Fanfiction with a paywall i was liking it but now i can’t even bother to read the 1 chapter i unlocked after paywall i like game making novels but him going on a mission was kinda slow to read but i was enduring it and was going to read and wait him to develop another game unfortunately sudden paywall (i didn’t expect it because it is a fanfiction) kinda put me off now i can’t even bother to read it

I am being selfish but please dont drop there is too little amount of yuri fanfics and if you feel like some authors who say “i write shitty stories i cant bear to write anymore” thats just because of comparing with authors that probably have the eye of the sage :D jokes aside because there is only prolouge now i can’t say much but i can definitly say at least grammar is good and i didn’t have to reread parts so story flow isn’t bad too. Just write if you enjoy it even a little and don’t write if you don’t, because stories that author don’t enjoy writing are just bad. Maybe one day you will come back with better writing skills and look at this and think of it as a black history or maybe you will come back and think of it as your most valuable thing you have done. Just do it lol.

It is just good. I can’t find any instantly noticable problems and the story flow and the world background is just fine. Even info dumps are enjoyable. The way i see it either this novel hits wrong spots for some people or they are addicted to cannon or/and cliche fanfic settings like if its dxd mc has to fuck at lest 3 girls in 15 chapters, devils are peace loving, serafall is childish and easy to fool or tease like she only lived 15 years not centuries and if its mcu fury is an allknowing spygod that knows everything supernatural aside from hydra and thanos, black widow is a killing machine shaped like a woman that only know spying, seducing, fucking and killing and other cliches. If i cut it short the only big problem with your story is it isn’t cannon and it isn’t cliche. People love fanfics because of cannon and people like almost everything because of cliches, they are cliches because majority likes them. I can’t see any problems but if you count possible problems than there are tons of them but i feel like you know them better then me or any other reader, if you dont want to keep writing for 3540535 chapters i think you should ignore some stuff like celestials, alien empires etc not specificly these but you can select what to ignore better than me.

Sorry i wrote i can spot any big problems instead of can’t.

First of all lets start with why did i start reading this fanfic, it’s really simple it’s yuri tag. Then lets say why did i didn’t notice it before? Because there isn’t harrypotter tag. I started with this because authors sometimes underestimate the power of tags. REVIEW: MAIN CHARACTER: Backstory of main character is meh because you explained it vaguely but this can be a plus too because sometimes character background makes a story change it’s impression in the readers mind and turn an awesome story into cringe or too depressing to read. SPOILER: For example mention of sexual assault to the main character by one of her foster father in her previous life. Because it’s vague i can read while maintaining the impression it’s probably only touching her a few times while she ISN’T naked or anything and it makes me more comfortable to read, if you did mention r@pe it would make it more depressing and if you did go into detail it can even make story vibe unbearable in some cases. If you want to make her face her past later please make it after story completely taken shape (please don’t forget to control the amount of details to not make it too much or too less) and i would prefer it to be after she has a romantic partner to comfort her and make story less depressing. SPOILER END REINCARNATION: While cliche it’s cliche for a reason. You made the process good enough i can spot any big problems. Powers: Lower limit and upper limit of granted power is good enough to make story progress without directly making her OP, and versitality is good too. Magic System: It looks good for now. The only problem i can think of is how much time does MC need to be powerful enough to be at least not helpless but i guess her power is at least good enough at running away. Story: I can find problems but they aren’t exactly problems, they are caused by MC’s personality and i think that is better because rather then making characters personality fit the story, making the story according to the characters personality and ability is a more enjoyable story, but it tests authors ability to write more so i hope you can make it. There isn’t any notable character or event interaction yet so i can’t say anything more. But current story is good and i think you won’t make any big errors if you really are writing this story while enjoying it. Advice?: I will say don’t listen to readers but i think that can sometimes make you see errors in advance so i will say listen to ideas but don’t implement it if you can’t enjoy or like the idea yourself because then story won’t be any good. Do i like the story? YES. But making story perfect for 20-30 chapter then making it shit for 40-1000 chapters isn’t something rare so i hope you will keep providing us with an enjoyable story. Thank you for reading my review.

Even if i know this fic isn’t about that(from sypnosis because i haven’t read it) but title always gives me the feeling it’s a fic about mc killing people and plundering their wife and daugthers LOL

Dont get it wrong this story is my current favorite but it feels like im waiting for real story last 5 chapters and when it looks like it will start you change pov

Writing other povs are good but you almost forgot MC and somehow other character is a bit boring it almost doesnt feel like a chapter its like they are filler

I would love it if there is holy grail wars and servants just make sure MC knows they exist before MC meet them not after so she doesn’t feel dumb

My only problem with this idea is that MC thinks this world is only HP+MCU not HP+MCU+Fate so if you can make it so MC learns of this before meeting anything from Fate and make her correctly guess if there is or isn’t any grail wars or servants then it’s okay

It is better than your 1st novel because 1st novel got chaotic around 100-200 chapters and i got lost while trying to follow the story because i was following other stories too this one is better and story flow has more order i cant find faults in this one and even if it has faults they arent obvious just some small things that doesnt break the flow and easily forgotten

Dude it’s a story not a poem please tone it down a bit

Maybe ending was a bit of a twist but somehow it feels like a great and satisfying ending unlike most stories that makes you feel empty and lost instead i didn’t finish the one with yami but the one with jax was good but not great but this somehow is most satisfying fanfic story in a while

Don’t worry if it isn’t i will find you and make sure it’s the last time 🔪🔪🔪 (sorry i somehow wanted to write this no matter what :D)

It’s like he has childish hero mentality but trys to act likes an anti-hero but with memories and somewhat supposed mentality of an assassin as that vanished to the core out of nowhere along the way

Hero wannabe + chuuni mc... sociopath was better or at least make him save people but don’t be like: “ahhh i couldn’t save them it’s all my fault” and cringe conversation with natasha was too much chuuni

have*

Hey maybe tea havr a mind on it’s own, don’t judge it lol

Also i think you cangive him some bs willpower based power the moment he snaps so with stronger will he wont want to became slave again or something along the lines i think you already understood what i mean