Chapter 11 - Little Garden Pt 2

I fought to control my breathing as I eyed the two agents not two feet in front of me. Luckily, they looked just as surprised as I felt, but if the sadistic looks that were slowly spreading across their faces were anything to go by, that wouldn't last long.

Desperate to buy time, I hastily plastered a desperate smile on my face. "I don't suppose the words 'parlay' hold any water with you two, do they?"

Miss Valentine promptly swung her head back in a cackle. "Kyahaha! Oh, you poor little dead man, we are so far beyond that!"

"Especially after that stunt your friend pulled back in Whiskey Peak," Mr. 5 grunted as he scratched the back of his head irritably. "No, you're going to be a stain on the trees when we're through with you, no doubt about it."

"Fun..." Soundbite growled darkly.

Before the pair could start to approach me, I hastily waved my hands frantically. "Wait-wait-wait-wait! Before you try and, well, smear me over a square kilometer of jungle, can I at least say something I think you two should be aware of?"

5 and Valentine glanced at each other in both confusion and annoyance for a second before shrugging indifferently.

"Sure, why not?" Valentine chirped in a faux-saccharine voice. "It's only right to hear a dead man's last words!"

Steeling my nerves, I widened my grin malevolently and glanced at Soundbite. "Care to do the honors?"

Catching on, the snail's grin matched mine as he started to sing a very familiar tune: "CROC-O-DILE, CROC-O-DILE, Mister ZERO is CROC-O-DILE!"

The Officer Agents stiffened in shock as they processed what they were hearing, connections and realizations forming in their minds.

I allowed myself to relax ever so slightly at their expressions. "Welcome to our boat, you two. Now, you've got two options: join us and help tear Baroque Works to pieces, or stay your course and get 'dealt with' by the 4 through 1 teams, if the desert Croc doesn't decide to deal with you himself."

Valentine looked on the verge of panic for a bare moment before she was distracted by 5 snapping his fingers in her face. The dark-skinned man gave her a flat look before gesturing at the treeline around us. She and I looked up in confusion, but after a minute of searching I still couldn't-!

Valentine and I made the connection simultaneously, the cheery woman grinning sadistically while I simply chose to let out a huff of exasperation. "Tsk... those pests really are unlucky..." I grumbled. "There when you need them the least, nowhere to be seen when you need them the most. Damn it..."

"Well, now that your little ploy has backfired spectacularly, guaranteeing that we really will kill you," Mr. 5 growled as he dug his finger in his nose. "Any actual last words?"

I tried to smile, I really, really did... but in the end, I was no D. I swallowed and grimaced fearfully as I took a step back. "Any chance you could make this fast?"

Valentine's smile sadistic from ear-to-ear, sadistic bloodlust present in every inch of her being. "Not in this life."

The pair took a step towards me...

And promptly jumped as the sound of undergrowth and vegetation snapping and tearing erupted behind them, followed swiftly by the sound of something very big breathing and sniffing at the air.

As the pair started to look behind themselves, I glanced at Soundbite at the same time that he glanced at me. The second our eyes met, an unspoken message passed between us.

"Stop!" I hissed, pumping as much desperation and terror into my voice as I could while keeping the volume extremely low. "Don't. Move. And don't. Make. A sound!"

The pair did as I ordered, freezing at my tone of voice.

"Listen to me very carefully..." I whispered, eyeing the jungle behind the two with borderline panic. "There is a Tyrannosaurus rex standing right behind you."

Valentine swallowed heavily, twitching slightly as she fought her obvious reaction. "When you say there's a T. rex..." she started at the same volume as me.

"I mean that at a glance, I'd say there are thirteen meters and fuck-you-tons of very hungry muscle and teeth standing a few feet behind you, now shut up and don't move!" I interrupted her desperately as the two started to turn around. "I think I read somewhere that a T. rex's vision is based on movement. So long as we stay still and stay quiet, there's a chance we'll walk away with all our limbs!"

Mr. 5 ground his teeth furiously for a moment, but promptly flinched as the sound of sniffing sounded out again. "And what if the damn thing manages to smell us?"

"Then we just need to be faster than you!" Soundbite intoned venomously.

"Can't you just blast it like you've been doing to the others!?" Valentine demanded frantically.

"The others didn't sneak up behind me and give me only a few feet of leeway!" 5 shot back. "If I'm not fast enough on the draw, then one of us'll be dino-chow!"

