Vanda_J_Wilson
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Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommentedNeeds reading and editing. Good story but the spellings are starting to annoy me. Sit not seats.
He hands it to me and seats on the arm chair that he sat on when we last spoke. I murmured a thank you and drank it greedily.- Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Bottle of water*
"You're still shaking?", Alpha Casper says after he let Javier sleep in his room. He enters the kitchen and gets a bottle of eater from the fridge. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
You need to start proof reading. I’ struggling to keep up with what’s happening and with who. You could have said Javier shouts here so we knew
"Odetta", he squeals as he runs and hugs me, almost knocking me off my feet. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Breakfast brunch not bunch
It takes twenty minutes for us to reach the breakfast bunch. We enter and walk over to the counter, the red haired who served us last week and who I suspected has a crush on Sebastian smiled at us...well more of Sebastian than me. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Didn’ we cover this when they met?
"You have a sister?", He asks me totally ignoring what Faye said. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Who is this aimed at and who has said it??? I’m confused
"And what are you still doing here. you're done eating" - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Sorry but I have to ask. Why all the swearing it’s honestly not needed and detracts from your writing. I find it quite distracting.
"I can't wait to start eating. I'm fucking famished", Quinn mutters beside me. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Please have someone help you read over content. It will Help your writing
"I know but you this is a decision you have to make regardless of me, your sisters or anyone else. Only you know what's best for yourself." - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Have to do that
"You really don't have to that", I explain. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Noel (capital) (sorry the teacher in me is poking out )
"Javier this is noel, my twin brother" - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
In an attempt at shutting him up (Just need to work on the grammar )
"You should shut your mouth more", I say in attempt of shutting him up but he keeps on babbling. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Because the backrest of his chair…. Remove the first ‘chair’
He obviously can't see Javier because the chair is backrest of the chair is high and hides him. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Small sip of ‘the’ …
I take a small sip of he creamy content in the cup and hum in delight. Banana and honey smoothie, my absolute favorite. - Vanda_J_Wilson1yrCommented
Don’ forget your full stops. That was quite a mouthful to read in one go.
We enter the dining room for the west wing and there are two plates of bacon,egg,bread and sausage opposite each other with a cup filled with cream coloured contents and in the middle sat a medium sized bowl filled with fruits. - Vanda_J_Wilson2yrPosted
- Vanda_J_Wilson2yrCommentedCh 9 Chapter 8
- Vanda_J_Wilson2yrCommented
Not sure I like this version of Zara. She has become hard and ruthless, I understand her feelings of betrayal but to force others to submit makes her no better than the rouges she hunts. At the moment she is coming across as cruel, she was raped repeatedly yet nothing has been said about how this affected Atticus.
Ch 4 Chapter 3