Chapter 10 - Little Garden Pt 1

"And mix in one cup of water and rubbing alcohol!" Soundbite concluded firmly.

I took a tentative sniff of the pot I was stirring before recoiling with a very disgusted gag. "Ohhh, that's just-! And you're sure that you got the recipe right?"

The snail affixed me with a flat look. "What the HECK do you THINK?"

"Yeah yeah, fair enough..." I grimaced as I dug out a measuring cup and one of Zoro's clearer bottles of grog. "Though for the record, if this doesn't work? Then I'm telling Zoro it was your idea."

"LIES and SLANDER!"

"Psh," I snorted as I slowly poured out the correct amounts of liquid into the cups and stirred them into the pot. "With you? Slander is a very relative term."

Soundbite blinked in confusion. "UHHH...?"

I allowed a smirk to play across my lips as I tapped the spoon I was using on the edge of the pot. "There's little I can say about you that you wouldn't be willing to do."

"NOT-!" Soundbite started to bark before freezing and reconsidering. "Okay... maybe TRUE."

"Heh," I smirked as I looked my concoction over. "Yeah, I thought so. I know you way too- SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF-!" I snapped my head back furiously as I pinched my nose as shut as I could. "Dear lord, that is just flat out rank!"

Soundbite sniffed at the air for a moment before snapping back into his shell. "PEE-YEW!"

"Tell me about it..." I groaned miserably, waving my hand in front of my face. "Well, it looks like Luffy's not the only one on this ship who can't cook. Here's hoping that Sanji doesn't take my head off for this..." I shot a scowl at the snail as he started cackling before allowing a grim smile to slide across my face. "Oh yeah, keep laughing asshat. In case you'd forgotten..." I dug out a dishrag, soaked it in the concoction, and started wiping it over myself. "You're going to be smelling it up close and personal, just like the rest of us."

Soundbite's mood immediately pulled a 180 as he went from laughing to sobbing. "WHYYY? WHY GOD, why!?"

"Karma, for one thing."

"CRAM IT!"

Before I could respond, Luffy's voice suddenly shouted through the kitchen wall. "HEY, CROSS! ARE YOU DONE YET OR WHAT!?"

"YEAH, I'M DONE!" I called back. "I'LL BE RIGHT OUT, JUST HOLD ON!" I shot a despairing look at the snail. "Ready to face the music?" I accidentally inhaled through the nose and was forced to fight down my gag reflex. "And the stench?"

Soundbite gave me another tentative sniff before recoiling and shooting me a sheepish grin. "NO deal?"

"Nice try, but no," I snorted, picking up the snail and plopping him down on my shoulder. I allowed myself a moment to chuckle as he dry-heaved before getting down to business, grabbing a number of rags and the pot before shouldering my way outside onto the deck. "Okay people, I'd seriously recommend you all cover your noses. Unless, of course, you want your sinuses to feel like they're on fire."

"Huh?" Luffy blinked at me in confusion. "What're yo-oooh what the heck is that!?" our captain yelped, leaping away from me and covering his nose with both hands, an action that the rest of the crew hastily imitated.

"Id shmells like shomeshings wotting!" Carue squawked out through his wings.

"How is it even physically possible for something to smell that bad!?" Usopp demanded desperately.

"Cross, what the hell have you been doing in there?!" Sanji growled furiously as he advanced on me.

"Indeed, Mister Jeremiah!" Vivi gagged out. "Was there actually a point to you making us wait, besides cooking up that... atrocity!?"

I plastered a desperate smile on my face as I slowly retreated from my infuriated crewmates. Indeed, I'd called for the anchor to be dropped when we were a quarter mile out from Little Garden. I'd then proceeded to sequester myself in the kitchen with Soundbite, relying on his instructions for what I was cooking. The whole process had taken a little over ten minutes, but over all? I think the end result was worth it.

"Actually, Vivi," I grinned as I waved the pot out at everyone, prompting them to rear back in horror. "This 'atrocity', as you call it, was the point of my little endeavor. Say hello to my personal homemade batch of anti-bug lotion! Urk!" I grimaced as I accidentally breathed in through my nose again. "Though 'Eau de Rat' might be a more accurate moniker. On second thought, please don't say anything to it. I'm afraid it might say something back..."

