Chapter 27 - Jaya Pt 2 2/2

"Yeah, yeah…" I muttered darkly. Cricket ignored this exchange in favor of considering my words, and telling us about the South Bird. After hearing the explanation, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper sped off into the forest to find one before the rest of us could object.

"Oh, don't worry, they'll be back soon," Cricket interjected when he caught Vivi's worried expression. "But they won't be happy about it, that's for sure. I made the mistake of going into that jungle once before, never made it again. Those birds are devilish."

"Robin or Soundbite would probably have an easy time of it with their powers," I added, smirking. "But for anyone else, it'd be easier to burn down the forest than catch one of those birds. After all, the forest practically fights for them!"

"God damn it, Luffy!" Zoro snapped as he leapt to his feet. "Come on, duck! You're coming with me!"

"QUACK!?" Carue squawked incredulously. "Why da hell do I haff ta go!?"

"Because if the mosshead gets lost in there, his natural instincts will kick in and we'll never see him again," Sanji explained matter-of-factly. "Then to whom would I feed all the ingredients that were past due?"

"Me." Lassoo raised his paw lazily.

"Yo," Soundbite concurred.

"Well, that backfired on me…" Sanji sighed. "But, yes, without someone to hold his hand, the poor marimo will get lost."

"You want a fight, cook?" Zoro growled, unsheathing one of his swords.

"Actually," Leo piped up, approaching Zoro and unsheathing his own katana. "Since we have almost a day before we leave, I'd like to try fighting with you, to see how I can improve."

Zoro's anger abruptly faded, and he instead adopted a much more fearsome expression. "Oh, now you're talking. I haven't had a good spar with another swordsman since… since…" Zoro trailed off and his grin faded as he stared into the air.

I frowned as I started counting on my fingers. "Mr. 1 didn't count, you stomped Tashigi once and wussed out of fighting her again, Hachi didn't even scratch you, you got your ass handed to you by Mihawk, the Meowban brothers were idiots, Cabaji was more parlor tricks than swordplay… wow, you haven't had a good old-fashioned equal sword fight since you met Luffy, if that."

Zoro's expression was carefully blank, and it remained that way, even as he undid his bandana from his arm, tied it around his head, and clenched Wado Ichimonji between his teeth. "You. Me. Outside. Now," he growled at Leo before turning around and stalking outside in a manner that was more animal than human.

Leo sat frozen in his spot for a moment before slowly turning to face me, his eye twitching viciously. "Thank you. So much. You bastard."

"Hey, you asked for it, Leo," Boss said firmly. "And there's nobody better suited to help you with your style; even I have to admit I'm not good with swords."

"I wanted a sparring match, not a slaughter!" Leo hysterically protested.

"We shall pray for you," Mikey, Donny and Raphey chorused as they clasped their flippers and bowed their heads.

"THAT'S NOT HELPING!"

"LEO," the voice of evil echoed throughout the cabin, freezing us all in terror.

"I'm gonna diiiie…" the dugong moaned, drawing his katanas and trailing them in the ground as he slinked out the door.

Moments later, the sound of a two-man war erupted.

"Thinking about it, we could all do with some training right now," Boss finally said, locking eyes with Sanji. "What say you and I settle that little 'Monster Quartet' discussion our friends were having earlier, hm? 'Sides, I need to break in my new weapon." He patted the makeshift rope-dart slung around his body. "That little minnow back at Mock Town barely even worked me up a sweat."

Sanji blinked in surprise before taking his cigarette and tapping the ash off into a nearby ashtray. "Turtle soup or blubber nuggets… decisions, decisions, decisions." He pressed the cigarette out before lighting himself a new one with a grin. "Let's find out, shall we?"

And with that, they too made their way outside. A few moments of (relative) silence passed before Nami let out a sigh.

"I cannot believe I'm doing this… Donny, how good are you with that staff? Weather control is all well and good, but I'd… really like to brush up on my bojutsu. I think I've let myself slip too much for comfort."

The purple-clad Dugong perked up before rubbing his chin in thought. "Hm… helping you relearn and enhance your bojutsu skills… I suppose that could be as much an educational experience for me as it would be for you. Alright, then!" He whipped his staff out and touted it proudly. "Let's do it! Ah, but ah…" He winced and started sweating fearfully as a thought struck him. "Somewhere where Sanji can't see us? I have no death wishes, you see…"

Nami chuckled in agreement as she re-assembled her Clima-Tact and extended it to its fullest length. "Yeah, yeah, fair enough. And don't worry, I'll protect you if he tries anything. Worst case scenario… itadakimasu."

"Oh, God, I'm gonna diiiie…" Donny groaned as the two staff fighters exited.

Vivi stared after them for a moment before looking at Carue. "I… I think that Usopp put the finishing touches on our weapons before Luffy and the Saruyama Brothers started… urgh." She shuddered briefly before shaking it off. "Anyways, I think that I know where they are. Do you want me to find them so that we can test them out?"

Carue hesitated for the slightest of moments before steeling his beak and nodding firmly. "Ah'm in."

Vivi smiled gratefully before looking at Mikey and Raphey. "Would you mind helping us? I need to get accustomed to the new size and weight and Carue needs to learn how to fight at all…?"

Raphey and Mikey looked at one another before shrugging in synch.

"Kicking a Princess's ass without getting yelled at? Sounds fun to me!" Mikey snickered.

"I've laid the smackdown on almost a dozen different body-types today, might as well add 'feathered' to that list while I'm at it," Raphey smirked.

They then knocked their forearms together and grinned at the duck and the royal. "We're in."

Vivi and Carue's enthusiasm died a swift death, terror taking its place. "I… might have made a slight mistake..." Vivi whimpered.

"We'we gonna diiiie…" Carue agreed as both he and her tromped outside, followed closely by their eager opponents.

Robin, Soundbite, and I just laughed.

"So, what about the rest of you?" Cricket asked.

Robin hummed contemplatively as she stroked her chin in thought before nodding. "I believe it might be best if I exercised a bit. Best to always keep in shape, after all." She then leaned back in her seat, opened Noland's logbook in her lap and started reading it.

I gave her a flat look. "Robin, exercising the mind is important too, but—!" I trailed off as I noticed her glancing up at me before the penny dropped. "Son of a bitch, that is fucking cheating."

"In your own words, 'Pi~ra~te'," Robin sing-songed with a smirk.

"HE LAST SAID that back in the dungeons of Alubarna!" Soundbite squawked in horror.

Robin's response was to hum a jaunty tune to herself as she turned a page.

Rather than dwell on horror on just what the hell Robin was capable of, I instead chose to shoot a pleading look at Shoujou. "So, Shoujou, I hear you're good with sonic attacks!"

The orangutan-like man blinked in surprise. "How'd you hear about that?"

I froze as I noticed Robin studying me discreetly. "Ah… Masira told us about you?"

"Huh?" The gorilla tilted his head in confusion. "No, I didn't."

"Uh…" I swallowed desperately. "Yes, you did, you just forgot?"

"Oh, then I guess I did tell you!"

God bless the idiots. Shoujou glanced at his brother before shrugging. "Well, yeah, I am; they don't call me Sonar King Shoujou for nothing. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Soundbite's capable of more than just ventriloquism, and we're trying to work out some more offensive techniques for him," I explained. "And we already do have a good attack, mind you, but, well…" I looked over at Cricket. "Got anything you wouldn't mind us breaking?"

The freediver shrugged and tossed a spare log at me, which I then placed on the ground outside of the window and put Soundbite on the side of it. "Alright, everyone, duck and cover and Gastro-Blast!"

"Snap-CRACKLE-POP!"

I winced as an almighty BANG! rang out from outside, like a log snapping in a fire times ten. I leaned back out the window and picked up both Soundbite and the eviscerated remains of the log, showing them off to the stunned members of the Saruyama alliance.

