Chapter Thirteen

Breanna was with Darrien for almost three years. Their relationship was constantly on the rocks and even though she wanted it to work out, Breanna began to see the signs that it wasn't meant to be. She began smoking at age eighteen partly because it made her feel a little more like an adult and partly because it helped keep her calm. She stopped taking her anti-depressants and believed that it was for the best. She didn't want to take medication for the rest of her life. She was rebuilding bridges with her parents and was happy for it. She was able to start seeing Keegan again and take him to the mall. Bryce, who had moved out to Georgia in 2018, would visit on birthdays and holidays and she was happy to see him. She thought that he was way more mature than he used to be and he was quieter. He spoke in a monotone voice and was still really skinny. He grew up skinny and she always teased him about it. She was happy to see him. When he would visit, it was as if their family was complete.

In January of 2020, Breanna suffered another trauma. She had become pregnant with Darrien's child. They still lived with his father, Darren, and his little brother, Damien. Darrien was terrified that he would be kicked out and that we would have to raise a child homelessly. Breanna was trying to figure out what to do because she didn't want to have an abortion. She believed that because they had decided to have sex, it was their responsibility to deal with the consequences. Darrien began to make Breanna food, which she found strange. She let him do it anyway and the next day she began to miscarry. She didn't know why until she thought about it more. He had poisoned her. Breanna decided that she couldn't live with him anymore and in February, she moved to Illinois to be with her grandmother Vanessa. What else could she do?

Living with her grandmother during quarantine caused Breanna to become severely depressed. She was happy that she got to see her family before she left because she wasn't sure if she would see them again. Vanessa spoke her mind and didn't care if she hurt someone. Breanna was nearly three hundred pounds at the time (due to always eating fast food) and Vanessa would always tell her that she looked pregnant and it wasn't attractive. Breanna grew even more self-conscious and began to stop talking. She would only speak if she were asked a question. Vanessa had a heart attack a week after Breanna got out of the hospital at the end of November. Breanna had pneumonia and sepsis and was close to dying. Breanna tried to be the perfect granddaughter, trying to keep the house clean, get Vanessa whatever she needed, make food every day, but that wasn't Breanna. Breanna was the type of person to go outside and walk around or write stories, draw, and try to enjoy life. She couldn't do that here. She was always chastised about how she wasn't what Vanessa wanted her to be, told that if she goes outside then she put Vanessa in danger, and that since Breanna was female then she needed to learn how to cook and clean.

Towards the end of the time that Breanna lived in Illinois, she had lost nearly seventy pounds, told that her scars put Vanessa in danger, to get raped and killed when she went to meet someone, and if she tried to kill herself that no one would care. Breanna wrote several letters saying goodbye to her family, but she never sent them. She still has them in her possession now. Even in the darkest of times, Breanna found a way to keep going.