"Kiiiiill meeeee..." Soundbite moaned.

"Lotion!?" Nami spat incredulously. "You mean to tell me you want to rub that shit on us!? Are you out of your mind!?"

I chuckled sardonically and shook my head firmly. "Oooohhh no no no, of course not! That'd just be perverted!" I held up the dishrags and shook them lightly. "You'll be rubbing it on yourselves!"

Nami's face became carefully blank for a moment before she slowly looked at the rest of the crew. "All those even remotely in favor of this crazy plan?"

"HELL NO!" everyone bellowed unanimously.

"Denied!" I belted out in response. "Look, have you guys even glanced at Little Garden!?" I waved my hand at the unkempt island that nature had claimed. "In case you hadn't noticed, it's a freaking jungle! And do you know what lives in jungles?!"

"Lions!" Luffy piped up with an eager grin.

"Tigers," Zoro smirked menacingly.

"Bears," Sanji grinned around his cigarette.

"Oh my god..." Nami, Usopp and Carue sobbed, the former two hugging each other desperately, while Carue...

"Car-urk!-ue! Can't-gagh- breathe!"

"Ack, sowwy Vivi!"

"And bugs!" I cut in firmly. "Itty bitty creepy crawly little insects, some so small that you wouldn't notice it flying in front of your face unless you were looking straight at it! To be specific, insects that love to crawl on and sting and bite people like us. And do you know what happens when you get bitten by bugs like that?"

The crew looked at each other in confusion for a second before shrugging. "I dunno..." Usopp mumbled cluelessly. "I guess... it swells up, you itch and scratch a bit..."

"Then you start coughing up blood, pus comes out of your nose and ears, you swell to ten times your size, and within less than twenty-four hours you're a rancid husk of meat that not even the most depraved of wild animals would be willing to poke with a ten-foot pole," I finished flatly.

Now that got everyone's total and undivided attention.

"I-I'm sorry," Vivi stammered. "Mister Jeremiah, I think I must have misheard you. Did you just say that those bugs could-?"

"Potentially kill us?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. "No, you heard me precisely right. Let me break it down for you: our immune systems, the way our bodies fight disease? They've evolved over the years to fight whatever illnesses and afflictions the human race has come in contact with. However, while they can put up a good fight, if they come in contact with anything they have no knowledge of, then they're totally helpless.

"Now that island," I gestured at Little Garden again. "Is most likely a closed ecosystem. That means that it's evolved completely independent of humanity. We don't know it, it doesn't know us. Every last bacteria and microbe on that island has the potential to fuck us up in ways not even horror novelists could imagine. Now, granted, there are some we can do precisely fuck all about, but this?" I shook the pot of bug lotion. "This protects us from some. So hey!" I shrugged carelessly. "Feel free to go traipsing about without it, just be prepared to potentially help pioneer the development of a vaccine for Hypermalaria... as Patient Zero." I grinned in the most demented way I could muster. "So... any takers?"

Silence.

I gave my smile a more pleasant tone. "Great! Now come on, let's lather up and make pigs smell pleasant!"

For a moment, the crew shuffled around nervously, clearly torn between the stench and the prospect of bleeding uncontrollably from every orifice. Just as I was about to press the issue,

though, Luffy solved it for me. Grabbing two of the rags, he soaked them in the fluid… and then promptly grabbed the pot and doused the rest of the crew with it.

I whistled in awe as the rest of the crew gagged and wheezed miserably at the stench. "Impressive..." I muttered.

"Thanks, I think..." Luffy grimaced as he wiped the concoction over himself.

"Ugh, this shit reeks even worse up close!" Zoro hacked.

"Don't worry, you get used to it," I hastily reassured him.

"HE LIES!" Soundbite spat fiercely.

"I do..."

As everyone proceeded to reluctantly rub the gunk over themselves, I turned around in order to hide a grimace that had nothing to do with the way we smelled.

In the end, cooking up the bug sludge based off of a recipe I'd managed to convince Soundbite to hock up had been an act of desperation, a stopgap way of keeping anyone else from potentially getting bitten. Despite my deliberation on the matter, I had yet to come up with a solution to the dilemma I was in.

