Ite Ad Joseph

(A/N: Just making sure that everyone knows something pretty important, since it has been brought to my attention: MC is an extremely unreliable narrator. Last chapter, with the stuff about a certain someone tampering with the Holy Swords and using them in... unsavory ways? Complete BS that is not true. Same with the stuff concerning Griselda being Alessandro's wife from before. Keep that in mind as we go on - in situations like last chapter, where MC goes ballistic and starts saying stuff without any basis, he's probably saying stuff for the sake of it. He just didn't resonate with any swords and tried to rationalize it to himself.

Also, Merry Christmas, even if most people are already living in the day after.)

While I was expunging the bitter truth of humanity's inevitable, bloody doom, forceful repentance, heavenly retribution, and almighty punishment - all of which will assuredly caused by their inherent foolishness, on display for anyone with a functioning brain to see - I was multitasking, listening to everything going on around me.

Which I didn't have to do for long, as my inner rant only continued on for around fifteen minutes. Light work, to be honest; I entertained myself with my thoughts back home, as there was nothing else to distract myself with in that dull place, so pontificating the truth within my mind while still going about my daily routine is something I'm used to doing for days on end.

All of that thinking time was inconsequential, though, as not much had happened in the meantime anyway. To summarize it, Leonidas bid farewell to the defiler of swords and started bringing us to our next test: the Magical Affinity one.

And we were currently entering the site at which it would be held.

He did tell us some information on the way - namely, that the point of this test was just to measure and awaken our Mana reserves. Apparently, they make you awaken it regardless of whether or not you have any potential in Magic, as doing so can increase your lifespan.

I'm not complaining. The antediluvian people - such as Methuselah, Jared, and Adam - each lived for a little under a millennium because of a blessing from God, and that blessing just might have granted them much more Mana and thereby lengthened their lifespans.

Think about it. God has control over all things of this world, so naturally, the original humans he was most involved with would be gifted those supernatural fruits of his labor.

Well, the fruits were not gained through labor. God can effortlessly do anything.

That gift was most likely diluted and taken away as humanity went down the path of evil, neglecting and doubting their almighty Creator and ultimately shooting themselves in the foot by squandering His gift.

The Holy One, naturally, took it away from them.

Hm. All of this is plausible, actually.

I didn't expect my little contemplation session to bear such reasonable fruit of mind. This thought train has some potential. Did God's chosen people receive an inherent advantage through His blessing, with one of the benefits being high Mana reserves?

It would explain quite a lot about them throughout history. They've scraped together power and influence from nothing, time and time again - perhaps the gift left an impact on their blood, granting them more benefits than anyone else despite being diluted.

I'll need to verify this in the future. Perhaps I'll even submit it as a religious doctrine of the Church, given its soundness.

What I need to worry about is ignorant philistines, being the sheep they are, decrying my universal truth and slandering my respectable name as they always do. They're the ones who thoughtlessly beg Heaven to smite their fellow believers, ignoring their own hypocrisy and depraved nature.

Who are they to deny me of my thoughts?

Am I to listen to the unknowing followers of Satan?

Unbelievable. These false prophets have gained disgusting influence among the people of this world.

Anyway. Back to reality.

We had entered where we'd be undergoing the Magical Affinity test - a colosseum-esque sub-dimension.

I'm not sure as to why something so grand was required for an allegedly quick test, but I won't complain. It's adorned with decorations of the highest prestige - and the silver crucifix hanging above, watching over us all, was certainly a nice touch.

What really distracted me, though, was who would be testing us. I couldn't help but snicker.

Cael. I'd already forgotten that he existed, but apparently, fate enjoys forcing me to encounter men I have grievances with.

Well, it's not much trouble. I don't think I had any especially serious issues with him - I would begin internally seething with thoughts of homicide upon seeing his face, if so. It was simple stuff, such as the possibility of him being Irish and his generally disrespectful attitude, the latter of which I can chalk up to a mere unsavory personality trait.

The former is unforgivable, however.

I wracked my brain for any other notable details about him, finding none.

Now that I do so, actually, our meeting feels like it happened months ago. It's only been around a week.

Anyway, even his personality wasn't a particularly significant detail. He was straightforward, seemingly stubborn, and cared for his partner…

Hm. Never mind. That last part would qualify as a 'particularly significant detail', considering the fact that I crippled and nearly killed his partner.

This could be troublesome.

"Alright. Listen up," he began. "I'm not prolonging this any further than necessary. I'm not giving you information on Magic, Mana, none of that. You come over here, I awaken your Mana, tell you your current reserve level, and then you leave. First will be Ioann."

