Review Detail of alexa4c in Heart of Darkness

This was a pretty good work. It has more substance than other similar light reads. I like that it doesn’t brush over harder topics but explores them. Characters are interesting and intriguing. Story is actually retelling of the Beauty And The Beast fairytale. I like how it is done with out directly referencing it. I really like the story and I recommend it. Now, a little bit of analysis: There is a change of rhythm of how story is told that can be improved. It is ok to have some relaxing moments or dwelling on some particular topics before the story continues further but lingering too long may create big change in the rhythm of storytelling. So far it is not a big issue. Poems are important side part of the story. But unfortunately they are the part that is lacking. I read poetry, and I use to write some of it so I know how hard it is to make it work. I thought it may not be bad to share what I learned while reading and trying to write the poetry. As someone who is reviewing it I can say that it needs to be more lyrical, less literal. That means more metaphors, hidden meanings, also rhythm is more important than the rhyme. So for example (below is the excerpt from the poem but I don’t think it contains any spoilers): “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel What might I do, I dread Your scent is so sweet Your hair is so soft Making my heart bleed And my mind gets lost…” So the first sentence looks good but the rest are out of sync, because they don’t have the same or at least similar number of syllables. This breaks the rhythm of the poem. Also the rhythm is determined by when the rhymes appear. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel, what might I do, I dread.” This might work like this but next two lines need to change because they are too literal and because they break the rhythmic rhyme. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel and what might I do, I dread. With you scent so sweet lingers in your hair And my heart that bleeds, remain would I dare.” Well, it’s not that good but I just wanted to show with an example what I meant.