lairfin
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lairfin18dPostedThe world building is terrific, the story leads you where you don’t expect. However the MC’s depression arcs are killing a bit the tempo. Once is okay, but we get it again and again... Another minor complaint : world building of the dregs, those inconsistent numbers about liters and demography (just think about the number of corpses they get) are a little petpeaves for me. If it’s published in books i suggest to review this points a bit.
- lairfin22dCommented
not sure you would want to work with a spectre that gives diarrhea
"I've had diarrhea for the last week, but I didn't change my diet." - lairfin7mthCommented
my dear uncle, I’m enjoying my vacations in the shadows of the pyramids. Here is a little memory. xoxo Mordret
"...It's Shtad. It's Shtad's head." - lairfin7mthCommented
It would be fun if the nightmare acknowledged the name. For instance in a memory made from one of its planks : ”coming from the ship Chain Breaker, baptized by the treacherous Lost from Light.”
"...Chain Breaker. Let's call it that." - lairfin7mthCommented'Ah, I have forgotten how awkward she really is. She's hiding it well these days… it's cute. Huh? Crude, I meant it's crude!'
- lairfin7mthCommented
that’s the flag of a broken ship. Sorry this novel makes me paranoid!
"...Sounds like something he would do, indeed. In that case, we should give it a good name. Let's come up with one before this journey is over." - lairfin7mthCommented
rule #1 of the nightmare : never disturb the beauty sleep of a dark tunnel.
What… what had they unleashed from that darkness? - lairfin7mthCommented
Gloomy will be so gloomy to be back!
The gloomy shadow was now within the walls of the siege capital, and that meant that the assassins Clan Song had sent were here, too. - lairfin7mthCommented
The Roaring Lion Strike style his first opponents used in dreamscape !
'What would really intrigue a battle maniac like Morgan?' - lairfin7mthCommented"Master Sunless. If I remember correctly, you promised me a spar?"
- lairfin7mthCommented
Surprise ! We’re not the Song by the way, just hoodloms of the neighbourhood. Attack !
'What kind of stupid ambush is this, when everyone knows that it's happening? Damn, I'm sure that even the ambushers know that we know. The sheer stupidity of it all…' - lairfin7mthCommented
dying is too mundane
"Really. It would be very embarrassing for me, too, so I'll make sure to stay alive." - lairfin7mthCommented
feel the city breaking and everybody shakingand we’re staying alive, staying alive...
Luckily, if there was one thing Sunny excelled at, it was staying alive. - lairfin9mthCommentedCh 1049 The Fall of Falcon Scott (67)
- lairfin9mthCommented
digging deeper his grave... That’s why you should keep silence when interrogated
"What did you say?! Are you an exiled Priest? No, you're too young… Are you an Acolyte? What sin did you commit?! Please don't joke with me. What will you say next? You can use Divine Sense like the Bishops of the Church?" Alisha asked in exasperation as she couldn't believe that a practitioner who could cast Blessed Healing had even cooperated with their interrogation. - lairfin10mthCommented
captain Chucky
'Great. As if I wasn't being called a creepy porcelain doll often enough, already.' - lairfin10mthPosted
Hi, a little feedback while I’m dropping the novel after chapter 15. There are repetitive breaks of tense, and confusions in the pronouns of the MC. Those are not prohibitive but the novel might benefit from correcting these.I was coming with expectations about the genre of the novel. First chapter feels optionnal, second chapter would have made a better start right into action. Then we are immersed in the usual school life but still no sign of systems. World is built around the disappearance of demons, with angels. Suddenly they’re taught about space warriors and aliens. I believe you’ll introduce the system soon after but it’s too late for me and the mix of genres is a little bit too much for my obtuse mind. I believe mentioning just fragments of these elements in chapter 2 and 3 would have smoothen things up. Hope that feedback will help you in future works. Good luck and perseverance!