Chapter 43 - Post-Enies Lobby Pt 1 2/3

"Heheheh," Kashi snickered into his fist as he tried to sober up. "A-Anyway! Getting back on topic! Boss Dorry, Boss Broggy, going by what the Marines told us in their spare time, your bounties to modern standards should be somewhere around, eh…" He waved his hand side to side. "Somewhere around 300 mil? Apiece."

Silence reigned as we processed that particular tidbit.

"Holy shit," I whistled in awe.

"NO DOI!" Soundbite concurred.

"That's three times Luffy's bounty!" Usopp exclaimed, before cutting himself off with a hesitant look. "Er… what his bounty was before we burned Enies Lobby to the ground, I mean."

"Three hundred million…" Broggy breathed in awe.

"That's the biggest bounty I've ever heard of…" Dorry concurred in the same tone.

Soundbite then fell silent as he adopted an oddly pensive expression.

"Uh…?" I hedged in confusion.

"No thinkin' about turnin' each other in, collectin' each others' bounties and breakin' out, bosses!" Kashi warned hastily. "It didn't work out the last five times!"

Usopp and I promptly faceplanted in shock.

"So much for the Warriors of Elbaf having any brains between them…" I groaned.

"My beloved world image…" Usopp sobbed miserably. "It's shattered… Tinkling away into stardust…"

"Oh, come on, that was a hundred years ago!" Broggy protested. "And it looks like the Marines have only gotten stupider while we were gone! I'm sure it could work this time!"

I glanced up with an irritated glare. "Maybe so, but even stupidity has limits when you double dipsticks just broadcast it to the whole world."

"…Blast it all," the pair muttered despondently.

"AS IF IT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Usopp and I barked indignantly.

"YOU BRATTY LITTLE SON OF A—Dot dot dot dot!" Soundbite suddenly cut himself off as he started ringing with a cackle. "Dot dot dot dot! Heh, how much ya wanna bet that—Dot dot dot dot!—this is AN INSULT?"

I pulled myself together just enough to give an indifferent shrug. "Eh, maybe, maybe not. After the near-miss with that smiling lunatic, I think it's pretty clear you can never be sure who's going to call in. Still, though, could be fun!" And with that, I clicked the appropriate button. "Hello, you've reached the SBS!"

"Glad to be here," said a gruff voice. "But sorry, this is about as far away from an insult as you can get; I never thought I'd have the chance to speak to the great Dorry and Broggy."

"Oh?" Broggy asked curiously. "And who would you be?"

"My name is Hajrudin, another giant born and raised on Elbaf. I'm 79 years old, so while I'm after your time, I've grown up hearing the tales of the Giant Warrior Pirates, and I've always looked up to you two."

I managed to suppress my surprise at hearing exactly who we were talking to as the co-captains responded to his statement.

"Gabababa! Glad to hear that the next generation is getting a decent education!" Broggy bellowed proudly.

Dorry, meanwhile, was somewhat more skeptical. "Who exactly has been telling our stories? Because if any of them are from Loco Lokos, I am telling you now that I was drunk out of my mind and from behind that guy looked like a—!"

"T-There are a lot of different stories from a lot of different warriors!" Hajrudin coughed hastily. "But, ah, there's one tale that none have ever decided to share: where did you two disappear to all those years ago, and why? Oimo and Kashi went looking for you fifty years ago, but the original reason for the dissolution of the greatest crew to sail from the shores of Elbaf yet remains a mystery! Would you be so kind as to honor us with what you've been doing?"

A pause fell for a moment, to which the two Ogres let out wistful sighs.

"Well, in all honestly, it wasn't fully by choice that we disbanded the crew," Dorry said. "It was great fun and excitement sailing the seas, fending off any man or beast who would seek to fight us. And the parties! Oh, Elbaf's best grog was the perfect end to a day of battles."

"But we had no choice in the end," Broggy sighed longingly. "For you see, one day Dorry and I came to a disagreement. Neither of us was willing to back down, and we placed our prides on the line to prove ourselves right! As such… we had no choice but to engage in a duel of honor. We fought each other with as much strength and valor as we could bring to bear!"

"But unfortunately, a problem arose," Dorry shook his head solemnly. "As it turns out, Broggy and I were equally matched in strength, so our duel ended in a draw. But as you well know, that will not suffice to satisfy the might Elbaf! So we fought again… and it resulted in yet another draw. Realizing that this would not end anytime soon, we sequestered ourselves on an uninhabited island so that we might settle our duel in peace! And so, for the past century we have remained faithful to the laws of Elbaf. 73,770 duels have we fought!"

"And 73,770 draws have they brought," Broggy concurred.

"And so it will go until we determine a victor!" the two finished in unison.

Silence reigned for a bit as everyone processed that proclamation. It was Hajrudin finally broke it.

"You disbanded the Giant Warrior Pirates… for a duel…" the younger giant breathed slowly. "It seems that the stories I heard were not accurate."

My heart skipped at least three beats as I heard Hajrudin, future commander of the Straw Hat Grand Fleet, say those words. If I had in any way managed to screw up the dreams of a future comrade—!

Then Soundbite burst out sobbing tears of manly joy. "FOR TRULY NO MERE WORDS CAN DESCRIBE JUST HOW TRULY THE BOTH OF YOU MANAGE TO ENCAPSULATE THE MIGHT AND HONOR OF ALMIGHTY ELBA-A-AAAAF!" Hajrudin wept rapturously.

