Free stuff is nice...

After free-falling across the land, I lay my eyes on a giant shithole that looks in the middle of festivities. After landing on the fanciest building in the capital it turned out to be the local cul...church. Sniffing the air I smell Pedos and shit in the air so a quick disillusion charm later I'm in the big ass church I see 7 giant statues that must be important so I blast them apart. the commotion draws the priest a quick scan of their mind and they have been very bad boys.

A quick Impero later they are having a giant gay orgy in the middle of the church. That should hold them down for a while (Insert South park gay pile here). I make my way to the 'offerings to the gods' stash and clean that bitch out while burning their book-making facility down. Making my way to the red keep a few million richer.

While snooping through the red keep the treasury is still empty it said someone took the last gold coin I left. I guess they are taking out loans with the iron bank. Making my way to the throne room I see something I forgot, a big ass ugly chair now that I think about it I don't want it. So I transfigure it in i giant dildo for all the times that chair has fucked people.

Also the glass behind the throne I change it into a few words. 'Good Luck Cucking the king with your brother -Best of wishes' Ahh good. All in a day's work as I leave the capital I hear the chaos in the streets I guess someone found the orgy, or the new mural, or the dildo. Not my problem time to continue my journey.

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Looking over the shiniest prize I can imagine Castely Rock, the seat of the Lannisters for the last 8000 years. It looks beautiful... Time to strip this bitch. The first thing I do is head down into the nearly depleted mine and check it out I don't see much so I just kill the guards and Impero the miners they leave a few blasting curses later we have a total mine collapse. That will take a long time to fix next thing I do is find Keven the man in charge of this place.

After a little bit of rooting around in his head, I find the Vaults with the gold and another that only the head of the house can open interesting.

While heading towards the vault I run into a little dwarf child crying. I drop the charms and surprise him "What do you want" he asks with fear in his voice.

I just look at him and said "I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel. The Madame asked, "what can we do for you?" I said, "I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me."

The Madame asked "You poor thing; whatever for? And why do you have a jackass and a honeycomb?"

"Well," I answered, "my woman stumbled upon a genie in a bottle, and he granted her 3 wishes. The first was to have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this jackass. Her second wish was for a 'house fit for a queen, so he gave her this beehive."

The Madame asked, "And what of the third wish?"

"For her third wish, my woman asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee."

"Well, that one's not so bad!" the Madame exclaimed.

"'Not so bad!?', I replied, "I used to be 6 feet tall!" ( actual joke Tryon tried to tell several times in the TV show and books.)

He just looks at me like I'm stupid "You will get it one day" I mutter. "So what are you doing here?" I grin "I'm robbing this place". "Why" "I don't know because your father is a cunt." I nod sagely while I say. "Say little man want to come with me, I'll show you magic?"

"Can you show me dragons?" I just shrug "Sure in the future possibly". He just grins "Yes, but you have to promise dragons" I toss him a gold dragon and write a quick note. Say "sand and sex". So he does and disappears. I head off deeper to take everything not nailed down.

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Meanwhile in Doren's Solar with Eddard-

The two are talking about alliances when they hear a loud *Umph* and look over to see a small child dry heaving while on his hands and knees.

Doren goes over "What happened to you young child?" He looks around confused "I don't know I was just talking to a Thief who told me I could see dragons they tossed me a gold dragon and I said 'Sex and sand' Then bam I'm here."

Both their eyes twitch while bothering of them thought 'why didn't you just offer him, sweets? Eddard asks "so what's your name, little man." The kid stands up straight "Tryon Lannister". Oberyn who is just in the corner of the room has to leave while shaking his head 'crazy fucker is robbing the Lannisters.

A/N: What's he gets from the secret vault find out next time on POK..*cough*...Through the Multiverse.

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