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CokeWhale

CokeWhale

Lv1
2020-11-28 JoinedGlobal
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54
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale8mth
    Commented

    Cheap, extremely weak writing.

    I didn't catch most of that because I was still reeling from the sudden, accidental portkey. I was still blinking the lights of portkey travel out of my eyes and trying to reconcile the change in my surroundings. All I understood was 'forgive an old man his rambles' and everything after that. Whatever Dumbledore had said before was lost on me…
    altalt
    The Grind (And Helping Heather Potter) [Complete]
    Book&Literature · Daddy
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale11mth
    Replied to Pantless_Ninja

    lol shoving it at the bottom of a description page does not give you the right to steal this from the original author

    Ch 27 The dragon's Interest
    altalt
    Asoiaf :The Rising Son
    TV · Pantless_Ninja
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    The story is "/works/15845781/" on AO3 if you want the full (unfinished and dropped) story. This pathetic guy has stolen it and is posting it gradually here. The thief is deleting reviews pointing this out.

    Ch 27 The dragon's Interest
    altalt
    Asoiaf :The Rising Son
    TV · Pantless_Ninja
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    The story is "/works/15845781/" on AO3 if you want the full (unfinished and dropped) story. This pathetic guy has stolen it and is posting it gradually here.

    Ch 25 Flirting With Trouble
    altalt
    Asoiaf :The Rising Son
    TV · Pantless_Ninja
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    Story stolen from DerkAndFullOfErrors on AO3 and posted here.

    Ch 1 Prologue
    altalt
    Asoiaf :The Rising Son
    TV · Pantless_Ninja
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to FanHarem

    I slogged through the start now and the story /does/ start being more coherent after chapter 3 or so. In my opinion this is a massive turn-off for new readers, and you should not just expect people to stick through the terrible writing in chapter 1/2 in hope that it will get better, and I'm positive you're losing readers because of it. Still, after that it went up to about a 3/5, maybe 4/5 for webnovel, so I'll delete this review. Good luck.

    altalt
    Is it Wrong to Employ Cute Girls in a Store?
    Anime & Comics · FanHarem
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Posted

    You need to work a lot on your writing. Your sentences are generally 3-5 times as long as they should be, periods nowhere in sight, and it makes it really problematic to read. I'm not going to comment on the content, but your actual writing ability/skill in general needs a fair bit of training before it's even at a somewhat acceptable level. Right now, I'm constantly pulled out of your story and have to re-read things at times because it's so poorly put together. It's not worth the bother to keep reading. Of course you will be spammed with 4-5 stars because this is Webnovel, but don't believe them: they're starving and would eat literally anything. Both for your future readers' as well as your own sake, go back to the basics and learn how to write legibly before sharing more stories.

    altalt
    Limits of the Flesh in DXD
    Anime & Comics · Azazyel
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    This whole thing was a single sentence.

    But when I shook the hand of the woman who gave me the information of where I was when she gave me a stupid business card for her husband's moving company that he worked for, my mind was utterly blown by the massive deluge of information that filled me making me hurriedly drop her hand and stagger away from the woman, with said Japanese's woman realizing my excuses that I got off a train drunk and had no idea where I was, was certainly a lie, and I was definitely tweaker or something.
    altalt
    Limits of the Flesh in DXD
    Anime & Comics · Azazyel
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Posted

    Bottom tier writing.

    altalt
    Rewriting #1
    Anime & Comics · NHyper
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to CokeWhale

    Dialogue is also used >as< exposition*

    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to Shadowmonarch

    Yeah.. except this is not the same account I used back then, since I changed my email after a long hiatus and couldn't be bothered to reset passwords, considering how your account literally doesn't matter here. What kind of idiotic thing would that be to lie about? Why would you even insinuate it? lol I was here back when Webnovel literally stole a ton of translators' works to get jumpstarted on the english audience, but of course no one cares about that anymore You're right though, and like I said, he writes entertaining stories, even if they're badly written in the technical sense. This is why he has become popular, but he uses a horrible style of hooking the reader and keeping them dragged along for literal years, while obviously caring very little about the actual writing quality of his own work. It's a style that's been used by the chinese web novelists for years and a lot of people on webnovel has copied it, sadly. There's a reason that writer has deleted any and every non-4star review literally since he started the novel. It would have a lot more mixed reviews if he didn't, and that broken system is part of why the story got popular to begin with—new readers had no way of discerning the later quality of the story they were about to start on. He's a shady, low tier writer, and if you're idolizing a person like that, you need a bigger perspective. Someone having a negative opinion about a lazily/poorly written story is not salty, crying, toxic or trolling, it is literally just pointing out mistakes and possibly ways to correct it. This is in hope of the author improving or as a warning for other readers so they'll know what to expect. The fact that you seem genuinely offended that I would say MyLittleBrother's work is of poor quality leads me to believe that you've never actually read a properly written book before. I would definitely go that way next, it will open your eyes to actually good writing. And no, I'm not expecting publishable quality out of webnovel at all, but if you're lazing out on your writing you should accept the negative consequences it's bound to bring, even if much lower standards for 5 stars are accepted here.

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to Shadowmonarch

    What? I know about MyLittleBrother. I started reading his below average but still decent story Dual Cultivation when it first started, and he continuously degraded it in quality by dragging everything out endlessly, so he could keep making money off it. If you think that guy is a good writer, you're the delusional one. Cultivation Online is no different. It's entertaining to a point, but is deliberately designed to take as long as possible, which leads to 80-90% pointless filler chapters and lack of progress.

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to Pointbreak

    Again, you're focusing on the fact that someone is saying something negative and learning nothing. Characters making huge leaps in logic to follow an unnatural narrative is not clever writing, no matter how you try to phrase it. Very confused on the quote you dug around in my history to screenshot and use as some kind of evidence of something. You think that guy is a fantastic writer too?

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to CokeWhale

    and this is of course ignoring the fact that this chapter is just straight up bad writing and not just issues conveying information

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to Pointbreak

    What I got out of it is that you're starting out trying to guilt your readers, by saying you're taking time out of your oh so busy writing schedule to explain to us fools what we didn't get, when we obviously should have. I did not read your wall of text explaining yourself, because it's entirely irrelevant. If a lot of people are not picking up on what you're trying to convey, then there's an issue in your writing, and overexplaining it in comments or telling your readers to pay better attention is never the fix. That's a pretty ironclad rule as a writer.

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Replied to Pointbreak

    This was an extremely condescending way to tell us you're not going to improve on your mistakes. Don't blame your readers for your lackluster writing.

    Ch 29 Assembly of Silent Night
    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    perspired?

    It was easy to see that. Issei transpired slightly.
    altalt
    Rewriting #1
    Anime & Comics · NHyper
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    wat

    "You weren't wrong the bastard. This is certainly a reward."
    altalt
    Rewriting #1
    Anime & Comics · NHyper
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Commented

    Way too much talking about novel MCs; it feels like 4th wall breaks.

    Ch 5 Stranded [2]
    altalt
    Void Evolution System
    Fantasy · Crocs_is_Dead
    detail
  • CokeWhale
    CokeWhale1yr
    Posted

    This story moves crazy slow. The lack of progress and constant POV switches to fairly unimportant characters is getting really tiring. Dialogue is also used or exposition at least half the time, and it makes everyone sound fake. Oh, and like so many of these types of stories, the MC knows literally everything for essentially no reason. This "super intelligent" MC got killed in a completely avoidable way and lucked into getting revived at the start. It's not a great character. Decently entertaining story, but not good writing.

    altalt
    The Witch Hunter System
    Fantasy · Pointbreak
    detail