30. Chapter 30

Somehow going home felt more daunting than leaving.

They were both filled with anticipation and with four hours to go, the seconds only felt like they were getting longer and longer.

Carina knew they would have to do this all over again next week, but she wanted to concentrate on today. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. Four more hours and Jamie would be back where she belonged.

As Maya parked her jeep in their underground garage, Carina caught sight of Jamie’s car seat in the rear-view mirror and the anxious, needy energy coursing through her body became even more intolerable. Maya dutifully grabbed their three large Target bags, insisting on carrying it all herself, and Carina followed her to the elevator and then down the hall to their apartment.

For someone who initially didn’t want to leave, she was surprised by how reluctant she was to step inside. Maya’s day of activities had been the perfect distraction. After lunch, they’d gone for a walk, hand-in-hand, only stopping to pick up gelato. It was an Italy-themed day, except for the American bacon for breakfast, and Carina was so touched by Maya’s thoughtfulness, by her selfless devotion to making Carina feel more centered.

Carina was still worried that Maya had ignored her own needs. Comfort for Carina was in food and wine and shopping. It was in holding Maya’s hand and looking at the ocean. Maya’s needs were a little different. Her wife likely would have enjoyed a long run in the morning. Maybe some diner food. Maybe even a shift at work because despite the investigation, being a firefighter was still one of the great joys of Maya’s life.

Except Maya didn’t say a word, so Carina didn’t prod, though she wondered if she should tell Maya to go for a run, that she’d be okay on her own.

“I’m going to put this stuff away,” Maya said, raising her hands to show off the bags.

Carina nodded. “I can help.”

“No, no. I’ve got it. Didn’t you say you were in the middle of reading that new study? The one with the…uh…Ureth…no…Uter…”

“Ureterovaginal fistulas,” Carina corrected.

“Yeah. That. Pure nightmare fuel, by the way.” Maya shuddered as she spoke.

Carina couldn’t blame her.

“I’m operating with Meredith Grey next week and I’m hoping to find something less invasive than our current plan,” Carina said, frowning because it was a hard diagnosis and their patient had experienced numerous infections already.

She was excited to return to work, though she’d miss her time with Jamie. But Jamie would be close by in the daycare and Carina liked the idea of her baby coming to work with her every day too. The happy thought was quickly crushed when Carina remembered that Jamie would have to go for another visit with Dawn Ferguson next week. That this would be their life until the judge made a decision.

A decision that could destroy everything.

She wanted to move forward and watch Jamie grow. She wanted Jamie to play with Amelia and Teddy’s kids, she wanted to visit Jamie at lunch and show her off to the nurses. And the custody battle made everything feel so tenuous. She hated the dark cloud it had cast over them.

Shaking away the thought, Carina forced a smile, though no force was required when Maya sweetly kissed her cheek and then disappeared into the nursery. Carina decided to work in their bedroom, choosing the comfort of her pillow over the more rigid chairs in the dining room. She could vaguely hear Maya across the hall, and it was comforting – Maya had been her rock, her constant support, and Carina felt less anxious about Jamie with her nearby.

She checked her email, noting Meredith had sent their patient’s latest CT results and frowned when she realized the fistula was more complex than initially thought. The black and white scan took residence in her brain and she closed her eyes, imagining each step of the proposed surgery. The patient had already undergone an unsuccessful stent procedure and was at risk for incontinence. Carina very much wanted to avoid a urostomy. That, combined with a poorly done hysterectomy at another hospital had Carina totally dedicated to repairing the fistula successfully the first time.

And while she very much wanted to lose herself in work, while she had very much intended to loser herself in work, it was becoming increasingly difficult because she could hear Maya in the nursery.

 Maya who happened to be singing.

Carina heard snippets of the song and could not stop herself from smiling.

You’re simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met…

Although Maya would never admit it in public unless under the influence of alcohol at a karaoke bar, she had a good voice and she was prone to singing to herself while she did chores or thought no one could hear her. Carina always loved to catch these moments, especially after Maya told her that there had been no singing or music in Lane Bishop’s house. Vincenzo was known to play opera at four in the morning while manic, so the idea of a quiet home was beyond foreign to Carina.

But Maya’s voice was sweet and it always gave Carina butterflies. She knew it was silly, they’d been married long enough that Carina had heard Maya sing many times before, but something about Maya’s secret little habit made Carina remember the early exhilarating months of their relationship. The nervous excitement. The too-wide grin when the phone pinged indicating a good morning text or a good night.

Carina closed her laptop and lay back, imagining Maya next door, folding onesies and re-organizing the closet.

I’m stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say, tear us apart, baby, I’d rather be dead…

She wondered if Maya would want a ceremony for their civil union in Italy. Would she want Carina’s family to attend or would it just be the two of them and Jamie? Would any of her family even want to attend? While there was some support from her younger cousins, with nonna gone, many of the remaining relatives had stopped speaking to her, disapproving of her marriage.

