Chapter 27 - Jaya Pt 2 1/2

The Unluckies didn't give me any time to say more than that before Miss Friday spread her wings and dove towards me. Faced with the two murderous animals again, I did the only sensible thing I could.

I turned tail and ran into the street, shoving my way through the crowd.

What? Those guys were scary! More importantly, I didn't have the whole crew haring off to fight other people this time, so I could actually call some backup.

Of course, I picked then to remember that I couldn't call for help because the town was lousy with Blackbeard's crewmates and if I got pegged on account of them rampaging to my rescue, then both Soundbite and I would be biting it, big time! Because let's face it, my crewmates were many things, but subtle was not one of them. Well, Robin was, and maybe Vivi, but I couldn't guarantee that Robin wouldn't actually choose to help the Unluckies at this point, while Vivi wasn't anywhere near capable of fighting these things head-to-head.

No, quite unfortunately, I was once again on my own.

Well… as 'on my own' as I ever got these days, anyways.

"Think you can Gastro-Phony them?" I hissed desperately at Soundbite.

The snail in question concentrated for a moment before shaking his head. "NO JOY! Must have stuffed their EARS WITH WAX!"

"Tsk! Smart jackasses!" I cursed vividly. Damn it damn it damn it! This was not how I'd wanted to spend my shore leave, running from vengeful assassins and dodging a hail of fucking bull—!

…wait… Where were the bullets? I was expecting an earth-shattering kab—er, hail of bullets!

I started to turn my head around, but abandoned the notion when I nearly collided head-first with somebody. "Soundbite, can you see what they're packing?!"

"Uh…" Soundbite twisted his eyestalks around, eyes narrowed. "TWO COMBAT knives on 13, armor on FRIDAY'S TALONS! NO GUNS or shells, though!"

I made a tight turn around a corner, nearly slipping onto my ass and thanking my lucky stars for the traction the treads of my greaves afforded me. "Makes sense, their weapons would have been confis-CATED!" I yelped as I jumped over a tub of lard who'd decided it'd be a great idea to sleep off his hangover in the street. "When they were arrested and Vivi told her father about all the weapons caches she had knowledge of, PLUS—!"

I cursed under my breath and barely managed to duck down to under half my height. What kind of a moron actually carried a ladder like that!? "Whatever they managed to pump out of the captured agents! They must be stuck with what they can salvage!"

"YEAH, WELL—! DODGE!"

I immediately complied, throwing myself to the right and tumbling into an alleyway. I had a brief reprieve as I scrambled back to my feet, during which I managed to catch sight of Friday trying to wrench her metal-encased talons from the woodwork she'd literally buried them in. I managed to get running again just as she tore her claws out of the wood in a flurry of broken splinters.

"THIS DOES NOT COMFORT ME!"

"And you think I feel any better!?" I spat, pumping my legs even faster as I ran out into the next street over and started dashing down it. Thankfully, the crowd parted before me and let me through without too much commotion. Apparently, they were used to having people get chased through the streets by thoroughly vicious assassins. They just didn't care enough to actually help!

Seriously, I saw nearly ten different guns hanging from the belts of people who clearly saw me! It would take all of ten seconds for them to draw and fire! It was just that nobody could be fucking bothered to—I nearly facepalmed. God damn it, why did I always have to be so oblivious.

Catching sight of a particularly ornate handle hanging out of someone's belt, I put on a burst of speed and yanked the pistol from its holster, using my left hand to snap the hammer back while I found by grip and the trigger with my right. This all happened in the scant second it took for me to spin around and point the barrel at the pursuing pests. Friday flared her wings in panic in an effort to pull up, but by that point they were already too close for me to miss.

"Smile you ugly—!" I grit out as I pulled the trigger—

CLICK!

—and stared at the pistol in horror as its hammer clicked without any effect.

Thankfully, by this point Friday had swung up into a wide loop, giving me the briefest of pauses.

A pause which was filled by a fist rapping over my head, subsequently grabbing my collar, and wrenching me face-to-snarling-face with the guy I'd yanked the gun from. "You hooligan! Who the hell steals another man's pistol!?"

I blinked in surprise for a moment before scowling right back. "Who doesn't load their fucking pistol in a pirate town!?" Before the guy could respond, I flipped the pistol in my hand and cracked its butt over his head, forcing him to let me go. I got running just as Friday and 13 came back around for another pass.

"You think they'll risk that happening twice?" I asked Soundbite.

"I THINK they'll risk dodging TOWARDS YOU INSTEAD OF AWAY!" Soundbite absently responded.

I glanced at the snail in confusion. "What is it?"

The Baby Transponder Snail ground his teeth as he stared off into space. "I think I MIGHT HAVE an idea. GET TO THE NEXT STREET over, THAT WAY!" Soundbite answered, jerking his eyestalks to the right.

I hesitated for a brief moment before complying, swinging into the closest opening in the buildings. "Got it!" I put on as much speed as I could, and promptly killed that speed just as quickly when I came face-to-face with a wooden fence that was blocking my way forward.

It took every bit of control I had to not growl at Soundbite; at this point, I really hoped that he had a plan.

"DON'T GET PISSY AT me!" Soundbite spat venomously as he read my expression. "I SAID street, you ran INTO A BLIND ALLEY!"

I winced in admonishment. I mean, he wasn't wrong. Still, hopefully there'd be enough time for me to backtrack and—

FWUMP!

…well, that was just brilliant, wasn't it?

I grit my teeth in a wordless growl before plastering a tight grin on my face and turning around, making sure to keep my right hand behind my back all the while, while my left jerked my headphones over my ears. "Don't suppose you'd let me make another runner so that you can continue the hunt and cut me down running?" I asked, injecting a hint of hope into my voice.

It seemed that they had used up their quota of speech for the day, as the only reply they gave was for Friday to lower her center of mass while 13 flipped his combat knives so that the blades were pointed at unnaturally straight angles.

I jerked my head in acknowledgement, my smile growing ever tighter as I slowly gripped the object I was looking for with my hidden hand. "Didn't think so… by the way, just so you know, Soundbite and I have taken to naming our attacks." My grin perked up into a predatory gleam. "Here's one we just came up with today!" I whipped my hand out before the Unluckies could react. "GASTRO-FLASH!"

God bless Usopp for his sheer ingenuity, because only he could have come up with something as brilliant as this. A wind-up woodpecker doll he came up with in his spare time? On its own, a rather simplistic device for distractions and occasionally pounding in nails when he was in a hurry. The mechanism for repeated hammering, though, combined with and attached to the back of the Flash Dial that Boss found on the St. Briss, managed to enhance the already potent light of the Dial into a constant strobe light.

Throw in the ear-splitting siren Soundbite was belting out and I'd just managed to hit the Unluckies with a flashbang at almost point-blank range. And from the way they reeled and clutched their heads in agony, it was clear that neither the polarized sunglasses they wore nor the wax stuffed in their ears was enough to stop the assault on their senses.

Acting fast, I leapt forwards and stomped my boot down on Friday's helmet, smashing her jaw against the planks beneath us. I balanced on her head as I swung my other leg forwards, punting 13 off of the buzzard's back.

Before I could do anything else, Friday shifted and lurched beneath me, putting all her neck muscles into trying to fling me off. I panicked for a brief moment, before getting a stupid crazy idea. I knelt down ever so slightly and then pushed upwards and backwards just as Friday surged up herself. The combined motion managed to fling me high enough into the air to send me sailing over the lip of the fence and clear to the other side of the alley.

