I think for this story the strongest part would be the descriptions for fighting and things like that. Yours is actually that has plenty of chapters so I can get a pretty (so-so?) good hold on which direction it's going. When it comes to fighting and whatnot, it's quite good with the only thing that I would mention is the use of ellipses [...] where at the beginning of the quote there's one so: "...he was called." "... he was called." ignoring the capital issues there because eh, I think (I'm positive I'm right) there's is supposed to be a space (??). Might want to check on that just in case, but it doesn't really affect anything so it's good. The other thing, which I think is really personal, but in my opinion can affect the quality of the story is how the story is built. So we're introduced to this world and these two factions, because I don't want extreme spoilers, A and B. Our protagonist is in faction A, and the antagonist is in faction B. A is obviously a faction that is fighting for what in this particular situation is considered "good" and B is fighting for something that is considered "bad" or to some degree "selfish". But B has a reason for it so they're not completely bad. There is a single outstanding problem that I find happens and some people really like it (recently it's become pretty popular), but it's sort of shallow. It's the idea that A will (have to) beat B, but B is not completely bad. The issue is that A itself isn't in a situation where they need to be bad. They are automatically good because their interests align with the interests of the general assumption of good (I hate writing like this, it sounds weird). If this is the case then A isn't necessarily good, they're in the same situation as B except they don't need as much risk as B. There have been cases of people taking on the opinion of B and that really showcases where this entire concept breakdown. So, the easiest is the Demon and Humans and whatnot. Some people take in the views of the Demons or whatever and they either change it so that the humans are the aggressors, so humans are bad and they are defensive. Except, when it's flipped, the humans are acting completely in self interest and it's pretty much the same as Demons, except their self interest includes attacking the other. When it's the Humans being good, Demon bad, it's switched. This works if this is independent as A and B are separated and there's only one negative and it they are just negative with some exceptions (that's something else I want to mention). This happens in a lot of fics and I notice it a lot, but sometimes there really just isn't enough information to judge, or there's another variable, C, that balances it enough for it to be fine. There's nothing wrong with it. There are also stories where we are in the view of the aggressor, like in Death Note, where the 'villain' is also the protagonist. That's fine too and is really interesting. It happens in Crime in Punishment where the murderer is the protagonist, where we compare our normal beliefs of 'correct' in this story so the murderer is the 'villain'. There's nothing wrong with that as the purpose isn't to create a right or wrong, but to establish another point or to entertain. These are in a sense, to me at least, sort of outside the basis of 'good' or 'bad' or they are trying to create a point on it, in which it's necessary and is effective. In this story's case, however, A and B are both involved. And this happens in children's books to show us the 'grey' zone, which I mean is fine, but it's not really the best method to represent the 'grey' zone as it can be misused to pity the offending faction (which has become relevant where suddenly everyone forgets that this person has friggan killed someone and the family is not neurotic for wanting revenge). In this scenario, we have A and B, but B is the aggressor not out of purely being cruel, but because they need to or by some outstanding condition they become B and need to. There's a bump and it's that A isn't good then. A isn't a 'good' faction, they're just a faction going against B, but in this story it's written so that while there is some pity for B, A is generally assumed to be good, which when taking into account every information given so far makes zero sense as both factions are doing things to ensure their survival. A isn't power-hungry jerks, but... okay... actually... I just figured out a way to explain this better. Let's say Dogland accuses Catland of making too much of bad particles. But, Catland is making bad particles because they need to use bad particles to make good particles. But add this, Dogland needs bad particles to stay as the 'good' side. Then that means that Dogland benefits from bad particles and Catland also benefits from bad particles, they just benefit in a different way. It's the same with this idea where A is good, but only because B is bad. Which is a horrible standing for what makes a person a good person because it doesn't mean A is good, it just means that B right now, helps A seem good in this very specific situation. Simply put A into another situation and suddenly A is either bad or average. This happens in a lot of webnovels and while it's fine I guess, it's just not really realistic as to what a person is because people can be bad and everyone assume they're good simply because interests align. I know it's a fantasy and I know this is really weird to be whining about, but I think, and I have a hunch, it'll really start to affect the rest of the story if A is not proven to have no incentive to help B, therefore making A good. Unless of course A isn't supposed to be good. Some mangas and animes solve this by simply utilizing the fact that B is like a lizard. Or sometimes they purposely do this to make it so that the reader base spreads out a little, some liking the antagonist, some not. I don't personally like that when it happens because while it's good at showing that 'grey' zone (something that disney has recently taken a liking to and frankly I like the old disneys better) it's not... idk... really showing what it is to be a person. They're not people, they're carefully crafted characters to appeal to us and I mean I do that too with minor characters(OvO), but it limits what the character can do, and sometimes (and this is what I'm worried about with this story) entire places or factions. Where the line between what's right or wrong becomes simultaneously blurry and clear. And this isn't some people aren't just good or bad, this is people aren't necessarily good just