Chapter 12 - Little Garden Pt 3

"Okay, let's see..." I muttered as I used a stick to add on to the mind-numbingly complicated array of lines I was scratching into the dirt. "So, after you got Mister 5 off my back, you lured him through the jungle for a few minutes until you reached a pond, at which point you were both attacked by a pack of... hippos, right?"

"Uh... no, wait a second..." Usopp interjected, using his own stick to edit the lines. "That pond had flamingoes in it, the hippos were in the swamp about a half hour later."

I blinked at the display in confusion. "Wait, wha-!? But over here," I gestured at the opposite side of the array. "Nami says that she saw you and 5 getting chased by hippos!"

"Oh yeah, we were split up by the flamingoes, and when we saw each other again we ran into the hippos. No clue how she lost track of time like that, though..."

I hummed thoughtfully as I examined the series of events for a moment before snapping my fingers in realization. "Ooooh, right! She must have seen you after Vivi and I knocked her off Broggy's shoulder. No wonder she didn't remember how things went down!"

"Oh yeah, that makes sense!" Usopp nodded in satisfaction with a smile.

I couldn't help but grin back as I took in the work before me. "Things are finally starting to pull together! Alright, now then... hey, Luffy, could you-?"

"Hey guys!" our captain hollered as he ran up to us. "Whatcha doin'?"

I blinked at Luffy numbly for a moment before responding. "Well, we were trying to map out the exact details of that little bout of madness we were involved in a second ago. But... in light of recent..." I hissed in a sharp breath as I glanced down at what little of our timeline remained beneath Luffy's sandals. "Developments... I'm thinking we just throw in the towel and henceforth refer to this whole clusterfuck as 'the Little Garden Affair'. Agreed?"

"Agreed..." Usopp groaned.

"Aye-AYE!" Soundbite snickered in agreement.

"That's cool!" Luffy grinned obliviously at us. "So, are you guys gonna eat anything or what?" He held up two pieces of bone that were covered in what was either ludicrously rare or outright raw meat.

I eyed the 'food' uneasily for a moment before shaking my head. "Thanks but no thanks, I'll wait until Sanji's done cooking something that won't give me salmonella."

"BLECH!" Soundbite spat out in agreement.

"Shocking as this might sound, I'm agreeing with the snail on this one, Luffy," Usopp muttered as he shot a wary glance at Soundbite, who merely stuck his tongue out in response.

"More for me then!" Luffy cheered before tearing into the all-too-fresh flesh.

My heart throbbed as Luffy devoured the simultaneously prehistoric-yet-contemporary remains. "Farewell, Rexy," I sighed miserably. "You were a dear friend and a faithful steed. You will be missed."

"Zoro had to decapitate that thing when it tried to eat you after you dismounted it!" Usopp hollered in disbelief.

"I know, but still!" I protested petulantly. "For a brief, shining moment he was mine, and in that time we had a bond! Granted, it was a bond forged via Sanji kicking him into submission, but-!" I cut myself off with a scowl as Soundbite laughed on my shoulder, before gaining a contemplative look as an idea hit me.

"Besides..." I slowly started again. "That's not the important part. The important part was that he was a dinosaur. A dinosaur that I actually, legitimately rode. And in the end, riding a dinosaur..." I looked Usopp and Luffy dead in the eyes. "Is a Man's Romance."

The second the words left my mouth, Usopp and Luffy reeled back in shock, gasping deeply.

"A Man's Romance..." Luffy breathed in awe.

"Truly you do us all proud as a gender..." Usopp nodded respectfully.

I swept my hand across my waist as I fell into a bow. "Thank you, thank you, feel free to tip!"

"Hey, 'manly men!'"

We were jerked out of our conversation by an irritated interjection from Nami.

"If you're quite done worshipping Cross's manhood-!"

"HahahaHOOHOOHOOHEEHEEHEE!"

"Please stop, I think Soundbite's about ready to keel over..."

"-then Sanji's finished cooking the meat and we're about to have a meeting so we can discuss how the heck we're going to get off this island. Are you coming or what?"

"Right behind you, Na-miiii..." I choked off slightly as I caught sight of Nami's exposed stomach.

Specifically, the small black dot clinging to Nami's stomach.

The world seemed to gray out around me as I followed Nami on auto-pilot, my eyes trained firmly on the minuscule, practically unnoticeable, horrifically deadly dot that nobody but me had noticed.