I landed with a crash and a burst of air, wincing as I got up, before scowling viciously at Soundbite when I managed to make sense of the digital music echoing through the air. "Super Mario Bros, really?!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST DID a Goomba stomp," Soundbite pointed out with a snicker. "NOW, RUN FORREST RUN!"

"Do I look like a national icon to you!?" I growled out as I struggled to my feet and dashed into the street, just as a squawk of fury pierced the air. "Damn it, they get up fast. You were saying something about a plan!?"

Soundbite's eyes were unsynced as they swivelled back and forth, looking up and down the street. "Not yet, not yet! I NEED LINE OF SIGHT FIRST!"

SMASH!

"SHIT!" I cursed, ducking my head in panic in order to avoid the hail of glass from the Unluckies smashing clear through a window! Son of a bitch, had they blitzed through the whole building!? "HOW'S THAT FOR LINE OF SIGHT!?"

"COULD I GET a close-up?"

"SOUNDBITE!"

"RIGHT!" Soundbite clenched his teeth, his telltale whine singing through the air. "Get ready… DUCK!"

I snapped my head down—

WHIZZ!

Just as I felt the wind of a bullet passing through the air above my head. Glancing back confirmed that the Unluckies had unfortunately managed to dodge the shot as well, but if the way Friday was glaring bloody murder at a direction slightly above me, the shot had apparently diverted their ire for a moment.

I followed the vulture's line of sight and confirmed that she was staring at the top of one of Mock Town's towers. More specifically, she was glaring at the silhouette perched on… the…

"Did you just taunt Van Auger into shooting these two?!" I hissed in shock.

"NO CLUE about this 'Van Auger' DUDE, BUT I did SPOOK THE good Samaritan SNIPING feather-RATS!"

Regardless of Soundbite's slurs, his ploy apparently managed to work!… halfway, anyways. The good news was that Friday pumped her wings and soared up higher as she swerved towards the tower, habitually jerking and jolting around in the air as she ducked and weaved around the ammunition apparently being blasted at her. No surprise there, these two no doubt had plenty of experience dealing with sniper fire.

The bad news, on the other hand, was that just as she veered off, 13 leapt off of her and continued the chase himself. His legs might have been short, but the furry bastard definitely had the energy to goddamn compensate!

"Well, that didn't work!"

"WE'VE GOT half as many ASSASSINS to deal with. What DO YOU MEAN IT didn't work?" Soundbite grumbled.

"It half-worked, so it only half counts!" I snapped back, grunting as I vaulted over a table at a cafe in an effort to shake the treacherous otter. Unfortunately, that ploy backfired when the rat used the table as a springboard to get the height needed to almost slice my head off. Almost. As it was, I still came away with a thin cut on my neck.

"Why does THIS SOUND familiar?" Soundbite muttered viciously.

"Not so fun from the other side, is it!?" I shot back with a grim grin.

"IS NOW THE TIME!?" Soundbite roared incredulously.

"Ah—GYERK!" I flinched as a butter knife swished over my shoulder. "Guess not! Any other bright ideas for dealing with this bastard!?"

"NEGATIVE! Sniper-boy is FOCUSED ON Friday, and even if I could make HIM go after THE WATER RAT, chances ARE HE'D SMELL A DIFFERENT ONE!"

"Damn it damn it damn it—GYAGH!" I cut off my cursing with a yelp when my foot suddenly hit an uneven plank and sent me tumbling. I had just enough time and sense of mind to flip onto my back and snap my armored forearms into an X, barely managing to catch the flurry of slashes the overgrown rodent tried to put into my face. The moment I got a reprieve, I shoved my arms outwards in order to knock the otter away and give me some room.

The second I got the opening, I curled my legs up against my chest and lashed them out, catching 13 in the chest and launching him off of me in a picture-perfect mule-kick.

I hastily clambered my way back to my feet, trying to keep my eye on the rodent. By the time we'd managed to both get back to our feet, I made a most… unfortunate discovery. The onlookers had finally taken notice of my dilemma, just… not in a way that helped me in the least.

"Shit…" I hissed, digging for my baton and Flash Dial.

"DA FUQ you thinking!?" Soundbite demanded incredulously.

"I'm thinking I don't have a goddamn choice is what I'm thinking…" I groused as I tried to get myself into as ready a stance as I could manage. "Look around."

Soundbite promptly did so and blinked in confusion as he noticed the ring of people surrounding me and 13. "UHHH, what are they doing?"

I ground my teeth as I slowly started to shuffle to the left without ever looking away from my furry opponent, an action he matched at the same pace. "Penning us in. I've seen several bills exchange hands, which means they're betting on us, which means they won't let me run." I swallowed heavily as I took in the evil leer 13 was sending my way. "And he's certainly not opposed to the idea either."

Soundbite looked nervously at the ring of pirates and other assorted scum around us. "Please tell me you have A PLAN."

I opened my mouth to say that no, I didn't have one besides beat up 13 again—and then something came to me. A distraction; but not just any distraction, a very special distraction. A distraction I'd seen time and time again capable of stealing all focus from one subject and wrenching it to another. I'd never actually initiated it before myself, but if I could do so, it would be so huge that we could slip away easily. The only question was if I could replicate it…

Well, couldn't hurt to try.

"Hey, guys!" I called out, not taking my eyes off of 13. "I have a question for all of you. Do you even know why we're fighting in the first place?"

I sweated nervously as 13 cocked an eyebrow, obviously curious about what I was getting at. Someone had to take the bait, or else—!

"The hell was it about, huh?" Soundbite barked from several feet away without moving his lips.

I took a moment to thank my lucky stars for Soundbite having faith in me before jabbing an accusatory finger at 13. "We were having an argument over who the strongest of the Four Emperors was, and this Philistine had the gall to say Kaidou!"

13 glanced around in confusion as the pirates and scumbags around us started muttering amongst themselves, before shrugging it off in favor of scowling at me. He leapt across the clearing, ready to tear into me—

"HEY!"

When he was suddenly snatched clean out of the air by a massive hand that encircled his body.

"You dare imply that the great Whitebeard could be weaker than that mangy beast!?" a dark-haired man with an impressive fu manchu mustache literally spat, his phlegm decorating the otter's sunglasses. "I hope you're ready to meet your maker!"

I slowly started to inch back into the crowd as 13 struggled in the pirate's grip before freezing as one of the onlooking bar wenches spoke up.

"Tchah! Typical of the patriarchy, picking the old father figure!" she whined in a high and nasally voice. "It's Big Mom, obviously, 'cause she's a woman, and everyone knows women are stronger than men!"

"What'd you say, you dime-store whore?!" one of the pirates angrily barked, shoving his way towards her.

"Hey, I ain't no cheap girl! I charge quarters, at least!"

"Women are stronger than men, huh? Come over and prove it!"

POW!

"Augh, my face!"

"Uh-oh…" Soundbite whined uncomfortably.

"Oh, boy…" I swallowed in agreement.

"Kaido can't die! I've seen it!"

"Man, Whitebeard's fucking seventy! And Big Mom and Kaido ain't far behind neither for that matter! It's gotta be Shanks, he's not even forty!"

"He's got no Devil Fruit!"

"Yes, he does!"

"No, he doesn't!"

"Yes, he does, and by God, you're gonna accept that if I have to beat it into you!"

"Bring it, ya wuss!"

CRACK!

