burntwallflower
Writing
of reading
47
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I noticed in the early chapters that you have very rigid descriptions. That's not bad at all but, I can see that you're trying to immerse the audience in the events in the story itself. You can keep going with your own style but, when it comes to descriptions or telling the reader what the character is going through, use their senses. For example, Ummi felt sad. Instead of outright saying that, describe how she physically feels at that moment. Ummi endured the painful tightness in her chest as the heartbreak of being forced to start over left her breathless and in tears. You've actually done this a few times already and all I'm doing now is encouraging you. You can do this. Keep writing!
This novel takes a unique approach, almost like a screenplay in the beginning. The way the narrative changed from third-person to a personal perspective was disorienting at first but as I read through, I discovered a very emotional journey that a lot of people will be able to relate to. This deserves more attention.
Solid grammar and vocabulary. It's a worthy read that readers should honestly check out. The imagery of the scenes gets a bit too vague sometimes and although it is essential to leave room for imagination, play with the reader's senses a little more, author. You're doing awesome!
The main character is fleshed out early on in the story and it helps the reader understand his decisions and such. This is a diary-style novel from what I can gather and most of the events are viewed from the MC's perspective. The grammar and vocab could use a little work but nothing that the writer can't improve upon. Good work you got here, author. Keep writing!!!
Woah, that twist actually got me..