On the one hand, if I allowed the Kestia tick to bite Nami, then things would proceed as normal: she'd get sick, we'd be forced to make a stop on Drum Island, Kureha and Chopper would cure her and our destined doctor would join the crew... and in the process, Nami would ding-dong-ditch the gates of Hell. Seeing the kind of pain and misery she'd gone through on ink and paper was one thing, but to allow it to happen to a real person? To my friend, who I'd legitimately come to care about? The mere concept was... inhumane, to say the least.

But on the other hand, was condemning Drum Island to Wapol's rule any less inhumane!? If we didn't go to Drum, then Wapol would get there. Luffy's interference had been an inadvertent factor in the Tin-Jawed Tyrant's return, to be sure, but he'd been in the vicinity as it was already, it was only a matter of time until he found his way back! And when he did... Well, Wapol was far from my or anyone's definition of a heavy hitter, but if he managed to get his jaws on the castle's arsenal... Dalton, Kureha, Chopper, and who knows how many others would no doubt be killed in the ensuing anti-rebellion rampage he'd no doubt throw. All without mentioning how it would mean condemning the rest of the citizens of Drum to his tyranny...

I ground my teeth furiously as I just barely kept myself from ramming my head against the nearest wall. I didn't know what to do, damn it! What was more important?! The momentary wellbeing of the one who was a dear friend, or the continued wellbeing of the many, as well as the life of one who would soon become a dear friend!? Damn you, Morton, your fork is royally screwing me over! I swear to god, John, if I ever find a way to go back in time, I will wrap my hands around your scrawny English throat and-!

"Six o' clock!"

-wait wha-?

"So, Cross."

It was only thanks to Soundbite's timely intervention that I was saved from jumping a foot off the deck in what would have been a very suspicious manner as Nami's very irritated voice sounded behind me.

"Thanks," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth at the snail before turning around to grin at Nami. "Yes?"

Our navigator pinned me with a decidedly unimpressed and thoroughly irritated look. "We all now smell bad enough to make your laundry smell good. And when I say 'your', I'm talking about you and the rest of the guys collectively. Are you satisfied, or do you want us to walk to the island next?"

I swiftly raised my hands in surrender. "No no, that was everything, we're good to go!"

"Perfect. WEIGH ANCHOR! LET'S GO ALREADY!"

And with that, we started to sail towards one of the most dangerous islands on the equator.

"Despite how... extravagant Cross was in his actions..." Vivi mused cautiously as she observed Little Garden pull closer. "I do believe he has a point. We need to remain cautious." She bit her thumb nervously. "Despite how duplicitous she might be, I haven't been able to forget what Miss All Sunday said..."

"W-w-wait..." Usopp swallowed heavily as he eyed the treeline fearfully. "D-d-do you think there could be monsters out there?!"

"Icebergs and waterfalls, Usopp," I stated as I patted the sniper on the back. "Icebergs and goddamn waterfalls."

"BABY wanna DIAPER?" Soundbite snickered.

"I'd prefer escargot!" Usopp snarled, albeit while keeping a foot away from the snail. Not that that stopped Soundbite from trying to chomp at his nose, at any rate.

"Don't laugh just yet, Soundbite," Sanji warned flatly as he puffed on his cigarette. "That might be a very real possibility if we don't pick anything up, what with how we've been eating through our provisions."

Soundbite immediately cut himself off with a panicked squawk. He concentrated for a brief moment before plastering a shaky grin on his face and nodding frantically. "ANIMALS! LOTS and LOTS of animals!"

"Damn..." Usopp and Carue spat simultaneously.

As we sailed up the closest available canal, we were enshrouded in shadows by the jawdroppingly massive flora that surrounded us. I whistled softly in awe as I took in the sheer amount of nature that we were engulfed in. The island I'd first washed up on in the East Blue was one thing, but this? It was like someone had decided to copy-past an artist's rendition of a prehistoric jungle onto reality!

"So this is Little Garden..." Zoro mused in awe, slowly sweeping our surroundings for anything and everything potentially fatal.