"Augh, my spine!"

"No! Billy! You bastards!"

"Time to go, I think," I muttered as the argument descended into an all out brawl, and then promptly ducked as a freaking table sailed over my head. "Yes, definitely time to go!"

I turned tail and bolted down onto a street perpendicular to the one we'd been on, putting as much distance between me and the swiftly-growing brawl as I could manage. I put on an especially impressive burst of speed when a cry of "WIIIHAHAHA!" and a humongous shadow flew above me along the rooftops.

I'd managed to put in a considerable amount of distance between me and my pursuer when Soundbite groaned in frustration. "HE GOT OUT!"

"What!?" I sputtered in shock. "The guy who grabbed him was five times his size!"

"Six, AND HE CAN'T play rock-paper-scissors ANYMORE!" Soundbite shot back in a panicked tone. "Now run FASTER!"

I groaned miserably as I tried to comply, and promptly winced as a bolt of pain shot through my legs. "That's gonna be a problem, because I'm reaching the end of my rope here!"

I might have gotten stronger through training, but I was still freaking mortal, which was something that the otter following me was most certainly not!

Soundbite glanced back over my shoulder nervously. "THEN WE need to lose him, FAST!"

"Easier said than done! As this bastard has demonstrated time and time and time again, he's an assassin!" I groaned in a dejected tone. "And on the Grand Line, that means a hell of a lot more than it normally means! We won't shake him easily!"

"WE DID it in LITTLE GARDEN!"

"Yeah, and all we had to do was sic a pack of the most vicious dinosaurs in existence on him to do it!" I wheezed. "If we want to somebody to get him off our backs, then it can't be some run-of-the-mill thug!"

"We're in a fucking PIRATE TOWN! Throw a BRICK AND FIND SOMEONE EXTRAORDINARY!"

I winced as I conceded the point and started scanning the street for somebody, anybody who could possibly do the job. "Come on come on come on…" I muttered to myself on repeat. "Somebody extraordinary, somebody above the norm, somebody who's a goddamn mon—!"

My words died in my throat as I caught sight of a bar down the street with a very familiar window design and an idea blossomed in my brain.

Apparently, Soundbite was able to read what I was thinking on my face if the nervous expression he was wearing was anything to go by. "You have a STUPID plan, DON'T YOU?"

"Suicidal is more like it!" I corrected grimly. "Care to share any ideas of your own?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA NO."

"Then hang on to your shell." And with that, I sprinted up to the bar as fast as I could manage.

I shoved the saloon-style doors open, took a moment to stand there and gather my breath, and once I confirmed that all eyes were on me and that my intended target was indeed sitting at the bar…

"Excuse me, is it true that Doflamingo's spring-heeled dickweasel can be found here, or is this the wrong bar?"

I said what had to be the stupidest thing you could possibly say to Bellamy the Hyena's face.

The second, the exact second the last word left my mouth, I fell flat on my face, pressing myself into the woodwork at the exact same time as a pink-shirted ballistic missile tore through the space my torso had occupied moments earlier… just in time to ram into an entirely different biological projectile that had been aimed at me, this one substantially smaller and covered in fur, and slam them both through the wall of the building on the opposite side of the street. Moments later, the sound of a very intense brawl broke out from the site of the impact.

Unwilling to let either of my aggressors rally and get the drop on me, I jumped to my feet and ran over to the bar. I slapped my palm on the countertop, causing the shell-shocked bartender to flinch. "Hello, can I get some service please?"

The barkeep eyed me warily, no doubt fearing for his life via association with me. And in all fairness, it's not like he was wrong. "Uh, s-sure, what do you—?" The barkeep's words died as he stiffened in terror, staring at something over my—!

SLAM!

I jerked to the side seconds before Sarquiss' over-sized kukri cleaved into the part of the bar I'd been standing at, the blade's owner glaring bloody murder at me. "You're dead, you little—!"

Rather than letting him finish his threat, I instead swiped Soundbite off my shoulder by his shell and slapped him against the flat of the knife. "GASTRO-BLAST!"

"Bada BING BADA BOOM!"

The middle of the blade exploded in a hail of metal fragments, leaving Sarquiss holding little more than a broken hilt. All the pirate could do was stare at the remains of his eponymous weapon for a moment… before I pulled out a very lucky find from the St. Briss with my other hand and stuck it in his face.

"Impact, jackass," I snarled, flexing my palm definitively.

Thinking about what Usopp and Nami described the blowback from the Dial to be like, I came close to thanking Zoro for the training when I found that the pain from the sudden force that slammed into my palm and crushed into my radius and ulna was just enough to make me wince. Sarquiss had no such luxury, promptly getting blown head over heels into a nearby table by the force of Usopp going to town on the Impact Dial with a hammer, where he lay groaning in agony.

I sniffed contemptuously as I re-pocketed the Dial and placed Soundbite back on my shoulder, straightening out my jacket in a haughty fashion. "Some people just have no manners…" I muttered before turning back to the bartender, who was shell-shocked anew. "Now where was I… ah, yes! Sir? Sir?" I snapped my fingers before the poor guy's face. "Sir, if I could get some service please?"

"Ah!" The man jerked back to the land of the living with a shudder, eyeing me fearfully for an entirely different reason. "Y-yes, h-h-how may I h-help you?"

"Ah, well, let's see…" I dug through my pockets for a bit before grinning in satisfaction. "Ah, here we are!" I pulled out the half-dozen hundred-beri notes Nami had given me for shore leave and slapped them on the bar. "A bottle of your finest Cola and usage of your bolt hole, and I know that you have a bolt holt because this is a pirate town, of course you have a bolt hole!"

The barkeep hesitantly pocketed the money and eyed me warily before rooting out a bottle of Cola and tossing it to me. He then leaned down and worked open a hatch in the floorboards, exposing a hole with a ladder in it.

Soundbite whistled appreciatively. "NOW THAT'S what I call SERVICE!"

"Indeed!" I nodded in agreement as I vaulted over the bar. I took the time to turn around and address the still-frozen bar patrons with a grin and a salute. "Well, I'm blowing this popsicle stand! Later!"

"ADIOS, AMIGOS!"

And with that, I slid down the ladder and into freedom.

I'd done it! I'd actually done it, and on my own, to boot! I was free, home free! Nothing could stop me now!

-o-

"Cross…"

Correction: almost nothing.

"Yeah, Vivi?" I asked innocently, despite the vein throbbing on her forehead.

"Is this going to be a 'thing' with you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I whistled, wincing at the fact that I no doubt looked exactly like Luffy whenever he was lying.

"Alright, then in that case, could you explain to me…" she started in a far too calm voice, before grabbing my collar and jabbing a finger inland. "Why in the name of all that is holy the town is on fire?!"

Indeed, a large chunk of Mock Town was now ablaze, a product of both the all-out riot my distracting question had started and the questionable wooden construction of most of the town's buildings. Considering how heated versus debates got back home on the Internet, I had expected the outcome to be violent; in retrospect, seeing how we were in a town whose sole reason for existing was to get pirates drunk, I should have seen this coming.

"In my defense, I didn't expect the opinions on the answer of a simple, slightly divisive question to get this heated," I answered, hastily throwing in a "Pun not intended!" at the look on Vivi's face.

"You said you were just going for a walk!" Vivi snarled indignantly.

"It was A VERY enthusiastic WALK!"

