A Badass Santa

"What kind of job?" Victor asked with a mix of interest and skepticism. Though clearly bothered by the fact that TOM was or is? A god of 'Chaos and Order'.

"A one where you traverse different realities," TOM answered, finding amusement in Victor's inner turmoil. 

"That," Victor paused. "That actually seems pretty cool." 

"It sure is, isn't it?" TOM said as he cackled.

Victor, now more curious than ever, asked, "So, is it like a 'Rick and Morty' type of deal? Where I end up in some crazy alternate reality, get a laser gun, or have to make out with some grotesque creature to save a planet, or other 'Rick and Morty' shenanigans?"

"Or is it more like, 'go in, kill baby Hitler, and bounce'?" Victor added with a smirk.

TOM laughed softly and said, "Seems like I already know your answer, Victor." Sipping his cup, he calmly added, "Still, I'm a bit offended that you'd think I'll force you to do such a barbaric act."

As Victor scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, TOM continued,

"But yes and no, it indeed is wacky, for lack of a better word.

But you won't simply 'go out' after completing your given task." 

"Why not?" Victor asked, a hint of apprehension in his voice.

"You see, your would-be job, though simple, is still quite challenging," said TOM. "Are you familiar with the 'SCP protocol'?" 

"Don't tell me I've got to f*cking 'contain' SCP's?" said Victor with a bit of sweat in his forehead.

"Sadly, no, but who knows. Fate is quite the little rascal, I heard," TOM enigmatically answered. 

Victor gulped as he felt a sense of foreboding in TOM's words.

"You will at the very least train me, right?" Victor asked with a hint of desperation, now understanding the weight of his decision.

TOM chuckled softly and said, "Of course, Victor. Now, as I said before, you simply won't 'go in and go out'. Since you will need to deal with the aftermath of the reality you'll be 'tasked'."

"So you're saying after dealing with the main 'task', I'll have to deal with its aftermath?" Victor asked, then added, "Ain't that a bit of a hassle on my part?" 

"Yes, Victor, since you'll be 'graded'," TOM answered, then began listing the 'criteria'.

"You'll be 'graded' based on

1. How fast you finish the task.

2. How easily you handled your situation.

3. How well you wrap up the aftermath."

TOM then added, "The third and last, though mostly optional. Could still garner you bountiful rewards or 'points', which I'll reveal later. Any questions?" 

Victor raised his arm like an eager elementary school student.

"Yes, Victor?" TOM played along.

"Who will be grading me? And are there others like me?" Victor asked. "And also, what can I do with these 'points'?"

Sipping his cup, TOM then answered, "The ones in charge of 'grading' would be my subordinates, and yes, there are others like you."

"But only a handful was chosen by me, so be grateful, Victor," TOM joked, sporting a sh*t-eating grin.

Rolling his eyes, Victor said with obvious sarcasm, "I thank you for choosing me, oh benevolent one," topping it off with a theatrical bow.

TOM cackled and said, "You are very welcome, Victor. Now as for your third question, these 'points' could get you literally anything you think of. Here take a look," TOM then waved his hand.

Then, all of a sudden, an 'Interface' appeared in front of Victor. With widened eyes, Victor scoured the 'Interface'. There are endless options, ranging from [houses], [weapons], [pets], or [worlds]. Swiping up or down, left or right, seemingly intrigued by this 'Interface'. 

.

.

.

.

As minutes passed, Victor now, done fidgeting with his new toy, said in amazement "Wow, just wow."

"Done gaping at the screen Victor? Said TOM teasingly.

Victor sighed and said, "A portal gun for just 2,500,000 pts? Quite a bargain, don't you think?" 

"I think it's fair," said TOM with a shrug. "It might save you when you're in a tough spot." 

"You make the rules. So you do you, I guess," Victor said in exasperation.

"Though I don't quite get what my would-be job really is. Since you didn't explain it, you know," Victor asked.

"Ah right, we got sidetracked. Well in simple terms, you'd be a 'Mercenary'. And an omniversal one to boot!" TOM answered, then continued, "Though you most likely won't achieve a 'Omniversal' level of power, still, we'll see what's in store for your future, no?"

"Now do you have any more questions? If not I'll wrap things up then send you to your 'training montage'." TOM said with a hint of excitement.

"Oh, one last thing. Who gives out these 'tasks'?" Victor asked.

"It really depends; anyone can hand out a 'task'. But our clients are gods, demons, angels, and even your coworkers, and the 'collective thought'. As what I like to call it," TOM said.

"What's the 'collective thought'?" asked Victor.

"As its name suggests, the 'collective thought' is a concept that came from countless' beings or mortals wishes." TOM answered.

Victor, obviously confused, just looked at TOM with furrowed eyebrows.

TOM sighed and said, "In simple terms, if trillions upon trillions of sentient beings all wished for the same thing, a 'task' would then appear. And your job would be to help with their wishes. Simple enough, yes?"

"So essentially, we're like Santa?" Victor excitedly asked.

With a roll of his eyes, obviously knowing what Victor is currently thinking. TOM just said, in exasperation,

"Yes, Victor, a badass Santa that slays demons, shoots laser guns, and saves damsels in distress." 

"Hell yeah!" said Victor as he pumped his fists.

"Well, then, I believe that wraps everything up," TOM said.

"Ah, yes," Victor responded as he woke up from his excited stupor. He stood up from the floor, walked towards TOM, extended his hand, and said, "Thanks, TOM, you know, for giving me a second chance at life." 

TOM stood up from his comfy chair and accepted the gesture with a gentle smile. Letting go of Victor's hand, he then snapped his fingers; a second later, a rectangular portal appeared. 

TOM looked at Victor and said,

"It has been a pleasure, Victor; your life was always 'amusing and entertaining' to watch." 

Victor, understanding the innuendo, laughed and teased. "Well, better be amusing than boring, no?"

TOM sofly laughed and nodded his head.

As Victor approached the portal, he heard TOM say,

"And Victor? Wear a helmet next time, okay?"

Without turning around, Victor laughed. Waving his middle finger at TOM, he then entered the portal.