31. Chapter 31

Between a stellar orgasm, an invigorating run, and a restorative shower, Maya was feeling shockingly good despite the circumstances. If not for the constant fear over Jamie, the day would have felt downright magical.

But as Maya checked her watch for the tenth time in under a minute, anticipation flooded every molecule in her body and she could barely sit still. Carina was pacing the living room, though Maya couldn’t be sure if it was anxiety or the two cups of coffee she’d had as soon as she’d woken from her nap.

Maya fussed around the kitchen, checking to see they had Jamie’s formula ready to go. She pondered restocking the diaper caddy in the nursery when her watch beeped indicating that it was exactly six o’clock.

Come on, Nancy, come on, come on, come on…

They both heard the telltale sound of elevator doors opening and stopped in place, staring at each other across the apartment. Maya smiled first, watching Carina shift from a frustrated ball of energy into pure joy.

The feeling faded as soon as another sound filled the room. A sound they both hated more than anything.

Jamie was crying.

Carina was out the door before Maya even registered that she’d moved. Jamie’s crying became louder, she was screaming, and as Maya finally forced her legs to work, she was confronted with Nancy standing right outside in the hallway, clearly exhausted, and Jamie…

Jamie was red-faced, wheezing, and upon seeing Carina, she nearly tipped herself backwards in Nancy’s arms trying to get to her.

Carina caught her and all three adults in the room huddled together as Jamie nuzzled against Carina’s shoulder. She moved her face from side to side, trying to get closer, trying to mold her little body to Carina’s chest. Two tiny hands grabbed hold of Carina’s t-shirt, pulling with surprising strength for someone so small.

“Va bene. Stai bene,” Carina cooed, her lips coasting over Jamie’s forehead. She bounced a little, the sound of her voice an instant comfort to the baby who was still crying though the screaming had stopped

Maya cupped the back of Jamie’s head, bending her knees so she could try and see Jamie’s little face.

“Hey, Baby T-Rex,” she said, startled when Jamie turned to her. Maya held out her hand and Jamie immediately grasped one of her fingers, holding on as if she was trying to keep Maya with her. The tears would not stop, nor would her hiccupping, gasps for air.

Carina continued to cradle Jamie in her arms, though Maya could tell that anger swirled beneath her calm façade.

“She’s shaking,” Carina said, looking at Maya with wide, concerned eyes.

Maya finally remembered that Nancy was in the room. Nancy who looked deeply concerned and exhausted.

“What happened?” Maya asked, trying her best not to snap.

Nancy was uncharacteristically serious, her eyes on the back of Jamie’s head. “I was with her the whole time. Didn’t take my eyes off her for even a second.”

Maya didn’t like Nancy’s tone. Or her words. “Did they hurt her or…”

The social worker shook her head. “I am legally not allowed to share information. But…I will be calling your lawyer later today. There’s a lot to discuss.”

“What does that mean?” Carina shrugged, accidentally jostling Jamie in the process. The baby wailed again, and Maya realized that she was wearing an unfamiliar onesie. Pink and…

Miami Dolphins

Maya almost hissed.

“It was not an easy day. But she was never in danger. I even did all the diaper changes,” Nancy said, adjusting her bag. Maya imagined it was full of clipboards.

Jamie was so vulnerable. She was still so small. Knowing Nancy had taken care of her made Maya breathe a little easier. She hated the idea of strangers touching her baby, though someone had clearly dressed her in a onesie that was too big for her tiny body.

“Should we call Simon or…” Maya realized she had no idea what the process was, no idea what came next, but Nancy held up one hand and shook her head again.

“Simon will call you. Maya, Carina, I know this is hard. And I wish I could say more, I shouldn’t even say this, but…I am going to do everything in my power, everything, to keep this little girl safe and in your arms,” Nancy’s serious face and determined words were both comforting and concerning.

“Thank you, Nancy,” Carina said and Maya noticed that her wife’s eyes were glassy with tears. It was hard to see Jamie so clearly traumatized, hard to listen to her painful tears.

Nancy said her goodbyes, promising that she’d be in touch as soon as possible, before sweeping out of the apartment. She was a woman clearly on a mission.

Jamie was still crying, so Maya held out her hands, taking the baby from Carina. The brief movement made Jamie scream again, her grip on Carina so strong that they had to carefully remove a little fist from her t-shirt.

“You’re home now, Jamie,” Maya said, kissing one red cheek and then another. She dangled Jamie in front of her, letting Jamie take in her face. The onesie was three sizes too big and Maya wondered if Jamie was feeling claustrophobic, unable to free her feet. The baby kicked her legs, churning them, and Maya brought her in closer, rubbing her fingers over the back of Jamie’s neck where her skin was impossibly soft.