He seems to hold a grudge. Or maybe that's just a personality trait of his - who knows? Certainly not me. I only knew him for around fifteen minutes.

"Ioann. I just said you're first. Come over here," he shouted, hands behind his back.

Now that I notice it, he's not dressed in that… what did I decide to call it when first meeting Leonidas?

Ah, yes. Battle priest uniform.

Anyway, he wasn't wearing that, instead dressed in priest robes. I suppose those are the two options of dress you'd have in the papacy.

I should probably start the 'test' or whatever is going on here. Perhaps referring to it as an awakening would be more fitting, considering that, from what I've been told, it's not much of a test?

Regardless, I did as he said, ignoring his vulgar tone.

"Lay down on your back. Arms outstretched."

"Alright," I replied, dropping down.

As soon as I did, he got on his knees to my right side, and punched me as hard as he could in the stomach whilst wearing what I think to be combat gloves he was hiding behind his back.

And being punched by a man presumably raised from a young age to battle the enemies of the faith did not feel particularly good.

Only heathens such as he could feel the need to enact this cruel, unnecessary violence upon a righteous man.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. And I did, turning to the side and trying my hardest to vomit - although, I couldn't, as I hadn't eaten anything in days, literally.

Unfortunate that he's succumbing to Satan's influence. It appears that the rancid thoughts of vengeance and spite have infiltrated his mind. However, I've already fulfilled my daily quota of fire and brimstone; the most I can manage under these circumstances is mentally adding another man to my list.

While I was trying my best to recover, Cael put his hand on the back of my head and closed his eyes, trying to feel something. He apparently found it, because his eyes opened and he stood up. "You have above average reserves. Plenty of potential to be a Magician. Next."

Who's next…? Ah, yes.

I couldn't help but grin. Not at my Magical potential - I'm fairly neutral about it for now - but at the fact that Priska was about to undergo the same procedure.

Rather than break down in laughter and mock me for my plight, I saw that she was anxious - because she knew that the same thing would happen to her in a second, and she might not be able to weather the blow.

Despite my haggardly state, I stumbled back to Leonidas, intent on watching the show.

If his punch left me like this, what kind of effect will it have on her? Will she experience organ failure? Or a broken rib?

I wish to see. Even the enacter of such justice is one of the men on my list, I am more than happy to see her punishment delivered - even if it's a mere fraction of what is deserved.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine," Leonidas assured her.

I didn't take him for a practicer of favoritism.

Where was that support when I was about to puke? Where is it now, when I'm gasping for breath on wobbly legs?

I'm not sure if this is a testament to my supposed resilience, that he knows I'm capable of handling it, or if he simply doesn't care.

"Don't treat me like a child," she snapped.

So petulant.

Priska began to slowly walk towards Cael, and despite her attempts to keep a stoic face, I could just taste the worry in the air.

As she laid down and shut her eyes in preparation of what was to come, I waited with bated breath for a punishment from above in the form of a fist.

Only for her to get a light flick in the stomach.

A light flick from his finger. I exert more force when I sneeze.

That's it? That's all she gets? Didn't he have to punch me in the stomach to awaken my Mana?

Sensing my unasked questions, Leonidas leaned over and whispered the answer: "He punched you because he wanted to. A light application of force is all that's needed, since the goal is just to give the Mana a little bit of force behind it and help it flow throughout the body more easily. I don't blame him, though; we both know what you did, whether it was an accident or not."

Originally, it was by mistake, but now, I'd purposefully do it a hundred times over if I could.

And this time, Alessandro won't be the only injured one.

Speaking of which, how did Cael even survive my 'attack'? Was it his Magic?

Maybe such a thing is more useful than I thought.

The first thought that comes to mind is making some sort of ranged weapon so that there's no need for me to put myself in danger.

I'll experiment later on.

"You have… fairly below average Mana reserves. I wouldn't recommend practicing Magic; you'd exhaust yourself with basically any one spell."

At least I got something out of this. While Priska has neither physical strength nor Mana, I have both. All she's left with is a sword that can't even properly be used by her yet.

Yes, that was another conversation during our walk over here. Caladbolg is capable of cleaving through mountains, but that's a con for her as of now: She can't control it.

How can one properly train with an ability that decimates its surroundings with a minor strike?

I remember Leonidas saying something along the lines of 'it's no Durandal', which is a Holy Sword that apparently has the trait of completely overwhelming its user in power, 'but it has a similar issue for weaker users'.

Which is a fitting adjective to describe such a creature. Weak.