Would Maya want food and speeches? Would they actually manage to write their own vows this time? Would there be dancing…

The thought of dancing brought with it the memory of their wedding and Carina inhaled sharply at the image of Maya in her wedding dress. It had been overwhelming, more than overwhelming, and Carina had spent most of the night sneaking riskier and risker touches. Every curve highlighted. Every perfect inch teased. Every muscle, every hidden place that was only for her…

Carina licked her lips, checking the clock, and then decided that after a day of Maya distracting her successfully, she was going to distract Maya.

As expected, Maya had her back to the door and was in the midst of rearranging the changing table when Carina walked into the nursery. She was still humming, her hips swaying just enough to make Carina cross the room in two long strides and wrap her arms around Maya’s waist. She dipped her head, kissing Maya’s neck, inhaling deeply.

“Dr. DeLuca aren’t you supposed to be working?” Maya asked with a laugh in her voice.

Carina reached up with one hand and brushed Maya’s hair to the side, revealing more of her throat. She felt Maya go very still her in arms and took the opportunity to nip at her earlobe.

“What if I don’t want to work anymore?” Carina dragged her lips to Maya’s jaw, finding the steady pulse point just below. Just where she liked to lick.

“But I thought you love looking at vaginas.”

Carina smirked, tightening her hold. “There’s only one vagina I want to look at right now.”

The comment made Maya bow her head and groan, the whispered oh my god and blush almost enough to make Carina laugh. But she wasn’t in a laughing mood.

“Please, Bambina,” Carina dragged her hands up Maya’s torso, cupping her breasts over her shirt.

Maya tensed again in surprise. “Oh! Hi!”

“Ciao, amore, vieni con me…”

Carina stepped away, releasing her grasp, and then took Maya’s hand, walking backwards to the door as she urged her wife to follow. Though Maya feigned reluctance, Carina could tell by the look on her face that she was quite eager to participate in Carina’s plan.

They’d barely made it through the door before Carina grabbed the front of Maya’s shirt and unceremoniously pushed her down on the bed. She landed with a bounce, laughing as Carina climbed on top of her, wasting no time. Maya moaned into their kiss and it made Carina want her even more.

She felt like a teenager making out with her crush, the anxiety in her stomach transforming into those old familiar butterflies. Maya’s hands molded to her sides, holding her up just enough so Carina could balance her weight on her knees, one on either side of Maya’s hips.

There was so much of Maya she wanted. Carina wasn’t sure what to do with her hands first. She settled for sneaking one underneath the hem of Maya’s henley, dragging her fingers up and over a bra-covered breast. With the other she found Maya’s hand, pressing it above her head into the mattress, squeezing as she attacked the pale line of Maya’s throat with her tongue.

“Carina?” Maya breathed, arching under her.

“Hmm?”

“Wait, wait, Carina!”

Carina shifted so she could look down at Maya’s face.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, preparing to move her hands.

Maya nodded, but seemed pensive. “Is this wrong?”

“Is what wrong?”

“This. Our baby is in the hands of a stranger getting traumatized and we’re having sex? It just feels…”

Carina sat up, still straddling Maya, but she moved her hands, planting one on either side of Maya’s head.

“Is it wrong if I am scared and you are scared and touching you makes me feel less scared?”

Maya tilted her head in thought, but Carina wasn’t done.

“It can never be wrong, Maya,” she said, “not between us. Not this.”

A familiar electricity existed between them, an energy that had Maya’s eyes shifting to a darker shade of blue. She took Carina’s face in her hands and studied her intently.

“I meant what I said today,” she said in a voice low and raspy.

For a moment Carina was confused. Maya had a habit of jumping ten steps in any direction and expecting Carina to follow her train of thought as she did. It was as amusing as it was frustrating.

Maya raised her head just enough to trace Carina’s lips with the tip of her tongue.

“I want to be married to you everywhere,” she breathed, settling back onto the bed, bringing Carina closer.

“Maya…”

“Every state. Every country. Everywhere.”

“Vieni qui…”

“Every planet, every universe, every gala…”

Carina silenced her with another kiss, forcing her tongue into Maya’s mouth, though Maya seemed more than pleased to accommodate her. They pulled away from each other breathless and Carina decided she’d been patient enough.

“You are,” Carina swore, sliding her hand down Maya’s tummy, “you already are, Bambina.”

They both moaned as Carina slipped her fingers into Maya’s panties and found her already wet. Maya flushed, biting her lip, squirming under Carina’s body. As good as Maya felt against her hand, Carina wanted something else, something that made her mouth water as she reared back and pulled at Maya’s joggers. Maya managed to half sit, allowing Carina to strip her from the waist down while she tossed her shirt and bra to the side.

It left her naked and sprawled on top of the covers, flushed and already panting.

Carina sunk her fingers into muscled thighs and pushed them apart, lying down on her stomach as she did.

Her first lick was purposefully light, the tip of her tongue against Maya’s clit. It earned her a frustrated growl and Carina smiled against Maya’s heat, amused by her always expressive wife. When a hand found its way into her hair, Carina decided not to tease because she couldn’t wait either. Not when she finally had Maya like this.