My head jerked downwards as a sweatdrop suddenly hung itself from my skull. Right, this was a future Straw Hat we were talking about here, however tangential his membership might have been. I had been worried why, exactly?

Ugh, whatever. I could berate myself for stupidity later, right now I needed to focus on the entire reason I'd tapped these two for an interview in the first place.

"So, if I may interject?" I spoke up. "As a human with little to no knowledge of the laws of Elbaf, I was wondering: is there really no way to end the duel until one of you wins? And it's only to the death?"

"Mmm… well, there is one alternative," Broggy admitted. "It hasn't been used in centuries because of how uncommon it is for a duel to go beyond a single match, and the last instance I can think of resulted in both participants dying at the same time, but nevertheless, the laws are clear: in the event of a draw… the duel can end if both combatants are willing to concede. If Dorry and I both stood down and recognized the other's honor, that would be sufficient for Elbaf."

"But that's not an option at this stage," Dorry continued with a snort. "For over the course of the past century, we have forgotten why our duel began in the first place! For us to concede without knowing what we were willing to stake our honor on would be the epitome of disgrace. But we can be reasonably sure that it must have been something important if neither of us were willing to stand down in the early years of our duels."

I huffed in aggravation at the expected answer, and shot a look of askance up at the giants physically beside me. "Oimo, Kashi? What about you two?"

"Mmm… honestly, I can't remember it either," Kashi admitted.

"We giants might live long, but even our memories have limits," Oimo shrugged helplessly. "Sorry."

I exhaled sharply, and to Usopp and Soundbite, it was no doubt obvious that I was resisting the urge to simply spill what I knew. But still, if I couldn't get them to remember matters the direct way… "Alright, alright…" I muttered to myself before speaking up in what I hoped was a convincingly chipper tone. "Ah well, it was worth a shot! Seeing as we've hit a wall on that subject, let's move onto other topics! Now, while I can't share the name of your island, I do actually have some questions about it! Like, say…" I grinned as I slowly tilted my head to the side. "Those 'mountains' the two of you live in! They look pretty weird, if I'm being honest, and I say that by Grand Line standards! Do you have any idea what that's all about?"

"Ah, yes, our homes away from home!" Broggy chuckled proudly. "Quite impressive, aren't they? Majestic and imposing, just how we like them back on Elbaf! And they're huge even by our standards, nearly spanning the entire length of the is… land… huh. Ya know, now that I actually take a second to look at them, they actually look kinda familiar. Like… skulls, maybe?" Broggy frowned in confusion. "…Wait a second, that's ringing a bell…"

"Skulls… and that hunting contest between your crewmates sounded familiar as well…" Dorry murmured, clenching his eyes shut as he tilted his head to the side.

Silence fell, and I kept my hope hidden behind a carefully neutral expression. At least, up until Soundbite began quietly humming the damn Jeopardy! theme and he responded to my acrid glare with a silent cackle.

Still, I suppose that music was somewhat appropriate.

"THAT'S IT!"

Because not a second later we all jumped as the two Ogres shouted in unison.

"Of course, now I remember! Those aren't mountains at all!" Broggy bellowed victoriously. "Those are sea king skeletons! Way back in the day, we both killed a sea king in single combat, and while we were celebrating our victory at a nearby human village—!"

"—That little farm girl came up and asked us which one of them was bigger!" Dorry picked up eagerly. "We laid them out side-by-side on Lit—ah, on this island to figure it out, but neither of us could agree on whose was bigger! And since neither of us was willing to back down, we began dueling!"

"And that's how it all started!" they concluded in unison.

I sighed in relief, not bothering to conceal it, though I promptly fell over a moment later due to a sudden earthquake. Looking around, I saw that the cause was Oimo and Kashi having face-faulted… along with Usopp, and Soundbite, and probably everyone else who'd just heard their little tale.

"WE WENT THROUGH FIFTY YEARS OF INDENTURED SERVITUDE BECAUSE OF A FISHING COMPETITION?!" the pair roared indignantly.

"I have to say, even I'm sort of disappointed in hearing that such a glorious duel had such a mediocre catalyst," Hajrudin muttered despondently.

"My world view… shattered… again…" Usopp wept sadly.

"SERIOUSLY, who would be willing to fight for THAT LONG OVER SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!" Soundbite barked.

"Zoro and Sanji," I deadpanned.

"…Withdrawn."

"I feel better now," Usopp said as he snapped back to his feet looking none the worse for wear.

I took a second to snicker at the actions before refocusing at the task at hand. "Alright, so, now that you've remembered the origins of your duel, do you think that you can move on?"

"HELL NO!"

I wasn't even surprised at this point, because of course there was no way in hell it would be that easy.

"There is no way in all the six seas that I will ever concede to the idea that Broggy managed to catch a sea king bigger than mine!" Dorry protested indignantly.

"You wish!" Broggy fumed proudly. "Mine was clearly the larger of the two, I am the obvious victor!"

"NEITHER OF US AGREES TO CONCEDE! THIS DUEL WILL CONTINUE!"

"Oi vey…" I bemoaned, pinching the bridge of my nose as I tried to work things out. Great, with the two of them so gung ho and the Sea Kings long-since rotted, there was no way in hell we'd be able to come to a conclusion in a straightforward manner, so how—?

…now there was a thought…

"Before you two start beating one another's faces in!" I spoke up hastily, cutting into the pair's argument. "Do you mind if I at least try and change the basis of your conflict a bit?"