I grinned at Soundbite. "I was just about to make that reference, good ca—ERK!" I choked off as I noticed the frigid glare Vivi was pinning me with. "I-I mean, I'm very sorry and please forgive the sheer reckless of my actions?" I shrank in on myself when the glare refused to abate. "C-cut me some slack here! How was I supposed to expect the Unluckies to attack me again?!"

"Really? Miss Merry Christmas outright said that Baroque Works was going to make a jailbreak; even if you didn't see it in the story, how could you not see it coming?"

"I did see it coming, but in the story, everyone who escaped retired! Doublefinger's living out her dream of owning her own café, the rest of the Officer Agents joined as employees, and the last I saw of the Unluckies, they were trading sketches of Agents for food! The general theory back home was that they joined the Marines as sketch artists or something; besides Robin, I didn't expect us to have to deal with anyone from Baroque Works again unless—" I frowned heavily, then shook my head, refusing to consider that possibility. "No, I didn't expect us to have to deal with any of them again."

"Unless what, Cross?" Vivi asked with a frown.

I gritted my teeth and shook my head, doing my best to dispel the memories of poison and demons. "I—nothing, nothing. Totally unrelated at the moment, and with any luck it won't ever become pertinent."

Vivi's tone was dry. "Something else you're trying to prevent that will inevitably go wrong anyway?"

And that was too much; as the outcome I feared most slammed into my mind's eye with all the force of one of Garp's punches, I snapped, pinning Vivi with a glare that promptly dispelled any exasperation she had, fear taking its place.

"Anything else, Vivi," I said, my voice cold. "Anything else, I'd let you joke about. But not our captain going through six different levels of hell, alone, knocking on death's door at least five times, and having his brother die in his arms as a result of the exact shitshow that I described in my last broadcast. No honor, no glory, no good, just sheer death and stupidity, enough of it to affect events two years later with no sign of stopping." I blew out a heavy sigh as I released her and scratched beneath my cap, rerunning the future through my head a few times as I refreshed my memory on what was to come. "So, do me a favor, and don't even joke that despite my efforts to change things, all of that's still going to happen; I felt bad enough after the rebellion in Alabasta, how do you think I'm going to feel if I find out that I didn't stop the War of the Best?"

Vivi and Soundbite stared at me in abject shock, obviously trying to reconcile my tirade with, well… me.

"Holy shit, dude…" Soundbite breathed.

"Cross…" Vivi started slowly. "I-I'm so sorry, I never—!"

I cut her off with a raised hand and a tired sigh, my other hand coming up to pinch the bridge of my nose. "No, it's—it's fine. You didn't deserve that, that was on me. I… think I might be coming off of my adrenaline high is all, still a bit… a bit up there, you know? Sorry about all that."

Vivi chewed her cheek uncomfortably as she considered her next words. "Cross, you… never said anything about this before."

I shrugged, a bittersweet smile on my face. "You touched on a sensitive topic that I've been worrying about for a while. That's it. Normally, I can hide it better because, well…" My grin became much more honest. "We're part of the freaking Straw Hat Pirates. You've got to admit, it's… kind of hard to be in a bad mood around our crew, no?"

Vivi's worry promptly vanished as she smiled fondly at her memories. "Yeah… yeah, it really is."

I returned her smile and gave her shoulder a comforting pat. "There you go. Now, come on, let's go ahead and get back to the Merry before Carue starts panicking, or worse, Sanji gets back. If he gets back and finds that you and Nami aren't there, he'll try and send out the hounds, and I doubt that Lassoo will be willing to comply."

"HA!" Soundbite barked as I started walking along the boardwalk, and Vivi chuckled as well as she followed me.

For a mercy, the walk back was fully uneventful besides the typical din and carnage that Mock Town was known for spilling out once or twice into the outskirts. When we reached the Merry, however, a very unexpected sight greeted us. Unexpected enough that it took about a minute after arriving for me to form words.

"Vivi…" I started slowly, not even remotely able to believe my eyes. "Can you see any head wounds on me? Any lumps or obvious gashes or…?"

"No…" Vivi breathed in the same incredulous tone.

"Ah…" I nodded slowly. "So… I am not hallucinating the small mob of K.O.'d thugs and pirates surrounding our ship?"

"I think IT'S MORE LIKELY THAT we're ALL HALLUCINATING," Soundbite chimed in, equally incredulous. "This place IS rotting, there COULD BE FUMES."

"LIKE HELL THIS IS A HALLUCINATION!"

Our attention was snapped up to the Merry's crow's nest, where Usopp had popped up and was trying to incinerate me with the force of his glare.

"Usopp?!" I sputtered in confusion. "Did-did you do this!?"

"OF COURSE I DID!" our sniper yelled, flailing his arms furiously. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO SHOOT ANYONE WHO TRIED TO COME UP! WHAT, DID YOU NOT HAVE FAITH IN ME TO ACTUALLY DO IT?!"

"Well, it's not like ya did it all by yerself."

Vivi and I turned to see Lassoo in his hybrid form dragging a very big and very unconscious thug out of an alleyway by his ankle, said thug being covered in bite marks and his jaws set in a massively satisfied grin. "Hey, Cross, Vivi, Soundbite! Nice day, huh? I know that I've been having a good one! Nothing like a good old-fashioned brawl to make you feel alive!"

"YOU DIDN'T DO ANY MORE THAN I DID, MUTT!"

"LIKE HELL I DIDN'T, LONG-NOSE!" Lassoo barked back at Usopp with equal venom.

Turning back to the mob, I took the chance to notice that Usopp wasn't, strictly speaking, wrong. Some of them, maybe a third of them, were sporting either bite marks or injuries consistent with explosions. Another third seemed almost unmarked but for a few well-placed welts focused at critical points on their bodies. The final third…

"Well, Usopp, I guess next time you won't complain about just having Mikey, Donny, Leo, and Lassoo if this is any indication of what you're all capable of," I managed, taking in the very distinct bruises and shallow lacerations that decorated a number of the aggressors.

"What were these people even trying to do here, anyway?!" Vivi practically shrieked, obviously still shellshocked by the sheer number of unconscious thugs and criminals surrounding us.

Usopp maintained his glaring contest with Lassoo for a moment longer before snorting and folding his arms. "They were trying to get onboard the Merry. No clue why, but that was all I needed to see."

Lassoo huffed in turn, turning an evil eye on the thugs scattered around us. "I know why they're here: you don't need an issued poster to hold a bounty. Chances are that they saw the emblem on the sails and wanted to catch whoever they could in order to drag them to the nearest Marine base and sell them for as much as they could get."

"Ulp…" Soundbite and I swallowed in sync, my hand rubbing unconsciously at my throat. I then shook my head to try and dispel the gruesome thoughts. "S-Still, Usopp, this is pretty damn impressive. Have you been practicing?"

Usopp blinked in surprise before sagging in exhaustion. "Well, of course I've been practicing! Slacking off when there are only three monsters is reasonable enough, but doing it when there are four and the fourth's students just makes you feel pathetic!" He then promptly perked up visibly, shoving his thumb at himself with a grin. "Looks like it was a good idea! None of them were a match for the Great Sniper Usopp! Hahahaha—!"

"Hey, Usopp?" Vivi called up hesitantly. "Where are the Teenage… uh…?"

"TEENAGE DUGONG WARRIOR SQUAD!" Soundbite eagerly provided.

"Right, them. Well, where are the ones who stayed behind?"