This was it. Now or never. Crunch time.

If I stayed silent, then our navigator would suffer, brushing closer to the reaper then she ever would, at least, as far as I was aware.

If I said anything, then I would be condemning hundreds of people to death, as well as returning thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting civilians to the hands of a despot they were only just enjoying their freedom from.

In the end, it all boiled down to what I valued most: a crowd of faceless people, headed up by several well-defined individuals, or the very real, very present friend who was standing right before me.

Did I risk the one for the many... or did I sell the many for the one?

I was only just aware of someone's voice on the edge of my hearing. "-ross? Cross?"

Nami's form shifted slightly.

The dot started to twitch-

SLAP!

"OW!"

SMACK!

"OUCH!" I reeled back in shock as something slammed dead into my nose, causing me to stumble back.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, CROSS!?" Nami snarled furiously as she cradled her stinging midsection.

I blinked at her numbly for a second as I processed what had just happened before slowly holding up my hand, displaying the little puddle of ichor I could feel in the center of my palm. "Buh-bug..." I stammered weakly.

Nami blinked at me in shock. "Say wha- Oh ew!" she grimaced in disgust as she noticed the remains splattered on her. "That's... ugh, gross... Thanks a lot, Cross. Couldn't you have just warned me or something?"

"Sorry..." I breathed numbly. "Didn't... didn't think..." I weakly raised a finger and managed to gesture at Nami's stomach. "Did... did it... bite... you?"

"Uh...?" Nami poked at her stomach contemplatively for a moment before shaking her head. "No, I don't think so. Well, thanks for that, I guess. I'd probably be in some trouble if it actually managed to bite me, huh?"

"Some." I parroted weakly.

Nami eyed me suspiciously for a moment before shrugging dismissively. "Well, anyways, come on." She started to walk away, waving for me to follow. "In case you didn't notice, Sanji picked up an Eternal Pose for Alabasta that those animal assassins dropped. We're getting the heck off this rock, so move it, dinoboy!"

"Moving..." I mumbled, forcing my feet into motion as I followed behind the orange-haired woman.

As I walked, I slowly shifted my gaze back to my hand, staring at the ichor that painted my palm just as accusingly as a bloodstain.

As I moved, a singular thought ran through my head over and over again, loaded with a sick mixture of doubt, guilt and horror.

'What have I done...'

-o-

One kickass goldfish slaying and twenty-four hours later, we were on our way to Alabasta and I was leaning on the balustrade of the Merry's bow. At the moment, my mind was a million miles away, not out of boredom but out of sheer necessity, because I refused to even think about what I'd just done, the thousands I'd condemned, the sins I could literally feel crawling on my ba-!

THUNK!

I moaned into the Merry's woodwork as I thunked my forehead against the railing again. God damn it, I needed to find something to distract me, before I turned into a goddamn Linkin Park parody!

"Kaw, k-ello!"

My head snapped up as the sound of an albatross cawing thankfully managed to grab my attention. In a stroke of pure serendipity, a News Coo was flapping down to land on another part of the Merry's railing.

"Greetings!" The bird raised his wing to his cap in salute as he greeted me for a moment before jerking in shock. "Wait, wha-!?"

"Devil Fruit," I deadpanned as I pointed at Soundbite, who was sunning himself on the Merry's railing. "Don't question it, just enjoy the brief period of simplified communications."

"YOU'RE wel-COME!" the baby transponder snail sang cockily.

"Uh..." The Coo blinked in surprise for a second before smiling and saluting anew. "Works for me! Anyways..." He shifted his newspaper-laden satchel forwards and plucked one out, proffering it to me. "Morning edition, fresh off the presses! Only one hundred beris!"

"You got it, one second..." I replied as I started to pat myself down. I knew I had some cash or coin on me somewhere, I just had to find it. "While I've got you, I'm curious: how hard is your job? I mean, you fly over the Grand Line, after all. The air's as crazy as the water, and I doubt a lot of pirates are willing to pay at the best of times."

The Coo blinked in surprise at my inquisitiveness before shrugging with a sheepish grin. "Eh, it's a job. And the living I was raised for. Honestly, the real danger is the orcas. Damn things just love to jump out and try to grab us, even when we're coasting a few hundred feet in the air. And sure, a few pirates... and a few ill-tempered marines... try to take swings or shots at us... sometimes successfully..." He raised his wing and showed off a half-dozen glistening scars on his flank. "But then we either blacklist their flags or report their ship-ID, so things work out."