"What blind mowon named this pwace Wittle Garden?!" Carue demanded incredulously. "It's fweaking huge!"

"I~RO~NY?" Soundbite sang out doubtfully.

"If it was, then whoever came up with it was seriously pushing it!" Nami scoffed. "I mean, look around! I've never even seen some of... make that any of these plants before!"

"Eh..." I slowly raised a finger in response.

"Oh come on, how would you know what these plants are!?"

"I don't, I don't!" I defended hastily. "It's just... the scale patterns on some of those trees... I think I've seen them-!"

"GAW! GAW!"

"YIPE!" I and the half the crew yelped in panic as a loud squawking sound belted out of the treeline, followed by something bursting out of the jungle and pelting into the sky.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Nami shrieked fearfully as she hugged herself.

"Ahh, Nami-swan is so cute when she's frightened!" Sanji swooned kindly.

"She is, isn't she?" I taunted impishly, only just managing to duck under the retaliatory fist Nami lashed out at me.

"Anyways, don't worry about it," Sanji soothed as he gestured at the flying creature. "That's a regular bird and this is a regular jungle. There's absolutely nothing to fear."

Luffy, meanwhile, was blinking up at the creature in confusion. "Is... that a lizard?"

"Uh, actually, Luffy?" Vivi spoke up hesitantly. "That's a bird. I saw feathers on it."

Luffy tilted his head dubiously. "But I saw scales..."

"Actually..." I piped up as I peered up at the creature through the spyglass I'd taken off of Nami's belt. "You're both right. That thing's sporting feathers on its wings and tail and scales around its mouth. Which..." I hissed as I lowered the glass. "Is not good. I think I know what's up."

BOOM!

"AGH!" everyone squawked as the ship was suddenly shaken by a massive explosion.

"WHAT PART OF ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL JUNGLE TO YOU GUYS!?" Nami shrieked incredulously.

"THAT SOUNDED LIKE A VOLCANO BLOWING UP!" Usopp bellowed.

"Because it was," I groaned as I pointed at the plume of smoke coming up over the treeline. "Alright, correction: I know what's up with this place. I've seen it before, a few years back."

"Where could you have possibly seen this place before!?" Zoro scoffed.

"Easy," I deadpanned. "I saw it in a book."

"And that book would be...?"

"Petey's Prehistoric Picture Book."

The stunned silence was quite refreshing.

"My five year old cousin loved it."

"When you say... prehistoric..." Vivi posited slowly.

"I mean dinosaurs, yes," I confirmed with a nod. "Big, honking, more-likely-than-not-man-eating dinosaurs."

Usopp swallowed heavily as he glanced around nervously. "Y-y-you can't be serious..."

"Growrggghhh..."

The sniper was cut off by a tiger half the size of the Going Merry stumbling out of the treeline before collapsing from a combo of blood loss and large gouges in its flesh.

I slowly turned my head to stare at Usopp. "So... Personally, I say that those teeth marks look about right for a T. Rex. What about you? Allosaurus maybe? Or something bigger?"

"All in favor of not setting foot on this deathtrap?" Usopp squeaked out meekly.

"AYE!" Carue squawked, jabbing his wing into the air.

"Agreed!" Nami nodded hastily with a desperate grin. "W-w-we just need to sit tight right here and wait for the Log Pose to reset. N-No need to go out and get eaten! After all, we can't get to Alabasta as soon as possible if we're traipsing around in a killer jungle, right?!"

"Well, I'm gonna go hunting," Sanji announced from where he had hopped down to the shore.

"Wait, Sanji, hold on!" Luffy bellowed out before the cook could start walking.

"Yeah, listen to the captain!" Nami belted out hysterically as she plastered a panicked grin on her face.

"You need to make a pirate box lunch first! I wanna go adventuring!"

"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE'S GOT LESS BRAIN CELLS THAN ZOOPLANKTON!" she howled desperately.

"Nami's right, Sanji, Luffy's being an idiot!" I piped up.

Nami shot me a relieved look in response. "Thank you, Cross."

"Make two boxed lunches, I'm going with hi-GRGK!" I was literally choked off by Nami grabbing my throat in her hands.