Usopp hesitated before shooting an uneasy glance down at the waters of the harbor. "Ah… I saw them a few minutes ago. They went into the water to deal with a… stronger variety of thugs."

I felt a bad feeling settle into the pit of my stomach as I eyed the deceptively calm waters. "When you say stronger…"

My unasked question was answered by the planks of the boardwalk before me erupting outwards in order to let a very battered and very tooth-filled head to come into sight, groaning and lolling about in agony.

I blinked in shock before slowly kneeling down and examining the head of what had to be a piranha fishman. "Ah, that kind of stronger…" I nodded absently.

It wasn't my fault that I was so distracted, really. After all, this was the first time in my life that I'd ever met a fully non-human being! Dorry and Brogy didn't count because they were pretty much super-sized humans, and Chopper's Devil Fruit explicitly had the word 'Human' in it! But this… this was something else.

Once anew, Oda's prodigious artwork had failed to do reality justice. Up close, I could see even more distinct differences between fishmen and humans than I'd thought were present: sure, their skin looked like it was merely oddly colored, but the truth was that they didn't actually have skin at all. Fishmen had scales covering their bodies instead of an epidermis, which gave their bodies extremely alien-looking rippling effects when they moved. Their skeletal structure was off, too; humanoid, but the cheekbones, collarbone, nasal passage… it was just a bit warped, favoring them more towards fish.

Now, while absolutely nothing could excuse the monstrous treatment favored upon fishmen at Sabaody, I couldn't honestly say that I didn't see where it originated from. So close to human but far enough to cause discomfort, wariness… Uncanny Valley, in its purest, most undiluted form. Honestly, even I felt a bit uncomfortable looking at the senseless being before me. It was fast-receding as I familiarized myself with the differences, remembered the fact that they did have a society, but if I hadn't had the knowledge I did, if someone had taken that discomfort and not taken the time to temper it… well. I'd seen the effects, and I did not want to think about it any more than I had to.

Shaking my head, I turned my attention to the coalescing bubbles on the water's surface a foot or two from the edge of the dock. Without warning, the surface of the water erupted, spitting a flailing, long-limbed fishman into the air. If the guy's long, tooth-filled snout was anything to go by, this one was a barracuda. I had just enough time to process that before two of the Dugongs—Donny and Mikey, judging from the weapons and bandannas—leapt out of the water with just as much speed, rising to the fishman's altitude before slamming their weapons against his skull, sending him crashing into the boardwalk. The two landed as if they were cats rather than turtle-seals, staring at the fishman for a few seconds before relaxing as they saw that he wasn't likely to get up anytime soon.

"Boss was right," Donny said with a tired but satisfied grin. "If this is any indication of what our fights will be like from now on, we'll be twice as strong as we were when we left Alabasta within a couple of months, easy."

"Let's just hope that Boss is satisfied with that," Mikey groaned, albeit with a matching expression. "I wouldn't put it past him to try doubling our training regimen just so we can keep up with him and Sanji."

"Hey, better him than Zoro, that jackass is sadistic," I pointed out, drawing their attention to me. "By the way, where's Leo?"

The answer came a moment later, the hard way, as a third fishman blasted out of the water. This one was a mako shark: smaller in stature than the other two, but the fact that he was holding a struggling Leo's skull in his grip showed that he made up for that with strength and ferocity. Mikey and Donny visibly tensed at seeing one of their own subdued, even as the shark-fishman tossed Leo at them so hard he bounced and was left dizzied as he tried to push himself to his tail. The two untouched dugongs had just enough time to snap their weapons into ready positions before the fishman lunged at them—

THUNK!

And was promptly knocked off course by a thick and heavy cargo hook connected to a sturdy length of rope cracking into the side of his skull and sending him tumbling down the boardwalk.

We stared after the fishman in shock for a moment before a proud, firm "Ahem" drew our attention to the other side of the dock.

Boss was patiently tapping his tail against the boardwalk as he rewound his newfound weapon back into his arms, glaring frigid murder at the mako-fishman all the while. "What," he started slowly, his voice promising pain to come. "The blue hell. Do you think you're doing. To my student?"

The mako-fishman shook his head as he got his bearings back and clawed his way to his hands and knees, glaring right back at Boss with a disjointed and dizzy glare of his own. "You mangy little—!"

"Actually, on second thought, you know what?" Boss interrupted without warning. "I really don't give a damn. Prepare to eat fist, fishface."

The fishman tried to climb to his feet, only for Boss to lash his fin out and send the hook shooting out to hit him again, this time on the knee. Everyone present flinched at the sound of snapping cartilage, and the fishman went down, clutching the joint.

"Y-You'll pay for this!" he howled at the dugong.

"Not likely," Boss scoffed, spinning his hook for a moment before flinging it at the fishman anew, only this time it lashed around the guy's leg instead. The fishman had just enough time to widen his eyes in terror before Boss yanked on his weapon's rope, sending him flying into the air. The second his opponent was in the air, Boss leapt up after him, meeting him in the middle fist-first and slamming him into the boardwalk.

Then, still at the apex of his jump, Boss spun on an axis, winding his rope back up and jerking the fishman back into striking range. He then struck him again, only this time he hit the fishman upwards while he himself launched himself down to the planks. The second he touched down, he yanked on the rope of his weapon and jerked the fishman back towards him.

Once he was half a foot above him, Boss snapped his fist out and smashed it into the small of the bastard's back, bending him around his fist and leaving him T.K.O., bloody foam bubbling around his teeth in a show of complete and utter defeat.

"Half-Shell Style," Boss proclaimed tonelessly.

He pumped his arm and tossed the fishman up a bit before leaping and spinning so that his tail slammed into his body, sending his defeated opponent skipping across the water of the harbor. And right into—and through—the side of the New Witch's Tongue for good measure.

"Barracuda Barrage."

"GO, BOSS, GO!" his students cried eagerly as they pumped their fists, though Leo's show of support was still a bit shaky.

The rest of us were too busy gawking at the display of sheer kickass to say anything.

"HOLY shite."

Well, much of anything, at any rate.

"I'm with the snail, that was impressive…" Lassoo whistled lowly.

"Call me crazy, but I think our Monster Trio just got upped to a freaking quartet," I breathed.

Vivi looked at me in shock. "C-Come on, he's strong but he's not that strong!…r-right?"

"Eh, not quite, milady."

"GAH!" I jerked in surprise before snapping my gaze around. "Sanji, Raphey! When did you get back?!"

"Just in time to watch Boss lay down that utterly righteous beatdown!" Raphey grinned eagerly, carrying a bundle almost five times her body weight on her back. "The shopping trip was great too! Turns out that balancing delicate ingredients while beating down muggers is a fantastic training exercise! Who knew, huh?"

"Hmph! Just what I'd expect from my student," Boss grunted, waddling up to her and Sanji. "And unfortunately, your highness, I have to agree with Sanji; I'm good, sure…" He huffed out a heavy cloud of smoke. "But the past few days with you guys have really put things in perspective for me. I've got a ways to go before I can match any of our top three." He then grinned from ear to ear and stabbed his cigar at Sanji. "But that sure the heck doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop trying! After all, to reach for the top of the world no matter what…" He jabbed his cigar towards the sky triumphantly. "Is that not the most basic of all Man's Romances!?"

"GO, BOSS, GO!" his students cheered in unison, this time without any hint of hesitation whatsoever.

Boss maintained his stance for a moment before lowering his arm and chewing on his cigar with a worried expression. "Why do I get the strange feeling that I've been outshone…" he muttered to himself.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!"

