Review Detail of Kaiimei in Multiverse: War Thunder System
Review detail
Okay, I'm gonna just be upfront about this: You need to get ahold of a beta, someone who will read through the chapter and make it flow better. There's way too many parts that either are just outright mistakes, or do things that you really needed to stop and think "Does this make sense in-universe?" The first major thing was Hanns shooting first at the Atlesians. He had absolutely no way to know what they were there for, aside from that it was likely for him. Whether they were there to investigate, to capture him, to kill him or simply to confirm that he did in fact exist, he couldn't possibly know, and yet he held no hesitation in shooting at them and killing a large amount of people without remorse or even a moment of real thought. The characters do that a lot, they very quickly reach the correct answer and nothing even remotely dissuades them from that answer. You need to put yourself in their position and give some serious thought as to whether that conclusion is the conclusion that they should have reached at that moment. As for the story itself, it's an oddball but I like that, the idea of a living tank with a game system, that's a fun story idea that I haven't read in a story before. A bit silly sometimes and picturing exactly what Hanns is doing can be hard since you seem to prefer more vague terms and broad strokes for the combat, but that's fine.
Multiverse: War Thunder System
Jake_Hansel
Liked by 22 people
LIKEReplies9
Thinking about it now, this is very good advice. When I first started this fanfiction I had absolutely no idea how I should go about making one. I posted it here without thinking it's going to be actually read by anyone. To my surprise, I received support and obviously negativity. It was my first exposure to the world of writing. Many times messages were thanks given by the readers and other times it was people constantly complaining. Weeks went on and the messages containing negativity were mostly due to personal reasons, not for how I wrote or structured the story. This, I thought, was one of them. Thinking it was just another person that read from the start and dropped it immediately. What was my first reaction? To argue of course. Though it kept going, from the first chapter till the current end. I thought about it, and in a rare case of actual advice from this site, I genuinely saw how this story could change. I'm not going to drop it just for that, I'll try to finish this story to the best of my ability. I don't have friends that read a lot, someone who could've helped me when I first started. Seeing this made me want to write, hopefully, better (lol). So, again, this is good advice.
Hey, constructive criticism is one of the best avenues for growth <3 I know my first reviews (Over on Fanfiction) were almost all just friendly and positive, and that was nice, but it didn't help me grow. It took me almost 8 months to settle into my current style of writing and I just look back at those old chapters and honestly kinda wish people were just a little more critical of my work, it would have helped me to write better stories. The thing is, I like this story, and I want it to be better. These little issues that I notice as a writer myself (1.7 million words archived so far, closer to 1.8 million though if you count AO3 stuff) are little things that might put readers off without them really recognising it actively. I might come across as a bit mean or not understanding but that's an issue I have with any story I read now. After writing so many of my own stories, I can't switch off that side of me that says "This sucks for these reasons" and I start disliking the story, even if sometimes that dislike isn't warranted. I can wholeheartedly say though I did enjoy the story, the review is as low as it is simply because of the issues mentioned, plus I think you are writing a bit too quickly and as such the quality suffers, with issues cropping up like spelling mistakes, at one point a few words in a sentence were missing (I tried to find it, idk if you fixed it or not but I gave up quickly, woo for a short attention span) and other small issues that, again, aren't story-breakers to most people but that kinda put me off. The way I see it is that if your story has a ton of easy-to-fix mistakes like that in it, it just tells me you don't care enough about your story to reread what you wrote and correct the obvious errors. I'm not saying you don't care, just that doing that is what it tells me <3
Jake_Hansel:Thinking about it now, this is very good advice. When I first started this fanfiction I had absolutely no idea how I should go about making one. I posted it here without thinking it's going to be actually read by anyone. To my surprise, I received support and obviously negativity. It was my first exposure to the world of writing. Many times messages were thanks given by the readers and other times it was people constantly complaining. Weeks went on and the messages containing negativity were mostly due to personal reasons, not for how I wrote or structured the story. This, I thought, was one of them. Thinking it was just another person that read from the start and dropped it immediately. What was my first reaction? To argue of course. Though it kept going, from the first chapter till the current end. I thought about it, and in a rare case of actual advice from this site, I genuinely saw how this story could change. I'm not going to drop it just for that, I'll try to finish this story to the best of my ability. I don't have friends that read a lot, someone who could've helped me when I first started. Seeing this made me want to write, hopefully, better (lol). So, again, this is good advice.
Jake_Hansel:Thinking about it now, this is very good advice. When I first started this fanfiction I had absolutely no idea how I should go about making one. I posted it here without thinking it's going to be actually read by anyone. To my surprise, I received support and obviously negativity. It was my first exposure to the world of writing. Many times messages were thanks given by the readers and other times it was people constantly complaining. Weeks went on and the messages containing negativity were mostly due to personal reasons, not for how I wrote or structured the story. This, I thought, was one of them. Thinking it was just another person that read from the start and dropped it immediately. What was my first reaction? To argue of course. Though it kept going, from the first chapter till the current end. I thought about it, and in a rare case of actual advice from this site, I genuinely saw how this story could change. I'm not going to drop it just for that, I'll try to finish this story to the best of my ability. I don't have friends that read a lot, someone who could've helped me when I first started. Seeing this made me want to write, hopefully, better (lol). So, again, this is good advice.
Jake_Hansel:Thinking about it now, this is very good advice. When I first started this fanfiction I had absolutely no idea how I should go about making one. I posted it here without thinking it's going to be actually read by anyone. To my surprise, I received support and obviously negativity. It was my first exposure to the world of writing. Many times messages were thanks given by the readers and other times it was people constantly complaining. Weeks went on and the messages containing negativity were mostly due to personal reasons, not for how I wrote or structured the story. This, I thought, was one of them. Thinking it was just another person that read from the start and dropped it immediately. What was my first reaction? To argue of course. Though it kept going, from the first chapter till the current end. I thought about it, and in a rare case of actual advice from this site, I genuinely saw how this story could change. I'm not going to drop it just for that, I'll try to finish this story to the best of my ability. I don't have friends that read a lot, someone who could've helped me when I first started. Seeing this made me want to write, hopefully, better (lol). So, again, this is good advice.
Jake_Hansel:Thinking about it now, this is very good advice. When I first started this fanfiction I had absolutely no idea how I should go about making one. I posted it here without thinking it's going to be actually read by anyone. To my surprise, I received support and obviously negativity. It was my first exposure to the world of writing. Many times messages were thanks given by the readers and other times it was people constantly complaining. Weeks went on and the messages containing negativity were mostly due to personal reasons, not for how I wrote or structured the story. This, I thought, was one of them. Thinking it was just another person that read from the start and dropped it immediately. What was my first reaction? To argue of course. Though it kept going, from the first chapter till the current end. I thought about it, and in a rare case of actual advice from this site, I genuinely saw how this story could change. I'm not going to drop it just for that, I'll try to finish this story to the best of my ability. I don't have friends that read a lot, someone who could've helped me when I first started. Seeing this made me want to write, hopefully, better (lol). So, again, this is good advice.