"Eh?" The Red and Blue Ogres paused in their argument in favor of looking at me in confusion. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Well, look, you guys have been pirates on the Grand Line for a while, right?" I posited. "And that means you've no doubt fought many humans who've been able to give you a run for your money. As such, I think it's safe to say that it's not size that matters when it comes to combat, but rather the sheer strength and power that something has withi—"

"POWEEEEEEER!"

I jumped at the sudden voice bursting through Soundbite, who seemed just as shocked. "TERRY? I DIDN'T EVEN RING!"

"BEAR GLOVE IS TOO POWERFUL TO BE SLOWED DOWN BY MERE TECHNOLOGYYYYY!"

"Would you kindly silence yourself, you musclebound buffoon? We're witnessing something only slightly more momentous than my own incredibly lustrous plumage," Isaiah's baritone cut in.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT IT!" Drake bellowed indignantly, followed by a decisive KA-LICK.

I ground my fist into my forehead. "I never thought I could feel so much annoyance towards Old Spice," I hissed. "Ugh… anyway, where was I?"

"Something about strength meaning more than size in combat," Hajrudin provided.

"Right, thanks. Anyway, do you two agree with me?"

"But of course!" Dorry snorted in an almost insulted manner. "We have fought many opponents over the years, larger than us and smaller alike, and all too often have we felled larger beings with ease while almost dying at the hands of mere humans!"

"It is not size that matters, but the strength held within an entity's frame, no matter how big or how small!" Broggy asserted firmly.

I grinned victoriously as I recognized that I had them where I wanted them. 'Jackpot.' "Well, then, in that case," I spread my arms calmly. "I'd say that it's pretty damn obvious that your duel's been a draw right from the onset!"

"…come again?" the two asked in confusion.

My grin widened bit by bit as I felt my blood pressure ramp up from my ever-approaching victory. "Honestly, you two, think about it. Soundbite, what did they say the count was?"

"Seventy-three thousand seven hundred and seventy," he responded in Dorry and Broggy's voices.

"Exactly. That many duels, day after day for the last 100 years, and in all of that time, neither of you gained any headway? If there's one thing obvious from a track record like that, it's this: you're perfect equals in strength, and always have been. As such!" I snapped my finger up. "We can equally assume that those two Sea Kings you defeated were also perfectly equal in strength, with neither being any stronger than the other!"

Dead silence fell as my words sunk in. Oimo and Kashi's jaws slowly dropped as the penny hit, and small squeaks were escaping from Usopp as he twitched in place. From Soundbite's movements, it seemed as though Dorry and Broggy were slowly turning their heads to stare at one another. The silence stretched on for almost a minute.

Then, I turned my attention to my fellow crewmates. "Usopp… and you too, Hajrudin. Would you care to do the honors?"

Credit where it was due, the pair was quick to get their collective acts together.

"I-I, Hajrudin Hammerfist, a-as an impartial witness and a proud warrior of Elbaf—!"

"A-A-And, I Usopp, a-a-as sni… as king of snipers, crewmate of the Straw Hat Pirates and a Brave Warrior of the Seas—!"

"We declare that in light of new information, the honor duel between Red Ogre Broggy and Blue Ogre Dorry…"

There was a moment as they sucked in deep breaths, and then… they said it.

"WE HEREBY DECLARE THEIR DUEL!" they roared as one. "TO BE NULL AND VOID! IT'S A DRAAAAAAAAAW!"

Of course, the second those words escaped their mouths, several other people began roaring as well. More specifically?

"GEGYAGYAGYAGYAGYAGYAGYAGYA/GABABABABABABABABABABABA!"

The subjects of the duel in question. Soundbite was nearly tearing his own jaw out with how hard he was laughing, but furthermore, he was also sobbing his little heart out.

"W-W-We're free, Dorry!" Broggy hiccupped gratefully. "Y-Y-You hear that!? W-WE'RE FREE-EE-EEE!"

"W-We don't have to kill each other!" Dorry wept through his smile. "W-We can go back to the sea! Back to our adventures! WE CAN GO BACK TOGETHER!"

"B-B-Bosses…" Oimo blubbered euphorically. "D-Does this mean—?"

"A-Are you sayin'," Kashi wheezed out. "What we think you're sayin'!?"

"Say it!" I goaded. "Say it here and say it now, loud and proud for all the world to hear!"

-o-

"GLADLY!" the Red and Blue Ogres chorused. "HEAR US, PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! AS OF THIS MOMENT, AFTER NEARLY ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF ABSENCE, OUR MIGHTY CREW, RENOWNED THE WORLD OVER, THE GIANT WARRIOR PIRATES…"

"Ohh, dear," Kizaru muttered as he fingered his neck brace with the hand on his cast-free arm. "And I thought they couldn't possibly follow up with another massive attack so soon after Enies Lobby." He turned his wheelchair to the side, angling his cast-encased leg in such a manner so that he could glance out the window of his office. "I wonder how much impact this will have…"

"HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN REFORMED! RAAAAAAAGH!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Kizaru felt a line of sweat break out on his brow as the Ogres' battle cry was echoed from several places across the seat of Marine power. "Guess that answers that, huh? Tsk, damn demon and his damn big mouth, he's nothing but trouble. It would really be a good idea if I just warped over to the island and killed him before he even saw me coming."

He shrugged, shifting his limbs about in their casts as he sighed, leaning back in his wheelchair and letting his eyes drift shut. "Too bad I had to injure myself this badly. Ah, well. At least Sengoku can't be mad at me for this."

"BOOORSAAALIIINOOO!"