"WHERE IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT GOD OF BERIS DO YOU THINK YOU TWO DIPSHITS ARE GOING!?" she shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Uh... did you just say Great God of-? Hrrgrgh- alright, alright!"

I hastily reassessed what I was planning on saying as I wrenched myself out of Nami's grip. "Well, seeing how we're on an island with dinosaurs, there's really only one natural thing to do."

"And that would be?" Nami hissed through gritted teeth.

I plastered a semi-(or possibly completely)-manic grin on my face. "I'm gonna ride me a T. Rex, rodeo-style."

"YIPPIE-kay-MEEP!" Soundbite cut off in a squeak as Nami grabbed his eyestalks with a bloodthirsty growl.

"What. Is keeping me. From wringing both your scrawny necks. Right here. Right now," she hissed.

"Besides the fact that we're on the same crew?" I grinned nervously.

The snarl I received in response was not a good sign.

"Luffy? Back me up on this? Please!?"

"Don't hurt him, Nami!" Luffy pleaded. "He needs his legs if he's going to go adventuring! Oh, you wanna come too?"

Apparently that was the straw that broke the camel's back, if the way Nami suddenly collapsed on the deck sobbing miserably was anything to go by. "They're too far gone already, it's hopeless..."

I winced slightly at her despondent expression. "Um..." I slowly reached out towards her shoulder. "There the-yeargh!" I squawked in agony as I suddenly found my hand caught in an organic vicegrip.

"If you die, I will dance on your grave," Nami growled venomously.

"Hey, Luffy! Can I come too?" Vivi piped up.

"Yeah!" I cheered enthusiastically. "Princesses gone wi-OW!" I yelped as the pressure on my hand quadrupled. "What the hell are you hurting me for!? You can't blame me for this!"

"Of course I can! Your madness is infectious!"

"No no, Nami, it's fine!" Vivi reassured hastily. "I want to go out of my own volition. If I stay on the ship, chances are I'll just pointlessly brood about Alabasta-" The princess winced slightly before rallying. "A-anyways, the point is that this will take my mind off things while the Log Pose resets."

"Good for you, Vivi!" Carue squawked enthusiastically.

"But-but milady!" Sanji swooned desperately. "What if you get hurt or-!?"

"It'll be fine!" Vivi reassured him with a hasty grin. "After all, Carue'll be protecting me!"

That prompted Carue to adopt a horrified expression, his bill dropping open in sheer terror as a choked gurgle tore its way out of his throat.

"Wow, you just scared that poor duck quackless..." Nami muttered.

"I'll make you a lunch of love as well, my princess!" Sanji swooned as he leapt up to the kitchen.

"Oh, and while you do, could you fill up Carue's... uh, Carue, where did you put your water barrel?"

"Below deck..." the duck squawked mutely.

"I'll take some water too, please!" I called up.

"LETTUCE! LETTUCE!" Soundbite chorused.

"Wait your turns, you two!"

"HOLD IT!"

Everyone froze as Nami suddenly screeched at the top of her lungs. Again. The orange-haired banshee huffed heavily for a moment before alternating a glare between Luffy, Vivi and I. "Seeing how I apparently can't control any of you worth shit, then I suppose I might as well put down some rules so that you don't wind up dead in ditches."

"But, wait, we're on a prehistoric jungle island, there aren't any ditches-"

"Cross," Nami ground out around the hand she was using to pinch the bridge of her nose. "If you finish that sentence, I will have Sanji get me a bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor."

"Why would you-YERP!" I squeaked as Nami suddenly grabbed somewhere very private.

"So that I can literally emasculate you," she hissed venomously.

I swallowed heavily, cold sweat running down my face. "And... the mirror?"

"So that you can watch."

"Noted," I squeaked meekly. Through my fear, I couldn't help but wonder why the hell that threat sounded so damn familiar.

"Perfect! Now then, rule one..." Nami's voice suddenly cut off without any apparent reason. Thinking fast, I checked behind me. Nothing.

"DON'T know WHERE to START, huh?" Soundbite snickered.

"SHUT UP!... yes."