"Look, it's fine, alright!?" I whisper-shouted hurriedly. "W-we just need to wait until the damn thing loses interest and moves on, and then we'll be in the clear!"

Valentine made to respond, then shivered heavily as a particularly loud snort sounded above her umbrella. "And how long do you think that'll take!?" she hissed desperately, shivering in terror.

"With any luck?" I twitched my shoulders slightly in a shadow of a shrug, causing the Officers to tense up. "Not too soon, otherwise we're all dead-!"

BOOM!

It was a true testament to the steel of our wills - or perhaps the absolute terror we all felt - that none of us moved or made a sound as a volcano erupted somewhere in the distance. The ensuing roars of pride and the cacophony of trees snapping like toothpicks did little to aid with our countenance. For a moment, we stood tense, waiting for some sign that something else was about to happen. When nothing moved, we allowed ourselves to relax slightly...

"AH-CHOO!"

At which point Soundbite jerked and released a massive sneeze.

"GREEEEEEAAAARGH!"

"KYAAAAAH!" Miss Valentine shrieked at the top of her lungs, literally jumping several dozen feet in the air in her panic.

Mister 5, on the other hand, immediately swung around, whipping his finger out of his nose and firing his explosive boogers dead ahead, blasting the jungle to pieces. "NOSE FANCY CANNON!"

As for me?

The second the two had started moving, I'd pulled a 180 and started booking it through the jungle as fast as I could possibly go, pushing my body to put as much distance between me and those two whackjobs as was humanly possible.

After all, they would very soon find out that there was no T. rex, and I didn't intend to stick around to observe the very literal blast radius that would almost certainly ensue.

BOOM! A wave of hot, rushing air washed over my back. "YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!"

Called it!

"PIRATE, JACKASS! THAT'S OUR WHOLE SCHTICK!" I fired back at him.

"EAT THIS!"

I winced as the ground just behind me was blown to kingdom come before smirking back at the bomber. "HAS ANYONE ELSE TOLD YOU YOU HAVE AN EXPLOSIVE TEMPER, OR AM I THE FIRST?" I hollered over my shoulder. "AT THE LEAST, SOMEBODY HAS TO HAVE TOLD YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT ALL THAT BRI-!"

"10,000 KILO-PRESS!" CRASH!

"-AGH!" I yelped, jumping forwards hastily as the canopy above where I'd been moments ago imploded, allowing the world's most literal bombshell blonde to crush the space I'd occupied less than a second prior.

"I am going to crush you piece by piece!" Miss Valentine snarled at me, veins clearly standing out on her forehead.

"You'll need to catch me first!" I shot back as I weaved through the treeline.

"RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can!" Soundbite chortled.

"Wish granted! 1 KILO-SPRINT!"

Before I could react a blur of yellow sprinted past me at inhuman speeds. Valentine promptly spun around and slid to a stop, kicking up a dust cloud as she held her arm out. "1,000 KILO-LARIAT!" she spat venomously.

Barely even thinking, I hastily tried to dig my heels into the earth in an attempt to kill my momentum before I rammed face-first into what was no doubt a very hard limb. Thankfully for me, the soil I was running on was just loose enough that when I 'applied the brakes', so to speak, it gave way, causing me to fall on my ass and go under the Agent's arm in a pale imitation of a baseball slide.

Before Valentine could react properly, I'd scrambled back to my feet and taken off again, weaving through the densest vegetation I could find. Soundbite aided in my escape just as much, if the sounds of running that were coming from all sides were anything to go by.

After a minute or so, I heard the telltale sounds of someone else giving pursuit, far too close to me for comfort. Thinking fast, I ducked into the closest bush I could find and pressed myself to the ground, trying to control my breathing. The volume that my heart was pounding at wasn't doing my psyche any favors.

I tensed as Mr. 5's voice suddenly shouted through the jungle. "DO YOU SEE HIM, MISS VALENTINE?"

My blood practically froze as Miss Valentine's voice came from somewhere much closer. "NOT YET, MISTER FIVE, BUT I'M NOT STOPPING UNTIL I HAVE THAT BASTARD'S SKULL BENEATH MY HEEL!"

'Oh go to hell!' I thought furiously to myself. I then blinked as an idea struck me. "Soundbite," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth.

The snail glanced at me furtively, blinking to acknowledge that he'd heard.

"Valentine's voice coming from her direction to 5, but don't let her hear it!"