The light-man cracked his eyes open with an unnerved expression. "Then again, I have been battin' pretty badly so far…"

-o-

"HAJRUDIN!" the co-captains barked suddenly.

"S-SIRS!" the 'young' giant responded.

"As it stands, even with our old crewmates returning to our flag, chances are that we will be left somewhat shorthanded," Broggy summarized solemnly before donning a massive (you know what I mean) grin. "As such, we are currently recruiting. Interested?"

Hajrudin's jaw practically cracked the ground in shock. "A-Are you serious?" he whispered in awe.

"We'll take that as a yes!" Broggy guffawed. "Spread the word to all of Elbaf's new generation, whoever hasn't already heard us by now: as of now, we're accepting new blood with open arms!"

"Ah-I-I… I… I WOULD BE HONORED, MY CAPTAINS!"

"Gababababa! Excellent! Now, Oimo, Kashi—!"

"Ah, actually!" Dorry interjected hastily. "Would you mind if we took a break? We need to plan this out properly, and bullheaded as we might be, allowing the whole world a peek at our playbooks probably wouldn't work out as well for us as it does for you."

"My faith is restored," Usopp breathed in euphoria.

"Heh, sure thing, you guys," I waved my hand casually. "Ladies and gentlemen, time for an intermission, and I think we know the best way to fill that space, don't we?"

"Yay! Time for SOUNDBITE'S music cor—KCH! HEY, WHAT THE DEU—KCCCCH! OH, NOT THIS AGAI—K-K-KCCCCHHHHHHHAPAPAPAPAAAAA! DID YOU MISS ME, WORLD?"

I hid a snicker behind by fist. "Good timing," I muttered sotto voce.

"What can I say, an entertainer's got instincts!" Apoo whispered back. "Anyway, I'll call in to talk with you later. For now, though… APAPAPAPAAAA!" My 'rival' roared at full blast. "YES, WORLD, IT'S ME, APOO, THE ROAR OF THE SEAS, HERE TO DO AS I PLEASE!"

"GET OFF my frequency, you long-armed WANNABE! I WANT MY MUSIC CORNER!" Soundbite half-roared, half-whined.

"Apapa! I have a better idea! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A HIKE?!"

"NONONO—KCCCCCHHHHH!"

"There we go!" Apoo laughed victoriously. "Alright, now that that pest has been dealt with, we can finally begin! The show you've all been waiting for, Apoo's Music Hour!"

"Well! Now that that's dealt with," I said, smirking and clapping my hands as Apoo began playing his song. "You were saying, Broggy?"

"Uh… right…" The Red Ogre hesitated momentarily before shaking his head and getting back on track. "As I was saying! Oimo, Kashi, for starters… at a guess, the Valhalla—?"

"The best mead hall in all of Elbaf!" Kashi boasted proudly.

"But, uh…" Oimo waved his hand before his face with a wince. "Not seaworthy anymore. Sorry."

"Bah, we suspected it after the first few decades," Broggy sighed fondly. "At least the old warrior is resting in peace with happy warriors in his belly. That's all we can ask."

"But if that's the case…" Dorry muttered thoughtfully. "You two are still in Water 7, correct?"

"Aye, sirs!" the pair saluted.

"And their quality hasn't dropped over the years?"

"If anything, sirs, it's gotten better!" Hajrudin cut in swiftly. "Even in the New World, Water 7 is acknowledged as the capital of shipwrights! None surpass it!"

"Perfect!" Broggy barked joyously. "Stay put there, then, and Hajrudin, bring our new recruits there as well, and spread the word to the old guard while you're at it! The Giant Warrior Pirates will reunite on Water 7, our first task being to commission a new vessel for a new era!"

"What's a pirate without a ship?" Dorry agreed. And then his face fell. "Though, uh, we might be a bit late. It'll take some time for us to build a raft big enough to hold the both of us, and the only Log we have is the Eternal one to Elbaf, so…"

"Don't even worry about it!" I reassured them. "I'll call in a favor from one of my friends and get them to swing around and pick you up! There should be no prob—OW!" I yelped as Soundbite chomped on my unarmored fingers. I glared at him for a moment, but his own glare got his point across. "Ah… right, almost forgot. See, these friends of mine might seem disconcerting at first glance, but I swear to you, if they say Ophiuchus sent them, you've got nothing to worry about."

"You… You'd really be willing to do that for us?" Broggy asked incredulously.

"Of course!" Usopp spoke up before I could. "We're allies and we're fellow Warriors of the Sea, why wouldn't we be willing?"

"What he said," I concurred with a smile. "Anyway, I'll take care of everything once we're done, but for now… You guys up for continuing the interview?

"But of course!"/ "No question!"

A glance at Soundbite prompted him to let out a quiet series of clicks, and Apoo subsequently began winding down his track.

"Apapapapa! That should do for now, time to get back to the spoils of the Marine ships! Nothing tastes better than someone else's food!"

"—DAAAAH! Huff… huff… WELL, HE'S GONE! I'm back. NOW, we return to the regularly scheduled—"

"—interview with Dorry and Broggy."

"I'M BEING GYPPED!" Soundbite snarled.

"'Cut' might be more appropriate, seeing as for all that I'm your partner, I'm also your boss," I snickered.

"I resent that!"

"Not talking to you, literal-leatherneck!" I called out, not even bothering turning to look at the inadvertently-named Dugong as he passed by, re-donning my smiling and clasping my hands together. "So! Where were we?"

