Andy_5641
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2021-04-21 JoinedGlobal
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Andy_56412yrCommentedGods not gods
In the gods of Equino it was known as Utryon, a level five beast that loved hot caves hence it was found in the south side of the game map i.e. novice area. It's just that he didn't think he would come face to face with such a beast in a real life-threatening situation.- Andy_56412yrCommented
senses not sense
His tentacles extended further searching in the thick forest. Ming Wei who had been hiding behind a boulder stiffened with his body plastered against the rough surface. He had witnessed the bloody massacre from earlier which unconsciously awakened his abilities. His vision magnified as he watched Tail Raiser closely but who would have thought that gaze alone could rouse the tentacle man's sense. - Andy_56412yrCommented
changed perserved to perceived.
Counting the heads he knew that this wasn't everyone in that truck. This meant the remaining individuals must be where Cream Shot was. Just as he was about to leave and assist her, he felt a pair of eyes watching him. His tentacles perserved something and began aggressively searching for where this feeling was coming from. - Andy_56412yrCommented
change tone to torn
Jin Chen's voice bellowed in the arena causing the loud jeers and hollering to abruptly simmer down. Even the scavenger birds eyeing bear claws tone fleshy parts quieted down like they could read the situation. - Andy_56412yrCommented
His friend didn't have to "be" involved
"Any regrets?" asked Jin Lin with his probing gaze locked on Fen Hao. His friend didn't have to involved in this but it was because of him that he was here. - Andy_56412yrCommented
In the last sentence, change where to were
Jin Lin didn't have enough time to look at his appearance putting on his shoes. He had an unshakable feeling that if he doesn't eat now he might starve later. It was unfortunate that he didn't have a bento to save some food in for backup. Under Jin Lin's leadership, Fen Hao followed behind but couldn't stop staring at Jin Lin's hair. He wasn't the only one, other people where also staring including the people guarding them. - Andy_56412yrCommented
The first sentence reads as though it is incomplete.
He was about to crawl over to the other capsules and search when the door was suddenly opened and a man dressed in a form-fitted black and grey suit like those in superhero movies. The outfits seemed rather futuristic with a badge glowing a faint neon red colour on its edges. - Andy_56412yrCommented
Question mark needed at the end of the sentence.
The words disintegrated and reconstruction failed echoed in his mind as he endured through the agony. This meant death, someone was dead but wasn't this a game. - Andy_56412yrCommented
Du She ignored him as "he" lowered......
Du She ignored him as lowered his head while eyeing Jin Lin's face with a piercing gaze. He took off his mask exposing a deformed face with the scar on his eye extending towards his cheek ending at the corner of his lip. Such a severe wound must have been painful to leave a nasty scar like that on a handsome face. - Andy_56412yrCommented
Delete "a" in the second last sentence. i.e. sentence starting with, "This interesting.........
As soon as he reached the fourth floor underground, he found his uncle and his research assistant standing outside a dome-shaped structure with several machines and displays attached to it. This interesting looking machine was anything but a good. Professor Z named it the reconstruction chamber but a better way to describe it would be hell. - Andy_56412yrCommented
As he casually fell into "a" deep slumber
He lay back down resigning to his fate. Jin Lin regulated his breathing as a wave of drowsiness overcame him. As he gradually fell into deep slumber the camera in his room suddenly moved to zoom in on his face. - Andy_56412yrCommented
Last sentence of this paragraph needs to be re-written
What he saw startled him. The floor was covered in a thick odourless mist. He panicked on instinct as his heartbeat suddenly quickened. If it weren't that he wanted to be here so he would have put up a fight. - Andy_56412yrCommented
accept him but if "he" makes trouble
"Genetic engineering to cure Alzheimer's," replied the professor before handing the tablet back to him, "accept him but if makes trouble have someone deal with him." - Andy_56412yrCommented
add a comma after "lit"
This paragraph has been deleted. - Andy_56412yrCommented
question mark required at the end of the second sentence (rhetorical question)
This paragraph has been deleted.