Review Detail of burntwallflower in Why Can't You Give Love A Chance

thank you what's your suggestions

I noticed in the early chapters that you have very rigid descriptions. That's not bad at all but, I can see that you're trying to immerse the audience in the events in the story itself. You can keep going with your own style but, when it comes to descriptions or telling the reader what the character is going through, use their senses. For example, Ummi felt sad. Instead of outright saying that, describe how she physically feels at that moment. Ummi endured the painful tightness in her chest as the heartbreak of being forced to start over left her breathless and in tears. You've actually done this a few times already and all I'm doing now is encouraging you. You can do this. Keep writing!