-o-

The rest of the interview was certainly interesting, especially from a historical point of view, but overall, it proved to be pretty uneventful, and I ended the SBS soon after its conclusion. From there, Oimo and Kashi had resumed helping Galley-La rebuild the city, as well as passing on a request for them to start drawing up blueprints for a ship worthy of giants. Iceburg had had an odd gleam in his eye as he heard that request. I put it off to a unique challenge.

Usopp had left after that to actually make use of his ฿2 million in spending money, while Soundbite and I had decided to simply return to our living quarters, where I learned both good news and… well, not bad, but unexpected.

Good news, Merry had feeling back in her legs and was up and out of her bed, even if she was on crutches.

The unexpected news, however…

-o-

"Nononoooooomph!" Merry grunted, lying prone for a moment before opening her eyes and glaring into the floorboards. "This is embarrassing…" she ground out irritably. "I'm a child, not a baby. Why am I having so much trouble walking?"

"Because," I huffed as I slid my hands beneath her shoulders and lifted her back onto her feet. "Just like Conis, you've only ever had sea legs your entire life. Even without the crutches, you'd still be tripping from trying to overbalance and from trying to learn how to walk at all. I know it sucks, but…" I clapped her shoulders reassuringly before taking a kneeling position before her. "All we can do is press on, right?"

Merry grumbled melancholically beneath her breath before heaving a weary sigh. "Yeah, I know, I know. No pain, no gain…" She was silent for a second before cracking a slight smile. "At least I know you'll always be there to catch me, right?"

"Unless it's funny," I corrected with a smirk.

"THEN WE JUST STAND BACK and laugh!" Soundbite cackled.

Merry twitched slightly at that, a scowl flashing across her face before she suddenly let loose with the waterworks. "Coooooniiiiis," she whined in a distinctly childish tone. "Cross and Soundbite are picking on me!"

I blinked in confusion. "Eh—?"

"Sorry, Cross."

"Wait, wha—!?"

THUMP!

"YEOW!" I yelped, clutching the goose egg I was suddenly sporting.

"But to be fair, you are making a little girl cry," Conis sniffed as she hefted the bazooka she'd been polishing.

"Merry used Fake Tears!" Soundbite chortled. "It's only halfway effective!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Say wha—AAAAAGH!"

"Tseeheeheehee!" Su cackled as she laid on her back and spun Soundbite in her paws. "Punishing you guys is fun!"

"PUT ME DOWN! YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME when I'm REVENGENING!"

"Seriously, you wouldn't," I smirked at Su. "You weren't here at the time, but Merry knows just how deep Soundbite's ire goes. As an example… Jaya?"

"AAAGH!" the erstwhile ship howled in agony as she grabbed her ears. "Damn it, Cross, I'm already suffering from physical trauma, don't pack mental scarring on there as well!"

"Don't mentally scar kids, Cross," Boss noted absentmindedly as he carefully detailed the scroll of seaweed he was inscribing.

"I beg to differ!" Donny barked indignantly as he rubbed his skull. "I say that mental scars will match perfectly with the remnants of my concussion!"

"My fractured ribcage agrees with—YEOW!" Mikey yelped as a metal hook bounced off his skull.

"Less talking, more working on your flexibility," Boss ordered without looking up. "Either you manage to pull off the Nori Arts by tonight, or I'll limber up your skeletons myself."

"But Booooss!" the orange-bandanna'd fighter whined pitifully. "This is totally impossible! You pulled off bending that way because you're a total monster, but we're normal! We can't just—!"

"Woohoo, this is fun!"

"—abuhwah?" Mikey said intelligently as he snapped his gaze over to Raphey in shock.

The dugong in question was flowing like a strand of seaweed caught in a current around Mikey. "Heck, it's more than fun! It's easy!"

"But how!?"

"Eh, I guess that girls are just more flexible than boys." Raphey shot a violence-filled grin at Boss. "Hey, mind if I help Mikey loosen up?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever makes you happy," the older dugong replied dismissively.

"Wait, wha—!?" CRACK! "YEARGH!"

"Thaaat's right!" Raphey cackled as she bent Mikey over her shoulders, eliciting more than a few pops and snaps from his joints. "Just loosen up! Let aaaall the tension flow right out of you!"

"THE TENSION IS RIPPING ME IN HALF!"

"Sounds like a 'you' problem. Maybe if I pull harder?"

"AAARGH!"

Donny's eye twitched fearfully as he watched his comrades go at it. "I don't know what scares me more, that this is normal for them or the idea that I might be next."

"Personally?" Leo mumbled out through the mummy's worth of bandages he was wrapped in. "I'm more concerned about ever being able to move at all."

"Don't think you're excluded just because of your injuries, Leo," Boss commented. "I want your Shell Body up to specs once you get out of there."

"Yes, sir…"

"Attaboy."

I rolled my eyes at the dugongs' interactions before turning my attention to Boss. "Say, not to tell you how to teach your students, Boss, but could I suggest having them change their focus?"

"Why?" the older Dugong asked, finally glancing up from his scroll.

"It's just, well," I shrugged helplessly. "Between the Full Shell Style, your hook and your all-around strength, you have all ranges from long to short covered, whereas they—"

"—are confined to short, damn it!" Boss cursed furiously as he shot to his tail and hastily stuffed his scroll in his shell. "Alright, boys, change of plans! Raphey, drop Mikey and grab Leo! We're going out now and we're not coming back until we've got your bases damn covered!"

"HA!" Mikey barked joyously as he slipped out of Raphey's grasp. "Now I have the upper hand!" He snatched his pistols out of his holsters and spun them by their triggers. "I've already got long-range covered, so I can just kick back and—WAGH!"