A few moments later, a telltale electronic whine told me I was good to go.

"I'VE GOT HIM, MISTER FIVE!" I faux-hollered as quietly as I could, allowing Soundbite to handle the rest. "HE'S IN THIS GENERAL AREA! FLUSH HIM OUT!"

"ON IT! DOUBLE NOSE FANCY-!"

"Wait, wh-!? MISTER FIVE, WAI-!"

"CANNON!"

BOOM!

I flinched as a section of the jungle that was far too close for comfort was suddenly immolated.

"ARGH!"

I blew a sigh of relief as I heard Valentine screech in pain, hastily taking the opportunity to crawl out of the bush and creep away in a crouch.

Meanwhile, behind me, the duo reunited.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?"

"What the-!? Why didn't you get out of the blast radius, Valentine!?"

"I wasn't the one who called for the damn attack!"

"What are you-! That damn snail!"

"Don't worry, there's a bright side: that bastard isn't as subtle as he thinks he is. I've got his trail! This way!"

I barely managed to refrain from cursing as I heard the Agents start to head in my direction again. Acting out of desperation, I started to stand up and run...

"ACK!" SPLASH!

And promptly caught my foot on a root and landed face-first in a very disgusting puddle of water. Sputtering and hacking furiously, I started to push myself up... and immediately winced as Soundbite sank his teeth into the side of my neck. "What the hell are you-!?"

"Stop! Don't. Move. And don't. Make. A sound!" Soundbite hissed in my voice, sliding off my shoulder and coating himself in the muck we were laying in.

I stared at him in confusion for a moment before managing to actually catch sight of the grime: a viscous brown-and-green liquid... that was colored a lot like what I was wearing.

Before I could react further, the two current banes of my life spoke up literally five feet away from me. Acting out of desperation, I pressed myself as deep into the muck as I could allow, leaving myself just enough space to breathe.

"Tsk... damn it... I can't find any more tracks, you?"

"Same here. No matter, he must be hiding somewhere... Flush him out, Mister Five!"

"On it, Miss Valentine. NOSE FANCY CARPET BOMBING!"

I was barely able to contain my wince as yet another explosion shook the world, followed closely by another, and another... it was with grim resignation that I realized that the explosions were slowly starting to come closer and closer to me.

"Kyahahaha!" Valentine's by-now-sickening cackle wafted through the air. "You might as well give up now, snail-man! Who knows? Maybe I'll show you some mercy if you surrender!"

"I certainly won't," came Mr. 5's bone-chilling follow up.

Yet another explosion erupted, only this time, it literally shook my world, on account of being a mere few feet in front of my face.

My heart pounded furiously in my chest as I tensed up. Whether I was preparing to bolt or preparing to endure a point-blank explosion, I'm not entirely sure myself. But in the end... it didn't matter.

"What in the blue hell do you two think you're doing!?"

My opinions on the new voice were mixed. On the one hand, I was no longer in danger of being blasted into paste. On the other, having Mr. 3 get involved in this clusterfuck did not seem like much of an improvement to the situation.

"M-M-Mister 3 sir!" Miss Valentine stammered fearfully. "W-We happened to encounter one of the Straw Hat Pirates and were giving pursuit, but he managed to hide! W-we were just-!"

"Announcing our presence to the giants," 3 cut her off firmly, his voice brooking absolutely no argument. "Have you forgotten that in order for our operation to be successful, we must maintain our anonymity at all costs?"

"Which is why we need to find the pirate!" Mr. 5 cut in hastily. "If he gets away-!"

"Was this pirate," I could hear the sneer in 3's voice as he interrupted. "One of the priorities?"

"N-no? He was just-"

"And did he have any Devil Fruit powers?"

"Uh... no?" Valentine answered hesitantly. "But this transponder snail he has does..."

"Irrelevant." The lump of mud that was Soundbite twitched slightly, but thankfully remained silent. "The point is that he's a normal human wandering around in a prehistoric jungle, most likely with no idea of where he is. We don't need to hunt him down, we just need to let nature run its course. Besides, even if he survives, he will be too preoccupied doing so to do anything to help his comrades. He is not a priority."

"But-!"

I heard the sound of… actually, I had no idea what that sound was, but it shut Mr. 5 up very quickly. Going by the sounds of struggling and muffled screaming I could hear, I assumed that it was Mr. 3's wax powers at work.

