webnovel

Cosmic Janitor

A man on a hospital bed was offered a job by a god. Said god introduced himself as a "god of amusement and entertainment." The man unhesitatingly accepted; what was the reason? He was bored. Having lived his life to the literal fullest—parachuting, skydiving, racing, boxing, and other adrenaline-pumping activities—left him exactly in his condition—a crippled, sick, BUT bored man in his middle thirties.  Join him in his wild adventures as he battles devils, zombies, and all sorts of crazy stuff you can dream up while lying in bed. Updates: It depends on my workload. Also, on my cat's mood. Suggestions: I've got some "worlds" planned, but feel free to suggest a game or anime world that needs some serious "cleaning." Disclaimer: The characters mentioned are not mine, except the OCs. Especially the Book Cover.

ChrisTian3421 · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
71 Chs

Splurging

(Katsuo POV)

Waking up feeling groggy, I sat up and scanned my room. The familiar mahogany-themed decor was comforting. Shelves adorned with various swords from different eras and cultures lined the walls, a testament to my countless battles and travels. My prized collection of musical instruments, including a well-worn drum kit in the corner, reminded me of the few moments of peace I had managed to carve out for myself. The state-of-the-art speaker system hinted at the times I found solace in music.

"I'm back at the interdimensional base," I mused aloud. The memories of the grueling battle against the Moon Lord came flooding back. My chest ached from where the Phantasmal Bolt had struck me, a stark reminder of the close call.

Then a more pressing concern hit me. "Tom? Where's Tom?" Panic surged through me as I scrambled out of bed, searching the room. Had they at least let me keep my cat?

Just as my anxiety began to spike, the door creaked open. Tom, my almost-psychic Maine Coon, trotted in with a regal air. He leapt onto the bed and nestled into my lap, purring softly. His gentle vibrations seemed to soothe my frayed nerves, as if he was aware of my inner turmoil.

"Hey, buddy," I whispered, stroking his soft fur. "You always know when I need you, don't you?" Tom's purring grew louder, his eyes half-closed in contentment. I chuckled softly, feeling a wave of relief.

As I continued to pet Tom, my mind drifted back to the battle and the people I had fought alongside. Superman, Dr. Fate, Batman, and the rest of the Justice League—they had all played a part in this victory. And now, here I was, back at the base, recovering and reflecting.

Suddenly, a soft knock on the door pulled me out of my reverie. "Come in," I called out, my voice still a bit raspy.

The door opened to reveal Lisa, my assigned manager. Her blue blazer accentuated her blue hair, paired perfectly with a pencil skirt and high heels. She was the epitome of business chic.

"Welcome back, Katsuo," she said with a cheerful smile, stepping into the room. "Nine months, huh? How's that for a mission?"

I grinned, leaning back against my pillow. "Oh, you know, just your typical 'save the world from an eldritch horror' kind of gig. No big deal."

Lisa chuckled, crossing her arms. "Right, because fighting an avatar of Cthulhu is just another day at the office for you."

"Exactly," I said with a wink. "I even got a nice little vacation in China and Japan. Very scenic, if you don't mind the giant death rays."

She shook her head, laughing. "Always the comedian. I saw the footage, you were amazing out there."

"Thanks," I replied, scratching Tom behind the ears. "But seriously, how do you keep finding these insane missions for me?"

"Oh, it's all part of the job," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "We just throw a dart at a map of the multiverse and see where it lands."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, next time, aim for a beach planet. I could use some R&R."

Lisa laughed again. "I'll see what I can do. But for now, you need to recover. Your next assignment is to take it easy and get some rest."

I pretended to be shocked. "You mean no fighting off hordes of monsters or saving the world from impending doom? What am I going to do with all this free time?"

"Maybe catch up on sleep," she suggested, a mischievous glint in her eye. "And I hear there's a certain cat who's been missing his favorite person."

Tom meowed as if on cue, making both of us laugh.

"Fine, fine," I said, holding up my hands in mock surrender. "I'll take it easy. But only because you asked so nicely."

"Good," Lisa said, her smile softening. "You've earned it, Katsuo. We'll handle everything else for now. Just focus on getting better."

I nodded, feeling a genuine warmth from her words. "Thanks, Lisa. I appreciate it."