"Look, Nami?" I spoke up hesitantly. "We don't know how long we'll be here, so we have nothing but time. Furthermore, we'll be going out there with one of the toughest badasses this side of the ocean. He could and most likely will eat some of, if not most of, the dinosaurs we come across. I'm 99% certain we'll be fine. So... do I get to keep my potential to procreate one day?"

"... against my better judgement, yes," Nami sighed as she reluctantly released me.

"My future descendants thank you..." I sighed in relief. "Anyways, I don't want you to worry without reason, so how about this: Vivi'll take Brain with her, and if you and Usopp decide to leave the ship for whatever reason, you take Pinky with you. Like that, we'll all be in communication. Luffy, Zoro and Sanji don't need snails because nothing on this island can put so much as a scratch on them. Alright?"

"Well... alright, fine, I guess that's- wait, how does Zoro factor in on this!?"

I jabbed my thumb over the side of the ship with a flat look. "He and Sanji left five minutes ago, arguing over who could bag the bigger dino. Looked like they were really getting into it, too."

For a few scant moments, Nami looked like she was about to legitimately erupt before slumping in defeat. "Just... just get out of here already..." A slight snarl entered her voice. "Before I lose my temper and make you extinct."

"Getting!" I yelped in agreement, leaping over the Merry's railing and landing on the shoreline. I winced slightly at the ache that blossomed in my legs from the drop, but promptly grinned in satisfaction as that ache went away just as fast.

It might not have seemed like much, but to me? It was proof. Bit by bit, cell by cell, my body was changing. Evolving. Every day I lived in this world, every gram of local vitamins I ingested, I became just a little bit stronger, a little more durable. By my old standards, I was becoming superhuman, but by my new ones? By this world's? I was becoming normal.

A minute later, Luffy and Vivi riding on Carue landed on the ground next to me. Luffy grinned as he tossed me a lunchbox before turning to face the jungle. "WOOHOO! LET'S GO!" he whooped as he charged into the jungle.

"Wait for us, Luffy!" Vivi called after him.

"Yeah! We're still human, you know!" I concurred.

"Shpeak for yourshelf," Carue chuckled under his breath.

"PREACH IT, brotha!" Soundbite added.

Luffy didn't slow down, but he did have the courtesy to whoop and holler as he went to make it easier for us to follow him. He also cleared a path through the underbrush so we didn't have to stop every thirty seconds to hack vegetation away, so at the very least it was a mile better than the first jungle I'd experienced.

Vivi, on the other hand, was being far more courteous to me, urging Carue to match his pace with mine so that we were running side by side. As it was, though, we were currently running in silence. It wasn't really all that surprising: we'd been on the same ship for a while now, sure, but neither of us had actually been alone together, so we weren't completely certain about what to talk about.

Ultimately, Vivi cleared her throat and spoke up. "So, ah... You're not warm in what you're wearing?"

"Huh? Uh..." I glanced down at what I was wearing: a shell jacket like the one Usopp had destroyed, only with a camo pattern, long dark-brown cargo slacks, a white t-shirt with a diagonal set of grey clawmarks running over the chest, and a pair of steel-toed boots. "Not really. The place I grew up on basically had a Summer Island climate. Some of us would joke that we had two seasons: summer, and hell. I can wear this stuff practically anytime, anywhere and not care about it."

"Oh, that's good," Vivi sighed in relief. "You'll be grateful for having that kind of tolerance in Alabasta. It's a desert country, so covering your skin is a necessary, if somewhat uncomfortable, must."

"Glad to hear it," I nodded in confirmation before humming as a thought struck me. "Wait... if Alabasta is a desert, then shouldn't your skin be... I dunno, darker? Olive or something? Isn't that how it works?"

That actually managed to get a chuckle out of Vivi. "You have no idea how often people ask me or my father that question. Yes, there are quite a few people in Alabasta with dark skin, but the Nefertaris haven't been a part of that group, at least not for several generations. After all, we tend to live in the palace for our whole lives, so we're not exposed to the sun more often than we need to."

"Huh..." I mused as I vaulted over a stray log. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised there are at least a few benefits to being a royal, huh?"