"This is not up for discussion. You two imbeciles have wasted enough time already. Get to your positions, and capture the princess. Now."

A few moments later, twin gasps sounded out, followed by desperate hacking and wheezing.

"Oh, and before you go," Mr. 3 spoke up again, his voice devoid of emotion. "I just wanted you to be aware of something: should we fail and the pirates manage to escape... you will join my collection in their stead. Is that clear?"

5 and Valentine's heavy gulps were audible even to me. "Crystal, Mister 3."

"Perfect. Now move."

I tensed slightly as the Agents started moving, but allowed myself to relax when they moved away from me. After about a minute, any sounds of them faded into the ambient noises, before ultimately disappearing completely.

I gave them a minute more... then jerked up and out of the muck puddle with a desperate gasp, hacking and spluttering furiously in an effort to clear my mouth. "Oh dear mother of god that was too close..." I wheezed, heaving miserably.

"Worked, though!" Soundbite piped up as he shook both himself and his shell in an effort to dislodge the grime. "LITTLE HELP?"

"Yeah yeah, sure..." I picked the snail up and plopped him down on a nearby tree branch. I then proceeded to start working my coat off. "I'm gonna take a sec to try and get this gunk off of me. Do me a favor and keep an ear out for any creepy-crawlies?"

"You're GOOD!" Soundbite reassured me as he continued to shake himself down, dislodging substances from different parts of his shell.

"Perfect," I nodded as I started to shake my jacket out. I thanked my lucky stars that the Blue Seas textile industry was advanced enough to utilize polyester, or at least something like it; if this was going to become a trend, then I'd be out of jackets by Alabasta!

"By the way," I noted as I glanced up at Soundbite. "Nice going with Audiosaurus rex. Very innovative."

"THANKS! I'M just happy you MANAGED TO CATCH ON!" Soundbite chirped. "I WAS just following your advice AND USING MY ABILITY in unique ways!"

"Speaking of..." I grunted slightly as I balanced against a tree and worked one of my boots off, upending it and tapping it out firmly. "How'd you miss lady canary and the deadpan wonder?"

Soundbite promptly grimaced in embarrassment, retracting into his shell as he hocked out a bit more mud from within. "THEY WEREN'T speaking and there's too much data. IN THIS JUNGLE, THEY COULD HAVE BEEN anything from MONKEYS to hippos."

I shrugged as I slid my jacket back on. "Sounds rough, but hey, look on the bright side: you don't have to handle it alone, no?"

The transponder snail slid out of his shell and looked upwards in thought for a moment before grinning and nodding in agreement. "True, true! So..." He eyed me curiously. "WHAT NOW?"

"Now?" I picked up Soundbite and placed him on my shoulder before starting to make my way through the jungle towards one of the skull-mountains. "Now you ring up Pinky and the Brain so that we can fill in the rest of the crew about the fact that there are Baroque Works agents on this island who want not just our heads, but Dorry and Broggy's as well."

Soundbite's grin widened even further. "WAY AHEAD OF YOU!"

I glanced at the snail in confusion. "The heck are you talking about?"

Without warning, Soundbite's expression shifted to one of familiar concern. "He's talking about the fact that he's been blocking our voice for the past ten minutes!" he blurted out in Vivi's voice.

My jaw dropped open in shock. "Holy- you've been keeping the calls going this whole time!?"

"I MAKE multitasking LOOK GOOD!" Soundbite crowed.

"You can ring your own bell later, Soundbite," Nami ordered firmly. "Cross, are you alright?"

I blew out a heavy snort as I ran my fingers through my muck-ridden hair. "I reek like Zoro after a full hour of training and I might have shaved a year or two off my golden years, but... no, no, I think I'm good. What about the rest of you?"

"Nami and I are fine over here!" Usopp piped up. "We decided to stay put! Dorry and Broggy's duel ended in a draw a few minutes ago, and they sounded alright too."

"Carue and I are fine as well!" Vivi concurred. "Luffy tried to go and help you the second he heard you were in trouble, but..."

Suddenly, Soundbite belted out the sound of crashing trees and vegetation. "ALRIGHT, YOU BAST-! What the-!? Ah c'mon, not again!"

"Thank god for small mercies and Luffy's inability to tell left from his own ass..." Nami sighed in relief.