I winced as I took in the poor bird's 'trophies'. "Harsh..." I brightened up as my fingertips came in contact with some paper in one of my jacket's pockets. "Here!" I withdrew a thousand-beri note and held it up for the Coo to see. "900 of that's all yours. Buy yourself some salmon or something, okay?"

The Coo blinked at the bill in shock before nodding eagerly. "T-thank you, sir! That means a lot to me!"

"Please, call me Cross." I smiled as I slipped the bill into his bag's coin slot and took one of his newspapers. "And good luck on the rest of your route, ah..."

"News Coo 1851, but, ah..." He slapped off another salute. "Call me Coo!"

"In that case, happy trails, Coo!" I said as I waved him off.

"You too, Cross!" the albatross waved as he flapped up into the air, soaring high and away in seconds. Damn. With that speed, I could see how people only rarely managed to hit them.

I hummed pleasantly as I unfolded my newspaper. "Well, that was nice."

"SYMPATHY for the FLYING RAT?" Soundbite snickered.

"Hey, watch it," I huffed as I rapped my knuckles on the gastropod's shell. "Show some respect, it takes guts to land on a ship flying a Jolly Roger."

"WHAT-ever," the snail sniffed in a teenage girl voice, angling his neck to give it more sun.

I rolled my eyes at the ungrateful slimeball before unfolding the newspaper and looking it over. "Let's see..." I mused as I scanned the front page. My eyes widened instantly as I read the headline. "Huh... 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo, huh? Well, it's better than 'the Cannibal', I guess, and 25 million's pretty damn respectable. Either way, welcome to the Grand Line, Romeo." I read the article a bit more and promptly winced. "Though you could stand to lower the body count a little bit..."

I flipped the page and kept reading. "Hmm... one ship lost in the Florian Triangle, loaded with..." I grit my teeth furiously. "Civilian passengers... damn it, Moriah... tsk, what else? Escalation in a rebellion in the West Blue, Revolutionaries have made a move in the South, and... eesh..." I shuddered at the next article. "Captain Eustass Kidd's bounty, escalated to 110 million after... oh, now that's just wrong..." I knew he had a reputation, but come on, a potato peeler and a corkscrew!? Who did stuff like that!? Well, besides the World Nobles, anyways... wait, what about Killer? Shouldn't he be-?

"Oh hell no!" I choked out as I hastily changed the page. That was just-! I froze as I read the article. Oooooh boy...

I hastily tapped on Soundbite's shell. "Connect me to Zoro and Nami, discreetly."

"DON'T wann-!"

I snatched the snail off the railing and held him up to my scowling face. "I'm not asking, I'm telling. Connect me or learn the real definition of dehydration via salt. Now!"

Soundbite blinked at me in fearful confusion before glancing at the newspaper I was strangling. "Bad?"

I held up the article in question for him to see. "Deadly. Now connect me."

Soundbite scanned the article's title for a moment before widening his eyes in shock and letting loose an electronic whine. "You're live."

"Nami, Zoro, come up to the-!"

"Hey Cross!" I jumped as Luffy's voice spoke up behind me, my Captain striding past me and leaping onto his spot on Merry's head. "Whatcha doin'?"

I hesitated for a brief moment as I stared at him before coming to a simple decision: honesty above all else. "I'm meeting with Nami and Zoro somewhere private about a secret that nobody else can learn about no matter what. I'd let you in on it, but..." I shrugged with a sheepish grin. "You're a bit of a blabbermouth, so..."

Luffy blinked at me in surprise before grinning. "Oh, okay! Thanks for telling me! See ya later! Hope your top-secret meeting goes well!"

"Yeah, see you." I waved at Luffy absentmindedly as I walked down the stairs before returning my attention to the snail. "Sorry about that. Meet me at the stern as soon as you can, and try and be discreet. This..." I glanced at the newspaper I was holding uneasily. "This isn't good news I'm carrying."

I only had to pace around for a minute on the Merry's quarterdeck before I was joined by the crew's second and first mates.

"What's wrong, Cross?" Nami asked in concern.