I shrugged with a snicker as I turned to address the source of the very familiar screech. "Oh, you know, morons lined up, morons got beaten down, we showed off our badassery, you know how it—WHAT THE HECK!?" My words and amusement proceeded to die a very violent death as I was confronted with the sight of Luffy and Zoro looking like they'd come out of ten rounds with, well… each other! "The hell happened to you two!?"

Nami cast a vicious glare at our impassive superiors. "For some reason that I cannot fathom, Luffy decided to do nothing to fight back against a pirate crew that mocked and provoked them, and ordered Zoro to do the same thing." The moment she caught sight of my eyes widening in shock, she lurched forwards and grabbed my collar. "YOU KNEW!?"

"Knew, but didn't expect, I swear to God!" I waved my hands frantically. "Damn it, so that's why the bar looked a bit beat up. Why the hell did you guys ask about Sky Island!? I got Masira's help specifically so we could try and avoid that particular shitfest!"

Nami abruptly released me and turned away, her fingers digging into her upper arms. "…I wanted some kind of backup plan in case your plan blew up in our faces again?" she replied quietly.

I opened my mouth to object to that, then closed it. "Harsh… but fair," I muttered, before turning back towards the Merry. "Usopp!"

"Already on it, Cross!" Usopp called back, deploying the gangplank.

"And where's Chopper?" Nami demanded irately. "We need him to patch up these morons, ASAP!"

Vivi blinked, then started glancing around in worry. "Wait, now that you mention it, where's Carue!?"

Soundbite crossed his eyes momentarily before adopting a nervous expression. "Awe you sure dat dis iz a good idea?"

He then took on a much more manic expression. "Do not question my genius! This is better than a mere 'good idea'; there is actually a small but fascinating chance of this actually working!"

"And that's the sign to DUCK AND COVER!" I yelped, throwing myself to the dock in a panic. A motion which was promptly imitated by everyone else, with Raphey hefting her bag and flinging it up high and Usopp performing an impressive dive into the water. And not a moment too soon.

BOOM!

On account of how the walls of Merry's storeroom suddenly bulged outwards and the portholes shattered, pink smoke billowing out of the jagged holes left behind.

A few moments later, Chopper and Carue staggered up to the Merry's railing, coughing their lungs out.

"It wo~orked…" Chopper sang blearily as he held up a vial of bubbling pink something.

"Somebody save me fwom dis maniac…" Carue moaned.

My eye twitched a bit as I glared up at Chopper. "I think we're going to need to have a talk with Chopper about when and where is appropriate for him to perform his more, ah, volatile experiments. Any thoughts, Nami?" I waited for a bit before frowning at the lack of response. "Nami?" I turned to look at our navigator, promptly paling in horror. "Uh-oh."

I could see an aura of rage surrounding her, and the enraged expression on her face was outright possessed. I scrambled to my feet and moved a safe distance away, as did everyone else nearby, instinctively recognizing the coming explosion.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

And there it was. Only… unlike all the times I'd heard it before, this scream of rage… just wasn't funny.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH A GROUP OF IDIOTS ON A DAILY BASIS, THAT I HAVE TO DRAG THEIR ASSES BACK HERE AFTER ANOTHER ONE OF MY STUPID CAPTAIN'S STUPID WHIMS, THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE KIND OF CONDESCENDING PIRATES THAT MADE ME HATE EVERY OTHER CREW IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT NOW I CAN'T EVEN RELY ON HAVING A MOMENT OF PEACE, QUIET, AND STABILITY ON OUR OWN FUCKING SHIP! GRAGH! FUCK THIS ALL, I AM DONE!"

As soon as she finished her rant, she started storming towards the Merry.

It was at that point that yet another familiar face made their presence known at just the wrong time.

"Ah, Miss Navig—!"

"CRAM IT, DEMON-BITCH!" Nami snarled in Robin's face without pausing. To my astonishment, Robin actually reeled back, her eyes wide with shock.

Nami then stomped up the gangplank, and how the wood kept from cracking I have no idea. She stalked straight towards the wreck of the storeroom, and I swear that when she slammed the door, I could see beads of sweat on Merry's figurehead.

Silence reigned as everyone just gaped in shock… until Chopper broke it.

"Well, that was something. Hmm… ah, Sanji! Just the man I was looking for! See, I have some theories about calming pies—"

THWACK!

"OW! Thanks, Robin."

"Not a problem, Mister Doctor."

"OH, hey!" Soundbite perked up as he twisted his eyestalks to look out at a part of the harbor. "Masira found his crew! THEY'RE ON THEIR way!"

That snapped my focus back to the present, prompting me to clap my hands to grab everyone's attention. "Alright, that was all a bit nuts, I know, but for now it looks like it's time we got going! Luffy, Zoro, go and get yourselves patched up by Chopper. Chopper, don't perform any unnecessary surgery—!"

"Awww…"

THWACK!

"OW! Thanks, Carue."

"Oh, no, anytime, I'm happy to help, bewieve you me," the duck grumbled.

"Usopp, get back onboard and start repairing whatever the hell it is that Chopper did—!"

"I recommend a gas mask… and maybe a lead apron."

"… Right, as I said. Robin, help him out, God knows that you're capable of it, and Sanji… ah, did the food survive?"

Raphey and Boss stuck their flippers up in the air. The student shot a quizzical look at her master, before paling as the bag she'd thrown up landed in his grasp.

Sanji's eye visibly twitched for a moment before he sighed out a cloud of smoke. "Yeah, we're good on that front."

"Alright, perfect, start unloading. TDWS, you'll help me man the sails and get us going while Vivi—"

"No, I'll help get us out of port," Vivi cut me off. "You are going to go after Nami—not the time, Sanji," she said as she put her finger up in the love-cook's face before he could do more than open his mouth. "And you are going to talk her off of a ledge, though I seriously hope that I am using hyperbole in this case."

I blinked. "Wai—But why me? You're the friend she's not ticked at!"

"But you're the one who understands the situation," Vivi explained patiently. "You know how to calm her down, and before you even think about forgetting it, you're her friend, period. If it helps, think of it this way: you got her into this mess, you get her out. Alright?"

I processed this, and sighed. "Fine, I'll do it as soon as Usopp and Robin have got the storage room aired out. That should give her enough time to calm down and listen instead of just biting off my head… which in this case probably isn't hyperbole."

"THAT's my job!"

"Alright, then, everyone!" Vivi clapped her hands firmly. "Let's get going to see the man who'll help us sail to the sky!" She stayed strong for a moment before slumping forwards with a groan. "I cannot believe I just said that with a straight face…"

"Hey, who's the captain here?" Luffy whined petulantly as he slouched towards the gangplank.

I snorted as I walked up beside him and tapped the brim of his hat down over his eyes. "You, but we give the orders ninety percent of the time. But then, we always do the ten percent you tell us to do, no matter how ridiculous, while you rarely, if ever, listen to what we tell you to do, so it all balances out."

Luffy scrunched his face up as he tried to puzzle that out before grinning his usual grin. "Oh, that makes sense."

"No, you're just a dumbass," Zoro sighed with a grin as he walked up from behind us.

"I know, but that's why I've got you guys, right?"

Zoro and I twitched as we exchanged looks before blushing and giving Luffy the mother of all dual dopeslaps. "Shut up, moron," we chorused.

"Shishishishi!"

