Emarleetah
Okay, sixteen chapters down, time to give a review. This book has two things I like, it's fast-paced and very detailed. We don't miss any vital information and we understand why Yang Jiang acts the way she does. Now, what I don't like is the writing quality. The writing style is cool but some sentences had iffy grammar useage. Some use of collective pronouns too like in the 12th chapter where "much" was used instead of "many." I love her descriptions of things, it tells me a lot about her personality but there is also a lot of info dumping in one sentence. The readers know that you have a lot to say but take your time and explain it to us. One sentence shouldn't occupy ten lines. Try using simple sentences for description so you'll be able to get straight to the point. A sentence should at most be five lines in length. Lastly, the dialogue structures. When you're writing, put a person's sentence in one paragraph, don't join several people's replies and questions in one paragraph. It was making it difficult for me to figure out who was talking at certain points in time. Overall, I loved the story. The pacing and character design wad good, I could tell what this person was like and could do from a few words of description. That's something most authors can't do, so keep that up.
So upon reading the overview and the first 10 chapters, I have this to say; •Solid Characters •Interesting Plot There are a few things holding back this story though. This is merely my opinion, but the story could be organized a bit better. Dialogue separated from the regular first POV text. some of the paragraphs could be broken up. I am assuming that this is your style, but the short chapters are more of a detriment than an asset. While your overall writing is good, the shortness of the chapter leaves more to be desire. As I continue reading and reviewing perhaps things will change.