"So, yeah, Gastro-Blast is the only directly offensive technique we've got, and it's ranked as 'hyper-lethal'. The next best technique he has is Gastro-Phony, which just causes extreme nausea. We need to haul this technique back so that it's in the middle: harmful, but not guaranteed to literally turn our enemies into a fine paste."

Shoujou scratched his beard thoughtfully for a moment before nodding. "Yes… Yes, I do believe that I can help your snail. No guarantees, but I'll certainly try."

"Perfect!" I grinned as I lobbed Soundbite at him. "He's all yours."

"Be gentle," Soundbite whimpered in his best 'angelic' voice, eyes all watery and everything.

"Awww…" Shoujou cooed.

"By the way, did you guys catch my broadcast earlier about the World Government's penal system?" I asked in a loud, deadpan tone.

"BAHAHAHA—!" Soundbite barked before he could help it, rapidly shifting to an annoyed expression. "AH, DAMN IT!"

"Give him hell, Shoujou," I requested in a deadpan.

The orangutan-man saluted as he ducked out of the house. "Will do."

"TRAITORS! ALL OF you, traitors!"

"WELL!" Masira huffed as he stretched his arms as far above his head as he could manage in the house. "I'm going to go and get my guys to get started on renovating your ship. The Knock-Up Stream isn't the kind of thing where there's an upper-limit on reinforcement, you know!"

"And I'll just stay here and rest," Lassoo concluded with a wide-mouthed yawn.

"Actually, you're going to go full-gun," I ordered.

"Hm?" Lassoo cracked an eye open in curiosity. "And why would I do that?"

I grinned as I flexed my right arm. "Because I need to get used to carrying around a half-ton badass cannon, of course."

That got a reaction out of Lassoo, prompting him to leap to his paws with his tongue lolling out eagerly. "Oh, heck yes! Finally! No more walking around for me!"

"Well, maybe one day," I warned him. "I still need to get used to your weight and all, you know. Maybe someday, but for now, I just need to get to the point where I can carry you without worry, alright? And I suggest you take the time to practice swapping your roulette around while in full-weapon, too."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever, come on, let's do this already!" Lassoo woofed eagerly before snapping into his full-weapon form.

I eyed the bulky and slightly unwieldy form for a second before glancing at Cricket. "Do you have any rope, or—?"

A few minutes later found me outside the half-house, jogging somewhat strained laps around the shoreline as I carried Lassoo on my back via the rope that I'd lashed around both his muzzle and his butt. While I'd certainly managed to make some impressive progress on my own muscle tone and stamina, there was still a freaking limit, and Lassoo lay a good few feet beyond that limit. But, nevertheless, I persevered, running with the dog-cannon strapped to my back in an effort to even marginally acclimate myself to his weight. At least the burn I felt in my legs and my back certainly meant that it was working.

And I was far from the only one feeling the burn, for that matter.

The first group I passed was Boss and Sanji doing their level best to kick each other's teeth in. The dugong's rope-dart was nearly a blur, but it was obvious he didn't quite have control of it yet. Well, not quite obvious, mostly just little wobbles and grimaces when it didn't hit quite where he wanted it to. And Sanji was capitalizing on that unfamiliarity, smoothly evading binds, knocking away the head, and pressing the attack himself.

I moved on, knowing that getting involved in the crossfire of that fight would see me spitting out all my teeth.

The next group I saw consisted of Raphey and Mikey slowly circling around Vivi and Carue. The princess was riding on her faithful friend and mount, and both she and Carue were sporting their brand-new armaments, courtesy of the Usopp Factory and the metal provided to us by the harpoons of the Black Cage Formation.

Vivi had traded up from her Peacock String Slashers, and was now sporting some serious hardware: two kusarigama-sized weapons with crescent-shaped blades attached to the shafts of the weapon by the center of their arcs, both with thin links of steel trailing out of their pommels and into her sleeves. Or, for the uninitiated, a pair of double-bladed hand-scythes attached to a chain. Vivi was holding one of the weapons by the hilt, while she spun the other by its chain.

Carue, on the other hand, had chosen to armor up in a rather impressive manner. His wings had been kitted out with sheets of welded metal, so that the outer side presented a relatively flexible and mobile shield, and the leading edge sported a somewhat segmented blade, so that his wings were both metal-clad and fully mobile. His talons were equally protected, strapped with metal claw-like extensions that were equal parts effective and menacing.

I had just finished taking this all in when the dugongs attacked. Carue's feet pitter-pattered on the ground as he whirled around to let Vivi meet the attacks, and quite frankly, the degree of coordination the two were displaying was astounding. I could only catch the barest of movements on Vivi's part whenever Carue changed direction, and then only half the time. The duck was dashing this way and that on the battlefield and making the term 'greased lightning' an actual thing. Vivi, for her part, was twirling her weapons in what was basically a small radius of what would have been instant death… if not for some issues.

You see, they would have made quite the pair of combatants, were it not for their lack of experience with their weapons. Any slashes or swings Carue made with his wings or talons were clumsy, though far from slow, and were thus easily avoided or deflected by the Dugongs. Vivi, for her part, at least had some skill with using chained weaponry, sure, but she'd just traded up to a larger weight-class and balance, and as such was having a difficult time coercing her weapons to move with the grace and elegance she'd displayed with her peacock slashers.

Mikey and Raphey, on the other hand, were almost the exact opposite: a well-oiled machine in both teamwork and combat, despite the usual nature of their relationships. Any opening either of them showed, the other covered, and any opening that either of them managed to open, the other exploited. They were a flurry of CQC melee, and I don't doubt for a second that were it not for Carue's sheer speed, he and Vivi would have easily been overwhelmed. As it was, however, Carue's natural speed combined with their limited mobility on land hampered the dugongs' ability to keep up.

The fight seemed relatively even at first, the royal pair incapable of matching the dugongs and the dugongs incapable of keeping up...

Until Carue suddenly ran the wrong way.

I was ready to start laughing at the classic screw-up, when without warning Carue turned on a dime and blurred, literally running circles around the pair. Mikey and Raphey glanced around in confusion as they tried to process the development, until Mikey was forced to hastily deflect a scythe lashing out at transonic speeds and Raphey was almost run down by Carue leaping at her with his talons outstretched.

By the time I moved on, the two had fallen back to back and were keeping a very close track of just where Carue and Vivi were.

My introduction to Zoro and Leo's spar came in the form of Leo slamming into a tree not three feet in front of me. He immediately shrugged off the impact and ducked behind said tree just as Zoro bullrushed his way out of the undergrowth. With one quick slash, Leo cut down the tree he was hiding behind and let it fall towards Zoro.

The look on his face when Zoro promptly turned the trunk into so many wooden cubes was absolutely priceless.

Sadly, I didn't get much more of the fight. Leo was sent stumbling back from the next slash Zoro laid into him, and the fight continued in the underbrush. Once again, I had no desire to get involved. Losing teeth was bad enough, but getting caught in this crossfire almost certainly meant losing limbs.

Just out of sight of Boss and Sanji's brawl was perhaps the most subdued of the fights: Nami and Donny were exchanging blows quickly, but they seemed to be stopping every couple of minutes for Donny to give Nami advice on her technique. It was slow going, but I could already see some definite improvements on Nami's part. She wasn't an expert, no, but she was swinging her Clima-Tact around with both newfound confidence and agility, and I could tell that Donny was thoroughly enjoying himself. I was surprised momentarily that the Clima-Tact was holding up so well. At least, up until I remembered who I was talking about. It would take a lot more than simple brute force to break one of Usopp's toys.