because they do good things, say good things or agree with what is collectively known as good. It'll affect the story in the long-run, especially if there's going to be something into the nitty gritty (and it has already become to happen) with the B(ad) side. This happens only during world building, and sometimes if the story doesn't revolve around this, but this story's entire conflict is this problem and unless it's going to be this is this, that is that, no arguing with the omnipotent author san (which is also fine, but then I would recommend turning this into a comedy), it'll be a problem. okay... second part... I felt like I was repetitive, was I repetitive? sorry... Q.Q Characters... this is an entirely different problem I swear. I think the character interaction are kind of kiddish? I don't know, it's kind of my opinion but if I were to play this in my head and then apply myself to this situation... I wouldn't react this way assuming of course, I am normal and have normal interactions with others. If someone were to say everything single conversation in this story to me (And this is in the perspective of current... pretty modern methods of talking to each other) then I would find them really annoying and very clearly attempting to be nice while also knowing they aren't nice. In which they are nice, but I just dislike them. I don't know how to describe it, but it just doesn't really seem like a relationship that signifies how close someone is (if they aren't close then it doesn't really display that either). These characters are sort of in the middle between close and not-so-close which is weird and uncomfortable. And I mean some people argue, no it's great and we love it, but I say it's uncomfortable. For me at least. I mean... the characters develop, but they are developing to become better or worse, not becoming both better and worse, or like 75% or 25% or whatever. It's like Percy Jackson ??? (and I sort of like Percy Jackson Books, but also it was kind of those kinds of books people grow out of??? idk what other people think) Final thing I can see where this is going, and in a manner where I can actually right now plot out what the endings can be some with allowances. I don't know if it'll change, but if it does deviate from what I'm thinking, it'll definitely be fantastic (which is why I didn't take anything off for it). And I have been told that I have inhuman standards so I just didn't take anything off for it. There are a couple ways fantasy writers avoid this and it's a. just not avoid it, make this entirely fantasy, b. do a super big plot twist, like the one in genshin impact (but they kind of messed it up with the amount of information they gave, they gave away toooooooo much. Enough for it to be suspicious and it fell apart there for me at... around... AR: 35 where I sort of am sure of what's going to happen in general, with another incident happening too maybe???). Super big plot twists are fine, just be careful with what the readers are given, what they can inference from what is given, but don't make it too hard that the readers have a hard time understanding why it happened. I don't have supreme expectations for a webnovel as much as I do for someone who has years of experience with writing, but I just thought I'd highlight some of the things that I thought would affect this in the future. Btw, I know people are saying this is something that deviates from the current understanding of what is cliché, but c'mon. Cliche changes, cliche is something that is seriously pointless... it's just... people get used to some things over time and then get bored with similarities between them. People are curious and can make connections, saying a story is cliche is like saying that hamburgers are cliche because there are hamburgers everywhere. ANYWAY I really liked how the descriptions were made, like... it was cool and it sounded awesome. I'm not sure if this is a spoiler, so I'll just leave on spoiler...
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Thanks for your feedback! I really appreciate the thought you put into helping my story improve. So far I agree with everything you've said and I'll make sure to improve on it. One thing I want to make certain though, what you're basically saying is both side A and B are doing what they can for survival, but with the way I'm telling the story, I'm making it seem like one side is good and the other is bad, right? If so ill do what I can to change it and make everything more clear. Once again, thank you for your review, this was very informative and helpful for me!
Okay... um so with the A and the B, the problem is (I was confooooosing O.o) that the main conflict is based on the fact that A and B are good or bad. Which is fine, if that's what you're going for, but it's important to highlight some extra reason as to why B is bad because right now, to me at least, A isn't really good either so A's reaction to B isn't completely justified other than the fact that B is killing people. Or, you could make it, as you mentioned, so that A isn't depicted as good. Which works if there's a general theme or a point to make. So, right now, off the bat, I can say that it's possible to add a point to A that proves that they are dealing with B for at least one reason that is not aligning with their own interests. (Because they protect humans and if there's nothing for them to protect then they're useless, so B is helping). Or, you could keep it this way, with the intention that A needs B and this relationship between A and B is important. For the interaction: It's not specific, rather, it's like uhhhhhhh (o.o) um childish? I mean I know Jay's 18, and I'm kind of younger than him by a lot (so idk if it changes), but "Might be funny to you..." is something I've heard people who are ten or so say. When they're whining. I don't pouting is something a lot of people do, especially if they're around 12 - xx years because around that time, I've noticed that us kiddos try to be maturer or something so it's not that common. Um... things like "I trust you won't disappoint me" unless it's like a fantasy novel where everyone just talks like that, which is possible, don't appear a lot. I think some people might say it? But I've personally never heard it. It's not really completely up for me to say how your characters should act or something (And I'm really nitpicky about stuff, the only time where this would be eh is in fanfiction, but then it's matter of keeping the characters in character), but it's just kind of an opinion... O.o