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John_Ryan_8278

John_Ryan_8278

Lv12

if I say something questionable just pretend it's right hello if you think im dumb so do i I do not want to be horny anymore I just wish to be happy

2022-03-02 JoinedIreland
-d

Writing

407.4h

of reading

475

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12

Moments

3544
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82783mth
    Replied to John_Ryan_8278

    I am going to keep an eye on this story and see where it goes from here and I might make another review if there is a significant difference

    altalt
    Blessed By A Goddess In My Depressing School Life: Volume 1
    Fantasy · TheUnknown_goat
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82783mth
    Posted

    For this review, I’m going to start by listing the negatives 1. Almost every word has a capital letter and that can make it hard to read clearly and can kill the motivation to read a story, I’m not sure if it does so but apps like Grammarly can help quite a lot with quality control 2. The way the story reads isn't great as it ends up feeling like “ Mc did this and then he did this” This is mainly due to the fact that the entire story is the MC's thoughts You should try and strike a balance between a narration of the MC's actions ( like for example “ I moved towards the door, my heart pounding” sorta disconnected from his thoughts), His thoughts ( Just everything from the MC's perspective) and his actual thoughts ( Thoughts that would be read by a mind reader like “I need to do my school work or moms going to kill me”) Also, it feels like the descriptions are lacking but I am not sure where they just kind of feel jarring 3. The dialogue doesn't feel realistic like when the main characters say my good old pal (name) as if people talk like that Just try to think of how you talk to people and the casualness of it because you don't need to constantly remind your friends they are your friends by saying, pal This might have come about by you trying to make us understand the relationships between characters but it is fine to make things a little confusing at times so everything flows well because we would have seen that the Mc and his friends are friends just by seeing them hang out together rather than it needing to be stated 4. Make sure you understand the image your MC is giving off because it is likely different from how you imagine it For example, when reading there is a bully-type character mentioned and briefly shown but we never actually see anything that warrants that attitude towards him But with the MC we actively see him being rude, violent and just an all-round delinquent and and person when he damm near almost hit a girl who seems to have trying to be kind and hang out with the MC So when reading my image of the main character is worse than the image of the bully/jock and I'm not sure that is intentional Just double-check or get a proofreader to make sure you are coming across how you want to from here on 5. Show don't tell is a very important rule try and follow it like the gospel 6. The MC has to seem real so try and make the actions the MC makes realistic because I'm sure I don't need to tell you what appears to be an American girl using -San looks like or the MC wanting to shoot a rocket into a small classroom full of students as a prank as all it is, is a good way to go to jail or get shot and goes against common sense - there isn't much else to critique seeing as to how it just began but these issues can kill a story so try and be mindful of them and if you have any friends get them to proofread for you so you can have a second opinion on your work before you release it The issues with this story are mainly due to what seems to be a lack of experience and that will naturally disappear with time if you keep writing Also, this may seem overly negative but again I was just listing the negatives there are just as many positives don’t get me wrong For anyone reading this, I'd recommend the first view chapters to see if you vibe with the story

    altalt
    Blessed By A Goddess In My Depressing School Life: Volume 1
    Fantasy · TheUnknown_goat
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82783mth
    Commented

    This is actually incredibly dangerous and if you do it in real life you are likely to end up in prison even if you aren’t an adult yet

    "Let's Launch Fireworks In Class!" He Cheered, I Placed A Finger On My Chin In Deep Thought However, Launching Fireworks Inside Would Be Quite Funny. Since A Favourite YouTuber Of Mine Did It Before And It Shook The Media, So Maybe We Should Attempt It.
    altalt
    Blessed By A Goddess In My Depressing School Life: Volume 1
    Fantasy · TheUnknown_goat
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Replied to Dominus_Imperius

    Bro snoozing

    'You know what? I'm going to sleep. Day Misha can deal with this.
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    New chap

    A Gift of Change
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Replied to Nobody_0wens

    Nah just edge

    "I'm just surprised you're not some old man who has seen so much in life. In fact, you're just a teenager. What a cruel country, sending children to warzones."
    altalt
    Idol Daughter's Dimensional Group Chat
    Anime & Comics · Door_kun
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Nah personally I think no one everyone fears death on some level, The reason people can willingly give up their lives is that they have a goal that they believe to be worth more than their life That’s not to say people can’t accept their death but merely that they accept it because it is one of the few things that we can say with 100% certainty is going to happen, But to be clear there is a big difference between accepting death and not fearing it

    Without glancing at him, I replied, "Disappointed? Yes. Fear? No... Why must I fear death? After all... Death is not the opposite of living." My murky eyes remained fixed on my lifeless body lying on the ground.
    altalt
    Idol Daughter's Dimensional Group Chat
    Anime & Comics · Door_kun
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Kinda rude tbh