Soundbite and Shoujou were sitting together at the stone table outside of Cricket's house, with Shoujou watching with crossed arms and Soundbite perched on one of a variety of stones that they had set up. Soundbite closed his eyes and concentrated intently, before the rock beneath him shattered into fragments. Shoujou shook his head and explained something to Soundbite, who nodded in agreement before sloooowly sliding his way over to the next stone. This one also shattered, but the fragments were bigger this time, so at least there was an improvement.

And finally, around the other side of the house, a dozen disembodied arms were either independently taking turns lifting moderately sized stones and passing them around in a concerted show of teamwork, or joining together to work as one to lift boulders. I observed them for a few seconds before shrugging; cheating though I thought it may be, I couldn't deny that it was a creative use of Devil Fruit powers. Though, I did have to wonder just how much effort Robin was actually putting in.

After a few more laps around the coast, my screaming legs and back and shoulders told me that my body had had enough of lugging around my relatively new weapon and I made the decision to take a short break. So I made my over to the treeline, unslung Lassoo, and sank to the ground, praying for some measure of life to return to my limbs.

"Sweet shit, are you heavy, Lassoo..." I groaned painfully. "I don't suppose that you'd be open to going on a diet for a few… kilos?"

"Screw you, Cross," Lassoo huffed as he went back to his hybrid form and shook himself out. "And damn, I never thought I'd miss these kind of cramps. It's actually comforting."

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it just yet," I rolled my eyes and arms simultaneously. "Everything from my dogs up are barking up a storm, so I will not be carrying you around and using you to blast Marines like a badass, Commando-style."

Lassoo rolled his eyes as he cracked his neck side to side. "Yeah, that sounded like a reference, and Soundbite is the one who gets those, not me. Oh, and by the way? Duck."

"Wha—?"

CRACK!

"GAH!" I yelped in panic as some-one smashed through the trunk of the tree above me and bounced on the ground a few times before rolling to a stop.

That someone promptly sat up ten seconds later and blinked in oblivious surprise. "Man, those birds are mean. And the bugs are almost as tough as the ones back home, too! Never thought a rhinoceros beetle could fly and hit as fast a real rhino."

My eye twitched as I took in my uninjured captain before flopping to the ground with a groan. "God damn it, Luffy…"

"Our thoughts exactly…" Chopper groaned.

I took one look at him and Usopp and recoiled in shock… and disgust. "Sweet shit, guys! What the hell happened to you!?"

"Literal shit…" Usopp groused with a grimace. "They make dung beetles big around here..."

"Eesh…" Lassoo groaned as he covered his nose with his paws. "You two smell bad enough that I pity you, and that's saying something!" He then grinned and settled down into the grass. "Heh, that image is gonna help me sleep well. G'night!" Seconds later, his snores were rippling the grass.

"Damn mutt…" Usopp grumbled darkly.

"Damn mutt that can kick your ass…"

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

The only response the sniper got was a loud snore.

"Hey, guys! It looks like we're going to need some help catching the South Bird! Everyone get ready—"

"Hold it, Captain," I interrupted firmly. "I'll handle this. Hey, Shoujou!" I yelled at the orangutan-man as I held my hand up. "Snail me!" A checker-patterned snail slapped into my palm a second later, which I then placed on my shoulder. "Enjoy your flight?"

"GNARLY, DUDE!" Soundbite cackled, his eyestalks spinning a bit as he emerged from his shell.

"Glad to hear it! Now, how do you feel about handling a little…" I pounded my fist into my hand. "Negotiation?"

"LOVE TO!" Soundbite directed his attention at the green hell we were standing on the border to. "HEY jerkwads! HAND OVER one of the FEATHER-RATS or prepare to suffer!"

Our response was a barely-dodged dungball the size of my head and a lot of buzzing-chirping-"CHO CHO CHO~!"ing

"Translation?" I requested flatly.

"They're laughing at us," Soundbite explained in an equally neutral tone.

Three seconds later, the buzzes, chirps and "CHO!"s renewed, along with a lot of moving foliage.

"And now they're NOT," Soundbite smirked sadistically.

"Niiiiice," I drew out with an equally vicious grin.

"So are you sure this is going to work, or—?" Usopp started hesitantly.

FWUMP-FWUMP!

We all blinked in surprise as not one, but two hogtied and struggling toucan-like avians were tossed at our feet.

"Withdrawn," Usopp finally managed to get out.

"The hell—?" I started in confusion before being interrupted by a stupidly familiar voice.

"HEY, JERKWADS!"

We all snapped our gazes upwards, where a third South Bird was keeping himself aloft. Furthermore, going by the markings on his beak, he was the original South Bird that we would have made use of!

"You guys want a South Bird to guide you?" he sneered as he waved a wing at his bound compatriots. "Go ahead and take two! These guys are completely and utterly bazonkers! Just take them, get the hell out of our jungle, stay out, and cut the freaking racket, will ya!?"

Soundbite's grin didn't even shift. "DONE!"

"Great! Welp, I'm out of here! See ya never, suckers! Hahahahaaaa!" And with that the South Bird flapped back into the jungle and out of sight.

I could only gape after it for a few moments before I heard the unmistakable sound of a large amount of fauna moving away from the nearby foliage and back into the jungle. Finally, I looked at Soundbite incredulously.

"Gilbert. Goddamn. Gottfried. Really?"

"Trust me, it gets better!" Soundbite snickered eagerly. "UNTIE THEIR BEAKS!"

I gave Soundbite a disbelieving look before gesturing at Chopper, who slowly unwound the vines from the South Birds' beaks.

"This is all your fault," the right-hand bird said at the one on the left in a stupidly familiar, smooth and calm baritone.

"NO, IT'S YOUR FAULT!" the left-hand bird retorted in an equally stupidly familiar, if much more macho and hammy, voice. "YOU JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THAT MY TRIBE IS THE BEST THERE IS IN THE FOREST! I'VE SAID IT A HUNDRED TIMES: JOIN BEAR GLOOOOOVE!"

"Never," the other bird replied concisely and calmly. "The Swagger Tribe will forever hold dominance over the meatheads of Bear Glove due to the sheer lustre of our feathers, and the awe-inspiring beauty of our beaks. If anyone is to swap tribes, you should join Swagger."

"BEAR GLOVE!"

"Swagger."

"BEAR GLOVE!"

"Stop it."

"NEVER!"

I twitched furiously as the two avians went back and forth. "What. The. Fuck."

"I'm not even changing what they're SAYING!" Soundbite whispered reverently. "THIS IS AAAALL natural."

"Kill me now," I groaned under my breath.

"Later," Soundbite half-hissed in a german accent, half cackled madly.

I then raised my voice and pointed at the South Birds, who I was steadfastly refusing to mentally refer to as Terry and Isaiah oh dammit. "Tie them up and put them on the Merry. We'll deal with this new fresh hell of madness at some other point in time."

"I've got it," Usopp offered, promptly silencing and picking up the struggling South Birds. "I was heading back to the Merry anyways. There are some, ah… " Usopp's expression became slightly uneasy. "Things I need to look into…"

I frowned in thought; he had finished with the weapons by now, so what did that—? Oh, no…

"…Is Merry doing alright, Usopp?" I asked quietly.

He looked back at me with a forced smile. "Oh, she's taken a bit of a beating, but she's doing fine. I just need to patch her up some more; Masira and Shoujou should be able to help me, so no worries!" He didn't give me time to voice my own worries before hightailing it back towards the ship, the Old Spice duo—no, the two South Birds—in tow. I shook my head grimly; there wasn't anything I could do at this stage… I think… I'd have to wait until Merry's Klabautermann showed up to find out just how bad things were. Hopefully there was a chance that my intervention had changed things enough that she'd make it to the miracle-working city of Water 7, but… well, we'd see.

Shaking off my recent thoughts, depressing and exhausting as they both were, I turned my attention to the other two crewmates present. "Soooo…what about the two of you?"

