Dam

Its good so far but try not to put their names in front when they talk as it gives off a much more real and sophisticated perspective to it when you use speech we would when talking to someone else as well as giving the story its mood . for example "Michael spoke with contempt and said" ect.

Thanks for that I didn't actually think you would reply so I'm going to try and continue to read the story.

Pretty sure that this book was already made and has 1000+ chapters[img=disgusted][img=disgusted][img=disgusted][img=disgusted]

I'm pretty sure this is an already a wrote book you can find it on mlt nation and it has like 1000+ chapters

If its not action don't put it in the tag

Great man its hard to find good five like these so please keep going.

Your just coupon Rick's work there is nothing about a system .

I kinda feel that you made jay go really dark like way to quickly because him just suddenly torturing someone to that extent just entirely changes his character.

This is freaking Dc anything can happen where his powers are useless and he needs to rely on himself.