"Tell me about it..." I muttered to myself before raising my voice. "Hey Luffy, I'm fine, I managed to ditch them! For now, you need to stick with Vivi, they're specifically aiming for her. If you aren't around to protect her, then she's a dead woman. And!" I hastily spoke up before Luffy could protest. "If you stick around her, then chances are that sooner or later those Baroque bastards will come to you! Alright?"

"Mmmph..." Luffy grumbled juvenilely. "Well... I don't like it, but... ah, alright."

"Uh, that's great Cross," Usopp spoke up hesitantly. "But if Luffy's protecting Vivi and Zoro and Sanji are out who knows where for their hunting contest... then who the heck is protecting us?!"

"That'll be us, little long-nose! Right, Dorry?"

"Right you are, Broggy!"

I sighed in relief as the giants' voices came over the connection. "Glad to hear you two are still in one piece. How much did you hear?"

"Enough," Broggy grunted darkly. "To think someone would dare to interfere with our ancient duel..."

"If I had to guess, I'd say that they're after our bounties," Dorry grumbled. "Knowing the World Government, they're probably still active, even a hundred years after we were last seen."

"Whatever their reason, it doesn't matter!" Broggy asserted firmly. "If they wish to battle with warriors of Elbaf, then it is a battle we will give them!"

"Best not to just rush in ham-handed though, alright?" I cautioned. "We have no idea where they are, and at least two of them have Devil Fruit powers. That's a recipe for an ambush." I frowned, wondering how to reveal Mr. 3's powers before a stroke of inspiration hit me. "Vivi, you were investigating them, right? I don't suppose-?"

"R-Right! Um… well most of you have already seen Mr. 5 and Ms. Valentine. They're Officer Agents, Agents with numbers 5 and below. Most Officers have Devil Fruits, and these are no exception. Mr. 5's Boom-Boom Fruit allows him to detonate any part of his body like dynamite, and Ms. Valentine's Kilo-Kilo Fruit allows her to change her weight from one to 10,000 kilograms."

I frowned as I heard a sound in the background where Vivi was talking. Some kind of sloshing?

"As for the other pair… I know Mr. 3 uses the Wax-Wax Fruit, which does exactly what you'd think it does."

"Wait, that guy makes wax?!" Usopp wondered incredulously. "And he's higher-ranked than the guy who can blow up his body?"

"Never underestimate Devil Fruits, Usopp," I cautioned, still straining for that background noise. "An old adage concerning them is that there are no useless powers, only useless power-wielders. Just look at our captain if you need any convincing. I'm assuming this is the case here?"

"Y-Yes," Vivi stammered. "The wax he produces is so thick that it's as strong as steel, and he can freely shape it. One of the ways that comes up a lot is making wax swords. Very large, very deadly wax swords."

"... Okay, withdrawn," Usopp whimpered.

"Unfortunately, I don't know much about his partner, Ms. Goldenweek, just that she looks like a child and she's somehow capable of manipulating emotions with paint. Considering how the first time I saw her she was liberally swimming, I think it's not so much a Devil Fruit as it is some form of hypnosis."

There was a moment of silence before Nami and Usopp swallowed heavily. "Uh-oh..."

"What? What is it?" Carue quacked nervously.

"The last time Luffy went up against a hypnotist, things... didn't end well..." Nami hedged uncomfortably.

"Shishishi! I went on a rampage!" our captain provided cheerfully.

"THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, MORON!" the two other actual humans on the crew shrieked furiously.

"Well, either way, as dangerous as she and Mr. 3 are on their own, you need to be careful of what they can do together," Vivi warned us firmly. "Thanks to Goldenweek's paint, Mr. 3 can create wax mannequins of anyone he desires that are accurate in all but breathing. If you see someone standing stock still, run. Chances are that they're a trap."

"Bah! Then we'll just have to make sure to step on her first before she can paint anything! Right, Dorry?"

"Indeed, Broggy! Besides, even if the little human goes on a rampage, he should be containable." There was a loud thump on the other side of the line, like something heavy being dropped. "After all, he might have heart, but he's just a little tyke! GEGYAGYAGYA!"

I frowned as I listened to Dorry laugh. Something was off... it was almost as if he were... GARGLING!?

"Dorry, are you drinking something?!" I demanded hastily, fighting to keep the panic out of my voice.

"Hm?" the giant's voice jumped in surprise, followed by the sound of what was most likely an empty cask hitting the ground. "Just some ale Broggy and I picked up from your ship on the way back from our duel. We warriors of Elbaf always drink before our next fight! Why?"