"Practice on your all-around proficiency with those things until you're about as good as Conis or Usopp?" Boss finished as he hauled Mikey along by his tail. "Couldn't agree more! NOW GET A MOVE ON!" And with that—

"YEARGH!"

—he flung his student out the window Paulie had already broken earlier and followed after him, with Donny and a Leo-carrying Raphey right behind him.

I blinked slowly as I tried to process what the hell had just happened before turning back to Merry. "So, you still ready to go?"

Merry shifted uncomfortably on her bed before plastering an uneasy grin on her face. "Does… anyone else have anything they can do to delay things a bit longer?"

Silence.

She sighed wearily as she prepared herself. "Yeah, didn't think so." She swung her legs off of her bed, positioned the crutches on the floor, and slowly put her weight on her legs. She grimaced with visible pain and effort, but she stood. Then, slowly, she put one foot in front of the other, moving her crutches appropriately as she did so.

"Two," she muttered as she took another step. "Three. Four. Fivvvve… siiiaaaah!"

I caught her as she pitched forward, smiling proudly as I patted her back. The part that wasn't a mess of scar tissue, to be specific. "That was great, Merry!"

"That was six. Lousy. Steps…" she muttered acridly into my shoulder.

"And when you try again you'll manage seven, then eight, then ten, and then you'll start doing it without crutches," I continued for her. "Come on, you'll make it with hard work, you know you will! I mean, just look at me!"

"W-Well…" Merry glanced hesitantly to the side.

"Come on, you know I know what I'm talking about!" I scoffed as I helped her back onto her bed. "I mean, look at the aftermath of Eneru! First it took me awhile to get my limbs moving again without agony, and then it took me awhile to get over my astraphobia, flash by flash and rumble by rumble, but look at me now!" I spread my arms confidently. "Ain't no phobia got no strings on me!"

It was at that instant that the door to the house slammed open with a thunderous rumble. "Cross."

I promptly snapped to attention, cold sweat streaming down my face. "I did nothing wrong and/or am being framed."

"Bullshit," Lassoo promptly scoffed.

"Malarkey," Merry nodded solemnly.

"I don't twust you as faw ash I can kick you," Carue spoke up, pointedly twitching his cast-bound legs before falling back into his snoring.

"I'm sorry, Cross, but they do have a point," Conis smiled apologetically.

"TSEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEEE!" Su cackled un-apologetically.

"I love this crew!" Soundbite breathed.

I twitched viciously as I swept a glare over my crewmates. "You're all dead to me," I vowed before spinning on my heel and plastering a smile on my face. "What's up, Nam—eep!"

My false smile shattered into shards of terror in the face of our navigator's expression. Sure, she looked perfectly calm and peaceful, smiling with a serenity befitting of Vivi herself, and I might have even bought it too… were it not for the roiling storm front looming around her, snapping and crackling from where it was hanging over us.

I swallowed fearfully before looking at Nami's… general direction, because for the life of me I could not look her in the eyes. "I-I-Is something wrong, Nami?" I squeaked in a tone of thoroughly forced calm.

"Cross," Nami repeated as she crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side just so. "Would you care to explain exactly why, in the middle of my shopping with Sanji and Usopp, we were delivered a literal half-ton of rugs in your name?"

My fear faltered in the face of the sheer randomness of the statement, prompting me to blink at her in confusion. "Rugs? Uh… sounds like a prank to me, I don't remember buying anything in the city. I mean, I didn't even get a chance thanks to the—ohh, that's right." I scratched the back of my head with an embarrassed grimace. "Look, I'm sorry, but it was an accident, alright? When the Unluckies jumped us a few days back, I crashed into that guy's stall and going by the shotgun he was sporting, he had a 'you break it you buy it' policy, and he did not like people skimping on the bill."

My dread gone, I shrugged apologetically instead. "Look, I'm sorry that I used money from the briefcase, alright? I know it was for our new ship, but it was an emergency. You can take it out of my share of the money, I doubt I'll be buying too much with it anyways. And besides, it's not like we won't have anyplace to put them, right?"

All throughout my explanation, Nami nodded along and hummed in agreement. "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, that's exactly right, Cross. I've already deducted that charge from your cut. All of what you just said is fair, but, you see…"

Soundbite and I flinched in terror as the clouds above us rumbled ominously.

"You're overlooking one little detail," Nami chirped pleasantly as she loomed over us and held a paper up for me to see. "You still have to pay for the rest of the damages."

"The rest of the whaaaaaaaah shite," I started to parrot before finishing in a squeak as I scanned over the paper, which turned out to be a table of said financial damages.

"Ohhh, you know," Nami slowly tilted her head to the side, her paralyzed smile remaining ever-present. "The damages that resulted from your little romp with your little friends? Now, of course, Iceburg is covering all the property damage, since he's dealing with that anyway from CP9 and Aqua Laguna." Her smile stretched to truly Cheshire-ish proportions. "But that still leaves the merchandise."

"Hohoho, this is hilarious!" Merry chuckled eagerly. "Just how bad is it?"

"Lemme take a looksee!" Su hastily scrambled up my back and peered over my shoulder. "And the final count is—!" The cloud fox stared at the paper for a moment before affixing me with a flat look. "You're fucked."

"Su!" Conis gasped as she snatched up her companion. "I'm sure that's not even remotely true! Now, let me just take a look and…" Conis lapsed into silence as her jaw steadily dropped. "…Holy shit, Cross."