    My loathing extended to enemy nations, my own country, the world, and even humanity itself. I acknowledged that these feelings may appear childish, but I couldn't help it. If I were given a button to bring an end to humanity at this moment, I wouldn't hesitate to push it without a second thought.
    altalt
    Idol Daughter's Dimensional Group Chat
    Anime & Comics · Door_kun
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Replied to Door_kun

    Killed bro, bro

    Do you truly understand what psychopaths and Sociopaths are?
    altalt
    Idol Daughter's Dimensional Group Chat
    Anime & Comics · Door_kun
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    No nose dude

    Voldemort.
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Her victims Fr Fr

    Malfoy nods. "Yes, if Misha decided to set off an explosion there should have been more than one. But we got worried when there weren't any more."
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Replied to Dominus_Imperius

    Real

    Malfoy nods. "Yes, if Misha decided to set off an explosion there should have been more than one. But we got worried when there weren't any more."
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Nice Fr fr

    A Gift Never Given
    altalt
    Harry Potter's Chaotic Twin
    Book&Literature · Nartleb
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Aight imma imagine bro as archer

    Mihawk watched the boy in front of her who had tanned dark skin, white hair and deep red eyes, sitting down, vulnerable and looking at her as if there was nobody else in this world to rely on.
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    One Piece: I'm Mihawk's Son
    Anime & Comics · Photosphere
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    This genuinely makes no sense It is in most billionaires interest that we make a clean energy system the only ones who would care are people built on coal But at this stage they wouldn’t be able to stop it seeing as it appears he already explained the general principles behind it to different millionaires and billionaires And no one would be willing to try and kill him as that would so loud and obvious

    "I'm sorry, Alexander… but you're not making it home today. Nothing personal, blame your genius brain and your naivety. A water engine will never work, not when you can handicap the wallets of those at the top".
    altalt
    One Piece: I'm Mihawk's Son
    Anime & Comics · Photosphere
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    I feel as though you don’t know how water energy works There is two ways to go about it and that is Movement and heat We use Dams for the movement form And nuclear and coal energy is heat All are glorified water engines

    It didn't matter. Today is an important day for me. In front of the richest hedge funds in the world, I'm going to explain my idea of the future… a water engine. My reputation is renowned, my degrees certify my knowledge and they all expect a good theory as to why this is possible. With a good enough presentation, I could secure some funding for this project. As for the team to build it? I'd think about that afterwards... there weren't many ex-colleagues of mine that wouldn't want to involve themselves in a project to my name, that was the least of my worries.
    altalt
    One Piece: I'm Mihawk's Son
    Anime & Comics · Photosphere
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Nuclear energy is glorified water energy ya know They just use the nuclear bits to heat the water

    A machine capable of generating energy from water, there couldn't possibly be anything better for humanity who lived on a planet filled with water while we literally slaughtered ourselves for energy. For my forty years of age, at least a second of my life each day was spent on that idea. Is that a dream? I never saw it like that. I just thought it was possible and wished to create it, for me it was a challenge to overcome.
    altalt
    One Piece: I'm Mihawk's Son
    Anime & Comics · Photosphere
    detail
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    Please get a proof reader

    This book has been deleted.
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Commented

    🗿

    This book has been deleted.
  • John_Ryan_8278
    John_Ryan_82788mth
    Posted

    Let me begin by pointing out this story's good points 1. The grammar is very good 2. The updating stability seems good 3. An interesting premise Now I shall begin on the bad parts of the story this shall take up the majority of the review as I do need to provide examples 1. The pacing is atrocious it is damn near irredeemable in that department For example, the first 5 chapters cover nearly a decade of content or volume 1 of the Ln Most scenes are scenes it is just the author listing off events that happened in cannon with no details or dialogue 2. Rudeus The author claims his mc is Oldeus but anyone who has read the thing can see this isn’t the case For example when he sees Sylphy being bullied by toddlers he a damn near 100yr old man uses magic and threatens them in such an edgy way that I got a paper cut reading it 3. The lack of any logic For example, he lets Sylphy be bullied for years because he seemingly forgets that his WIFE is being bullied and is helpless to stop it If you read the story I point a lot of these cases out in the comments because trust me they happen a lot 4. OOC characters None of the characters acts as they should For example, Zenith a new mother doesn’t go to check on her child when, when he goes to walk Sylphy back home but doesn’t return for hours 5. Lack of dialogue/description I mentioned this earlier but most scenes aren’t described past two lines of dialogue and there is rarely dialogue For example, the first time he uses saint-tier magic a pretty significant moment is 3 sentences I covered the horse in a stone dome Roxy cast the spell I cast the spell That was quite literally the extent of it Overall if you are wondering if you should read this id say no because it fails in every regard a novel should succeed or try to succeed in But if you do decide to read it anyways prepare yourself to suspend your disbelief beyond any reasonable amount And author I do not mean to be rude or discourage you from writing as no one was instantly a god at writing but I am trying to be objective here

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    Mushoku Tensei - A Second Chance
    Anime & Comics · Coolex
    detail