My heart pounded in my chest as I fought my kneejerk reaction. "You got them from our ship, our abandoned ship that nobody's been standing guard on for the past hour."

"Yes, that's right, what of-?"

"Oh no..." Vivi breathed as she caught on to what I was saying. "MISTER DORRY! GET RID OF THAT BARREL, QUICK-!"

BOOM!

Soundbite and I jumped as an explosion echoed both in the distance and over the connection.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Usopp shrieked fearfully.

"Those bastards must have laced our barrels with explosives after we left the ship!" I explained, silently cursing myself for not picking up on what was happening sooner. Things were happening fast, way way too fast. "Vivi, for the love of god, tell me that thing didn't go off in his stomach!"

"No, no, it wasn't that bad, but..." I could hear the frustration in the princess' voice. "It went off right in front of his face. Broggy, h-he's breathing, but-!"

"Aye, don't worry about it, that's not the first explosion we've taken to the face and it won't be the last. He'll be groggy for a few days, but as long as he doesn't try to fight during that time he'll be fine."

As if on cue, there was a loud boom as one of the volcanoes erupted again.

"...sometimes, I respect Elbaf to death and back. Others, I think he simply enjoys picking on us."

All of a sudden, the sound of moaning came over the connection.

"M-Mister Dorry-!" Vivi stammered.

"What the heck!?" Carue squawked.

"Hey, Dorry's getting back up!" Luffy said eagerly.

There was a moment of silence before Broggy groaned warily. "...uh-oh..."

"What, what is it?" I asked hastily.

"If Dorry's not thinking straight, then there's a chance that he could go force himself into a-!"

"RAAAAAGH!"

I jumped as an infuriated roar ripped through the air from the direction of the skull-mountain, followed by the earth shaking repeatedly.

"Berserker rage. Damn it, Dorry!" Broggy cursed furiously.

"W-what the-!? Where are you going, Broggy!?" Usopp squawked.

"Dorry's going on a rampage! He won't stop until someone's stopped him the hard way!"

"But with the condition he's in-!" Nami started to protest before the giant cut her off.

"I won't actually try and hurt him! He's not in proper fighting condition, and he's certainly not in his right mind. There would be no honor in beating him as he is! I will hold him off and knock him unconscious. Straw Hat! You might be small, but... I believe that you are strong. Can I trust you to deal with the interlopers?"

There was a moment of silence. Then...

"HELL YEAH!" Luffy bellowed furiously.

"Very well then! I leave the rest to you! Good luck, Straw Hats! Now then, if you'll excuse me... RAAAAAAGH!" Broggy roared in turn, and the earth shook, harder and harder, until for the second time that day the titans clashed anew.

"Cross, I'm going after these guys," Luffy growled darkly. "You got a problem with that?!"

"Just give me a second to outline the plan, alright?" I hedged hastily.

"Hurry up!"

I flinched slightly at the impatient tone Luffy directed at me, but I shrugged it off. In the face of what had just happened, I'd probably want to punch someone in the face too. Matter of fact, I kind of did want to punch someone in the face, preferably someone whose codename was either a date or a number.

"Alright, the plan is simple..." I shrugged flatly, more for my benefit than anything else. "There is no plan. Run hog wild, just make sure you stick together while you do."

"Are you serious!?" Nami demanded incredulously.

"Deadly," I confirmed, my voice as even as possible. "The fact is that we're currently playing a hunting game with these bastards: we're hunting them, they're hunting us. We've got an advantage in that they don't know that we know they're hunting us, but because we won't be able to keep track of them easily, that's worth jack. As it is, our only option is to come at them harder than they can come at us. Just make sure that you don't get separated so that you can't be ambushed. In the meantime, Soundbite and I will try and find Zoro and Sanji so that we can warn them about what's going on. For now the name of the game is survival. Got it?"

"Right."

"Got it!"

"G-g-got it..."

"... watch your back, Cross."

"That's Soundbite's job, Nami," I joked. "Alright everyone, be careful and try and maintain transponder snail contact. Good luck and godspeed."

I picked up my pace, rounded a corner in the corridor of vegetation...

And promptly blinked in honest shock as I caught sight of the two figures that were sitting on a log not five feet in front of me. Before I could properly formulate a response, I found myself blurting the first thing that came to mind.

"I thought we shot your fur-coated asses down over Whiskey Peak."

