Scarface3699
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Scarface369911minReplied to Scarface3699- Scarface369912minReplied to CarlosDr3vna
the issue is u don't see why people keep Pre isekai stuff short. (good or badly done) it's because it's mostly just an excuse to get knowledge someone in that setting shouldn't have wether it's trivial or vital. And the people that do that well don't need 35 chapters to 'establish' (key word) a mc before the plot of the story that drew people in even starts.
- Scarface36991hPosted
I'm sorry is the prologue going to be 35 chapters??? If so wow thats a shocking ask from the reader. (PS i remember ur Percy Jackson novel from a long time ago was pretty good.) This isn't a actual book where that scenario makes sense. We don't have the complete novel so it's just a nonsensical ask till that happens
- Scarface36993hCommentedCh 7 CH7: ABNORMAL reading ability
- Scarface36993hCommented
stuff needs to actually happen ur getting lost in all the powers which are cool but we need to get a move on. Also doesn't he have wings to fly? u just forget that he has wings and horns?(u can't keep his goals or plans from the reader if ur this slow paced coz that's gonna be the only thing keeping people around). Also by the time his body matures i think he's the same age as Scarlet witch so nice.
Ch 6 CH6: Becoming one with LIGHT? - Scarface36993hCommented
the level diff dmg reduction thing is actually pretty bad for ur power system it just straight up ignores the other part of ur power system which is stats. An enemy 4 lvls above someone should never be pretty much invulnerable
Widening his eyes, this was the jackpot! How did his luck turn this great? To get such a powerful weapon... He was very lucky to get this. Immediately equipping the sword, Issei adjusted his new stats and smirked. - Scarface36994hCommented
yikes unfortunately this parent stuff sucked. Other parts of ur story so far r good tho
As he gently laid Miki down, he whispered reassurances, though his own doubts gnawed at him. How could they even be considered parents to Issei when they couldn't even shield him from the agony of a broken heart? The weight of parental responsibility bore down on Gorou's shoulders, a heavy burden that threatened to crush him. - Scarface36998hCommented
ur writing is pretty amateurish it's clear that pretty much nothing is planned no plots/idea of where ur going, fights are badly choreographed, power scaling unclear, MC agency/goal is unclear, dialogue is amateur and incosnsistent one moment it's fine the next its short to the point and robotic and whatever u want to happen just happens. Point is don't start a story if u have no idea what the story is going to be plan things ffs glđ
Ch 11 Diluc Ragvindr, Jean and Paimon. - Scarface36999hCommented
awful dialogue here
Lumine crossed her hands and narrowed her eyes a little, "You are really weird.... But still, you are just cold and uncaring like the rest of the Fatui.... And her.... But you are just different, there is something different about you. Anyway, you sure are one tall and handsome Kid... I asked Jean about you. I can't believe how you managed to trick Master Jean and i dont know why Master Diluc let you go, but I am sure of it now, you are one of the more interesting Fatui. Not unlike the rest of the soldiers who don't have any personality, just empty fighters." She said. - Scarface36999hCommented
so why exactly as an author did u choose 14 as an age?
Jean noticed where my eyes went and her eyes widened a little and a little bashful expression appeared on her face. However, upon noticing Boris's indifference, she was confused. But she continued walking and her eyes went away from his face before focusing on the road. She had to admit, Boris was an attractive young boy. (Benzema would be proud. If you get what I mean.) His beautiful eyes and hair reminded her of the snow in Snezhnaya she remembered from when she visited it once as a child. His face was handsome and alluring and that curious look combined with how young he looked, made him really cute as well. His fair skin was also beautiful, complementing his hair to a certain degree and his physique was not too muscular yet admirable. Well, he was certainly one interesting boy. - Scarface36992dCommented
tf DOES THIS EVEN MEAAAAAN!?!? i feel like I'm going crazy and I'm not even past chp 1
When you start playing hide-and-seek with the undead, can you imagine that one day the undead will also play hide-and-seek with you? - Scarface369910dCommented
boring and bad
Moon God's Miracle (Once a week under the moonlight, a minor wish for an item can be granted. May fail if wish requires too many concepts. Results can be improved with generated faith and increasing divinity.) - Scarface369910dCommented
ur MC is turning/ is a Gary Stu. Doctor for human and Pokemon anatomy, Pokemon expert breeder, good trainer, good hacker. Pick a lane have him be the best at 1 or 2 things it's no fun if ur character is Jesus in all fields before age 10. Ik u say they still need more care but ur writing isn't good enough to convey that all he did was stop immediate death. So ur forced to simply his strengths or it comes of the MC is perfect. (especially since nobody has been better than him at anything yet) sam doesn't count coz he's directly trained by MC
From there I hacked into the gang devices including the leader. - Scarface369913dPosted
- Scarface369913dCommented
what does the MC or anyone even look like???
Spring was halfway done, and the warmer weather started showing up. Utakata was happy as he didn't feel the cold winds through his wore down jacket anymore. The wind began to get refreshing and not biting. The sun warmed the ground, and it wasn't as wet, and Utakata's socks didn't get soaked just from walking on the ground with his tearing shoes. - Scarface369915dReplied to DaoistCkdsB0
Im going crazy. THE SERIES LITERALLY SAYS MINATO is the greatest sealing genius EVER. multiple times.By EVERYONE. what did u watch/read!!?? đ« Entire comment section has the most Ill informed confident people I've ever seen.
I want to hear your thoughts on it to avoid any possible plot hole. - Scarface369915dReplied to Myriad
such an absurd thing to say when Tobi literally says minato is faster than him by miles and is shocked multiple times at Minato pulling his stuff off during the war arc. First thing the kage do once reanimated is have a speed competition dude like what coke r u on(like u didn't even read or watch the show). Tobirama is a good kage better than the 3rd but he is nowhere near Minato or hashirama in any category factually. And everything in the series points to that as clear.
I want to hear your thoughts on it to avoid any possible plot hole. - Scarface369915dCommented
useless descriptions like this litter so far. U do it often and it's taxing honestly. I believe he walked into the 'room' like 3 times(with an anxious monologue for each). Simplify ur scenes some of them repeat with no purpose. If the layout and specific things that litter a room we won't see again next chapter don't describe everything. The reader can infer for things like the king's bedchambers unless there's something unique or different about it keep things kurt with what's necessary.
First of all, the king's room was really spacious. Now, especially when he walked in, it was even more obvious. Glass-fronted cabinets that looked like they held fortunes, jeweled weapons hanging on the walls, three fine armchairs surrounding a low table, a large desk with a map of the kingdom, an average-sized bed that looked like it was made for resting but was probably the most comfortable bed he had ever seen, an office desk... so much more. The room was filled with all sorts of things. - Scarface369916dReplied to Scarface3699
it's also a little pathetic of the MC as klaus
"Marcel, could we speak somewhere privately?" Klaus asked, which caused Marcel to sigh inside.