Zoro was far less cordial. "You'd better have a damn good reason for waking me up, Cross."

In lieu of response, I held up my fist and proffered the newspaper I was strangling. "Read," I ordered firmly.

Zoro blinked at me in dull surprise before taking the newspaper and giving it a cursory glance. "And we should care about this 'Kidd' brat... why?"

"Other page, dingus!" I snarled.

"Cross!" Nami exclaimed, staring at me in shock.

I jerked for a brief moment before looking away with a sigh. "I... sorry, sorry, it's just... this is... it's bad. Real bad. Turn... turn the page."

Zoro flipped the page... and promptly stiffened in shock. "Oh boy..."

"Huh? What is it?" Nami asked in confusion.

Zoro held up the article for her to see. Her eyes scanned the headline only to widen in horror. "T-three hundred thousand!?" she sputtered in disbelief.

I shook my head with a sigh as I resumed pacing across the deck. "I asked Vivi how things were a week ago. She said the odds stood at six hundred thousand to four in favor of the Royal Guard. Now with this..." I grimaced darkly for a second before shaking my head firmly. "I can't hide this from everyone, and it wouldn't be right to anyways. We're the top mates of this ship, and the only reason I haven't told Luffy is that he can't zip his lips to save his life." I looked at them firmly, one after the other. "We keep this quiet until we can't, agreed?"

The two glanced at one another for a moment before shrugging in agreement.

"Sounds good to me," Nami nodded.

"You're throwing around a lot of weight for a third mate, you know that?" Zoro observed with a cocked eyebrow but no real heat.

That drew a cocky grin from me. "It's not like we even remotely resemble a traditional ship. 'Sides." My grin grew wider. "Three's better than one, no?"

Zoro scoffed with a grin as he turned around and started to walk away. "Cocky brat..."

I chuckled slightly and started to follow him oh geeze.

I only just managed to catch myself on the Merry's railing as I started to keel over. Sweet hell, what was that? Felt like I was floating for a second there...

"Cross?"

"Huh?" I blinked as Nami landed her hand on my shoulder, the navigator looking at me in concern.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worry creeping into her voice.

"Uh..." I stared at her for a second before shaking my head and pulling myself upright. "I... yeah, yeah. Merry must have hit a bad wave or something, who knows. But ah... no, no, I'm... I'm fine."

Nami looked me over silently for a moment before nodding uneasily. "Well... alright... if you say so..." And with a final backwards glance, she walked away.

Soundbite looked me up and down uneasily. "YOU really okay?"

"Uh..." I stood silent for a moment before giving him a questioning look. "I... think so? I... I didn't get bitten, right? Nothing landed on me back on Little Garden?"

"Nope NOPE!"

"Then, uh..." I nodded firmly as I started walking. "Yeah, yeah, I think I'm good."

Soundbite eyed me skeptically nonetheless.

"Now then..." I scanned the deck for a moment before focusing on Usopp with a grin. "Hey, long-nose!"

"I've already got beef with your snail, do you want me to hate you too!?"

"Whatever, just clam it and listen: I wanna commission some... protection."

-o-

The same time the next day, I was sitting at the kitchen table, my forehead resting on the edge of the woodwork as I nursed a wicked headache.

I couldn't even begin to explain where the damn migraine had come from, just that one second I was fine, the next it felt like someone was trying to drive a railroad spike into my skull... that or someone was just doing their little best to dig their way out.

I moaned plaintively as I rubbed my throbbing temples. Christ, I swear, if Zoro somehow managed to give me a migraine with alcohol fumes alone...

All of a sudden, my stomach growled and flat out twisted, prompting me to grimace miserably. Sweet holy blue hell, did Sanji sneak biscuits into my food again or something!? One of these days that curly blond bastard's culinary experiments were going to kill me.

"-ross? Hello, Cross?"

"Huh-what?" I jerked my head up in surprise, blinking in shock as I took in the rest of the crew standing around me. "Uh... what are... when did you all get here?"

Some of the savvier crewmembers glanced at each other before eyeing me warily.

"We've been trying to get your attention for the past minute, Cross," Vivi started slowly. "You called us in here, remember?"

"Ah..." I attempted to collect my thoughts, a task made difficult by the pain fogging up my head. Ultimately, though, I managed to make the connections I needed and grinned sheepishly. "Ah, right, right. Sorry about that. I've been... feeling a little under the weather recently. Probably just not handling the climate change well or something..."

