Review Detail of BonAurevoir in I am Rimuru Tempest(Old Version. Rewrite is out.)

Story is moving to fast and romance is nonexistent please fix this issue

Yeah I agree that the story is moving a bit fast at the moment but that is because I want to get to after the kids get their spirits to make the story more of my own. So far I've been following pretty close to the story since there is some things that needed to happen. It's just that it would feel a bit repetitive to just repeat what the story has already done so I kind of skip over it if it would be too similar. After that I'll try to make the pacing better. As for the romance, I agree too. I'm planning on adding and editing some chapters to flesh it out more in the near future. Thanks for the advice.👍

creative? you only made the MC lustful you didn't change anything at all. like making him stronger than the original even though he knows there's so many dangers waiting for him . all he did is fvking wait for enemy to come and destroy his kingdom

can you point out which part can the new Rimuru can do better than he already did in fanfic? You mean like when Falmuth attacked? MC literally only waited until they were in his lands, of course its for justification, if he attacked Falmuth first even if MC have a good reason thats a one way ticket to make Rimuru's city the Main enemy of humanity.

I mean everything except his lustful personality is the same . Mc is strong but he acts like some kind of pushover. like the original for example where that gazel guy literally attack MC like some training dummy and he acts like some kind of Buddha. doesn't he care about his face as a leader ? imagine you are a president and get attack by a stranger out of nowhere. and author literally copy everything and lot of readers still give good reviews? but the content is freaking disappointing

It seems to me that MC has eliminated the problem of being a pushover in everyday lives that og Rimuru had, its just that the author is rushing the story and condensing a whole 9 volumes into 30 ish chaps, because as the author has stated above wants to get the part where he is going to be more different than the the OG story. It makes logical sense, up to the Demon Lord Festival OG Rimuru had pretty much an optimal path and only made a few pass at some skills that would have been very useful that New MC is picking up and letting Milim kill Charybdis which New MC has also done better by killing Charybdis himself. And your analogy isnt that fitting, itd be more fitting if the president and the stranger are experienced warriors, stranger is a ruler of his own nation, instead of out of nowhere the stranger actually asked the president and is judged by a well known to be impartial third party. New MC has pretty much handled it perfectly and avoided needless conflict that happened in the OG story, and has also impressed Gazel with his calm analytical thinking and his martial prowess of the sword. The author has copied everything? that may seem like it at first but thats bc New Rimuru wants to follow the optimal path that old rimuru gotten to but also he did made some little improvements that Old Rimuru didnt, like I mentioned before. I know that just bc it make sense doesnt undermine what you feel about the story, everyone's entitled to their opinion, I'm not here to try and change your mind and force you to like the story, I just wanted to explain why the things you dont like are the way that they are and to mention whats actually in the story or not so other readers wouldnt give this book a pass.

I think one think that most people don't realize is that Gazel is supposed to be really strong. He is the "Champion King". When the east was getting ready to attack the west the one person they were worried about was Gazel. Not Hinata, not anyone, Gazel. The only fight Gazel has been a part of the whole time is his fight to test Rimuru. So I think a lot of people underestimate him. I read a lot of comments that said "Wow, he is just a pushover, if I was in his position I would have just killed him." or "the subordinates would kill gazel the moment he hurt Rimuru" But as I understand it, no, they wouldn't have won. Gazel is not weak. And what would be the point on going on a murder spree. Say they kill or beat up Gazel. Now you have started a war with Dwargon. And keep in mind this is not too long after killing The orc lord, so most of the monsters aren't named yet. You are a town of monsters so everyone in the world is going to see you as an enemy and might just collectively attack at the same time. Since now Rimuru is the enemy of the west that means no Chloe, no Chronoa. No time powers. The east seems everything that is going on in the west and attacks while they are all killing each other. Rimuru and his people might have grown strong by becoming demon lords but guess who is tasked with keeping balance of the world. Ya boi Guy Crimson. aka a dude who can stop time. And it doesn't matter how strong you and your subordinates are if one of, if not the strongest, person in the world can stop time and kill everyone instantly. Everyone starts a huge war, everyone is dead, and in the end the person with time powers wins. It's not that I didn't think about "oh what if he beats up Gazel" or "what if he does this?" I thought of it and I didn't like the way the story would go so I wrote what I wrote. I hope this didn't come off as rude as I didn't meant it in a rude way. It's just an answer to a question that a lot of people have asked. "why didn't he do this" "because I didn't like the way the story would go if he did"

Also, as Wyatt_XZ35 said. I am not here to undermine your opinion of the story, nothing I say really matters because at the end of the day you are the one who gets to decide what you like and what you don't. But just because an mc isn't a murder hobo it doesn't mean he is a pushover. That's how you get a "Young Master"

This fics is not bad, but as a man of culture i would say that you need to learn how to make lemon. I'll give you 4 out of 10 for your lemon. Just don't make it like a journal, add some onomatope or try to copy some lemon style from good lemon novels like fourth prince of the debauchery

I'll fully admit it, I am not the best at writing lemon. I am trying to learn how to write it better though. But it is also not the main focus of the story(5 lemon chaps for 55 chapters) Thanks for the reminder

so what you have changed is that rimuru will have an actual gender and the sexual urges that come with it? He will get himself a harem and there will be some spicy chapters that go into the nitty-gritty details. And he will be more creative than the original. Did I get anything wrong?

Yeah, pretty much.

I hate Harems but I love tensura. Hmm......well I guess if its tastefully done I might enjoy this.

My greatest tip to you, is to read other's books to get ideas and develop your own writing style. Before you know it, you'll find that your vocabulary, and writing quality have increased, I think it's due to the books stimulating your imagination.

I want to know it is the copy of original or there is new mc who became rimuru [img=Why][img=Why][img=Why][img=Why]

Is this yuri?

nope

But the Mc's form is a girl? I'm confused

no? he's a dude, it was even a joke on the first chap that he wished to be a guy