"You have no idea!" Carue squawked in agreement

Vivi, on the other hand, frowned a bit. "You'd be surprised. The Reveries in particular tend to be... more frustrating than anything. Royals that don't care in the slightest about their civilians, the necessity of posture and face in light of stupid rivalries and feuds that the current generation had nothing to do with, no direct involvement whatsoever..." Her lips pursed into a tight, thin line. "And the World Nobles."

I allowed a shiver of revulsion to run through me. "Yeah... that part goes without saying. Let me guess: they barely tolerate the idea that 'mere humans' can hold themselves up to even half their 'divine' stature?"

Surprisingly, the princess shook her head with a grimace. "Not... not quite. With most of the other royals, sure, but... with my family? They're… more directly antagonistic."

I had a good guess as to why they felt like that, but nevertheless I shot Vivi a flat look. "Let me try again: one of your ancestors spilled a drink on their ancestors' robes about... what, five hundred years ago and they swore a blood feud as a result?"

Vivi sighed wearily and hung her head. "If only it were that simple... but no. While you're right about it centering around our ancestors, the reason for the hatred is that..." Vivi trailed off as she hesitated for a bare moment before coming to a decision. "How much do you know of the origins of the World Government?"

"Um..." I tilted my head in thought. "Eight hundred years ago, twenty kings allied together and left their kingdoms in order to found the nascent World Government. Right?"

Vivi nodded slowly in agreement as she steeled herself. "And eight hundred years ago, the Nefertaris refused to leave their kingdom, and instead remained in Alabasta to this day."

"PRINCESS SAY WHAT!?"Soundbite yelped in disbelief.

I followed the snail's lead, blinking at Vivi in shock. "I... wait, hold on, so you and your father are-!?"

"Not World Nobles," Vivi asserted firmly, following it up with a sigh of relief. "Thank god for that, I don't even want to imagine... No, we're not World Nobles, but we could have been. And that's the exact reason why the real World Nobles hate us. They take the fact that we refused to 'ascend' with them as an insult, and they haven't let us forget it."

"Which is why they awen't helping us with the webellion..." Carue muttered darkly.

"That, and my father didn't want to let the Marines get involved and potentially slaughter the civilians," Vivi added. "But still... they do tend to make our lives very complicated, even though in the end it's never mattered all that much."

I winced in sympathy as I contemplated the implications. As I'd thought, the World Nobles were indeed bastards of the highest order, and being associated with them only made things worse instead of better. I hoped that this knowledge wouldn't become pertinent in the future, if just for Vivi's sake, but honestly? Considering how the phrase 'Oda never forgets' was meme in the fandom? I didn't have high hopes. In the end, whether I or anyone else liked it or not, the Nefertari's family history would one day become important. All I could do was hope that when it did, I would be ready for it.

Coming out of my thoughts, I shot a grin up at Vivi. "Well, either way, I, for one, am grateful that you're not a World Noble. It'd seriously suck to miss out on having you as a friend, you know?"

Vivi blinked at me in surprise for a moment before chuckling and smiling in agreement. "Yeah, I am too. It's been great sailing with you all. It's been educational. I never imagined that pirates like Luffy could... wait..." The princess trailed off as she looked around in panic. "Where's Luffy!?"

"Uh..." I joined her in searching the jungle. "I... don't... Soundbite?"

"UP, UP AND AWAY!"

"What are you-?" I looked upwards... and promptly froze, staring in shock. "Uh... Vivi?"

"What is it, Cr-!" Vivi gaped in shock as she saw what I did.

"HEY CROSS!" Luffy whooped from the head of the apatosaurus - or was it a brontosaurus? - he was riding. "YOU WERE RIGHT! THERE ARE DINOSAURS AROUND HERE! ISN'T THIS AWESOME?"

"I... ah..." Vivi stammered for a moment.

"Words fail you, huh?" I muttered.

"Ah... kind of, yes..."

"Ten bewi says he gets eaten..." Carue muttered.

As if on cue, the apatosaurus suddenly bucked its head, flinging Luffy into the air and swallowing him in one deft move.

"Cawwed it."

"LUFFY!" Vivi shrieked in panic.