Carina considered Jamie with worried eyes, clearly trying to decide how best to comfort her.

“I think she’s having an anxiety attack,” she finally said.

“I would be too if I was dressed like this,” Maya frowned at Jamie’s outfit. The baby Versace would be an improvement.

“Let’s see if we can fix this, Piccola, come with me.”

Carina motioned for Maya to follow as she disappeared into Jamie’s nursery.

“I think she was talking about you,” Maya whispered, her lips coasting over the top of Jamie’s head. A little face burrowed into her neck, wet from tears and warm from screaming.

Maya walked into the nursery and set Jamie down on her changing table while Carina dug into a nearby drawer full of Jamie-size PJs. The baby started screaming again as soon as she realized she was no longer being held, so Maya stayed close, quickly removing the uncomfortable onesie before leaning down and blowing a raspberry on Jamie’s tummy.

“Did they make you wear ugly Florida clothes?” Maya cooed, tickling Jamie’s belly, trying to maintain contact. Jamie waved her arms, her bottom lip wobbling, and Maya wished Jamie could tell them about her day. About what she saw and did. She wished Jamie could understand that she was home again and her moms were never, ever going to give up on her.

Carina appeared beside her, Seattle Mariners jammies in hand.

“Not Team Italia?” Maya bumped Carina’s hip with her own.

“I want my bambine to be happy.”

Jamie coughed, still hiccupping, still in tears although the screaming had stopped. It was such a marked contrast from Jamie’s usual gurgles and smiles. When Maya lifted her from the table, she could feel Jamie shivering in her hands, as if her tiny body couldn’t contain its residual fear from a day spent separated from her home.

“Should we try swaddling her,” Maya asked, passing Jamie to Carina again. Despite her worry, she couldn’t help the small smile that appeared as she watched Jamie snuggle against Carina’s shoulder, her whole body relaxing in Carina’s arms.

Maya understood the feeling.

She watched for a moment as Carina paced the room, bouncing Jamie, clearly deep in thought.

“She sounds a little congested and the water always makes her calm” Carina said, “let’s try the shower.”

They gathered supplies for their new mission - towels, and a dino stuffy, and a new diaper. Maya wondered if she’d ever go anywhere again without bags full of Jamie-related things. She couldn’t even walk into her own bedroom without an armful of blankets and onesies.

Carina let Maya turn on the shower, choosing instead to cradle Jamie close, singing softly in Italian. Whatever she was saying seemed to be working, as Jamie’s breathing evened out. She still looked a bit shell-shocked, which broke Maya’s heart, but Maya was determined to make her baby feel safe again, to bring back her gummy little smile.

Once Jamie was out of her diaper and Carina out of her clothes, Maya carefully passed the baby to Carina who stood under the warm spray, her hair piled high on top of her head.

Jamie immediately curled her little body inwards, a squishy little lump against Carina’s tan shoulder. The crying had stopped and with it, the DeLuca-Bishops breathed for the first time since Nancy walked through the door.

Steam filled the room and Jamie opened and closed one tiny hand against Carina’s chest, as if she was checking that Carina was real. That she was solid and present. Their contrasting skin tones struck Maya – Carina sun-kissed, Jamie pale and rosy cheeked.

“You are staring, Maya,” Carina said, and Maya realized that she was.

Her wife and her daughter.

Carina was always beautiful, but somehow holding Jamie amplified what was already there and Maya could not look away.

Carina watched Maya with dark eyes, a strange smile on her lips, but they both remained quiet, the steam and the water lulling Jamie into a much-needed sleep. Maya felt like she was witnessing a painting come to life, like one of the masterpieces Carina showed her from the Uffizi was living and breathing in her shower.

She pushed herself off the wall and reached into her pocket for her phone.

“Can I take your picture?” She asked, surprised to hear herself so breathless.

Carina raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

“You’re both just so…” Maya couldn’t find the words. There were none that could adequately capture what she was feeling.

Carina just smiled her mysterious little smile again and nodded.

As she clicked the screen, Maya somehow knew that the image was going to be with her for the rest of her life. She’d captured Carina from the waist up, Jamie resting in the crook of her arm, which she held close to her chest. Carina wasn’t looking at the camera, instead her head was bowed, watching Jamie, her free hand holding one of Jamie’s hands as the baby slept, finally peaceful.

Maya wished she could put the picture in her locker. On the mantle. She wished she could make it her lockscreen, though she knew Carina likely wouldn’t appreciate a semi-nude plastered in public spaces.

