Review Detail of _Pochitalover_ in Jujutsu Reincarnation: Unleashing The Ten Shadows In Naruto
Review detail
Translated by: Google. This story is somewhat disappointing, it has an interesting premise, but up to that point, the pacing of the story is very inconsistent and instead of giving development to important points, it takes six long chapters in a rather pointless mini arc about the MC's childhood stage, then it's 8 chapters in total to show the power of the MC, something that is in the title itself, there was no need for all that internal MC talk. Developing his social relationships would have been something more interesting, because it's the perfect time to do it, when the main conflict doesn't appear yet, but no, 8 chapters of 90% mental dialogue and another 10% of not very relevant events (the only exception would be the death of the MC's parents). In conclusion: The author doesn't handle the rhythm of the story well and wastes the resources he has at hand, besides filling many chapters with mental dialogues that go nowhere, rather irrelevant characters and a lot of delay in getting to the action, the latter is the minimum expected from a Naruto Fan Fic (a fighting shonen). Things in favor: Good spelling, grammar and the story has few chapters yet, the author still has time to keep improving. But with what I currently have on hand, unfortunately I can't give it more than two and a half stars.
Jujutsu Reincarnation: Unleashing The Ten Shadows In Naruto
BurgerNoTomatoes
Liked by 20 people
LIKEReplies4
First of all, appreciate you taking the time to review my work. Your opinion is much appreciated and well thought out! I can't really argue with what you say. My only words are is you are correct on all fronts. The first 6ish chapters were more intended to explore the Reincarnation process of a "Regular" dude and his thoughts as well as introducing his overall character. I do ask that maybe you can read beyond Chapter 8 and give me your opinion if you have not read that far? Only if you want to and have the time for it of course! Anything I could improve from here? Once again much appreciated!
Translated by Google. Thank you for not taking my review the wrong way, I admit that when I wrote it I felt a little frustrated by the wasted potential in the first chapters and maybe I said hurtful things, I have read up to the current chapter, I always try to read stories up to the first 20 chapters (the exceptions are when they are very bad, this is not the case). I still have more or less the same complaints, the pace of the story increased noticeably, but as if it were an equivalent change, the amount of the MC's mental dialogue became more monotonous, without making any real contribution to the specific scenes. The characters improve a lot, however I must say from my point of view that choosing Danzo as the antagonist is a bad decision. I am a fervent believer that a FanFiction author, in addition to modifying the plot to help his protagonist on different occasions, also has to eliminate negative elements that disfavor the original product in question (example: Naruto Fanfics that eliminate the Otsutsuki), the thing with Danzo is that in canon it was hinted that he could use the Kotoamatsukami once a day, I think any intelligent person can realize how much this breaks the logic of the world, because Danzo was like 8 years old with Shisui's eyes, that power in his hands and being portrayed as an intelligent character, with a personal army and some military genius, it is impossible that it would never have occurred to him to control the entire high command of the shinobi world. That's why I always appreciate the FF that eliminate that hole in the script, something that doesn't happen here and causes me a lot of conflict about the following arcs with Danzo as the antagonist.
BurgerNoTomatoes:First of all, appreciate you taking the time to review my work. Your opinion is much appreciated and well thought out! I can't really argue with what you say. My only words are is you are correct on all fronts. The first 6ish chapters were more intended to explore the Reincarnation process of a "Regular" dude and his thoughts as well as introducing his overall character. I do ask that maybe you can read beyond Chapter 8 and give me your opinion if you have not read that far? Only if you want to and have the time for it of course! Anything I could improve from here? Once again much appreciated!image
Of course! I am well aware I barely scratch the surface in terms of writing and narrative skills so it's fine! It helps me improve. About the Danzo plot, I did notice the plot hole of Danzo having the capability of using Kotoamatsukami daily. I have gotten feedback that in Danzo's case it is still 10-year cooldown despite Hashirama cells. Nevertheless, That left me with 2 options. (1) Adjust the cooldown so Danzo can't spam it. Reasonly every couple of years for a single use. Or. (2) Give Danzo's character a reason to NOT spam it, despite having it. This does force me to make Danzo slightly OOC, but you know.
_Pochitalover_:Translated by Google. Thank you for not taking my review the wrong way, I admit that when I wrote it I felt a little frustrated by the wasted potential in the first chapters and maybe I said hurtful things, I have read up to the current chapter, I always try to read stories up to the first 20 chapters (the exceptions are when they are very bad, this is not the case). I still have more or less the same complaints, the pace of the story increased noticeably, but as if it were an equivalent change, the amount of the MC's mental dialogue became more monotonous, without making any real contribution to the specific scenes. The characters improve a lot, however I must say from my point of view that choosing Danzo as the antagonist is a bad decision. I am a fervent believer that a FanFiction author, in addition to modifying the plot to help his protagonist on different occasions, also has to eliminate negative elements that disfavor the original product in question (example: Naruto Fanfics that eliminate the Otsutsuki), the thing with Danzo is that in canon it was hinted that he could use the Kotoamatsukami once a day, I think any intelligent person can realize how much this breaks the logic of the world, because Danzo was like 8 years old with Shisui's eyes, that power in his hands and being portrayed as an intelligent character, with a personal army and some military genius, it is impossible that it would never have occurred to him to control the entire high command of the shinobi world. That's why I always appreciate the FF that eliminate that hole in the script, something that doesn't happen here and causes me a lot of conflict about the following arcs with Danzo as the antagonist.image
_Pochitalover_:Translated by Google. Thank you for not taking my review the wrong way, I admit that when I wrote it I felt a little frustrated by the wasted potential in the first chapters and maybe I said hurtful things, I have read up to the current chapter, I always try to read stories up to the first 20 chapters (the exceptions are when they are very bad, this is not the case). I still have more or less the same complaints, the pace of the story increased noticeably, but as if it were an equivalent change, the amount of the MC's mental dialogue became more monotonous, without making any real contribution to the specific scenes. The characters improve a lot, however I must say from my point of view that choosing Danzo as the antagonist is a bad decision. I am a fervent believer that a FanFiction author, in addition to modifying the plot to help his protagonist on different occasions, also has to eliminate negative elements that disfavor the original product in question (example: Naruto Fanfics that eliminate the Otsutsuki), the thing with Danzo is that in canon it was hinted that he could use the Kotoamatsukami once a day, I think any intelligent person can realize how much this breaks the logic of the world, because Danzo was like 8 years old with Shisui's eyes, that power in his hands and being portrayed as an intelligent character, with a personal army and some military genius, it is impossible that it would never have occurred to him to control the entire high command of the shinobi world. That's why I always appreciate the FF that eliminate that hole in the script, something that doesn't happen here and causes me a lot of conflict about the following arcs with Danzo as the antagonist.image