Entrail_JI
such a hard read. the pacing of the paragraphs, the confusing changes in pov, the confusing story itself. Above all, the over dramatic ‘realism’ you’re trying to incorporate into your story. “how would some really act if they’d been put into someone else body?” Personally i hope i don’t act like a complete drooling, mindless idiot. I honestly don’t enjoy reading this type of jumbled “mystery” and i consider myself to be a fan of the mystery tag. This is an example of getting caught up into your own ideas and just spitting them out hoping it comes off as mysterious.
Too much drawback to a power you need to touch pple to use, a mage is not someone who fight in close combat, no matter the level and is this how he's going to feel everytime he tries to use is emotive magic(will he just start crying everytime he uses sadness and happy whenever he uses happiness) and why is the fear still haunting him even tho he already used it on someone? (doesn't make sense tbh) it's like when he stabs someone he would later feel the pain of the wound? and can you pls just give him the memory and atleast let him know what he's doing bcos it's like he's just there, just blind, just ignorant of stuffs