If the way their sunglasses flashed was anything to go by, the Unluckies did not appreciate my comment.

For a minute, we just stood there, staring at one another. Everything was silent: the jungle, the the Unluckies, me... finally, I tilted my head towards Soundbite. "Can't you translate for them?" I demanded quietly.

"They ain't saying nothin' ABOUT NOTHIN'!" Soundbite hissed back in an equally disturbed tone of voice.

"Of course they're not..." I ground out.

Just as the staring contest was about to resume, the sound of vegetation snapping and crunching echoed from behind the animal assassins, though neither of them made to look at it, or even reacted in the slightest.

I, on the other hand, looked past them and promptly stiffened in shock.

"I don't suppose either of you would believe me if I told you that there was a Tyrannosaurus rex right behind you, would you?" I breathed.

Mr. 13 snapped his shell out into a pair of clawed bivalve seashells, while Miss Friday flared her wings and levelled a pair of high-calibre machine guns that were positioned on her back at my face.

I swallowed heavily before plastering what was most definitely a crazy grin on my face. "Your loss. Soundbite?"

My snail flashed a crazed grin of his own before sucking in a deep breath. "HEY! BIG GREEN AND UGLY!" he roared.

"GROOOOOAAAAAAAAR!"

Mr. 13 and Miss Friday both jumped clean off their log in terror when the massive tyrant lizard behind them stomped the earth and roared in response.

Before either they or the T. rex could react further, I dashed straight at the dinosaur, ducking beneath the reptilian titan's slavering jaws and darting between its legs and under its massive girth. It took all my nerve to keep from freezing as the prehistoric monstrosity's tail swished just above my head, mere inches from braining me. Once I was clear, I kept running, forcing myself through the jungle and as far from the three monsters behind me as I could get.

What followed is honestly kind of a blur. I know I was running for a long-ass time, and the sound of explosions and splintering trees were a constant companion, but a few select moments managed to stick out from the sheer chaos.

I remember slamming into Zoro, going too fast to stop, and luckily managing to plant my shoulder in the Calming Green painted on his back. Naturally, he nearly took my head off a few seconds after, and the sounds of fighting promptly drew us in opposite directions.

I remember getting cornered by Mr. 5, ready to hit me in the face with an explosive lariat, only for Usopp to hang himself upside down out of a tree and nail the assassin in the face with a rotten egg. The ensuing pursuit allowed me to slip away.

I remember Mr. 3, in his Candle Champion armor, fighting a running battle with Luffy and coming within feet of crushing me flat, only to fall flat on his ass as Soundbite goaded a small herd of Pachysee... Pachyche... headbutt dinosaurs into charging him.

I remember, for some odd reason, getting in a baton-to-staff-to-whatever-the-hell-those-things-were melee-a-trois between me, a shirtless Nami and a very exasperated Vivi while riding on Broggy's shoulder. Though now that I think about it, the combination of black and red that was smeared across our navigator's stomach might have had something to do with that particular debacle.

And, of course, it was rather hard to forget Soundbite leading all the combatants into a rousing dance number set to Gangnam Style. Though, to be fair, I might have taken a blow to the head just before that, so take that one with a grain of salt.

When things finally died down, I was left leaning heavily against a splintered tree, my chest heaving frantically as I tried to catch my breath. "Alright..." I panted desperately. "Count 'em. Mister Five?"

"Down with a case of severe tropical food-poisoning courtesy of over a dozen berries going down his throat," Usopp wheezed.

"Miss Valentine?"

"Considering how I literally broke my fucking staff over her skull? I damn well hope she's down!" Nami snarled. "That thing was freaking expensive!"

"Miss Goldenweek?"

"Hanging fwom a bwanch ovah a vewwy wivewy swamp by her seagull-pattern boxah shorts," Carue snickered.

"And Mister Three?"

"It's going to take weeks to work this dent out of my helmet's crest, but I'm fairly certain he's unconscious," Dorry huffed petulantly, albeit with a slight slur.

"Oh thank god..." I groaned, starting to slide down the side of the tree before stiffening in realization. "Waaait... anyone got eyes on the Unluckies?"

RATATATAT!

"SONNUVA!" I yelped as the wood above me exploded in a shower of fire and splinters, prompting me to start running again. "Scratch that! They're on top of me! I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd seriously appreciate some-!"

"BELAY THAT!" Soundbite suddenly barked in my ear.

"Wait wha-?!"