"Riiiight..." Nami drawled slowly, obviously not believing a word I said. "Anyways, you said it was important?"

"Uh..." I blinked for a second before nodding firmly. "Right, right, very important. Alright, listen: it's about the crew. Or rather, us needing a new crewmate. A new crewmate to... to fill a role."

"And that role would be...?" Sanji trailed off curiously.

"Simple," I pointed at the cook. "What we need is a... is... is a... uh..." I slowly trailed off in confusion. Wait, what was I... talking about? Ergh, my head's... fuzzy...

"Cross?" Nami shook my shoulder slightly.

"Doctor!" I jerked my head up, thankfully managing to clear the fog out of my head. "We-we need a doctor onboard it's... it's very...very dangerous to sail without one. We need one... um..." I grimaced slightly as I rubbed my suddenly throbbing eyeballs. "Need one... right away..."

"You think-?" Whatever was being spoken, I lost track halfway through as a slight whine started to build up in my ears before dying down.

"Ah... sorry, what was that?" I asked uncomfortably as I shook my head. Damn it, what was wrong with me!?

"Do you really think you're doing that bad?" Usopp asked in concern.

"Wh-huh? Me?" I asked in confusion as I pointed at myself. Or... tried to point at myself... damn my arms were heavy... "N... no, no, I'm... I'm doing fine... I... I just meant in general, you know? Things are... are getting dangerous, so we need someone to... to, uh... uh.." I grimaced and shook my head firmly. "What... what was I saying?"

"Cross, you look really sick..." Vivi made to touch me.

"Ah, no, no..." I protested weakly as I waved her off. "I-I'm fine, see?" I started to push myself up to my feet. "Perfectly fi-!" I only just managed to catch myself and lean on the table as the world lurched beneath me.

"Hey, Cross, you alright!?" Luffy asked nervously.

"Um... uh... I ah..." I shook my head blearily as the fog encroached further. Was it just me or were... things getting a little... blurry...

"Actually... I'll, ah... I'll be honest..." I managed to work out as I painstakingly raised a hand to my forehead. "I... I don't... feel so..."

Without warning, the world turned sideways and something thunked against my head. The last thing I saw as darkness leaked into my vision was feet rushing around in front of me.

I could just feel someone... shaking me... somewhere...

And then nothing.

-o-

"...is really... could be... don't know..."

"...if we...? ...can't do..."

I blinked numbly at the wooden ceiling of the Merry's kitchen as I slowly came back to reality, fragments and snippets of voices echoing against my skull. I tried to lean up, but immediately froze as pain rattled my everything.

'Sweet Christ on a pikestaff...' I thought miserably. 'This must be how Crocodile felt after going two rounds with Luffy. Damn sandy bastard that he was... is... whatever...'

"..uh? Cr...? ...oss? ...re you al...?"

I turned my head towards the source of the voice shit shit shit hurts hurts HURTS!

Black again.

-o-

"No... how we can... im."

Huh... that sounded like... Nami.

"... to find a... doctor to... cure..."

And was that...Vivi?

I stared at the ceiling for a second before I managed to piece together what I was hearing.

I hissed in a sharp breath as I started to lean up, ignoring the pain wracking my body. 'No...' I thought to myself as I winced painfully. 'I... I wasn't bitten... I don't have Kestia. I can't let Vivi decide this without knowing everything.'

"...ross? ... is he talk...? What's..."

"...don't kn..."

"The desk..." I interrupted weakly as I sat up, rubbing my throbbing skull in an attempt to dissipate the pain. "Check... check Nami's desk... the... newspaper..."

"Cross..." I was aware of Nami putting her hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure...?"

I shook my head firmly. "She... she shouldn't say anything either way... without knowing everything. That... that wouldn't be right..."

"Huh?" I could hear a hint of confusion in Nami's voice. "But didn't you already-?"

"No... th-this can't be!"

I shifted my head enough to stare at Vivi, who had slumped to her knees in horror. "The... the Royal Guard..." she breathed, a myriad of emotions muddling her voice.

I winced slightly at the grief-stricken expression the princess was wearing. 'Damn... I wonder which is worse: the idea the guards she's lived with her whole life are abandoning her family... or the fact that her best friend is the one who got them to defect...'