A strangled wheeze dragged its way out of my throat. That… was not a small number I was looking at. Rather, it was a big number. A very, very, very big number.

"THAT MUCH FOR CABBAGES?! No wonder his CART WAS FULL!" Soundbite spat indignantly.

"Maybe so," Nami admitted with a shrug. "But we still need to pay. And when I say 'we'…" The storm rumbled and crackled as she leaned in close.

I shivered in terror before hastily snapping a finger up with a panicked grin. "May I have a moment? I'd like to consult my legal counsel."

"Sure!" Nami said pleasantly. "Even death row allows final requests."

I shuddered at that before spinning on my heel and crouching down, huddling up with Lassoo and Soundbite. "What the hell do we do!?" I hissed desperately, hiding my mouth behind my hand.

"What the hell is this 'we' shit, KEMOSABE!?" Soundbite hissed indignantly.

"Yeah!" Lassoo snarled from behind his paw. "You're the one whose head they wanted!"

"And you're the one who was blasting left right and center, so you're in it as deep as me!" I shot right back, directing a glare at the snail. "And you know as well as I do that whatever hell I go to, I'm dragging you there with me, so maybe you should get off your ass and think of a way to save our skins!"

"Oh, yeah!?" Lassoo bit out. "Well, as your 'legal counsel', I formally advise you that we are screwed!"

"YEAH!" Soundbite spat. "WE CAN'T PAY THAT FORTUNE WITHOUT tapping the crew fund, and that means going through Nami!"

"Well…" I scrambled for options. "Maybe we can just make a break for it and wait for this to all blow over?"

As one, we all glanced back at Nami… and promptly snapped our gazes forward with renewed cold sweat at sight of the lightning snapping around her.

"Hell no," I summarized.

"Not a chance," Lassoo whined.

"We are going to die," Soundbite whimpered. "We are GOING to DIE!"

"Maybe so…" I nodded slowly, clenching my fists "But at least we can take our last option like men. You guys with me?"

"As if I had a choice."

"EVER AND ALWAYS!"

"Then let's do it."

With that, I stood up, we all turned to face Nami with determined expressions…

And then we all fell flat on the ground.

"PLEASE SPARE OUR WORTHLESS SOULS, OH MIGHTY MISTRESS OF WEATHER!" we sobbed as one.

Nami's expression didn't change at all as she observed our groveling. Then she opened her mouth—

"Puru puru puru puru!"

And snapped it shut, also snapping her Eisen Tempo back to her usual cloudy aura as Soundbite began ringing and the three of us slumped in relief. "Damn."

"I never thought I'd say this straight up, but God bless the Marine Corps!" I proclaimed as I got to my feet. "Well, now that that's over and done with—GRK!" I was cut off by a vice grip clamping down on my shoulder.

"We will continue to discuss this later," Nami promised me.

I whimpered in agreement, and Nami thankfully released me. I took a moment to get my heart rate back below jackhammer levels, and glanced around the room. "Conis, Su, if you wouldn't mind taking a walk for a bit?"

"Oooh, more secret political maneuvering, eh?" Su said. "Count me—ACK!"

"Sorry about her," Conis apologized as she held her struggling companion up by her tail. "I'll make sure to keep a close eye on where she is."

"Thanks," I nodded gratefully before turning to the duck in the room. "Carue, since Vivi's not here right now—?"

"Count me out," Carue squawked with an airy wave. "Gawding evewyone's my job, Ah'll weave the powiticaw schtuff tah you guys."

"Fair 'nuff. Conis, would you mind—?"

"Heave-ho!" the angel grunted as she lifted the duck to his feet and supported him.

"Alright, and Carue, do you think you could carry—?" THACK! "MMPH!?" A sudden pillow hitting my face cut off my question.

"I already know everything, dingus," Merry said, crossing her arms with a petulant pout. "Let me outline this for you: I want in, and if you want me out you'd better be willing to bring one hell of a fight."

I opened my mouth to tell her exactly why that was not happening, and then I clicked it shut as I realized I didn't really have an answer to that, did I? "Alright, fine, you can stay if you want."

"Yes!" she crowed, pumping her fist.

"But no… not too much screwing around."

"Aww…" she groaned, plopping back onto her bed.

"Well!" Lassoo barked up hastily. "If she's free to stay, then I'm free to go. Politics bore me. Among, ah…" He glanced at Nami and shivered. "Other reasons… seeyawouldn'twannabeya!" He hastily belted out the last part before scampering out the door.

"TRAITOR!" Soundbite howled after him.

"TRAITOR WHO'S GONNA LIVE!"

I grimaced as the dachshund escaped before picking up the receiver; with any luck, this would have enough good news that the blow Nami struck would be softened. Though as my greeting showed, my hopes weren't high.

-o-

"George's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

"That is awful," Tashigi deadpanned, regarding the snail before her and her superior with a flat look.

"What, you haven't noticed yet?" Cross scoffed indignantly. "I'm what the world would consider an awful person! It's in my nature!"

"Awful person or not, don't you think you could try and stay serious for half a second, Cross?" Smoker sighed wearily.

"…I'll do you the courtesy of presuming that you took a blow to the head in the past twenty-four hours and ignore that question."

"Honestly, Smoker, you really should know better by now," Nami lamented with a slight grin.

"Heheheh, yeah! No wonder we always manage to get away from you guys, you're actually pretty dumb!"

A new voice caused the Marines to pause in shock.

"Was that—?" Tashigi started to ask.