Sometimes Maya felt like knew Carina’s body better than her own and looking at her with Jamie was like seeing her for the first time all over again. Jamie slept against her breast, Carina’s arms held her protectively, every inch of her attuned to Jamie’s needs.

She’s a mother. My wife is a mother.

The love between Carina and Jamie was as old as the earth itself. For Maya who had grown up with an absent mother, who knew so little of what it meant to be nurtured, Carina was a revelation.

She stepped into the shower, far enough from the spray to spare her clothes, though water soaked through her socks. Carina startled, but didn’t say anything as Maya leaned forward, kissing her, the softest brush of lips against lips. Maya’s fingers wrapped around the back of Carina’s neck, holding her in place, as she kissed her again and again, Jamie fast asleep between them.

“I love you” was not enough. The words felt empty in light of what Maya was feeling. So, she used her mouth, her fingertips. She used the air in her lungs, giving it to Carina, breathing for them both as they stood together. Kissing softly until the water ran cold.

Long after they finished with the shower, long after they’d dressed Jamie for the night and brought her into their bed, Maya found herself drifting back to that moment, that perfect, sliver of a moment.

Her wife and her daughter. Each more than she ever thought she deserved. Both a miracle of fate. Of destiny if such a thing existed.  

Jamie slept sprawled against her chest, and Carina’s head lay heavily on her shoulder, but Maya stayed awake, occasionally planting kisses on Jamie’s brow or Carina’s hair.

Carina inhaled and Jamie exhaled and Maya silently vowed that she would never let anything separate them.

Not the law.

Not a stranger from Florida.

Not anything.

~*~

They passed an uneasy night.

When Maya carefully put Jamie down to go use the washroom, Jamie started crying. When Carina tried to lay Jamie in her bassinette, the baby screamed. For hours they traded off, dark thoughts swirling because their baby was traumatized. She was scared. And she couldn’t understand what had happened to her or why.

Maya lay on her side, watching the light change behind the window blinds. Carina had her eyes closed, but Maya could tell she wasn’t asleep. Her hands were folded over Jamie’s back, holding her firmly to her chest, unwilling to let go.

It was a relief to see Jamie finally sleeping. Maya knew that one wrong move could wake her, but Carina was still and gave no indication that she was planning to change her position.

Maya was feeling restless though. Restless and angry.

She pushed herself off the bed, but paused when she noticed Carina crack her eyes open. Maya gave her a nod and pointed to the door with her thumb. Carina nodded back and closed her eyes again, clearly exhausted.

With one last look at her wife and baby, Maya slipped out into the hallway, exhaling in relief as she did.

Not long ago, the early morning had been Maya’s favourite time of day. It was the best time to run – the air crisp and clean. She’d leave early enough that the paths in the park were mostly empty, letting her pick up her pace, unconcerned about knocking over anyone else on the trail. She’d clear her mind, no matter what else was happening in her life, she allowed herself the intensity of the moment. The burn in her lungs and in her legs an addictive rush.

The early morning was the hardest part of a twenty-four-hour shift though. So close to going home, but not close enough to relax. Before Carina, Maya used to feel disappointed at the end of shift. She wanted more work. More fire. Home was where she kept her stuff. Spending time there was meaningless. It was just a place to sleep.

And then Carina entered her life and those few hours before the end of shift became a small torture, especially on days when Carina had to leave for the hospital just as Maya was walking through the door. Maya had gone from feeling indifferent about going home to craving it. To craving the warmth of her bedroom and the woman in her bed.

As she stepped into the kitchen, the only thing she felt now was unease. She considered going for a run, but she wanted to stay close in case they had more trouble with Jamie. Her shift didn’t start until noon and Carina was in her final days of mat leave – their time together as a family of three was about to become more complicated.

A family of three…

Maya turned on the coffee maker, tapping her foot as she waited, her mind running scenarios, trying to find solutions to a problem that was totally out of their hands.

It was the hardest part. They were at the mercy of a judge. Of one person who didn’t know them beyond a few documents detailing their credit scores. The lack of control was driving Maya crazy.

She kept coming back to the same thought: there has to be something I can do.

She put out fires for a living. She could read the wind and she could read smoke. She carried people to safety. She saved lives.

She’d carried Jamie to safety.

She’d saved Jamie’s life.

When the coffee was ready, Maya poured herself a mug, hoping Carina wouldn’t mind that she didn’t use the French press. She took a long sip, willing the hot drink to help her calm down.

But nothing could help calm her. Not when her baby was in danger.

Maya Bishop rescued people when they were in danger.

It was what she did.

And she’d be damned if she couldn’t rescue her own child.