"...is he...?"

"...could he-!?"

I shook my head firmly as I realized that they were still talking around me. "Sorry we didn't tell you... Just... didn't want you to worry any more..." I ground out. "Look... whether or not we find a doctor..." I ground out. "Is up to you. You know that... things are worse... and there's always... a chance that... I could get better..."

'I might not be native, but I'm no Martian. I doubt I'll just keel over from the common cold... though I wouldn't protest getting to Drum before Wapol...'

"What you have is a lot worse than a stupid cold, Cross!" Nami protested.

I blinked at her in confusion. Where had that non-sequitur come from?

Before I could say anything, though, Vivi spoke up.

"You're right... we need to get to Alabasta as soon as possible..." The princess looked up from the paper with determination burning in her eyes. "And that means we get all hands on deck as soon as possible. We'll find you a doctor, Cross, I promise."

I allowed a smile to slide over my lips. "Thanks Vivi... that means a lot to me..."

'Hang on, Chopper, we're on our way...'

"-ait, wh-?"

As my vision started to go black again, I actually welcomed it. My intestines had picked this moment to start dancing the can-can, and I did not want to be conscious for that.

If the parting sounds I heard my body making were anything to go by, there'd be hell to pay for it later.

-o-

I was reawakened by my skull bouncing off one of the sides of my bed as the ship shook violently.

"What the...?" I bit out miserably.

"Cross! Are you alright?" Vivi stood over me nervously, pressing down on my chest. "Don't move, you're in bad condition!"

"What... what's going on?" I managed to grind out.

"I..." Vivi glanced over her shoulder nervously. "I don't know. Things just suddenly became active and... I just don't know..."

I tried to focus on Vivi... and stiffened as I caught sight of what she was wearing.

'Winter clothes... that means the temperature's dropping... we're getting close to Drum... wait a... shit, that must be Wapol!' I made to get up, in spite of my body's protests. 'Damn it, I need to warn them somehow, can't let that tin bastard get his jaws on Merry!'

"Wait... Wapol!?"

I blinked up at Vivi in confusion. 'Wait, how-?' I shook my head dismissively. 'Must have heard his voice, not like he's quiet or I can hear shit...' "Who's Wapol?" I fudged curiously.

Vivi gave me a... look I couldn't quite identify before swallowing and looking away. "I'm going to leave you for a second. Do you think you'll be alright?"

I gave Vivi a sickly grin. "Hundred beris says I won't even be awake when you get back..."

As if on cue, a spike of pain shot through my forehead, and things started to go black.

"I win..." I sang drunkenly before going back under anew.

-o-

"-ross! Hey, hey, Cross!"

The next time I woke up, it was to Luffy shaking me awake in an unfamiliar, albeit pleasantly warm, bed.

"Huh-wha...?" I blinked numbly. "Wh... where am I?"

"Cross, listen," Luffy asserted firmly. "We found an island, but there's only one doctor here, who lives on top of a mountain. So, we're gonna climb it."

"SAY WHAT!?"

I tuned out the rest of the crew as they started to argue with Luffy, trying desperately to dissuade him from his insane course of action. Instead, I took in the hut I was situated in: it was... nice. Rustic, I definitely wouldn't mind living here some time.

'So this is the village Dalton's staying in, huh?' I thought blearily, my train of thought wandering aimlessly. 'What was it called again? Bigtooth? Bigfur? Eh, whatever... wonder if I should get Luffy to ask around a bit? Dunno how much difference knowing where Ace is would make though... After all, we'll see him anyways...'

I was drawn out of my head by the feeling of something nudging against my shoulder. Twisting my neck slightly, I blinked as I managed to catch sight of Soundbite sitting next to me on the bed, trying to draw my attention.

I blinked at him in confusion for a moment before shooting a tired grin at him. "Hey buddy... how you been?"

Soundbite shot me a shaky smile. "I'M good..." His smile died into a grimace. "You're not..."

"Yeah..." I winced and rubbed my face miserably. "That's for damn sure... Don't worry though, the crew's gonna fix me right up. It's... not gonna be easy though..." I shot a hopeful grin at him as I held out my palm. "Feel up to braving the elements with me?"

Soundbite shot a glance at the snow-laden window before smirking and sliding onto my palm. "Let's do it!"

