We agree then, but the way you’re writing is as if you expect a child to have any at all. You compare the Mc through his inner dialogue that he has “high” mental fortitude, most people would obviously have it compared to a traumatized child, so why mention it (makes it seems to bragging about nothing)? In chapter 1 you also mention that Gaara’s weakness was also low mental fortitude, it wasn’t so much he had weak mental fortitude but more like he couldn’t sleep and had people try to assassinate him (mostly the sleep). You could argue he has strong mental fortitude to keep going and still do missions while always in fear of sleeping and what it would do. It’s ur fanfic, and it may seem like I’m harping on you for nothing. I just love Gaara as a character and his development throughout the series. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, maybe you wanted a Mc who doesn’t know too much about Gaara but was shoved into his body and play on that dynamic. Just kinda rubbed be wrong when the “MC” criticizes Gaara for things he doesn’t know much about (I assume). Anyway good luck to you!

Dude, it’s not weak mental fortitude, he was a child, what fortitude can he have, you gotta stop saying that. Again doubtful (on ur fortitude), ur a civilian who never saw the face of war. He was push to the limits as a child to defend himself and kill, he had to dig himself out of the pit of hatred and see the there is more than what he thought the world was like (wit help), not a lot of people can do that with that much stacked against him. You sure you like Gaara enough to write a story about him wit urself in his shoes?

You’ve literally named clans that are destined to be wiped down to single digits or have a good chance to be enslaved by the bird cage seal. Honestly you could do way worse as a no name scrub as well, the deal ain’t bad as long as you can deal wit the fact u can’t sleep cuz of Shukaku or ur dad trying to “test” you

I get the will and the force can be separate but how did this "will" even locate Bido? He came to the SW universe with his "OG universe body", so no midichlorian = no trace, right? Its irrelevant anyways cause later on he becomes ***** *********

That's a lot of confidence coming from a pilot whose only job is to follow orders (cause ya knw, soldier). How would he know the political climate and the agenda his own government so clearly? He would outright threaten another country's hero by insinuating they would do them dirty if they have to, not their own country's hero but others. I don't know about you but I doubt quirks will change society so much that any country would take that kind of blatant threat against another nation's representative, much less their #1

How though? My lore is prob a bit shakey but if he’s from a different universe how can the “will” know about it. Shouldn’t he become a blind spot because he literally has 0 midichlorian. Isn’t that also similar to the Vong, that they’re outside the jurisdiction (realm?) of the force so they can’t really be affected with force abilities? Having a personified force is already bit much for me (just don’t like the god-like being always interfering vibe), but I think it being able to find the MC should be harder, or until something really big happen. Not a big deal, just trying to piece the Star Wars laws if u can call it that and see how that all fits

Yea I thought he meant he was using shadow clones to train elsewhere while he is in class. Realized now he was just saying he learned to the basic clone jutsu. Def skimmed it

Let’s assume he is not a ninja (hard to believe he isn’t both a ninja and a spy when ninjas are associated with spy duties/activities). The Mc noticed he is a “newly promoted chunin” or someone at that level. No one from Konoha thought they should take notice of someone at chunin level enter their village and watch them? A village that has ninja that learns espionage and counter esponage from a young age? Chunin aren’t the cream of the crop but they can be dangerous, they did have to pass a gruelling test as shown in the chunin exam. I’m just saying I don’t believe village security is bad enough they can have a kid kill someone and no one knew about it

Well there is alot of issues with that, but let’s assume that he can. He not only have to learn how to use electromagnet ism to control neurons in a precise way in order to control someone’s body and use their chakra through that. He also has to find someway to see how a sharingan can work in someone’s body, a doujitsu in which he doesn’t have and doesn’t understand. Additionally he has to learn how izanagi activates through a sharingan in order to see how the electrical signal occcurs in a precise way. (Again, not alot of people actually knows izanagi which is one of the bigger issue) Both are a tall order if it’s even possible in the first place. He’s better off reverse engineering through fuinjutsu, that at least seem more believable and less of a hurdle.