As she doesn't even have the sword yet, let alone tried it out, we don't know what her issues when using it will be, but it's presumed that she'll be drained from trying to wield the sword in battle, won't be able to bring out it's full power until she can handle it - which is apparently true for all Holy Swords, the effect is simply exacerbated with especially powerful ones - and might faint after some decent time using it.

No matter. She can be a human shield when we have to fight Devils - unfortunately as a duo. I'll have to test out my powers before then to figure out what kind of strategies are available.

Cael began walking away, and Leonidas did the same, the signal that we were done here. At least he held true to his word.

With all of her fear gone, Priska returned to her normal self, laughing at my predicament.

"It appears there are intelligent members in our ranks," she giggled, "as anyone with even a modicum of judgement would do the same as he. Such a funny scene! Haha! Oh, I can't get over it. I wish I had a recording."

"Yes, well, you'll be sparring sometime today," Leonidas added, interrupting my rebuttal with an even better one, "so I wouldn't be laughing too hard just yet… especially considering the difference in build between you two."

Perfect. Now is the time to unleash my spite.

I'll get a chance to pummel this despicable, pompous witch with my own power.

The pain in my gut disappeared after hearing that news. It was instead replaced with a feeling of warmth, happiness that I had not experienced for many years.

Her expression faltered after hearing that news and returned after a second or two, albeit with less vigor. "I have a Holy Sword. What's he going to do?"

He said we'd be sparring today, and the defiler of swords said he needs to fill out and submit paperwork to give it to her, so I can assume that it won't be ready in time.

Even if it is, it won't matter. She can't use it, and I have God on my side.

"What will I do? I'll break your spine over my kne-"

"Let's not get too excited, now." Leonidas clapped his hands. "Anyway, I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I'm still your caretaker, apparently. It may or may not change depending on whether or not I'm needed for an assignment. But your first trainer has been chosen." He smiled. "His name is Joseph. After he's taught you the basics in fighting supernatural beings and has made sure you're both physically fit enough to move on, you will do so, training in your specific fields."

"And what fields are those?" I asked.

"Priska will obviously train in swordsmanship and probably nothing more. Both her Sacred Gear and Holy Sword need such skills, so trying to focus on something like Magic would be counterproductive. You, on the other hand," he gestured toward my hands, "have a more general purpose Sacred Gear and, from what I heard, high potential in Magic. You'll have to scout your options and choose what you want to do."

What a dilemma. High potential in something that scripture decrees to be heretical, yet that something could help immensely in extermination of heretics, blasphemers and demons.

What to do, what to do. I don't know enough to make an informed decision.

Whatever. I'll test the waters; he hasn't failed me yet.

"Isn't Magic forbidden?"

He shrugged. "It's debated. Literally. There are scheduled debates between members of the Church once every day, and a topic that comes up often is the issue of whether or not Magic is heretical. I believe that the next Magic debate is in a few days, actually. You could attend it, if you want."

Debates? Interesting. I'd like to participate in these sorts of religious discussions. Seeing the general opinions of the Vatican's clergy on these matters would be very… enlightening.

I hope they don't disappoint. Well, they should as well, to be fair. My arguments will most likely grind theirs into dust if they're especially amateurish.

"I would, yes. And what do these debates entail?"

"Technically, they're discussions, but they end up becoming debates anyway. It's nothing so strict: A topic of the day is decided, and the participants argue over - or, if they're especially level-headed, discuss - it, while an audience watches and can add in their own opinion, if they so wish."

"How long until the next debate about the matter of race?" Priska asked. "The Curse of Ham would be an interesting topic to tackle."

"You can suggest it as a topic, if you want; that's how most are brought up. The Curse of Ham comes up occasionally, but I wouldn't recommend that you participate."

"Oh? And why is that?" She snickered at him. "Do people feel uncomfortable about such a topic?"

"No. It's because your take on it would be quite unsavory to certain groups." He chuckled. "I don't think the Ethiopians would appreciate your thoughts."

True. I doubt an ethnicity of African Christians would enjoy hearing that their bloodline is cursed and blackened for their sins.

"Anyway, if you hadn't noticed, which I doubt, we're in Aquinas Hall now. This is where many combat-oriented sub-dimensions reside and where Joseph is, specifically at…" he pulled a piece of paper out of another one of his unseen pockets, "number forty-eight. Come on. I know him personally, and what he has in store should be entertaining."

Hm. Now that he mentions it, this entrance is quite large.

The door swung open, and I was stupefied. Petrified, even, the sheer majesty of the scene before my eyes threatening to overwhelm me.

I must pray. There is no other fitting action.

In the name of the Father…

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'Ite Ad Joseph' means 'Go to Joseph'. It's a biblical reference, although I chose it because of the obvious reason: They're going to Joseph in this chapter.

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