"Sounds like a plan..." I chuckled as I slid him into one of my coat's inner pockets. I then proceeded to cough loud enough to draw attention to me. "Hey... could I... see that mountain you were talking about?"

"Yeah, sure thing!" Luffy agreed eagerly, sliding under my arm and painstakingly helping me to the window.

There in the distance were the Drum Rockies. They were... glorious... majestic... ah... um... screw it, no way in hell I could be anywhere close to poetic with my head and intestines enacting their suicide pact.

Instead, I settled for giving the geologically hazardous mountains an analytical once-over. "Sheer rock faces?"

"Looks like it!" Luffy confirmed with a grin.

"Inhospitable temperatures?"

"I think I might have frostbite already, and that's just down here..." Usopp whimpered miserably.

"Ravenous beasts?"

"I heard ten SPECIES ON THE WAY HERE ALONE! WANTED TO EAT US ALIVE!" Soundbite provided eagerly.

"So... overall, it's a deathtrap?"

"That's... a bit much, but accurate," someone, Dalton most likely, provided.

I was silent for a moment before slowly turning my head to look at the rest of the crew as a goofy grin slid across my face. "Is it my birthday?" I sang dizzily.

"Oh god..." Nami and Usopp groaned miserably.

"Woohoo! We're going up!" Luffy whooped eagerly.

"Woo-!" I threw my arms up alongside his... and promptly started tilting over as my vision turned black. "Oh son of a-!"

Once more unto the breach... damn it, I don't even like Star Trek!

-o-

I woke up once again to howling winds and frost biting and nipping at my skin. I blinked at the void I saw stretched out beneath me for a moment, before I was suddenly jerked and a blob of yellow moved in front of my vision.

Acting on impulse, I snapped my hand out and plucked a very important straw hat out of the air.

"Pfffhahahahaaaa..." I wheezed breathlessly as I twisted my torso back and plopped the hat back on Luffy's head. "Careful, captain... what kind of king would you be if you lost your crown?"

"Thanks Cross..." Luffy mumbled out around Sanji's coat. "How're you doin'?"

"Me? Ahh..." My head was burning up, my throat was sore, my intestines were trying to set a world record in knot-tying...

I turned my head around and stared down at the ground, far, far below us. I grinned as wide as I could manage. "I'm on top of the world, cap'n, or at least, I'm halfway there..." I looked at our unconscious cook, who was literally hanging on by the skin of his teeth. "Sanji's not looking that good though... why's he here anyway? Nami browbeat him into going or something?"

"Nah..." Luffy grit out. "He said that..."

"Snailmail might not be a lovely lady, but right now that doesn't matter."

I blinked as Sanji's voice sounded out around us. "Soundbite?"

"What does matter is that he's a brother in arms and a damn good friend. What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if I just left him to die? Besides," I could practically see his smirk, lit cigarette still blazing between his teeth. "If I left him to our idiot captain, we'd get him back in pieces!"

"Awww..." I crooned roguishly.

"N-n-never g-g-gonna L-L-LET HIM L-L-LIVE IT D-D-DOWN?"

"Not on your life..." I snickered back.

"Heheheh..." Luffy chuckled slightly before wincing. "Don't make me laugh... could drop Sanji..."

"Sorry about that..." I winced apologetically. I then blinked as I noticed something else. "Hey... how come we aren't moving?"

Luffy shuddered violently, but it didn't change the fact that we weren't going up any further.

I stared in confusion for a second before grimacing furiously. "Damn it, come on, Luffy, are you really going to let a mountain beat you?"

All I got was heavy panting in response.

I was silent for a moment before craning my neck back, staring at the stormy clouds high above us. "Come on, Luffy... It's only what, half a mile to the top? Little more? Less?"

"'unno..." Luffy shrugged weakly.

"Then why don't you make it up there in one go?"

"Sanji said that doing anything tough could hurt you."

"Screw that noise..." I scoffed. "Sanji and I are tough as nails. Kick this thing's ass in one last blow..."

Luffy stiffened for a moment before twisting his head to blink at me. "You sure?"

"Hell. Yes."

My captain was silent for a moment... before a fire suddenly raged in his eyes. "Hold on tight."

I dug my fingers into his jacket. "Holding."

Luffy snorted out a furious breath before kicking out from the cliff-face and dropping down what felt like over a dozen metres at once.

"GUM-GUM!"