"I'm gonna go and make more of the stuff that blew up the storeroom!" Chopper raised his hoof eagerly before freezing in thought. "Wait… let me rephrase that."

"Please do," I demanded with a glare and crossed arms.

"Right, right, hang on…" Chopper slid his backpack off and dug through it for a bit before holding up a vial of what I could only assume was bubbly pink death. "This is what I've been developing: hexanitro quadrifluoride, though I call it Cherry Blossom Blast. It's a somewhat volatile chemical agent that reacts… somewhat violently when exposed to oxygen following an excessive amount of blunt force."

I slowly pinched the bridge of my nose. "So, you mean to tell me that you used your newfound Mad-Scientist-Grade intellect to develop home-cooked nitroglycerine?"

"Psh, nitroglycerine wishes it was as badass as my—!"

"CHOPPER!"

"I need artillery, alright?!" Chopper demanded as he flailed his arms desperately. "Strength and wrestling and close-quarters combat are all well and good, but I need to balance my skillset if I want to help contribute to the crew! So, between this kind of ammunition and my inherited throwing skills, I'm hoping that—!"

"Wait, wait, wait," I waved my hands hastily. "'Inherited throwing skills'? What the hell are you—?"

"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you about this!" Chopper slapped his hoof to his forehead. "Well, you see—!"

"Hey, one question?"

"…yes, Luffy?"

"What's nitroglycerine? It sounds tasty!" The three of us spared him a shared flat look.

"Aaanyways…" Chopper started before grinning eagerly. "Watch this!"

"Watch wha—WHAT THE HELL!" I yelped in panic and waved my arms desperately as Chopper produced half a dozen scalpels from nowhere and drew his arms back. "Nononono—AGH!" I screeched as Chopper flung the surgical blades at me.

TH-TH-TH-THUNK!

Before blinking in confusion as I remained un-dissected. "What the hell—?"

"Whoooaaa…" Luffy breathed in awe.

"CROSS…" Soundbite breathed. "Turn around."

I promptly turned around, and gaped in awe as well.

The reason for my awe was that the last time I'd checked, there had most certainly not been a fuck-me-huge centipede pinned to the tree behind me by all six of Chopper's scalpels.

"What. The fuck?" I breathed in awe.

"Looks like the South Birds wanted revenge, huh?" Chopper snickered.

"CHOPPER!"

"I learned from Doctorine, duh!" the human-reindeer rolled his eyes. "Where do you think I learned how to throw like that?"

"My transforming-monster-doctor can throw stuff really good…" Luffy breathed with sparkling eyes. "My crew is the coolest ever!"

"Oh, shut up, you dumbass~! Like that would ever make me happy~!"

I blew out an exasperated sigh as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Chopper, quit it. Luffy, while that statement is entirely accurate and very heartwarming, shut up, and back to Chopper, you mean to tell me that between teaching you all she knew about medicine, she also taught you how to throw knives like a member of the goddamn KGB?!"

"What does Kyuka Grill and Barbeque have to do with knife-throwing?"

"To reiterate, shut up, Luffy," I jabbed at my captain before re-glaring at our doctor. "And Chopper?"

"No, Doctorine did not teach me how to throw," Chopper explained with a roll of his eyes before grinning victoriously. "I learned by un-suppressing all the memories I had of her throwing things at me and then examining her technique!"

Soundbite and I boggled at the Zoan-user in shock.

"Damn, dude," Soundbite whispered in awe.

"Wouldn't that be, like, beyond traumatizing for you!?" I questioned incredulously.

"It was!" Chopper grinned eagerly… his eye twitching furiously the entire time.

The resulting silence stretched out uncomfortably for about a minute or so until I slowly pointed towards the Merry. "So, yeeeaaah, how about you go ahead and start cooking up some more of the uber-nitro without blowing more holes in the Merry—!"

"The synthesizing process is completely safe, I swear, it was just my intellect-induced shortsightedness that prompted me to test the formula's effectiveness inside!" Chopper hastily reassured me.

"…right. So, you just… go ahead and do that, alright?"

"Can do!" the doctor saluted in agreement before trotting off.

"So, Cross, what's everyone up to?" Luffy asked, though he seemed a little peeved after being ignored.

I briefly considered letting Luffy have it for his sheer degree of obliviousness, but then I gave up on account of how A. it would never have any lasting effect, and B. it was really more the result of a bunch of factors more than anything. "Eh, bunch of training exercises: Boss versus Sanji, Leo versus Zoro, Donny versus Nami, and Vivi and Carue versus Mikey and Raphey."

"COOL!" Luffy exclaimed, his annoyance gone… then he frowned. "Did I miss it?"

I looked back at the group, and it seemed that everyone was taking a break from sparring.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Luffy. We don't have to leave until morning, they'll probably be back at it in a little while. Meanwhile, why don't you go see what Masira's crew is doing for the Merry?"

Luffy adopted an eager expression for a moment, obviously ready and raring to give Masira a number of suggestions for 'improvements' to be made to our soon-to-be chicken-headed ship. To my surprise, though, he actually sobered up and shook his head.

"Actually, I have some training of my own that I need to take care of," Luffy said as he tilted his hat down over his eyes. "Those fights with Crocodile showed me just how right you were when you talked about Devil Fruit powers, Cross, and I need to get stronger. I've got an… idea that I want to test out."

I stared at Luffy in disbelief as I tried to process what I'd just heard. "… Okay, I'll bite. Bentham, how the hell and why did you manage to escape from Impel Down?"

"IT'S REALLY ME, DAMN IT! SEE!?" Luffy yanked his cheek out a foot. "I CAN BE DEEP AND SMART AND STUFF TOO, YOU KNOW!"

"Yeah, once in a blue moon when pigs spontaneously grow wings and fly over a frozen hell…" I muttered. I regretted it seconds later on account of the pouty look Luffy gave me. "Alright, alright, bad joke, my bad. But seriously, though. If you want to go and train, that's fine. It's… admirable even, and I wish you the best of luck. Just…" I pointed at the Merry. "Go and grab your pipe if you're really dedicated to getting used to using it again? It can't hurt to train."

And just like that, Luffy's eager grin was back in place. "Great idea, Cross! Thanks!" And like that he was off.

I watched him leap on board the Merry before giving Soundbite a wide-eyed look. "Guess he's more than pure stupid and muscle, huh?"

"WHO'D have THOUGHT IT!" Soundbite nodded in agreement.

"Oh, hey, berries!" I suddenly heard him exclaim.

"Luffy, no, don't eat those!" Chopper called out. "I gathered those and set them aside because they're—!"

"Wow, they taste so good! And—!… aaargh, my stomach…"

"—Poisonous. Dammit, Luffy—!"

We both glanced at each other before chuckling as hints of madness slipped into Chopper's outraged voice. "Okay, now that's more like the Luffy we know."

"Yeah, I WAS GETTING WORRIED THERE for a moment," Soundbite added. "NOW, LET'S go and GET SOME GRUB! I'm starving!"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," I nodded in agreement, walking back to the rest of the group and passing by Luffy as he ran down the coast. I watched him for a second before shrugging and accepting a bowl of Sanji-prepared soup from Vivi. "Thanks. And by the way, nice going with your weapons. You were quite impressive with them."

The princess smiled in agreement as she drew one of the hand-scythes and hefted it before me. "Thank you. Honestly, I'm quite pleased myself. I might have to relearn how to use these, but I'm certainly having an easier time of it than I did learning how to use my Peacock Slashers."

"Yeah, no impwomptu haiwcuts so faw!" Carue snickered into his own bowl, which evolved into full-blown cackling when Vivi reached over and slapped him upside the head.

"Oh, yeah, by the way, I've been meaning to ask," I noted as I pointed at the scythe. "Any ideas on what you're gonna call those?"

