i feel like she sees them both as insects and doesn’t really care

“With a vain popping from his forehead,” » “With a vein...”

does this mean you lied to us?

pretty sure the author was known for basically ruining his novels. he wrote that novel where the dude could transform into a wolf, orc, goblin, a weird seal dragon thing, and a human, and the MC’s relations were basically a train wreck. ending was bad as well, basically flipped the table. something like “monster that levels up” i think the dude also milked novels extra with like 100 extra chapters too, which weren't even relevant to the story. he’s writing a new novel, something like “the boss doesn’t want to die” or something. its pretty well rated.

Thanks. Quick question, how does he know when to disable monarchs indifference?

I dunno if this is on purpose to avoid some kind of censorship, but “Damm it” » “Damn It” That’s all I spotted. Other then that good job.

I’d say keep it 3rd person, 1st person would be way too complicated. By the way, “han yu fei” is lowercase.

I think you switched between 12 hour and military time at “Checking my watch and seeing that it was already 18:30” By the way whats going to happen about MC being on Donna’s blacklist? Other then that good job.

Overall, i’d say it was pretty cool. If anything, i’d say try having Ren try setting up situations? I’d say that considering Keiki can’t be used in rapid succession, and that his other sword style isn’t a complete close quarters sword style, it would be smart if he could create traps and such. Whether it be simply choosing a location that favors him, maybe using smoke grenades to create one. Just simply something to increase his odds. An example, this is gonna go back to my point about how Ren isn’t really a frontline fighter, I think a good choice would be picking up a stealth art or something. I feel this choice is further backed up by the point he fights alone. Besides, some kind of stealth art would mesh well with both of his current sword arts. Thats probably something you should try to have, some kind of synergy. Not only would he have the time to reset his stance while the enemy is looking for him, he would have a little more leeway to scope out his opponents, his foes would also be less aggressive(that may be good or bad), and also be able to (probably) easily escape bad situations. Again, thats only an example. Something else is try having the dude feel out the opponent more, and generally be more cautious. He has almost no way of knowing if the opponent has a trump card, so the only real way to combat that is being prepared. Besides that, try making a backlog? I don’t really know if you can make one or not, considering you’re in a competition, but it would be helpful if a situation like you being ill happens again. Hope this was helpful. cya.

I can't say I'm not excited. There's not a lot on webnovel that I actually like, but I gotta say, so far your novel is one of my favorites, even among things not on webnovel.

Ah dang, while I was working on what I thought you should improve, you already replied. Guess I'm back. Thank you very much by the way, your reply did help shed light on my problems. To be honest, even if you changed nothing, and the story kept going the same way it is right now, I'd still love it. Ok I'm out now. Maybe. Cya.

I forgot to say what you should improve on, you being the writer, so I'll quickly write down what I think you should do real quick. Most of these are just based off of my personal opinion. Maybe some of these things you already had planned, or maybe its supposed to appeal to a crowd I'm not part of. I don't know. What I'm saying, is that at the end of the day, I'm not your most dedicated reader, let alone your only one. So if you do follow what I say, make sure to check what other people like too. Writing, Updates, all that is great. You don't need to change anything here. For the story, try making some more drawn out fights. Things where he needs to adapt, instead of doing the same things, one shot one kill, or they survive, then MC hits the dude again. I'm not sure, but I imagine it would eventually become monotonous. For characters, try fleshing out other characters, and also enemies. Just because they're a enemy doesn't mean they have to be a bad person, monster, whatever. Chrysalis does this very well. Despite all the other opposing sides, the Legion, The Empire of Stone, The Path, they all feel very human. Almost none of them are actually, inherently evil. If they weren't against the MC, they would all be likeable. As for the side characters, maybe try something like that chapter where Kevin dude is with Emma, or whatever. Just something to flesh them out as well. Trauma is also something that would be nice. Maybe not full-blown phobias of things, but maybe just minor things that makes the characters more cautious of certain things, things like dark alleys, goblins, etc. I'd say, also don't make them just an iron wall. Defeat isn't always bad. It doesn't need to be an actual defeat, even just having to run away is ok. Something else is try fleshing out the 2 male side characters, Kevin, and the young master dude as well. Even if its as small as something as the young master dude seeing his lackeys in trouble and standing up for them. As for world development, I don't really know what to say to be honest. Hope this helps, I'm out.

Looking at my review again, it probably seems like i’m trashing on the novel. Like a stupid idiot, I only wrote about what I didn't like. I also only wrote about pretty minor issues without saying such, mostly because there were no major issues. I’m too tired to expand on my review right now, and probably never will. Point is, the novels much more enjoyable then I made it out to be.

I’m pretty sure the liver isn’t near the hip, its in the rib cage.

Pretty sure she was be tier 7, and it is more profitable to absorb it now, so he gains more strength for the wave, as opposed to next evolution when he might have found better cores

Coincidence? Im not sure, but if you become a patron of Rinoz, a pdf with several side series becomes available to you, one of which being a series called “Necromancer.” Its not on Pangera though.

quite frankly, to him it dosent matter what state of mind you have, so long as you will be successful. the reason he brings in people who are more insane then others is because they are more successful then normal people. Anthony been very successful over a very short time, so to gandalf its probably a good investment

oh dang someone already said point 2

Its very nice of RinoZ, but sadly webnovel seems to be f ing him over, because #1 because he dosent have a contract with webnovel, he wont get featured on front page, and #2 (at least for the mobile browser mode i use) webnovel replaced the completed/ongoing filter with something like contracted/all, so unless you disable that, you wont ever find chrysalis except via Royalroad, reddit, or being told to read it. Even so, hes very successful seeing as he makes more then 4k a month from patrons

probs some kinda where propaganda to counter that, like its a “gift” or something or giving them a purpose