62

Kacchan's POV

"So you're saying that you, All Might and Green Demon were all sent back in time to change the past and save young Izuku?" He asked as if I didn't just spend the last two to three hours explaining all of this to him, well among other things.

"Yep," I sank back in the memory foam bean bag chair hugging the All Might stuffie that he seemed to pull out of nowhere. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to get through all that, especially Deku's death, without some serious comfort, which surprised him far more than the story if you ask me.

"Why?" I looked at him confused, not understanding until he explained. "What's in it for her, to save him?"

"I don't have a fucking clue all I know is…" I trailed off before deciding to just tell him. "That if she didn't appear when she did I was going to die."

"What do you mean?" I have his razor sharp focus now but it's not like it was going to change the truth so I told him.

"My quirk had spiraled out of control, I was drenched in my sweat and I was about to explode, I couldn't stop it no matter what I did. I was going to die," I hugged the stuffed toy to me, feeling myself curl in, trying to close off physically even though I was kind of forced to open up.

There was a long silence before he asked a question that I should have expected but didn't. "Did you try? To stop it?"

I froze for a while trying to think back all those years ago and frowned. "I couldn't," I said slowly but he waited for me to keep talking. "I could feel it, I can remember feeling helpless like I was being tortured even more because in order to even try. I had to make myself forget Deku. But it was already too late."

"What do you mean it was already too late?"

"I mean that I didn't notice it until a few seconds before I was going to blow. So instead I just got really pissed and I think I might have laughed at all the bullshit I had to go through just to die with him already lying in my arms. I was so pissed, he gave his life for mine only for mine to be thrown away anyway. I couldn't do a damn thing so I did the only thing I could."

"And what was that?" He sounded almost afraid to hear the answer but he still asked.

"I hugged Deku, and then time stopped. The rain froze in the air, and the Lady in the Green Hood appeared and offered to save him. What else could I do? My choices were either to die in my already dead childhood friend's arms or to relive our lives together. Which one would you have picked?" I grumbled sarcastically already knowing that a sane person wouldn't even think twice.

Just like I hadn't.

"How do you think it's affected you psychology speaking?" He asked after a long pause.

"It's been torture," I blew out a large lungful of air. "At first having 23 years of memories in my 4 year old body was insane, especially when it came to reasoning and my general ability to DO anything at all. Like my handwriting was absolute garbage, just like any other four year old child's. Pronunciation was also a killer for me. Like I know how to say onomatopoeia, want to take a guess on how it got butchered by my four year old mouth? My hand eye coordination was absolute shit because I would reach for something that my 23 year old body could easily reach while my 4 year old body couldn't. Just eating was hell, it took a week before I could eat a meal without getting my food all over me."

I complained to my heart's content. Finally someone to actually listen! Don't get me wrong Mom and Dad have done great, truly but they also couldn't understand what the hell I was talking about.

"Then there were things that I no longer needed or felt a need to do," I shuddered at the thought which got him to eye me curiously and you know what. Why the fuck not? It's not like there was anyone else I could tell now is there? "Masterbation, don't get me wrong. I am glad that wasn't something I needed or wanted back then but the way it was completely shut out of my mind was concerning. Like if I forgot something as basic as that, what else did I forget?" He nodded understanding where my reasoning was going, even if the subject was weird all on its own.

"Have you ever told these things to All Might or Green Demon?" He asked next and I shrugged before answering.

"I tried a few times, but they never really understood what I was trying to say. They went back in time too but they still had adult bodies where I was turned into a toddler. They really couldn't understand how I felt or why but they really did try." I groaned before stretching out again only to curl up and cuddle the stuffie in my arms. It would be better if it was a Deku or I guess a Dekiru stuffie but that's obviously not happening.

"You've never expressed a desire to… Cuddle, before," he said carefully but I turned my head on his direction to let him know that I was listening, giving him the go ahead to keep going. "Is there a reason you hide this part of yourself?"

"Me hiding my most vulnerable state of mind?" I asked sarcastically but that only seemed to make him listen more carefully. "I only like to show Deku this side of myself," I grumbled squeezing the stuffed toy again, almost trying to hide my face in the soft fabric.

"There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be comforted," he said slowly but when I looked up at him again he seemed more concerned than curious.

"My first life, I was an ass. I was a bully, hell I could have been a villain if I wasn't so obsessed with becoming the number one hero, I was so rotten," I started to explain but I doubt I did it any justice. "My weak spot was always Deku so I tried so hard to tear it out of my life, the weakness, I only made myself miserable." I sighed, I really don't want to finish but even with my fingers playing with the different stands and things attached to the stuffed doll I started talking again. "When I came back it was like I was hit with a hundred times the urges as before but when Aunty handed me a Teddy Bear it helped calm everything down, in my head. So I kept getting more and before I knew it…" How do I say it? "I like to be surrounded by soft things, comforting things."