Vivi's expression sobered at my question. She stared at her weapon silently for a moment before tightening her grip on its hilt. "Lion Cutters," she declared, softly yet extremely firmly.

I sighed internally at her tone of voice before giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Your father… he'd be proud of how far you've come. You know that, right?"

Vivi pursed her lips before nodding sadly. "Yeah… I know." She gave me a slight smile. "Thanks, Cross."

I chuckled as I walked off. "Jeremiah Cross: Third Mate, Co-communications Officer, Tactician and therapist, that's me!"

I wandered around amidst our dining crewmates for a bit before pausing as one of them caught my eye. I smirked as I tapped Sanji's shoulder. "Reality's kinda harsh, ain't it?"

The cook blinked in confusion as he looked away from Cricket, who he'd been watching discretely while he ate. "Huh?"

"Well, I'm just saying," I shrugged matter-of-factly. "You said that you grew up listening to the story of Noland the Liar, so I can only imagine what it must be like to learn how that story affected the lives of people in the present."

Sanji started to shrug nonchalantly before… tensing for whatever reason.

I cocked my eyebrow at him. "Something up, Sanji?"

The chef shot a hesitant glance at me before taking a shaky drag from his cigarette. "Cross…" Sanji muttered almost inaudibly. "I've… been meaning to ask you this for a while now, but… how much do you know about… my past?"

"DA FUCK you on about, man?" Soundbite demanded incredulously.

"I'm with the snail, lover boy," I nodded in tentative agreement. "What brought this on?"

"I just…" Sanji ground his teeth uncomfortably as he shifted in place, glancing this way and that in a somewhat paranoid manner. "I wanna know how much you know about me, is all. There are… well, you should know better than anyone that most people have parts of their past they never want to come back to haunt them. So, I just want to know what parts of mine you know. That's all."

I eyed Sanji in confusion for a moment before stiffening as realization struck me like a lightning bolt. I then proceeded to roll my eyes with a sigh and pat his shoulder reassuringly. "Sanji, Sanji, Sanji…" I sighed with a shake of my head. "You should really realize by now that there is absolutely nothing in your past that can make us think less of you."

Sanji perked up slightly and gave me a hopeful look. "Yeah? You think so?"

"Of course!" I nodded in agreement as I started to walk away. "I mean, come on. I realize that the fact that you were a picky eater back when you were a dish-boy before Zeff attacked your ship might have been something you were ashamed of, but it's really nothing in the long-run. I honestly doubt it can have any lasting effect on how the ladies see you. We all have those moments where we groan at just how stupid our younger selves were!" I glanced back at him with a smirk. "Right?"

Sanji stared at me for a second before shrugging. "Sure. Let's go with that." He then grinned in a cheeky manner. "To be honest, I was more worried about whether or not you'd seen me in my acne-years!"

I took a moment to contemplate that statement before grinning like a maniac. "Oh, my God, that is the best image ever please tell me you had braces, too!"

"If you don't already know, then you're not finding out any time soon!" Sanji laughed.

"Aw, c'mon, Sanji! Teeeeeell meee!"

-o-

The rest of the day went by pretty normally. After we got some more training done, Luffy came back from whatever he was doing, and Masira and his crew finished reinforcing the Merry, inasmuch as they could (apparently, the chicken comb was a non-negotiable aspect of the upgrade), we reached the obvious conclusion of the day: we retired to Cricket's house and threw the absolute mother of all parties! It was a heck of a thing: food, more than a few drinks, music, the whole nine yards.

The inclusion of the dugongs meant that there was also more than a little brawling, resulting in Cricket getting somewhat pissed, but the fact that he was buzzed took the edge off his rage, and honestly, that would probably have happened anyway with the usual crew there.

The point at which things got really fun, however, was when Cricket noticed Robin reading a specific passage of Noland's logbook and started going on about the one topic guaranteed to garner everyone's attention: Gold.

Even I was spellbound by Cricket's tales of the lost city of Shandora. Sure, the conclusion might have been terrible for all, but the sheer amount of detail that Noland put into his logbook was astounding. If I hadn't been looking forward to the journey to Skypiea before, I sure as hell was now, if only to hear the sound of a bell that had left even a New World-capable adventurer in awe!

The best part of it all, however, was when Cricket showed us his pièces de résistance.

"Hot damn…" I whistled in awe as I inspected the golden rendition of a South Bird and the three ingots that went alongside it. "This is incredible, Cricket! Seriously, I can only imagine that treasure-hunters the world over would give an arm and a leg for a find like this!"

"Indeed, the resemblance is most impressive," came a familiar smooth voice. One of the South Birds had managed to get his beak free and was admiring the statue. "You can tell that it is a sculpture of a member of the Swagger tribe from the way its noble beak enhances the lustre of the gold a hundredfold, rendering it almost too glorious for man's eyes to behold."

"HA! AS IF!" the other South Bird roared, apparently snapping the binds on its beak with sheer strength alone. "THAT SCULPTURE MANAGED TO LAST OVER FOUR HUNDRED YEARS IN THE WATER WITHOUT EVEN A SCRATCH! ONLY BEAR GLOVE IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO LAST THAT LONG!"

"Swagger."

"BEAR GLOVE!"

"Swagger."

"BEAR GLOVE!"

"WILL SOMEONE GAG THEM ALREADY!?"

"YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE SHEER POWER OF BEAR—MMPH!?"

"I don't see why you deem it necessary to silence me, for I am not—mmph…"

"Can we just leave one of them here?" Nami demanded tiredly.

"Which one?" Usopp asked.

"Swagger/Bear Glove," Zoro and Sanji chorused before looking at one another in shock. "Are you nuts?!"

"So, Cricket!" I loudly said in an effort to not think about the two Birds that had Soundbite laughing like a maniac. "Have you actually told anybody about what you've found?"

"Psh, are you nuts?" the buzzed freediver scoffed. "Nobody trustworthy lives within a hundred miles of this house; if anyone found out about this stuff, I'd have to deal with every gold-lusting pirate in Mock Town coming after me. That's why I made sure that these two knew not to say jack!"

Shoujou was nodding in agreement, before joining Cricket in staring at Masira, who was sweating up a storm. "Brother…" the orangutan grit out slowly. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

"Ah… you said not to 'say' jack?" Masira poked his fingers together uncomfortably. "I thought you said not to say anything to Jack!"

Before the other two-thirds of the Saruyama Alliance could give the final third hell, we were interrupted by an annoyingly familiar laugh coming from outside. "HEY! OLD MAN CRICKET! I HEARD YOU FINALLY FOUND SOME GOLD, HUH? WHY DON'T YOU HAND IT OVER NICE AND PEACEFULLY? THAT WAY, WE WON'T HAVE TO KICK YOUR TEETH IN! HAHAHAHA!"

"You were saying something about gold-lusting pirates?" I said, rolling my eyes as I headed for the door.

"Hey, hold it, Cross, we can deal with—" Cricket began.

"Most of his crew, sure, but he has Devil Fruit powers. Now, please excuse me while I provoke him."

The rest of the crew got to their feet as I opened the door, plastering a grin on my face as I greeted the pirates. "Sorry, but we don't have any gold for spring-heeled dickweasels."

"YOU! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Bellamy roared, his sadistically cheerful demeanor suddenly replaced by unamused fury.

"I never introduced myself, did I? Jeremiah Cross of the Strawhat Pirates," I said with a salute. "And thanks for the save earlier."

Bellamy twitched furiously as he glared at me, emphasizing the new bandages he was sporting.

"You think we don't know who you are?" Sarquiss snarled, holding up the hilt of his blade. "A Transponder Snail with Devil Fruit powers is a pretty damn good giveaway. You owe me a new knife, and I think I'll take it out of that snail of yours."