I thought the dwarfism was due to them being cousins, it’s more logical even in a low magical world. Plus she had Tyrion as soon as possible after you (Escanor) was born in a medieval world, chances of death just went up exponentially. Why would your first suspect be the maester? There was no overly obvious magic going on so he had no reason to suspect. The MC has a huge leap in logic, he should’ve wish for knowledge and common sense before wishing for all those power ups

No one found out an academy student killed a Chunin? And you’re telling me that there was no one tailing a foreign ninja? I get the facade of peace and what not but really, no one from the main gate flagged “hey foreign ninja in town, maybe have a few ninja keep an eye on him”. They are suppose be ninjas right? Also ever since he beat saskue and started improving like crazy, does the hokage not get flagged by the academy teachers that “hey let’s keep an eye on this kid who is doing really well of a civilian”. Just seems really unbelievable a ninja village is this incompetent

When and how did he learn shadow clone jutsu? Only shadow clones allow to share memories, and it’ really dangerous for someone so young to use it, the mental feedback and chakra needed would’ve killed him. hence literally only Naruto the ninja Jesus could use so much while even Jonin makes a few copies and that’s only rarely

How? You would need someone who actually has a sharingan, have knowledge on how to perform Izanami (doubt many would know), and they would be willing to sacrifice an eye for a branch memeber of the hyuga clan while it is widely known they have a rivalry with the uchiha. A lot of assumptions with no assurance of it being a viable plan

I know right? Even if you were mediocre, you’re telling me you couldn’t have persuaded Shisui to use his MS and not let danzo get the jump on him, after 15 years to think and prepare. Yea I don’t buy it

How is Gohan not freaked out about a kid with such introspective analysis of the current world situation. Isn't that freaking weird even for a kid born out of a genius and alien? He keeps mentioning its weird but doesn't really do anything significant about it. Why bring it up, it was better if you just skip over it and we can all stay in the illusion that Gohan might somehow be a bit ditzy with this kind of stuff. Him outright pointing out that weirdness and proceed to just accept it is far less believable than if this conversation just never happening because they never need to discuss it.

Yea but why not take advantage of the fact that your mother is the smartest person on earth, whose father created the gravity chamber. Why not just start training even if you don't have someone to guide you through the martial aspect but just get gains? The Mc obviously knows about the timeline so why waste time like this, the timeline so far doesn't appear to be so bleak where they have to bunker underground yet and he knows the urgency of getting stronger before Gohan might actually kick the bucket. Seems weird to me that you know you're a half alien warmachine but use excuses like I'm 4 and don't know how to blast stuff.

His wish is flawed, there is actual theory when it comes to Chakra and jutsu. The fact he doesn’t have the knowledge of lightning cloak given to him, one of raikage’s signature jutsu means he won’t get it unless shennanigans happens. His jutsu repertoire won’t change because he doesn’t have thousands of years of experience concerning chakra through books and teachers. I know I shouldn’t take it seriously but within the context of his wish I can’t understand how he’ll make up new jutsu. I’m not saying he can’t figure it out but it’s a huge time sink. Just because he has limitless potential doesn’t means he’s going to reach it. If he starts making up jutsu on the fly it going to start becoming less believable, actuall geniuses loke to its a can make jutsu from theory to application. A dude from a world with no supernatural powers is going to have a roughy time

I think it is very harsh to judge Aang for his actions, he was a 12 year old kid, most of all a kid who grew up with culture of monks. I don’t think even if he did master the avatar state he could’ve won the war himself. If he did use it everytime to win important battles then wouldn’t the fire nation see him as someone who slaughtered all their fathers and brothers? would they join back to the fold of 4 equal nations without secretly hating the avatar and wanting to kill him? Even with the flaws of the show i still like how it went down in the end. The Avatar’s job was to restore balance, and it might’ve not been perfect but for a bunch of kids, I think they did the best job they could. Our Mc here needs to get off his high horse and be humbled, though I find it will be hard considering he believes playing strategy games equate himself to the same levels as a general in terms of strategic thinking

Pretty good so far, but I hope your not settled on your house words. I know it can be hard to come up with this stuff, and I sorta get your going for that three vowel pattern like thums but for house words it’ just not too catchy or memorable. Like Tullys at least has a sort of link and flow to it. But it’s your story and honestly it’s not actually that big of a deal, just how I felt when I read it

Like other reader mentioned before, Chinese novels do have great ideas for crossovers that gets us excited but the execution is almost always poorly done. Even in the first chapter I can ignore the minor mistakes like “shatter it…” instead of simply “shatter, kyouka suigetsu”. However It does bother me that he mentioned he is a fan of the uchiha, (although I am confused if he is referring to the person he inserted as or simply he himself) but finds itachi’s action incompreh ensible. We all have our favourite uchiha, but undoubtedly Itachi has one of the saddest and most compelling backstory. He was ordered by danzo btw b/c with the death of his bf, a outcome where the clan and Konoha can exist together is no longer viable. So he can either die with his entire cla while killing his fellow shinobi, or slaughter his clan and let his most beloved person who he loves (sasuke) live. Idk if it was the right choice, but it most certainly was a hard one, how can you possibly be a fan of this series much less the uchiha clan without understanding the anguish and suffering he has to go through b/c of his loyalty to his village and his love Of his brother. Incomprehensible? More like the author watched a recap of Naruto without understanding the depths and motivation of the character