She licked inside, the taste alone enough to force a moan from her own throat, she’d never tire of it, never have enough…

Carina swirled her tongue, closing her lips over Maya’s clit, changing pressure as she sucked and lightly bit. Each graze of her teeth made Maya arch, a needy whine forced from her throat as Carina took her. Took all of her.

All of Carina’s stress, all of her fear melted away as she sunk two fingers into Maya, as she slipped inside, as Maya’s body surrounded her, surrendered to her, sheltered her, made her feel like the world made sense again. The hand in her hair tugged, and Carina understood, starting to thrust and curl her fingers, thrust and curl and suck, as strong thighs tried to trap her in place.

Part of Carina didn’t want Maya to finish yet. She wanted to keep going, Maya’s smell and taste so intoxicating that she wanted to stay forever. But she also wanted to give Maya pleasure, so much pleasure, her Maya who was her strength and her guardian.

Maya’s legs twitched, she dug into the mattress with her heels, and Carina could tell she was chasing whatever surge had started deep within. Her hips bucked, but Carina did not let go, sucking with unrelenting pressure as she fucked Maya hard, hard enough that she could hear her fingers as she thrust and curled, thrust and curled…

She wanted to tell Maya to let go, but even more she wanted to keep her mouth between Maya’s legs, so instead she used her free hand to stroke up Maya’s body, between her breasts, flattening her palm over Maya’s heart. It raced beneath her touch, steady and strong, and Carina almost faltered when Maya’s hand found hers and brought it up to her lips, where she proceeded to lick Carina’s fingertips.

As Maya closed her lips around Carina’s thumb, as she sucked, Carina felt herself lose focus, though she quickly found herself again, desperately wanting to feel Maya’s release. She thrashed her clit, moving her tongue in quick circles that forced Maya to tilt her head back and gasp for air.

“Carina,” she called out, strangled, “fuck…babe…Carina…”

It happened so quickly. Maya shook beneath Carina’s touch, her walls clenching around Carina’s fingers, and then with a half-scream she came, both hands fisted into the sheets, as if she would ascend without the steady anchor.

Carina helped her down, slowing her movements until she pulled her fingers out and replaced them with her tongue, wanting her reward. Maya was breathing heavily, each inhale nothing more than a shaking vibration, her eyes closed in blissed-out pleasure while Carina cleaned every inch of her, greedy with want.

The soft, happy sigh from above inspired Carina to move. She dragged her lips against the inside of Maya’s thigh, tasting her there too, and then shifted upwards, dipping her tongue against a hipbone, a warm tummy, between Maya’s breasts where her heartbeat felt like the air in Carina’s lungs. When she reached Maya’s face, she found her smiling, her blue eyes watching Carina with satiated contentment, a vast change from the worry that she’d worn for days and days.

Carina kissed her, brushing her lips against Maya’s, wanting her to taste. To taste herself, to taste how good she was.

“Thank you for today, Bambina,” Carina said, still hovering over Maya, her knees holding her weight.

Maya stretched and then settled, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Carina’s ear. She considered Carina for a moment, dragging her fingers over Carina’s cheek, across her lips, until they paused on Carina’s chin, holding her in place.

“No one is taking her from us,” Maya said, low and firm, leaving no room for argument.

Carina believed her. She believed every word because Maya believed them too.

The stress of the week bloomed across Carina’s back, making her muscles feel heavy and worn. She lay down, her head on Maya’s chest, knowing she was likely heavy but unable to stop herself.

She was just so tired. The constant worry. The fear. The loss.

Carina was exhausted.

Maya’s skin was impossibly soft beneath her cheek, she smelled so good, Carina could barely keep her eyes open though part of her knew that she needed to move, or get undressed, or do anything other than pin Maya beneath her.

“Let’s put you to bed,” Maya said, her strong arms suddenly around Carina’s back. She rolled them both, and then helped Carina crawl higher up the bed until her head reached her pillow.

“But…che ore è?”

There was movement close by and then the mattress dipped and Carina knew without looking that Maya was no longer next to her. She cracked an eye open, watching Maya circle to her side of the room, naked and still flushed.

“Two hours,” Maya answered, undoing the button on Carina’s jeans. She pulled them down Carina’s legs, leaving them on the floor before grabbing the extra blanket from the chair in the corner of the room and draping it over Carina’s body.

“Non voglio dormire per due ore.”

“Okay.”

“Maya?”

English was becoming difficult. Carina could feel it slipping away as she gave in to the comfort of their bed.

“Dovresti andare a correre,” she said, reaching out blindly. Her hand landed on a soft hip. It made her sigh.

The mattress dipped again and Carina felt Maya sit down beside her.

“A run?” She asked, obviously struggling with the translation.

Carina nodded.

Warm lips pressed against her forehead. “I’ll go for an hour, okay?”

“Sì, Tesoro.”

Sleep pulled and Carina chased it, allowing herself to finally rest. She was vaguely aware of Maya moving about the room undoubtably getting dressed. A hand stroked through her hair, brushing it off her forehead, but Carina was barely conscious. She couldn’t move even if she wanted to.

“I love you.”

Maya’s voice sounded far away. It was the last thing Carina heard before giving in to her exhaustion.