"Hard right! Hard right!" Soundbite shouted, jerking his mass to the side frantically.

I hesitated for a bare moment before following his orders, hanging a hard right and sprinting dead ahead. I seriously hoped that whatever Soundbite's miracle solution was worked, because my body was really starting to ache, and if those noises behind me were anything to go by, then those animal bastards were catching up. Unless something managed to shake them-!

Oooooh...

"Smart snail..." I breathed.

Soundbite cackled for a moment before darting his eyes to the side. "HIDE! HIDE!"

Complying with his demands, I promptly dove into some nearby bushes, pressing myself as hard against the ground as I could manage. The sound of me running, on the other hand, didn't die out, instead continuing to rush straight ahead, echoing loud for all to hear.

If they'd been looking, Mr. 13 and Miss Friday would have most likely noticed my trail and shot me dead where I lay.

Pissed off as they were, however, they were content to rely solely on their ears for guidance.

Hence, it was without so much as a hint of hesitation that the Unluckies dove headfirst into an erstwhile innocuous cave.

I shifted the leaves of the bush I was in just enough so that I could shoot a mad grin at the mouth of the cave. "Three... two... one..."

"SKREEEEEE!"

"AAAAAAAAAGH!"

It took all I had to keep from cackling madly when the Unluckies tore out of the cave's mouth, screaming their heads off as they were ruthlessly pursued by over a dozen relatively large and extremely ticked off theropods.

When the group was finally out of sight, I stood up and strode out of the bush, sighing in relief as I brushed a few stray leaves off me. "Glad that worked..." I mused to myself as I continued watching the direction they'd went in. "Still... troodons, huh? My bet was on-"

"Hissssss..."

My spine went ramrod straight as a very unforgettable sound hit my eardrums.

"Scheiße," Soundbite spat venomously.

Moving very slowly, I turned my head and stared at the dinosaur that was slavering mere feet from my face.

Internally, I couldn't help but boggle at the dinosaur. 'So... looks like they didn't have feathers after all.'

Externally, my reaction was much more predictable. "Clever girl..."

"HISSSSSSS!" the velociraptor snarled venomously.

"Oh, how the hell do you even know that reference!?" I demanded incredulously.

The raptor responded by lunging at me-

"POITRINE!"

CRUNCH!

And straight into a very familiar black-clad leg, which was more than strong enough to collapse the dinosaur's ribcage.

I heaved a sigh of relief as the raptor collapsed lifelessly. "You, sir, are almost legitimately god's gift to women. Because that was a freaking miracle."

"You're the wrong gender for flattery to get you anywhere, Cross," Sanji smirked as he examined the raptor's corpse. "But thanks anyways." He looked me over contemplatively. "Geez, you look like crap. What the heck happened?"

I opened my mouth to respond... and promptly snapped it shut. "I'll tell you when we get back to the rest of the crew." I started to walk through the jungle, motioning for him to follow. "We're meeting up at one of the mountains. Come on."

We made it about a meter forwards when the jungle parted before us, allowing a T. rex to stride forwards and level a glare at us.

Sanji blew out a contemplative cloud of smoke as he eyed the tyrant lizard. "Well now... aren't you a big one." A grin spread across his face as he started to stride forwards. "Marimo, you are going do-!"

"WAIT!"

Sanji froze in shock as I stuck an arm in front of him. "What the-!?"

I cut him off with an absolutely scathing glare. "When I set out into this hellhole, I made a solemn oath, and by god I am going to uphold it."

I switched my glare over to the T. rex, causing it to break out in a cold sweat.

"One way... or another."

-o-

"PFFFHAHAHAHA! HEEEY NAAA~MIIII~!" I hollered eagerly as I waved my hands in the air. "LOOK WHAT I~'M DOING!"

"Cross, what are you-!? OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"

"HAHAHA! WOOHOO! GO CROSS!" Luffy whooped enthusiastically.

My grin widened even further as Soundbite cackled and hollered on my shoulder. "YEEHAW! YEE-HAW! YIPPIE-KAY-YAY! RIDE 'EM DINO-BOY!"

Nami shrieked in rage once more, but that only made my grin wider still.

Because, at the end of the day... I said I'd do it, and I had actually gone through with it.

Baroque Works, the World Government, Marshall D. Teach... at that moment, I could not give a damn about any of them.

Because at the end of the day? I was ridin' me a T. Rex rodeo-style, and that was just plain awesome.