Its pretty good. Although the story could use a bit more paragraphing and a little less info dumping, especially close to the end of chapter 3, its interesting over all. The Blind orcs did a good job of building up tension, but try describing them a bit more, that'll add an extra layer to the tension.