Review Detail of IINeeRoII in The Walking Dead: Survivor
Review detail
20 chapters -I have read and so far the story is seriously lacking in dialogue between characters and relationship development after all, this fiction is one that focuses not only on survival but on the relationships that make up the group. Being that The Zombies are not fearsome enemies, they are slow, clumsy, they have no intention, they are that, living dead. Therefore, it remains to explain how this group goes through its transformation from a social group, to capable survivors (From "lambs to wolves"). -You do not develop remorse or conflict, whether ethical or moral, that a member may have when killing or ending another life (I understand it from your OC, he is a soldier, he has carried out missions and blah blah, etc, but the others do not ). -You also need to develop what happens with the already established relationships, after all you maintained the Rick/Shane/Lori relationship and it still hasn't been resolved, since this triangle caused several problems and tensions on the farm. Rick is not an idiot, he suspects it and it was implied in the series. Does he have an internal conflict that he needs to resolve in order to face Shane or not? - I hope you can write a little about hershel. He refuses to see them as non-human life forms, and his belief that zombies are nothing more than sick men and women prompts him to guard them in a barn near his home. -Another important character is Daryl who fights against his own tendency to brutality, closely linked to his relationship with his brother. There is no proximity to this character in the story, it is almost zero. There is no talk of his relationship with Carol and how she slightly changes his vision of why he is important to the group. - I feel like you're adding characters but not developing any and it's a bit sad since the series itself was about the transformation of the group to survive. -I have yet to see what happens with the information that Rick kept, how it was resolved, and how you handle the issue of those who still believe that they live in a society without facing the new reality (Lori). -Grateful for a fiction of this series since there are practically no fictions of this. PS: For me personally, the fact of putting "hershel and I talked" does not work, what happens, what do they talk about, how did you solve it. I think it is something extremely important in fictions of this type. PSS: I hope this is of some use, since I was trying to expose what until now I have not seen, I felt that everything moved extremely fast from the meeting with Rick to the farm.
The Walking Dead: Survivor
Lunarian_King
Liked by 4 people
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let me explain to you what I think about Shane, and that conflict. 1st: Shane loved the Grimes family, Rick, Lori, and Carl. 2nd: Shane truly believed Rick died, but Lori hated him and thought he was lying to her. 3rd: Shane is very short tempered person, due to him sacrificing Otis, then Lori telling him she was pregnant, plus Rick start to take risky decisions. when he couldn't save Rick, he stepped in and tried to fill his place for Lori and Carl. everything was good until Rick came back, Shane was overwhelmed by both happiness and sadness, Rick took back his family from him, and even took his leadership role. later at the farm Shane tried to move on from Lori, but she then told him about the inborn child which he believed his(which is), then he saw how Rick started to take risky decisions, and seems to gave importance to the entire group more than his family, even at the end, after he drew Rick away from the others he wasn't truly ready to kill him seeing how easily Rick convinced him to not pull the trigger, but Rick killed him even when they could've mend their almost broken friendship. in my story? Lori reveal of pregnancy althought affected him a bit, it wouldn't make him become what he became in original, plus Logan made the group far safer which made it easier for Shane to move on. Rick learned about their relationship, he took a more peaceful solution, since he wasn't under a lot of stress like original by trying to constantly try to keep the group safe and give pleasing decisions. there is also the fact that after Otis death, Shane started to become more violent and short-tempered than before, thus making most of the group avoid him, becoming an outcast by the group he formed from the start, all after Rick came. Rick basically destroyed his life, without even trying. Shane tried to move on, even tried to leave the group, but it all comes to his connection to Lori, Carl, and his unborn child. which are in constant danger from Rick's risky decisions, thus he couldn't leave, and picked the hard decision to kill Rick, but he was easily convinced otherwise by Rick who killed him afterward. what changed? Logan was the one who took leadership deservingly, unlike Rick at the start, then Logan made better decisions that Shane agreed on, and he council and trust Shane, which made the latter appreciate his leadership. since Shane wasn't constantly eyeing Lori, Rick decided to give him a chance, since he acknowledge what Shane did was normal in such situations, and even owe him for keeping his family safe. for now they have a silent tension between them, it's why I made Logan take Shane away, to give them time away from each other, Rick can fix his relationship with his wife, and Shane will slowly move on, later they mend their friendship/brotherhood. for conversations, I admit I did poor job on those, along with emotions about certain actions Logan took. I mostly focus on Logan who have the will and can do whatever it take to keep the others safe. I am trying to learn how to show more emotions and facial expressions, and will hopefully try to show more conversations and interactions between characters. I Know my writing skills are poor, but I aim to become better. hope my answers were satisfactory.
Lunarian_King:let me explain to you what I think about Shane, and that conflict. 1st: Shane loved the Grimes family, Rick, Lori, and Carl. 2nd: Shane truly believed Rick died, but Lori hated him and thought he was lying to her. 3rd: Shane is very short tempered person, due to him sacrificing Otis, then Lori telling him she was pregnant, plus Rick start to take risky decisions. when he couldn't save Rick, he stepped in and tried to fill his place for Lori and Carl. everything was good until Rick came back, Shane was overwhelmed by both happiness and sadness, Rick took back his family from him, and even took his leadership role. later at the farm Shane tried to move on from Lori, but she then told him about the inborn child which he believed his(which is), then he saw how Rick started to take risky decisions, and seems to gave importance to the entire group more than his family, even at the end, after he drew Rick away from the others he wasn't truly ready to kill him seeing how easily Rick convinced him to not pull the trigger, but Rick killed him even when they could've mend their almost broken friendship. in my story? Lori reveal of pregnancy althought affected him a bit, it wouldn't make him become what he became in original, plus Logan made the group far safer which made it easier for Shane to move on. Rick learned about their relationship, he took a more peaceful solution, since he wasn't under a lot of stress like original by trying to constantly try to keep the group safe and give pleasing decisions. there is also the fact that after Otis death, Shane started to become more violent and short-tempered than before, thus making most of the group avoid him, becoming an outcast by the group he formed from the start, all after Rick came. Rick basically destroyed his life, without even trying. Shane tried to move on, even tried to leave the group, but it all comes to his connection to Lori, Carl, and his unborn child. which are in constant danger from Rick's risky decisions, thus he couldn't leave, and picked the hard decision to kill Rick, but he was easily convinced otherwise by Rick who killed him afterward. what changed? Logan was the one who took leadership deservingly, unlike Rick at the start, then Logan made better decisions that Shane agreed on, and he council and trust Shane, which made the latter appreciate his leadership. since Shane wasn't constantly eyeing Lori, Rick decided to give him a chance, since he acknowledge what Shane did was normal in such situations, and even owe him for keeping his family safe. for now they have a silent tension between them, it's why I made Logan take Shane away, to give them time away from each other, Rick can fix his relationship with his wife, and Shane will slowly move on, later they mend their friendship/brotherhood. for conversations, I admit I did poor job on those, along with emotions about certain actions Logan took. I mostly focus on Logan who have the will and can do whatever it take to keep the others safe. I am trying to learn how to show more emotions and facial expressions, and will hopefully try to show more conversations and interactions between characters. I Know my writing skills are poor, but I aim to become better. hope my answers were satisfactory.image
I'm sorry for that but I won't drop, just too busy currently and it may stretch for this entire month. (hopefully not)
The_Crimson_Abyss:Did you drop the fanfic??? Waiting for chapters for a long time now.