That probably sounds like shit but oh well, it's not like I have a script that I can read my feelings off of or anything.

"All the traveling we do I can't exactly bring a bedroom of stuffies with us so usually there is one or two extra fluffy blankets and of course there isn't anything in the world as comforting as Deku so…" I trailed off, barely glancing up to see how bad he was judging me but instead I found him fascinated. I don't know which one I would have preferred to be honest.

"So you've basically been medicating yourself with happiness?" He asked before seeming to snap out of it. "Sorry, it's just that that particular theory is used like an antidepressant. It can become a crutch in times if need but it can, if not done carefully, hurt the person using it too. But when you discarded the comfort of stuffed toys for a simple blanket and your husband though, you alleviated that concern. Most would have become dependent on their crutch and even refused activities that took them away from it." He started muttering to himself about how I must be some kind of genius but I frowned at the thought.

"Remember I WAS 23. I don't think you can call that a genius. Besides I am a genius, just not with emotions, or my own mind," I shrugged before picking up the All Might doll again. Fuck it, it's a doll. It's soft and puffy and it's squishy.

He finally snapped out of his little day dream and refocused on me, "my apologies. I will try to refrain." Not like I give a shit either way. But the fact he offered me an ultra soft fluffy green blanket that looked like it belonged in the hall of fame of fluffiness…

"Can I keep this?" I couldn't help asking. I'm fucking weak and I know it! But it's Deku's signature color! The perfect dark green with almost black shadows and it smells good too.

I tried to shake the thought from my head, "I mean-"

"Yes, keep it," he chuckled and no matter what the hell I was going to say, it doesn't matter now. I wrapped the feather like fluffiness around me and let out a content sigh while squeezing the stuffie in my arms.

"How do you feel right now?" He prompted me but I don't even care at the moment.

"Whole," my answer was simple and to the point but I don't think I could have described it better with a thesaurus. I feel whole.

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me? Ask me?" He smiled back at me and even his dog head can't bother me when I'm in this level of comfort, the only thing that could make it better is Deku holding me, which made me think of other things.

"Deku wants to have sex," I blurted out.

"And you don't?" He tilted his head.

"I mean I do but… wouldn't that make me a pedophile?" I grumbled and sank into the blanket and bean bag chair more, almost hiding.

He laughed out loud, "young man, there is a lot more to that than simply age and no. Not in this case."

My head jerked up at that, "Really? But," I paused. Do I really deserve the kind of happiness that Deku was offering me? Not just physical pleasure but his love. The thing I've wanted more than anything else ever, more than even being a hero.

"Young man," he started but paused before deciding to continue. "To be honest, your both a little young still but if your only reason not to is because of guilt from what happened in your first life then I suggest thinking twice." I watched him carefully trying to figure out what he meant.

"If what you say is true then I haven't a doubt in my mind that he loves you just as much as you do him. It's easy to say that you would die for someone and another to actually do it but then from what you've told me he lived his first life almost completely not only by your side but for you. To get your approval, your attention before dying for you. Then you, you willingly re-lived your life with him. Of course you changed things along the way but that's understandable. You chose to LIVE for him and you put that life on the line for him. That's a feat I've never heard of except in novels."

I listened quietly, not entirely sure how to take it all. Everything he said, I already knew but somehow the way he said it made it difficult not to see as new. Do I have a chance? Do I actually deserve the happiness right in front of me?

"In the future," he spoke up and I looked up from my thoughts. "Comfort items are usually a staple for someone in my profession. So if you ever see anyone else you should speak up, if there is something in particular that will help you relax during your sessions they probably already have it or are willing to get it for the future. You never know, what helps you might help someone else after all."

That startled me. What helps me might help someone else? But I'm an ass, I'm insufferable, rude, and I have a nasty mouth yet something that helps ME could help someone else? I look around and I can clearly see myself in a bean bag chair wrapped in a fluffy blanket squeezing an All Might plushie, stuffie, doll like thing and I guess he is right. At least on some level, I find comfort in these things, in being meticulous and just in being held.

I let out a sigh, "If only you weren't a dog," I groaned but he just chuckled at that.

"At least it didn't stop you from seeing me. That's all I could have hoped for," he smiled (I think?) At me and I just nodded before returning my attention to curling up in a tight ball just to cuddle the soft material surrounding me. This is nice, I close my eyes and just allow myself to disappear into the softness.

Correction, this is really nice.