She gave me a playful wink. "Anytime, 'Cosmic Janitor'. Now, get some rest. I'll check in on you later."

As she left the room, I settled back into the bed, feeling a sense of peace I hadn't felt in a long time. With Tom purring beside me and the promise of some well-deserved rest, I allowed myself to relax, knowing that for now, I was exactly where I needed to be.

.

.

.

.

As I lay on my bed with Tom purring on my stomach, I decided to check my Points. I opened my interface and saw a staggering 2,319,000 Points.

"Whut?" I muttered as my brain momentarily blanked out. Then, with a quick mental calculation: 2,319,000 minus my initial 69,000 Points equals 2,250,000 Points. "HOLY SHIT!" I shouted, startling Tom, who gave me a light smack in response.

"Sorry, Tom," I said, feeling sheepish. I created a cat perch that accommodated his size and smiled knowingly at him. As if sensing my thoughts, he shot me a look that clearly said, "I'm not fat! I'm a Maine Coon!" I laughed, watching him scamper towards the perch.

I then browsed the interface. It still amazed me that this interface contained everything. And literally everything.

Interface Options

1. Atomic Bomb:

- Hiroshima Bombing Replica: 300,000 Points

- - "For when you want to recreate a historical disaster... hopefully with better intentions."

2. Advanced Combat Gear:

- Titanium-Reinforced Exosuit: 850,000 Points

- - Perfect for when your enemies bring more than just knives to a gunfight."

3. Weaponry:

- Railgun: 800,000 Points

- - "Punch through anything with this hyper-velocity weapon."

4. Healing Items:

- Elixir of Immortality: 10,000,000 Points

- - "Live forever, provided you can avoid any sudden decapitations."

5. Vehicles:

- Stealth Jet: 600,000 Points

- - "Travel in style and undetected anywhere in the world."

6. Creature Summons:

- Dragon Companion: 7,500,000 Points

- - "Unleash the power of a mythical beast at your command."

7. Base Upgrades:

- Advanced AI Defense System: 2,000,000 Points

- - "Keep unwanted guests at bay with cutting-edge technology."

8. Personal Enhancements:

- Enhanced Reflexes: 100,000 Points

- - "React faster than a speeding bullet."

9. Dimensional Travel:

- Multiverse Portal: 9,000,000 Points

- - "Visit any dimension at your leisure."

10. Knowledge Acquisition:

- Omniscience Module: 10,000,000 Points

- - "Know everything, everywhere, at any time."

11. Apocalypse Button:

- End the World Instantly: 20,000,000 Points

- - "When you're just done with everyone and everything."

12. Clone Army:

- Army of Your Clones: 800,000 Points

- - "Because if you want something done right, do it yourself... thousands of times."

13. Zombie Outbreak:

- Release a Zombie Virus: 500,000 Points

- - "Unleash chaos with a classic horror scenario."

14. Doomsday Device:

- Activate a Planet-Destroying Laser: 12,500,000 Points

- - "For when you need to make a grand exit."

15. Eternal Torment:

- Curse Someone with Immortality and Unending Pain: 1,700,000 Points

- - "For that one person you really, really hate."

16. Reality Warp:

- Alter Reality to Your Whim: 15,800,000 Points

- - "Play god for a day... or forever."

17. Instant Black Hole:

- Create a Black Hole Anywhere: 10,200,000 Points

- - "Erase your problems by sending them into oblivion."

18. Rewind Button:

- Rewind Time by 24 Hours: 20,000,000 Points

- - "For when you massively screw up and need a do-over."

19. Soul Swap:

- Swap Souls with Anyone: 6,000,000 Points

- - "Ever wondered what it's like to be someone else? Now you can find out."

20. Demon Summoning:

- Summon a Horde of Demons: 900,000 Points

- - "Unleash hell—literally—on your enemies."

As I saw the endless options, and then something caught my eye:

- Mana Core - 800,000 Points

- Reaper's Scythe (Laced with True Death)

- 5,250,000 Points

- Leviathan Axe - 3,000,000 Points

- Buster Sword - 2,000,000 Points

- Customizable Pyrostormium Sword - 1,500,000 Points

I weighed my options. Sure, a Mana Core would help me gain more elemental affinities, but I didn't lack versatility—I lacked an appropriate weapon. My Adamantine Tachi was great, but if I were to battle beings like Cthulhu more often, I needed an upgrade. And this was it, a Pyrostormium Sword. Pyrostormium, a metal that amplifies my lightning and fire manipulation. The customizable Yamato Sword was still my ideal choice, but I currently lacked Points. I decided not to be hasty and headed to Lisa.