The next few minutes were a bit frantic as we got the Merry going and things underway, but ultimately, I wound up standing over the trap door to the women's room with Vivi at my side.

I gave Vivi a nervous look. "Last chance to step up and take my place?"

The princess smiled beatifically as she gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Let me give you the same advice Igaram always gave my father in private whenever he was mustering up the courage to talk to my mother after he angered her."

I perked up curiously. "And that advice would be…?"

Vivi's expression fell flat. "Grow a pair."

My face fell equally flat. "May I remind you that she scared Robin? Only a handful of things have ever done that, and the least threatening of them was about 20 million volts of lightning being thrown at her."

Vivi's response was to stab her finger at the trap door without changing her expression.

Well, there was only response to that. "Aye-aye, ma'am…" I muttered despondently, working open the door and slowly climbing down the stairs.

Nami lay on the couch, not even looking up as I came in, slumped halfway over the piece of furniture with a bottle of something in her hand held above her head, its half-drunk contents idly swirling above like a twisted liquid mobile.

I stood silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. Soundbite, meanwhile, made the executive decision to cough nice and loudly in order to draw her attention.

Nami spared me a disinterested glance and held it for what felt like minutes before slowly straightening up so that she was sitting in a slouched position, the bottle held hanging between her legs.

I tentatively took the invitation for what it was, making my way to the couch and sitting down next to her, hands clasped in my lap.

On any other day, I'd have mused over the fact that this was the first couch I'd sat on since I'd arrived in this world, but now just wasn't the time.

For the longest time we sat in silence, me unsure of what to say and her unwilling to say anything.

Finally, Nami sighed and raised her bottle, tapping it against her forehead. "Do you know how I got my tolerance to alcohol, Cross?"

I glanced at her in confusion before slowly shaking my head. "I'm well-informed, Nami, not omniscient. I only saw enough of… that time to know it was hell. Few to no details."

Nami pursed her lips before slowly nodding in understanding. "Right… well, let me break it down for you: after I got a taste of alcohol, I got a taste for it, because on those nights alone, in my map room, when I lay awake just waiting for the sun to come up, it took the pain away. It took the memories away. For a few, short minutes other than when I woke up in the morning, I could forget that my mother was gone and that my life was a living hell. And for a while… it worked."

Nami snorted darkly as she shook the bottle again. "Until it didn't. As time passed and I grew older, it took more and more for me to manage to forget. Eventually, it got to the point where the costs were nearly outstripping what I was bringing in, and I just couldn't let that stand. So I made the executive decision to stop, and I forged on dry."

Nami chuckled darkly as she held the bottle out and slowly inverted it, allowing the alcohol to drain out onto the carpet without a care in the world. "What I'm trying to get at, Cross," she continued in a black-humor kind of tone. "Is that it's not that I'm good at holding in my booze… it's that I can't get drunk anymore, period." She shook her head with a dry laugh. "And right now, for the first time since Luffy beat Arlong, I'm regretting that. Right now, I want nothing more than to be able to forget."

I swallowed heavily, trying to find the right words. "Nami—"

Nami slammed the bottle onto the coffee-table bottom-first, though thankfully it didn't shatter. "WHY DIDN'T THEY FIGHT BACK, CROSS?!" she yelled without looking at me, her glare focused dead ahead the whole time. "THEY COULD HAVE KICKED THEIR ASSES WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM, THEY COULD HAVE WON! I WAS BEGGING THEM TO FIGHT, BUT THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

I flinched in face of her rage, biting my lip in an effort to stay silent. I thought long and hard about what to say, and eventually, I knew how to do it.

"Nami…" I started slowly. "Do you know who gave Luffy his hat?"

The navigator twitched and spared me a vicious glance for a moment before looking ahead again. "Some pirate named Shanks…" she muttered.

I sighed and shook my head. "No, not just some pirate named Shanks, Nami. The pirate named Shanks." I rolled my eyes with another sigh at the confused look she shot me. "Nami, in the second half of the Grand Line, the really strong half of it, there are four pirates that are acknowledged as ruling the seas, capable of equaling the Seven Warlords and the Marines—together—on their own. These pirates are known as the Four Emperors: Edward 'Whitebeard' Newgate, 'Big Mom' Charlotte Linlin, Kaido of the Beasts… and 'Red-Haired' Shanks." I chuckled at Nami's absolutely poleaxed expression. "Yeah, shocked me too. Seriously, you wouldn't know it from looking at the guy, or his crew, for that matter."

Nami gaped at me a second longer before swallowing and steeling her jaw. "And this matters because…?"

"It matters because of the events that occurred about a day or two before Shanks gave Luffy his hat ten years ago. The events that set… everything in motion. That started everything." I took a deep breath as I began to explain. "It was just another ordinary day in Luffy's village, with Shanks and his crew drinking their hearts out at the local bar and Luffy, this little three-foot nothing punk of a toddler, begging Shanks to take him out to sea with him despite the fact that he couldn't swim worth a damn. And this was even before he swallowed the Gum-Gum Fruit, mind you!"

"Snrk!" I was gratified to see Nami snort with laughter, in spite of her mood.

"Yeah, well, the day went shitty real fast. The doors to the bar were kicked in and in came strolling this dumbass band of mountain bandits, all raucous and rowdy and larger than life. Their leader, some moron whose name I can't even remember, was proud of the fact that his bounty was, get this, eight million berries big. Complete and utter blowhard. So, anyway, the guy strolls up to the bar with an attitude bigger than a blowfish and he demanded a drink. The problem, however, is that Shanks and his crew had already bought up all the booze and literally drained the place dry. But still, gentleman that he is half the time, Shanks was a good sport and offered the leader a bottle of good booze. And you know what that bandit leader's reaction was?"

"They shared a drink?" Nami asked sarcastically, obviously dreading the answer.

"Close… he used his forearm to break the bottle and soak Shanks with the booze."

Nami gurgled in shock, obviously unable to believe her ears. "Holy shit… And at the time, Shanks was—?"

"He was undoubtedly an Emperor at the time, yes," I nodded in confirmation. "And you know what his reaction was to this no-name bandit leader spitting in the face of his generosity and openly assaulting him like that?"

The navigator swallowed heavily in anticipation. "… As they say in the West Blue, 'chunky salsa'?"

I chuckled and shook my head slowly. "Shanks got down off his stool, still dripping with alcohol, and started picking up the pieces of the bottle, asking the bartender if she had a mop."

Nami's expression froze in one of sheer disbelief. "…eh?"

"The bandit leader then proceeded to add insult to prior insult by sweeping his blade across the bar and knocking all of the dishes onto Shanks. Shanks' reaction was to just sit there and take it. Neither he nor his crew did anything to the bandits as they walked out. And once they were gone…" I spread my hands in a shrug. "They started to laugh. Every last member of his crew, Shanks included, started to laugh, without so much as a single. Care. In the world."

Nami took a moment to pick up her jaw before she responded. "Wh-why in the blue hell would they do that!? Why would he just sit there and take that kind of crap!? If Shanks is as strong as you say he is, then he could have killed that bandit with one hand, with one finger even!"

"Which is exactly why he didn't!" I interjected, jabbing my finger at her.

"What are you—!?"

"Do you think that there was even a second where Shanks didn't want to knock that bastard's head off for what he did?" I demanded. "That there was a moment where he didn't want to wring his neck like a chicken? That there was even a fraction of an instant where Luffy and Zoro didn't want to absolutely let loose and tear Bellamy, hell, this whole island a new one?"