"BITE ME!" Soundbite taunted. "YOU'RE BETTER OFF without that knife anyway! YOU NEEDED SOMETHING BIGGER TO compensate with!"

Several people behind me began laughing, and I swear that I saw some of Bellamy's crew stifling laughter, too, much to his ire.

In fact, I think that was his breaking point, as he immediately lived up to the first part of my nickname for him by shifting his feet into springs and launching himself at me. And did I mention that he was actually really frickin' fast when he did that?! Seriously, how Luffy was able to track this guy is beyond me. But the fact that he could is something I was immensely grateful for, as he managed to get in front of me and slug Bellamy in the schnoz before he could even get close.

The self-proclaimed hyena was flung back at his crew, resulting in a large pile of bodies.

Luffy looked back at me curiously. "What'd you do, Cross?"

"I sicced a homicidal otter on him," I said concisely before holding my hands up when Luffy frowned. "And before you say anything, while it was after he beat on you and Zoro, I had no idea that he'd done it at the time. He was just a convenient target."

Luffy smiled contentedly. "Oh, that's alright, then!"

"You… so, you can fight."

I looked with no small amount of surprise to see that Bellamy was still conscious, even if he was struggling to get up again. Then again, thinking about it, Luffy had put everything he had into the one punch that took him out last time, whereas this time he was still just an annoyance. The rest of his crew grimaced as they too got back on their feet, and Bellamy glared at Luffy.

"I guess you earned that 37 million beri bounty after all," he growled.

"…37 million?" I questioned.

"He remembered you saying his bounty increased sevenfold," Nami ground out.

THUNK!

I groaned as I ground my forehead into the doorframe of Cricket's hut. "Some days, Luffy, your stupidity causes me physical pain," I growled to myself before raising my voice. "The moron's bounty is 100 million, Bellamy, and Zoro's is 60. You really should try and keep up with the news."

"Actually, to be fair, the News Coos haven't come to this island since you started your show; their next delivery is later tonight," Masira contributed.

He promptly flinched back as I got up in his face, glaring certain death into his eyes.

"That's. Not. Helping," I growled through gritted teeth.

Despite his injuries and rage, Bellamy laughed. "HA! You expect me to believe that? Sure, I'll admit that he's got fight in him, but I heard every broadcast of that SBS show you did, and if he's even half the moron you described, the chances of him actually getting a bounty that high are about the same as the odds of me becoming a bright-eyed dreamer like you!"

I blinked as I processed that statement. I then snapped my hand into a fist and stepped past Luffy, shooting a vicious grin at the opposing pirate captain. "Funny you should say that, because in my humble opinion, the odds of you being able to beat us are about the same as the odds of you ever getting so much as a shred of respect from the feathered jackass you're stupid enough to follow!"

As expected, Bellamy's expression twisted in fury and his legs compressed into springs. "SPRING—!"

I noticed Luffy starting to step around me, but I promptly stuck my hand out without ever breaking my glare. "Gastro-Phony," I ordered calmly, securing my headphones with my other hand.

Soundbite sneered viciously. "Roger-roger."

He had clearly gotten better with his control, judging from the fact that Luffy was unaffected. Bellamy's crew, on the other hand, fell to their knees the next moment, and began unloading their stomachs, while Bellamy himself apparently screwed up his takeoff; I didn't see how it happened, but the next thing I knew, he was plowed into the dirt about a foot in front of me, face-first. I approached and stared down at him impassively.

"You have real potential, Bellamy, and that's something you'll never hear Doflamingo tell you. If you ever change your outlook on life and decide to actually use what you've got, come find us. But for now, just remember that you lost to the weakest members of a crew filled with nothing but 'bright-eyed dreamers,' without giving them a single injury."

"Like… hell…" Bellamy snarled, struggling out of the earth. My expression didn't change as I took Soundbite off my shoulder and put him on Bellamy's back.

"Think you can leave him alive?" I asked tonelessly.

"He'll wish to hell I hadn't," Soundbite stated firmly.

"Then in that case… Gastro-Blast."

The Baby Transponder Snail bared his teeth in a snarl at Bellamy. "SUCK ON THIS, jackass."

Bellamy started to push himself up… and promptly froze, each and every muscle in his body tensing and locking up simultaneously. He wasn't even screaming, his mouth was just hanging open and allowing a scant few gargles to escape his throat with his eyes rolled up into his head. Finally, he choked up a mouthful of blood and fell back to the ground, his will collapsing from the agony.

Silence reigned as everyone stared at the unconscious pirate in shock.

I picked Soundbite up and placed him on my shoulder before dusting my hands off. "And that's how you be badass," I announced simply.

That managed to rouse Sarquiss from his shock, prompting him to laugh desperately. "H-hahaha, c-c'mon Bellamy! Very funny, I actually bought it for a second there! N-now come on, get up already! Kick this bastard's ass!"

An uncomfortable silence hung as Sarquiss panted desperately.

"Bellamy! BELLAMY, COME ON, T-THIS SHIT ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE! BELLAMY!"

I dug my foot under Bellamy's body and flipped him over, giving his unconscious form a faux-curious look before shaking my head at Sarquiss. "Yeah, no, he is not waking up anytime soon."

And that broke the camel's back. Sarquiss screamed like a goddamn madman, charging at me and swinging the broken hilt of his knife.

I tensed and moved my hand to grip my baton, but before I could draw it…

SLAM!

Luffy beat me to the punch. As in, he punched Sarquiss so hard that he literally flipped around the rubber-man's fist before landing flat on his back.

I blinked in surprise as I took in the beatdown before giving Luffy an admiring look. "Goddamn, dude."

Luffy snorted as he cracked his fists and gave Bellamy's crew a bone-chilling glare. "Don't touch my friends."

I chuckled as the poor jackasses cowered in terror, one of them even going so far as to faint, foaming at the mouth… though, really, I think that was more of a coincidence than anything. I then noticed that Sarquiss was still moving, if only a bit. Walking over to him, I knelt down over his prone form.

"Word to the wise," I informed him in a calm tone. "I might call my captain a moron, and that's because he really is one, but there's one fact you shouldn't overlook."

I grabbed him by the collar and hauled him up so that I could stick my snarling face in his insensate one. "He's the moron who can kick your ass!"

And with that I hauled my fist back—

SLAM!

—and put him down for good.

I dusted my gauntlets off and stood up before waving at Bellamy's crew. "Hey, morons!"

Said morons both twitched in rage and shivered in terror, with the result that the looked like they had a split-second seizure.

I pointed at Bellamy and Sarquiss. "I'd suggest you hurry up and peel your friends off of the dirt and get back to Mock Town. Otherwise…" I jerked my head back at Cricket's cabin.

The pirates looked at where I'd indicated, and promptly paled as they caught sight of Zoro fingering his swords and Nami tapping her Clima-Tact on her shoulder.

"They'll get you next. Capiche?"

Over the next few seconds, I learned just how fast people could run when terrified for their lives.

The answer? Very fucking fast.

-o-

Aside from the antics I'd come to expect from being a Strawhat pirate and from being involved with the Saruyama Alliance, the rest of the evening was uneventful. As dawn approached, however, a rather heated argument surfaced between the two saner members of the Monster Trio, each of which had one of the South Birds on their shoulders, about which bird we would leave behind.

"It's clear that we need someone more levelheaded and calm to help us navigate to the Knock-Up Stream; Nami-swan deals with loud-mouthed idiocy enough already," Sanji said calmly. "The Bear Glove moron stays."

"What we need is someone who has enough brawn to hold his own in a fight after we get up there; we have a freaking snail that can hold his own, we don't need anyone who's good for nothing more than being a compass!" Zoro argued heatedly. "The Swagger moron stays."

"Bear Glove!"

"Swagger!"

"Bear Glove!"

"Swagger!"