I found Lisa in her office, reviewing some files. She looked up and smiled when she saw me. "Katsuo, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need some advice," I said, showing her the interface with the options. "I'm considering getting a new weapon. My Adamantine Tachi is good, but after the battle with the Moon Lord, I realized I need something more."

Lisa examined the options. "The Pyrostormium Sword is a solid choice. It will amplify your elemental powers and give you an edge in battle. But it is quite an investment. Are you sure you want to spend that many points on it?"

I nodded. "I've faced beings that are beyond comprehension. I need a weapon that can keep up with me."

She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "What about the Reaper's Scythe? It's laced with True Death, which could be incredibly useful against immortal or regenerative foes."

I shook my head. "It's too expensive. I don't have enough points for it."

Lisa nodded in understanding. "Then the Pyrostormium Sword it is. But remember, it's customizable. You can tailor it to your exact specifications. It could become your ultimate weapon."

I smiled. "Thanks, Lisa. I needed that confirmation."

"Anytime, Katsuo," she said, returning to her files. "Now go and get your new toy."

I went back to my room, feeling more confident about my decision. I opened the interface and selected the Customizable Pyrostormium Sword. The screen flashed, and a prompt appeared, asking me to specify the attributes I wanted.

I chose:

- Enhanced Fire and Lightning Manipulation

- Lightweight but durable

- Adaptive to my fighting style

- Capable of channeling and amplifying my Summoned Swords

The points were deducted from my total, and a flash of light appeared before me. When it cleared, there lay my new weapon, gleaming with an otherworldly aura. I picked it up, feeling the power coursing through it. This was it—the upgrade I needed.

As I held the Pyrostormium Sword, I closed my eyes and envisioned its ideal shape—a standard tachi form, elongated and more curved than a katana. When I opened my eyes, I saw the result of my imagination and the sword's customization.

The blade was sleek and black, with a subtle sheen that hinted at the power within. Along the spine of the sword, intricate crimson and gold veins pulsed with energy, representing the fusion of fire and lightning. The hilt was wrapped in dark leather, providing a firm grip, and the guard was shaped like intertwining flames and lightning bolts. The scabbard was a matte black with matching crimson and gold details, perfectly complementing the blade's design.

I admired the sword for a moment before deciding on a name. "Sanchomo," I said aloud, the name resonating with the power and purpose of the weapon.

With a grin, I headed towards the simulator to test Sanchomo's capabilities. As I walked past Lisa, she noticed the sword and my excitement. She let out a helpless sigh and remarked, "Boys and their swords."

In the simulator, I activated a high-level combat scenario. Enemies materialized around me, and I drew Sanchomo, feeling the rush of power as the blade ignited with flames and crackled with lightning. I moved with newfound fluidity, each slash and strike more precise and powerful than before. The blade cut through opponents effortlessly, and the adaptive nature of Sanchomo allowed me to switch between fire and lightning attacks seamlessly.

I initiated Judgement Cut, swinging Sanchomo with focused intent. A series of rapid, precise slashes manifested in an instant, cutting down enemies with unparalleled speed and accuracy. The combination of my blade's properties and the enhanced Summoned Swords made the attack devastatingly effective.

Next, I performed Rapid Slash, dashing through enemies at lightning speed. Each move was accompanied by fiery explosions and crackling lightning, leaving a trail of destruction in my wake. Sanchomo amplified the power of each slash, making the attack feel almost effortless.

Deciding to push my limits further, I activated my enhanced Shunpo. With blinding speed, I zipped through the battlefield, slashing at enemies while simultaneously evading their attacks. The blade moved with me, responding to my thoughts and movements as if it were an extension of my body. Each strike with Sanchomo was accompanied by bursts of fire and lightning, creating a spectacle of energy and destruction.

After an intense session, I sheathed Sanchomo, feeling more confident than ever. The simulator had confirmed it: this sword was exactly what I needed.

Leaving the simulator, I felt ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. With Sanchomo at my side, I knew I could handle anything the universe threw at me. Well, hopefully that is.