chapter 5 - push

Adrian (present day)

As the squad car slowly pulled off the curb next to the house. I thought about everything that happened there. I thought about all the blood. So much blood ,and even more tears. Thoughts flooded my head with more painful memories than I can handle. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to push them away. I tried and I seceded. I always did. That's how I keep together. I Push away. All you gotta do is just keep pushing until all your problems are gone, or at least silenced.

I watched out the window as my surroundings reminded me of the ride I took away from the liquor store a while ago. I turned towards the officer. "Hey how long till we get there?" He seemed surprised that I spoke. "Oh um it should be about 2 more minutes here." He said anxiously. "Why are you so nervous?" I asked bluntly. "Oh umm well ya see i uh have made these sorts of stops before and it's usually a lot of crying and sadness ,you just didn't give a reaction that I'm uh am used to." He said ,tripping over his words more. "Sorry about that." "What? No you don't gotta be sorry. People just grieve in different ways." I tried to suppress my words but this time my honest thoughts escaped my mouth. "I'm not grieving." He put the car into park infront of the police station and leaned back to look at me. "Do you think that's healthy?" He asked ,wearing a concerned expression on his face. This time I resorted to the ever faithful lie. "Eh doesn't really matter." I said dismissively as I yanked on the handle of the car door. It was locked. He heard me try it and he hesitated before unlocking my door and getting out of the car himself. I opened the door and shut it once I was out. I fallowed him into the building. He told me to sit down and wait for him while he talked to the front desk. I sat down and looked at my feet. I kept my arms close to my sides, closing the world out. I thought about the old house for a fraction of a second as memories of all the punishments rattled through my skull. I pushed the thoughts out my head just as I always did. Just push. Push them away.