"Calm down, calm down," I said, waving my hand carelessly. "I mean, it's Luffy for goodness sake. He'll be out in five seconds or less."

Mere moments later, a humanoid figure that was gargantuan beyond comprehension appeared from out of nowhere and decapitated the dinosaur, slicing its neck clean off and allowing Luffy to drop out as a result.

I blinked at the display in shock. "Well... that's not quite what I had in mind, but still..."

Vivi's response was to stammer and squeak incredulously.

-o-

"GABABABABA! So you found some humans too, huh, Dorry?"

"GEGYAGYAGYAGYA! Indeed, Brogy! In fact, I found one going down the throat of a longneck! It was quite a shock when he came out!"

"Shishishishi! Hey, it might have been a surprise but, I could have gotten out on my own!"

"GABABABA! Sounds like the humans have become even wilder since we've been gone, Dorry!"

"You've got that right, Brogy! GEGYAGYAGYA!"

"Shishishishi! You guys are hilarious!"

"GABABABA!"

"GEGYAGYAGYA!"

"Oh god, now there's three of them, and two are jumbo-sized..."

I couldn't help but snicker at Nami's weary groan. "I'd say you have your hands full, but considering how I doubt even you can punch out a giant? I'll just leave you with my sympathies."

"Screw you, Cross!" Soundbite belted out in our navigator's voice.

A second later, however, his expression shifted from angry to a wide grin. "Hey Cross, you sure you don't want to meet up with us? Dorry's pretty awesome!"

I chuckled at the offer, but shook my head nonetheless. "No thanks, Luffy, this is enough for me. I'm happier out here. There's a whole wide island out here, and I want to see as much as I can!"

After Luffy's near miss with becoming dino-chow, Dorry had invited us back to his home at the west skull-mountain. I, however, had chosen to decline in favor of exploring a bit more. After all, standing here in the middle of a prehistoric paradise like this? It was a beyond once in a lifetime opportunity! There was no way in hell I was going to let it slip through my fingers!

Nevertheless, I'd stayed in contact with Luffy and Vivi via Pinky and Soundbite after I'd taken off, and a few minutes later, we were joined by Usopp and Nami contacting us via Brain, telling us about meeting Brogy. All in all, it was... quite entertaining, if nothing else.

"Still, human," Soundbite suddenly piped up in Dorry's voice with a slightly concerned look. "I would recommend you exercise some caution. While Brogy and I are too big to be in any kind of danger from the local fauna, the same cannot be said of you humans."

"Ah don't worry about it," I verbally waived the giant's warning as I ducked under a curtain of leaves and vines. "I've got Soundbite with me, and he's got practice warding off dangerous animals. Plus, if I get close to anything really bad, he'll warn me about-OW!" I winced as Soundbite suddenly chomped on my ear. "What is it?"

Soundbite jerked his eyes to the side, indicating a cave in a nearby cliff-face. "DANGER! KEEP OUT!"

I eyed the hole contemplatively. "That bad, huh?"

"What is it?" Usopp asked via Soundbite.

"Apparently something in a cave's got Soundbite spooked."

"A cave, huh?" Brogy mused contemplatively. "Sounds like your snail has good ears, human. There's a species of small dinosaurs on the island that like to use caves as nests. They're nuisances to us, but to you, I imagine they'd be quite dangerous."

I ran through a list of dinosaurs that were both 'dangerous' and 'small' for a moment before coming to a bone-chilling conclusion. "Right!" I hissed, turning on my heel, intent on getting as far from the cave as I could. "Well, I'm just going to go... anywhere but here."

"Well, at least you're trying to stay safe..." Nami sighed in frustration.

"Ah c'mon, Nami!" I teased as I started working my way through a particularly dense section of brush. "How much trouble do you think I could I possibly get in?"

"More than you can imagine."

I chuckled slightly as I finally managed to wrench myself through the wall of flora. "Ah c'mon, cut me some-! Ah..." My words promptly died in my throat as I looked forwards again.

Mister 5 and Miss Valentine stared back at me in dumbfounded shock.

I swallowed heavily as a cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck, aided by the bloodthirsty grin Miss Valentine was suddenly sporting. "On second thought... you might have a point."