SLAM-SLAM!

"WILL YOU IDIOTS GIVE IT A REST ALREADY?!" Nami yelled as she stood over the cook and First Mate's insensate forms. She huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose before waving her hand dismissively. "Here's what we're going to do: Zoro, if Bear Glove comes, he's your responsibility as much as Soundbite is for Cross, and Sanji, the same goes for Swagger. And until we reach the Knock-Up Stream, you two dipshits are going to take care of them and shut up, got it!?"

"Yes, ma'am…" the two groaned.

"Look at it this way, Nami!" I snickered. "So long as Zoro's carrying around a literal living compass, there's no way in hell he can ever get lost so bad again!"

"I am afraid that that statement is as inaccurate as saying that I am anything less than an object of grace and beauty," the Swagger Bird (and dear God, did I wish he'd chosen another name) crooned.

"Eh?"

"SOUTH BIRDS OF THE BEAR GLOVE TRIBE ARE TOO POWERFUL TO BE ENSLAVED BY SOMETHING AS PUNY AS THE PLANET'S MAGNETIC POLES!" the (Grooooan) Bear Glove Bird roared as he flexed his wings. "WE POINT OUR BEAKS WHICHEVER WAY WE WANT TO POINT THEM!"

"Alright, for the sake of being specific, you two are part of different tribes, obviously, but do you have names of your own?" Usopp asked curiously.

I began praying, for my poor, dying sanity…

"Yes, my name is Isaiah."

"AND I'M TERRY!"

And then I remembered exactly which divine force was hearing my prayers, and smacked myself.

But beyond that little sanity-destroying incident, with no absent Luffy hunting hercules and atlas beetles and giving moron pirates dents in their skulls, we managed to set out to sea right on time. Granted, we had to rely on Isaiah's beak more than Terry's due to the Bear Glove Bird's tendency to swing it about this way and that without warning, but still, we managed to make decent headway.

Finally, after interminable minutes, we got a call from Masira's ship indicating that it was time.

I stared out at the horizon in awe. I'd seen huge storms before back in my old world, and I'd seen even bigger ones since I'd arrived in the Grand Line, but this… to see the sky just become engulfed with clouds, clouds large enough that they seemed to dwarf even the majesty of the Red Line… it was, quite simply, awe-inspiring.

Nami chewed her lip uncomfortably as she eyed the oncoming clouds alongside me. "It's huge… and early." She gave me a wary glance. "You're sure we'll make this on time?"

I nodded firmly. "It's gonna be rough, but it'll also be awesome as all heck, and we will make it." I then grimaced nervously. "Or at least we'd better, because if we miss this, then we'll have bigger things to worry about than Luffy being disappointed."

"What the heck are you—?"

"ALERT! MARINE BATTLESHIPS AT TEN O'CLOCK, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MAELSTROM!"

My eyes widened and I slapped a palm to my face; between the Unluckies, talking down Nami from her breakdown and the training, I had completely forgotten about Tashigi's warning. When I lowered my palm, I noticed the vast majority of those onboard glaring at me… actually, everybody. Everybody was glaring daggers at me, even the freaking South Birds!

"Alright, before you say anything, let me just say that I have an absolutely ironclad defense," I hastily requested.

"What defense, Mister Jeremiah?" Vivi asked, her voice icy.

Soundbite and I shared terrified glances before plastering uneasy grins on our faces. "Tashigi did it?" we chorused uncomfortably.

"Explain," Nami ground out in a tone of forced calm.

I poked my fingers together sheepishly. "Sengoku mobilized a fleet after us, and she knew where our Log Pose would be pointing us next, so she supplied false information about where we'd be going, redirecting them to a backwater place that the Marines would never think to look… Jaya."

"…Wow," Nami deadpanned flatly. "Just… wow. Even when the Marines are on our side, they still manage to royally screw us over."

"Hey, look on the bright side!" I hastily interjected. "At least it happened now rather than on some other island where we didn't have an escape route pre-arranged! Right?"

The glares only softened somewhat.

"P-plus they're still heading straight towards Jaya, they may sail right past us and never know we're here?"

"THAT'S A NEGATIVE, THEY'RE SAILING RIGHT AT US!"

"…yeah, I got nothing."

"SON OF A—GAH!" Nami roared out in exasperation. "BOSS! YOU AND YOUR STUDENTS START TOWING, ASAP! MASIRA, SHOUJOU, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP BUT WE'LL GO FROM HERE! IF THE MARINES CATCH SIGHT OF YOU WITH US, THEY'LL BLOW YOU TO SMITHEREENS!"

"SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!"

"GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!"

And with that, the Saruyama Alliance split off and started sailing back towards Jaya.

"COME ON, BOYS!" Boss roared as he grabbed a towline and stood on the Merry's railing. "LET'S SHOW THIS OCEAN WHO'S BOSS!"

"AYE-AYE, BOSS!" the rest of the Dugongs cried as they all leapt overboard.

"…Well!" I said, clapping my hands together. "Since we're heading into another near-death scrape before a big adventure, I'd say the time is ripe…" I dug my hand into my bag and drew out the mic with a grin. "For another SBS broadcast!"

-o-

"Testing, testing, one two, one two! Is this thing on?"

"I THINK SO! Whether it is or not is IRRELEVANT THOUGH!"

"And how's that?"

"BECAUSE I'm still starting THE SBS!"

"DAMN LITTLE—! Ergh, fine, whatever. One of these days…"

"Bam, pow, straight to the third moon of Endor!"

"Yes, that. But anyway, hello faithful viewers! Today, you find us scraping right next to the edge of death itself! How so, you might ask? Weeeeell, apparently someone in the Marine Corps somehow found out that we picked up an Eternal Pose somewhere in an effort to evade the fleet that the esteemed Fleet Admiral Sengoku mobilized to capture us, and sent them straight for us!"

Ensign Tashigi's pupils shrank to pinpricks as she stared at the Transponder Snail before her in horror. "Cross, you son of a—!"

"Ensign."

The Marine's spine went ramrod straight in abject terror as she felt the presence of a great evil behind her.

"…meep."

-o-

"Still, it's not as bad as it sounds! Because you see, in the process of acquiring our Eternal Pose, we managed to discover an alternative route along which we can escape! Allow me to spell out the process through which we'll be pulling this whole thing off. First and foremost, we got our beloved ship, the Going Merry, reinforced while we were docked. Notably, these reinforcements centered around her keel."

"…And that matters because?" Hannyabal asked dryly.

"Now, now, be patient, Vice-Warden," Head Jailer Domino mused as she dug through one of the drawers of her desk, listening to the Video-Snail that was talking up in a corner of the room. "We both know how mad the Grand Line can be. I'm certain that there's an explanation."

"Hmph… fair enough. Say, what are you doing, anyways?"

"Getting my gasmask."

"Why do you need your—?"

PBBBHHHHT!

"AAAAAAGH! IT BURNS!"

"Because I remembered that today was Breakfast Burrito Tuesday. Good morning, Warden."

"Good morning to you as well, Domino. Hannyabal forgot the date again, hm?"

"He'll learn eventually, I'm certain."

"He'd better, otherwise he'll never survive long enough to become Warden."

-o-

"Second, while this might appear counterintuitive to most sane pirates and sailors, we are now headed straight towards a maelstrom we managed to locate moments ago. An interesting fact to note about this maelstrom is that A. it's absolutely massive, and B. it appeared mere moments ago!"

"Get to the point, already!" Perona screeched, her astral form waving back and forth impatiently.

"Kishishishishi!" the gargantuan form of Gecko Moriah shuddered with laughter as he reclined on his most-certainly-not-Emperor-sized bed. "Your noviceness is showing, Perona."

"What!?" the ghost-woman yelped, soaring into her captain's face. "What are you talking about!? All he said was that they're being morons and sailing towards their death!"

