Comments of chapter undefined of Avatar: Macai's Journey
Avatar: Macai's Journey
Brian_Hanes_117
Chapter comments21
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Brian_Hanes_117
A great start to the story! I really like your writing style! My only critique would be that the beginning of the chapter moves a bit slowly, all of the routine with brushing teeth, eating food, etc. could be omitted to some degree. You don't need to take it ALL out but the beginning felt a bit slow from all of the mundane things.
Saw your comment on my forum post now, I think you commented on it in November last year. Sorry about that, I totally missed it. Anyway - not too familiar with this universe. I think you write well, but writing in present tense really throws me off, sorry. An example is " ... Yosari gets up and prepares ... " vs. "Yosari got up and prepared" runs better for me (and many others, I think). Do come and read my stuff if you want. M. J. Holmgren
For those who don't know, Avatar: Macai's Journey is written in a fresh hybrid style that combines aspects of screenplay with novel and comic elements. While readers are delving into this story, they are advised to envision the scenes as if they are happening before their eyes. Music titles are added for further immersion which allows content explorers to read through important scenes with background music can seamlessly be played from a different tab or from their phones. Youtube has all of the listed song titles. Action scenes are crafted in a way that readers can picture each motion of a fight from start to finish.