I grinned madly for a moment... before scowling as darkness started to creep in. "Oh come on, now!?" 'Ergh... when I wake up, it'd better be to either a badass monster reindeer or to an old hag...'

"ROC-!"

Night night.

-o-

I cracked my eyes open and leaned up with a jaw-breaking yawn as I awoke... and promptly jerked back in shock with a strangled yelp as I caught sight of the terrifying visage in front of me.

"Are you the grim reaper?" I whispered in dull horror.

"Kak kak kak kak! That old bastard only wishes he looked as good as me!"

I heaved a sigh of relief as I slapped a hand to my chest. "Thank god. I'm too badass to die..."

"HE LIES!"

"Soundbite!" I smiled as I scooped the baby transponder snail off my bedpost. "Thank god you made it, who else would keep me honest?"

"YOU'D be dead as a doornail without me!" Soundbite cackled.

"Or me, brat." The ancient yet somehow youthful woman who'd saved me smirked as she held out a hand. "Doctor Kureha, your attending physician."

I took said hand and shook it gingerly. "Jeremiah Cross, your very thankful patient. Sorry if this seems rushed, but mind if I ask for my prognosis?"

"Give it to me straight, doc!" Soundbite sobbed through his toothy grin. "Will ah ever be able to play the violin again!?"

"Well, your snail's sense of humor is a lost cause, but I think you already knew that..." Kureha mused as she cocked an eyebrow at Soundbite.

"It was long-rotten when I found him, doc," I stated with a shrug and a sigh, ignoring the chorus of raspberries Soundbite blew in response.

"And as for you," Kureha looked at me dead on. "You're currently processing a battery of antibiotics to combat the bacteria in you. You'll need to be kept under observation for a few days, but overall, you seem to be in good condition."

I sighed in relief as I allowed myself to relax. "Thank god again..." I looked at her in concern. "And... my friends?"

"The curly-browed one wrecked his back something fierce and the boy with the straw hat has some of the worst frostbite I've seen in years, but they'll both pull through. The straw hat boy..." She grinned toothily as she took a swig from the bottle she was carrying. "He's something, isn't he?"

"Why do you think he's the current number one contender for King of the Pirates?" I asked with a smile of my own.

Kureha's laughter intensified, and her smile doubled in size.

As she laughed, I allowed myself to muse for a bit. 'Wonder what I had... I checked myself twice after we left Little Garden, I couldn't have gotten Kestia...'

"You didn't."

"Huh?" I looked up at Kureha in confusion.

"You didn't have Kestia," she explained with a shrug. "Don't know how you know that name, but what you got was damn close." She jabbed me in the stomach with her bony finger. "A waterborne bacteria known as vibrio cholerae primogenitalis, also known as Primal Cholera. Think of it as Cholera's badass ancestor. If it'd stuck around in you without the right treatment for a day longer, you'd be a dead man walking. No clue how you'd get it though. Not like you'd do anything so stupid as gulp down still water on a prehistoric island though, would you?"

"You'd be surprised," I grumbled darkly as I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. "To be fair, though, it was an accident. See, I was running from a pair of assassins and-GRGGGH!" I cut myself off with a choked squawk as I processed our conversation. Shivering fearfully, I looked at Kureha in confusion. "How... how did you know that I was thinking about Kestia?"

Kureha shrugged indifferently as she took a swig from her bottle. "Because you weren't thinking about it, you were talking about it."

I could all but literally feel the blood escape my face. "I... I said that. Out loud."

"Kak kak kak," Kureha chuckled unforgivingly. "Yes you did, boy. One of the symptoms of Primal Cholera? It gives you a mild brain fever that lowers some of the barriers in your brain. Patients have been recorded unwittingly speaking their minds. Literally. And not just in those rare moments of consciousness, either. "

I drew in a shuddering, desperate breath. "You... you mean... the entire time I've been sick, I've been running my damn mouth!?"

"Yes, yes you have."

My blood froze at the far too familiar voice that spoke up off to my side.

Moving very slowly, I turned my head and stared.

Sanji met my gaze coolly as he leaned in the doorway, puffing on a cigarette.

"We need to talk, Cross."

I shuddered violently in terror before slowly turning my gaze on Kureha.

"You wouldn't happen to advocate euthanasia by any chance, would you?"

"KAK KAK KAK KAK KAK!"