She picked up her phone, knowing it was likely too early to do what she was about to do, but she didn’t care. Not as she dialled the number. Not as she let the phone ring. Not even as a tired voice on the other end said, “Ms. Bishop?”

“Mr. Gillespie, hi, I’m sorry to call you this early, but it’s urgent.”

There was a shuffling sound. She’d caught the lawyer still in bed, apparently.

“Ms. Bishop…” Simon began, but Maya cut him off.

“I don’t care what you have to do, but Jamie is not going for another visit, supervised or otherwise. My child is traumatized. She’s terrified. I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I will not allow it to happen again. If that means getting arrested myself that’s a risk I’m willing to take. “

“Ms. Bishop…” Simon tried again. Maya wouldn’t let him.

“I will get every child psychiatrist in this city…in this state to testify if I need to. The court is harming my baby. They are hurting my child. And if you think for one minute that I am going to sit by and let it happen? You are sorely mistaken.”

The door to their bedroom opened and Maya belatedly realized that Carina had joined her, sleepy, but obviously concerned.

“Ms. Bishop, I had planned to call you later in the day, but I suppose now is as good a time as any,” Simon said, surprising Maya in the process.

“Oh…I…”

“Is your wife present too?”

Maya motioned for Carina to join her and then hit speaker phone, lowering the volume as to not wake Jamie.

“We’re both here,” Maya said, sharing a confused look with Carina.

“I’ve spoken with Nancy Lucas about yesterday’s visit. Dawn Ferguson’s common-law husband, a Mr. Gerry Smith, accompanied her. The name wasn’t familiar, so I had my people in Florida do some digging. The guy has a rap sheet a mile long – tax evasion, armed robbery, fraud, arson. There’s also the matter of the biological father, Steven Ferguson. Turns out he’s in jail for sex with a minor.”

“Oddio!” Carina gasped, as she grabbed Maya’s wrist and squeezed.

Simon cleared his throat and continued. “Looks like the biological mother was underage when Jamie was conceived. I just thought the timing was strange – Jamie is almost six months old and social services in Florida conducted an extensive search. Mrs. Lucas told me that they both seemed uninterested in the baby during the supervised visit and most of their questions were about when they could take her back to Florida, about any paperwork they’d need. Something about it didn’t sit right, so last night we got a warrant to search Smith’s laptop and Ferguson’s phone. They want Jamie for the tax break and subsidies. Their search histories pretty much spelled it out.”

Maya clenched her fists, trying to push the anger down.

Family values

Proper home

Carina seemed to sense Maya’s growing rage and locked their fingers, a silent reminder to stay grounded and in the present.

“I’m calling an emergency meeting with the judge this morning. We’ll present evidence, Mrs. Lucas will attend and testify, as well. We’re hoping that by Monday, their petition for adoption will be denied. We’re also going to file a restraining order,” Simon’s voice was calm and professional, like he’d done this a million times. Which he likely had.

But for Maya, it was all brand new and a little overwhelming. There was a lot to process.

“Do we need to come to court on Monday?” Carina asked, clear-headed as usual.

Simon exhaled. “No. No need. I will call you with any and all updates.”

They said goodbye and thank you, standing together in the pale morning light, hand in hand. It should have been a happy moment. The happiest. Except Maya couldn’t stop picturing Jamie crying in Nancy’s arms. She couldn’t stop thinking about Dawn Ferguson’s red nails, about Jamie alone and neglected in a loveless home. She couldn’t stop thinking…

Jamie cried out, startling Maya from her thoughts, relief flooding in as her mind and body registered that Jamie was very much still present. And she wasn’t going anywhere.

They’d won. She was safe.

“Coming, Baby T-Rex!” Maya called, quickly kissing Carina’s cheek before walking into the bedroom. She found Jamie waving her arms and legs, which was Jamie speak for up.

She returned to the kitchen, Jamie against her shoulder, and smiled as Carina handed her a freshly made bottle. With a small adjustment, she moved Jamie to the crook of her arm and for a second, she was reminded of the first time they did this. The first bottle. How unsure she’d been and how Jamie had made her feel more confident.

As Maya watched Jamie drink, she allowed herself to breathe, feeling at peace for the first time in days. Carina looked equally relieved from her spot near the stove.

“She never has to leave,” Maya said, almost as if she needed to hear it again to believe it.

Carina nodded, her eyes soft as she watched Jamie in Maya’s arms.

“And in a few more months…” Carina trailed off joining Maya in the middle of the kitchen.

“A few more months…” Maya whispered, tipping her forehead against Carina’s.

She didn’t want to say it yet. She didn’t want to jinx it. But she was thinking it and she knew Carina was too.

In a few more months, the baby in their arms was going to officially be a DeLuca-Bishop.