The reason I say ai generated is because you forgot to take out the ai instructions at the end of the second chapter. But maybe those were just notes to yourself idk? The other reason I believe this story to be heavily ai influenced is that it was written that Garp and Bogard were “breathing heavily” after their fight fight with the trump pitates. Pirates that Garp could destroy easily with out effort.

An obviously ai generated story where the mc instantly becomes a side character literally watching the straw hats fight from behind a bush.

This is just getting overt dragged out. Have someone die ffs

I think the grammar is good enough. In my opinion it’s better than your edited chapters but that’s just because I hate how AI editing over dramatizes every sentence.

For a translation this is definitely a five star fix. It doesn’t have that weird problem where almost all character names are wrong.

It does seem better but why are most of the names still wrong. Is it really that hard to control f and replace all the wrong names?

Dude, this is fiction if I say a soul bound weapon is formless and able to create weapons then that’s just how it is.

Your right. I was originally writing in first person and missed this one

Hello, this is my first attempt at writing. Please leave any thoughts you have.

Is this guy really living hundreds of years while still being a virgin? I understand if you don’t want to write romance but even just mentioning that he’s been with women would make the story seam more realistic.

Take it however you want but to me your writing quality in 3rd person pov seems significantly better

So sebas will be able to read ponglyphs now?

Lol straw hat plot armor keeping them alive

Jeez how long is this trying arc going to be.

It depends I guess. How good is the translation? If it’s trash like most others I’d say start from the beginning.

Yeah this mc is brain dead. He almost dies to a base level human just because he wants to show off.

Man, this story is just getting worse and worse every chapter. How can you even call this a chapter? A whole chapter and what happens? The gate was opened and Arthur rode in. Wow how enthralling.

Yeah, I dropped this as soon as he decided to leave Sebastian Shaw, a SS officer, alive just to keep the timeline intact. Just him being alive so far in the past will already change too much for him to be trying to keep cannon on track Especially with mc’s broken system might as well change whatever you want while gaining as much power as possible.

Honestly would be better if one of his abilities wasn’t intelligence. Not because I don’t like genius mc’s, but because this mc acts like a moron from the start. First he claims to want to keep his head donwn. But what does he do the first time he goes to school? That’s right, aces a math test within minutes, which of course creates a scene with the teacher grading it I front of the whole class. But my main question is why even care about school? You’re a genius with future knowledge. Just make flappy bird or some other sh*t. And if that didn’t work, with the bloodlines ganed you could dab on any gang to steal cash.

This is my you shouldn’t write genius mc’s if you’re not decently intelligent. First, the mc is so worried about a high school test. You don’t fail a high school test if you have a doctors note. But the main question is why the mc even cares about school. With just his intellect he should be able to easily start his own business with just internet access especially with the current time and future knowledge. And if that doesn’t work just train enough to rofl stomp some gangs and steal their cash