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Its actually pretty good so far, hopefully you don't drop this author! Through I also wish that you could use something like Grammarly or even chat gpt to fish the grammatical issues.
...then its not the gamers mind...
the author is not smart enough to have thought of that.
where tfdid he get a cigarette from?
what????
bruh...
why not change the name?
apartment????
I feel like Doom would say father.. but idk