"I-I, I… I don't…" Nami stammered, obviously deep in thought.

"When those bastards hit them," I started slowly, filling my words with hard conviction. "When those lowlife scumbags decided to use Shanks and Luffy and Zoro as punching bags, those three had two very clearly defined choices. Two paths that they could take. One was to retaliate: to strike back, to lash out with their anger and to not stop until everything around them was rubble. And the other… was to take it. To keep their mouths shut, and win without saying so much as a word or lifting a finger."

I sighed as I saw the confusion in Nami's eyes. "They chose to bottle it all up. Their rage, their anger, their pain, their outrage… they took it all, every last bit of it, and they leashed it. They chained it up deep inside, and no matter how hard they got hit, no matter how much their rage struggled, they kept it in. You've seen Luffy and Zoro when they were angry, Nami. You saw them when they were pissed. Can you imagine the sheer force of will it took for them to take all of that abuse, the whole of that beating, and not even so much as cry out?"

"I…" Nami started before I interrupted her.

"Do you think that any of those wounds they got are going to scar? That they'll be traumatized from this experience, or hell, that they'll even really remember it all that clearly a week or so from now?"

"I… no, no I… I doubt it…"

"See, the thing is, Nami, you're looking at this the wrong way." I held my fist up before her. "Those jackasses didn't win because they beat the crap out of Luffy and Zoro." I clapped my other hand over my fist. "They lost, because they put their all into trying to break those two, into trying to leave some kind of lasting imprint on our lives, and they failed. Miserably." I spread my hands apart. "The truth of the matter is that it will always take more strength to keep from fighting than it does to actually fight. And whoever can successfully display that strength when the time calls for it… that's who'll win, without a doubt."

Nami slowly nodded, though her face turned into a frown. "Alright, I get that… but…" She clenched her hands together, her fingers digging into her palms. "What about the rest of them? They… they laughed at me, Cross. To my face. I felt like an idiot! It… it was just so…" Her face flushed miserably. "Humiliating…"

I had only one reaction to that.

I snorted derisively. "So?"

Nami snapped her gaze up at me in shock. "Cross—!"

"Nami, can you describe any of those bastards beside Bellamy or Sarquiss to me?"

That brought her up short, causing her to blink in confusion. "What—? No, but—"

"Can you name any of them? Tell me what they were wearing, what the color of their hair was, anything actually distinctive about them?"

"No! I can't, alright? I don't remember!"

"So, you can't remember them at all, nothing distinctive, nothing that grabbed your attention."

"Yes! Exactly!"

"So, if you can't remember anything about them, if they weren't distinctive, then why do they matter to you so much?"

"THEY DON'T!" Nami finally burst out, flinging her hands up in exasperation. "They don't matter, not even a bit! They were a bunch of nobodies! Thugs, strangers, jack—!…asses…" she trailed off as realization swept over her. "…Oh, my God…"

I nodded as I patted her shoulder comfortingly. "They. Don't. Matter. They weren't your friends, they weren't your families, they were nobodies. Morons laughing at something they couldn't even begin to understand, laughing at someone lightyears ahead of them in intellect due to their sheer ignorance. Jackasses like them? Fuck 'em. They're not important. Let them laugh themselves silly, let them swim in their too-small pond in their too-small world. Meanwhile, we'll be out there, sailing the oceans and having adventures greater than most people can even dream of."

Nami heaved a shuddering breath as she hunched forwards, tears shining in her eyes as she held her hands over her mouth. "They don't matter…" she repeated almost euphorically.

I watched her for a moment before deciding to bring it all home. "Hey, Nami," I started slowly, keeping a grin nice and restrained on my face. "Would it help at all if I told you I sicced a homicidal otter on Bellamy and then broke Sarquiss' nose and knife with a seashell and snail?"

"TRUE STORY!" Soundbite provided eagerly.

That did it. Nami hiccuped out a bark of laughter before flinging herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck as she buried her face in my shoulder, simultaneously laughing and sobbing her heart out.

"There, there, that's it, let it aaaaall out…" I breathed as I rubbed her back comfortingly. "Dooon't worry, you'll be back to your usual, bitchy, hard-ass self in no time, I promise."

"Dumbass…" Nami hiccuped joyfully, pressing her smile into my shoulder. "Stupid, big-mouthed dumbass…"

"And I'm proud of it, to boot, how's that for a kicker?"

Nami's laughter redoubled.

I was prepared to hang in there for as long as it took, to ride out her emotions in silence, until Soundbite tensed up and glanced upwards fearfully. "Oh, no…"

I looked at him in confusion. "What? What's wro—?"

Without any warning, rhyme or reason whatsoever, the air was filled with the voices of not one, not two, but three monkeys, all working together… to sing.

"Ohhh~! The islands in the south are warm~! And their heads get really hot~!"

Soundbite promptly shot back into his shell with a wail, and both my and Nami's faces grew ashen.

"They grow-a pineapples, they grow-a coconuts, and they're morons~!"

"Want to guzzle booze like there's no tomorrow and try and amp up your alcohol tolerance a bit?" I breathed in horror.

"~Hmmm, hmmmm~ Next verse!"

"Fuck, yes," Nami gargled in agreement.

We dove for the room's liquor cabinet before we were forced to suffer any further.

-o-

Ultimately, nobody onboard had enough energy to try shutting them up, too busy keeping the boat on track to the other side of the island and trying to keep their ears plugged up. I swear, I was severely tempted to turn Chopper loose on them with to find out how it was scientifically possible for such discord to exist, and that temptation just kept growing as they crescendoed. Ultimately, however, Soundbite broke before I did, and chose to retaliate by filling the air with the most horrific noise he could possibly come up with.

Turns out that the audio version of 'Two Girls One Cup' is just as disgusting as the video itself. Who'd have thunk it?

At this point, alcohol wasn't going to cut it. We needed steel wool and bleach, applied directly to the brain. And my willpower to keep Chopper from going mad with the urge to come up with something was running out fast. Fortunately, the sight of a castle awaiting us on the nearby coast heralded our arrival at our destination, and I got no small amount of laughter at seeing the Dumbass Trio and the TDWS react to seeing the other side. With Shoujou and Masira beside us and Chopper forewarned, when Montblanc Cricket emerged from the water, we managed both to avoid a fight and to keep the man from passing out before he could learn what we had come for.

That was the point where he told us about his ancestor, the City of Gold, how he came to the island, and how he met the two monkey brothers. After Luffy reiterated his desire to visit the Sky Island, Cricket told us about the Cumuloregalis cloud and the Knock-Up Stream, ending with confirming that it was scheduled to occur again at noon the following day, much to the horror of some of the crew. My assurance that we would most likely (we had outsiders listening, after all) be alright only slightly mollified them.

Still though, I did take this opportunity to speak up and make some measure of difference.

"Say, Cricket…" I started slowly, as though the idea were just occurring to me. "The Knock-Up Stream is an ocean current, right? Chances are it won't blast up all that close to Jaya itself, so… how are we supposed to find it, exactly? I mean, we could try using one of the brothers' eternal poses, I guess, but that seems unreliable at best."

"Yeah, no, we would get eviscerated," Nami cheerfully informed me. "In ten seconds flat. Eight for the sea to monologue in its own special way, one to laugh at us, and one to do the actual eviscerating."

"CALLBACK!" Soundbite sang gleefully.