"Kishishishi, maybe," Moriah nodded in agreement. "But I assure you, countless other people besides me have already realized what they're planning! This crew might be full of rookies, but damn if they aren't lucky! KISHISHISHISHI!"

"TALK SANE, ALREADY!"

"KISHISHISHISHI!"

-o-

"And finally, to complete our daring master escape… hold it… DAY HAS JUST TURNED TO NIGHT! HA! TIMED IT EXACTLY! BOOYAH!"

Sengoku paled considerably; he'd suspected it at the mention of the maelstrom, but he'd hoped, dear God how he'd hoped…

The Admiral of the World Government's Fleets scrambled for his Transponder Snail's mic and hastily dialed the lead captain of the task force he'd assembled, immensely grateful that the Snail Transceiver didn't shut down the capability to make calls on any snail but the one using it.

"Captain Very Good! You need to apprehend or sink the Strawhats at once! They're trying to hitch a ride on a Knock-Up Stream! THEY'RE GOING TO ESCAPE INTO THE SKY! … NO, THE THIN AIR AT THE TOP OF MARINEFORD HAS NOT GOTTEN TO MY HEAD, JUST HURRY UP AND SINK THEM ALREADY!"

He slammed down the receiver, and then, feeling the familiar tremors, exited his office and made a beeline for Garp's to shut him up personally.

-o-

I cackled madly as the sound of cannonfire started to ring out over the roar of the world-class drain we were circling and plumes of water started sounding out around us. "Looks like the Marines have figured out what we're up to, and they're not happy with it! Stay tuned, viewers, because this madness is just getting started!"

"WE'RE GONNA DIIIIE!" Usopp and Carue cried as they desperately hugged Merry's mast.

"THIS HAD BETTER DAMN WELL WORK, CROSS!" Nami yowled as she barely restrained herself from throttling me by digging her fingernails into the railing.

"Happy-place-happy-place-happy-place!" Chopper whined on repeat as he rocked back and forth on the deck.

"I don't suppose there's any way to talk you out of this, Luffy!?" Vivi pleaded desperately from where she'd wound her arm into the Merry's rigging.

"Shishishi!" Luffy laughed from his special seat. "Why would I ever run from adventure!?"

"I was afraid you'd say that…" the princess sobbed desperately.

"If you're afraid now, your highness, then I'd recommend against looking overboard at this moment," Robin recommended.

"What are you—WAAAAAGH!" Vivi screeched in terror as the Merry flew over the lip of the maelstrom…

SPLASH!

"Huh?"

…and blinked in confusion as we landed in calm waters. "What the—?"

"Wait for it…" I muttered.

Boss and his students leapt onboard in a hurry, the senior dugong glancing over the edge nervously. "You're all gonna want to find something to hang on to!" he warned desperately.

"You know it's bad when he says it!" Leo warned.

"Wait for it…" I repeated, grinning like a loon as the waters started to swirl beneath us.

"HEY, STRAW HAT!"

I flinched as my good mood was killed by a sickeningly familiar voice breaking out across the water. "Ah, damn it…"

"Zoro," Luffy noted, pointing out away from where the Marine warships were starting to approach us.

We all turned to observe the over-sized raft that was approaching us, bearing four of the deadliest pirates in this day and age on it.

"ZEHAHAHAHA! If it isn't Straw Hat Luffy! I've come all this way to collect on your 100 million beri bounty, so don't be shy!" a terrifying figure bellowed eagerly. "And I'm certain I can get something for your first and third mates, too! ZEHAHAHA!"

I grit my teeth as I stared at the pirates, knowing the kind of hell they were about to raise, the proposition Lafitte was making right this moment.

"Lassoo. Blow that raft to Kingdom Come," I bit out viciously.

"On it!" the dog-cannon growled as it got up on the railing and unloaded a barrage of baseballs on the raft.

BA-BA-BANG!

None of which made it, though, on account of Van Auger prematurely detonating them.

"Well, that's new…" Lassoo whistled.

"Cross?" Luffy questioned.

"…Remember Blackbeard, Luffy?" I growled. "The one who murdered Ace's crewmate? Who ravaged Drum Island? That's him."

"Uh, CROSS? You realize that this THING IS STILL ON, RIGHT?"

I snapped my attention back to the mic I was holding. "Ah."

Considering Luffy's darkening expression, I reluctantly acknowledged it as a good thing when the water beneath us began to bulge upwards. I looked towards the fat, hairy bastard, hating that I couldn't do anything about him here and now, but in the end, I decided that taunting the world was more important.

"Everyone, hold on to something! This is going to be crazier than Reverse Mountain! Now, allow me to explain what's about to happen, viewers!" I proclaimed as I slowly wound a rope around my arm. "Currently, our ship is stationed over the exact center of an oceanic event in the Grand Line known as the Knock-Up Stream! Think of it as a mid-ocean geyser, if you will!"

The ocean continued to bulge upwards as Blackbeard approached us.

"The Knock-Up Stream is a massively powerful event, capable of flinging ships this way and that and even annihilating them in a single massive blast! They'd usually mean certain death!"

The ocean bulged higher and higher still, like a balloon getting ready to burst, even as the Marine battleships advanced on us, the gunnery crews onboard lining up their cannons for a good shot.

"Were it not for the fact that dead above us is a singularly massive cloud formation known as the Cumuloregalis! It is capable of blotting out the sun because as unlikely as it may sound, the clouds that compose it… are solid! And thus, our escape route. With enemies on all sides, with no means of escape in the seas, we take the only option we have available to us!"

The ocean bulged higher and higher and higher, until…

"WE TURN OUR PROW UPWARDS! WE SAIL INTO THE SKY ITSELF!"

The ocean exploded.

KA-BLOOOOSH!

"PFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" I cackled madly, roaring with laughter over the screams of my crewmates as we soared upwards.

This… this was AMAZING! An explosion like no other, a rush of heat and wind and air, shoving us up towards the sky at velocities most likely only achievable via goddamn rockets and re-entry…

It was perilous, it was maddening, and for a minute there it was seriously touch and go, but once our brilliant navigator got reacclimated to the change of axis and got her wits about her… it happened.

We were flying… we were flying into the sky! Defying all odds, defying nature and physics and rationality itself…

What else could I do but climb along the mast, perch myself on the flagpole…

"PFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE YOU GUYS! I LOVE THIS CREW! PFAHAHAHAHA!"

And scream my exhilaration to the world?

"COWABUNGA, DUDES!" Soundbite cackled in agreement.

"PFHAHAHAHAHA! YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS!" I roared into my mic as I jabbed a finger up at the ever-approaching clouds. "WE, THE STRAWHAT PIRATES, ARE SAILING INTO THE SKIES! WHAT ADVENTURES AWAIT US? WHAT LANDS WILL WE SEE? WILL I STILL BE ABLE TO BROADCAST FROM THE SKY!? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE! BUT FOR NOW, THIS IS JEREMIAH CROSS!"

"AND SOUNDBITE!"

"OF THE SBS, SIGNING OFF!"

I rammed the mic back into its cradle and continued to laugh wildly as we flew onwards and upwards.

Every second brought us higher and higher, closer to the clouds, to the skies, to the Bell of Gold and the Land of God.

But more importantly… every second we flew…

Brought us closer to our next adventure!

The Patient One AN: Credit where credit is due: I submitted the idea of Terry Crews for the South Bird's voice… and Xomniac took the idea and ran with it. You see why it's his name on this.

CV12Hornet AN: Also, you better enjoy this, you would not believe how much trouble this chapter gave us!

Xomniac AN: Sorry this took so long, folks, but I assure you, what's to come next is sure to be something you'll like! If you thought we were blitzing the rails before…

Cross-Brain AN: You ain't seen nothing yet.