"Yep, Going Merry in the flesh!" the girl-ship crowed. "And before you guys even think of booting me out of this, remember that I've listened in on every one of you bozo's meetings up until now, so I'm about as deep in this as you, so there!"

The two Marines exchanged glances before sloooowly examining the walls around them. "So, the walls really do have ears," Tashigi stated in a distinctly unnerved voice. "Good to know."

Smoker pinched the bridge of his nose as he heaved out a fume-laden sigh. "As if the snail and the princess weren't bad enough…" he grit out.

Cross snickered for a bit before swiftly sobering up. "Amusing as chipping away at a person's sanity always is, we can joke later, so for now, let's touch base and get to work. First things first: got any news from behind the white-and-blue lines?"

"Oh, only enough to fill a newspaper cover to cover," Tashigi dryly replied . "While your crew was burning down Enies Lobby, Goat, Rooster and almost a dozen other big-named rookies in the Grand Line were causing trouble of their own. The quick version is that the Corps has lost a quarter of its liquid assets, at least three bases to mutiny or civilian rebellion, and a dedicated training grounds for Marines ranked Rear Admiral and higher has suffered significant damage. And that's just from the rookie pirates."

"Meanwhile, where your comrade's little…" Smoke started drifting up from the Commodore's body as he spied Tashigi's knuckles turning white as she gripped her sleeves. "History lesson was concerned, 90% of the Corps' giants mutinied when they heard about Ohara. Admiral Aokiji subdued them with… relative ease, but the remaining loyalists in Marineford are recovering from either being attacked or trying to stop the fight."

He gave a snort, tapping the ashes off his cigar. "Once all was said and done, a headcount showed that at least five of the mutineers went AWOL in the initial battle. As for the rest of them, they stood down and reaffirmed their loyalty to the Corps when Akainu convinced—"

"Read, threatened," Tashigi clarified.

"—them, though they're still under observation."

"Ah… wait, I'm sorry, did you just say 'Akainu threatened them'?" Cross blinked in confusion. "Akainu doesn't threaten, he immolates."

"Not in this case, he doesn't," Smoker scoffed. "Sengoku was… insistent on the extent of his actions, and is still insisting right now. Still, even with the scrutiny on them, we're going to be looking into all of those giants for potential additions to our number. While half of them were most likely just caught up in the rush of it all and are still sincere about their loyalties to the Corps, I don't doubt that the other half were just gritting their teeth so that they wouldn't give the mutt an excuse."

"…HOLY SHIT," Soundbite summarized succinctly.

"No kidding," Cross agreed.

"HA! And I thought we caused enough chaos in person!" Merry chortled.

"Ah… wait, hang on a second…" the Straw Hats' navigator spoke up in confusion. "You said that only the Giants mutinied at that? Why only them and not other soldiers? Well, what made them mutiny en masse, I mean."

"Ah… gimme a second here…" Tashigi muttered under her breath as she withdrew a notebook from her jacket and started flipping through it, finishing up by tapping one of the more recently filled pages. "Ah, here it is: according to intel we managed to suss out, former Vice Admiral Jaguar D. Saul was exceptionally popular among the Marine giants, and in spite of his death being two decades ago, his friendship was still fresh in their mind. As such, they took offense to his manner of death, as well as to the Corps hunting Nico Robin, who they apparently consider to be his ward."

She then flipped to the next page and cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "Furthermore, there were also apparently a few veterans of the Giant Warrior Pirates among those enlisted, due to the Corps being more generous when it comes to recruiting extra-human soldiers, and they were already upset when they heard about Oimo and Kashi. And with both of those in mind, it seems that the breaking point was when Vice Admiral John Giant said that Saul deserved his fate. That's when the riot started, and matters just seemed to escalate from there."

"Typical for a D.," Smoker muttered under his breath. "Raising seven different kinds of hell even from beyond the—!" The smoke-man snapped his jaws shut, growling, when Merry started howling with laughter.

"Hrm…" Nami mused thoughtfully. "If that's the case… a suggestion for whoever you have watching the giants you think might be good for recruitment: tell them to drop Saul's name and watch for a reaction. If they're not totally onboard with the Marines, they'll show it."

"You're sure?" Tashigi asked in confirmation.

The navigator's expression darkened. "I've had more than eight years' worth of practice hiding the fact that I hate a person while being within shooting distance of them at every hour of the day. I know."

A harsh silence fell as Smoker and Tashigi both grimaced at that particular reminder. "I'll pass on the recommendation," the commodore said at last.

"ALRIGHT, CHANGING THE SUBJECT NOW. QUESTION FOR THE TURNCOATS: the hell's got you down in the dumps, FOUR-EYES? We just kicked ten kinds of ASS AND GAVE THE WORLD GOVERNMENT THE big mama of black eyes! SHOULDN'T YOU BE cheering from the rooftops?"

Tashigi bit into her lip as she slowly bowed her head, her expression shadowed by both the lights of the room and her bangs. Going by how the snail's expression sobered up and became somewhat hesitant, it was clear that the message had gotten across. Smoker made to say something…

"It's hard for me to get enthusiastic about anything…"

But was interrupted by Tashigi's dull voice.

"When I can still hear Nico Robin, a woman I thought, knew was a monster, outlining each and every last detail of the horrors that the World Government inflicted on Ohara. It's hard to really feel much of anything knowing that I supported an organization responsible for something like that…"

Silence fell again, at least until Cross put up a (shaky) grin over the connection.

"H-Hey, come on, Lieutenant, you know that's not true," the pirate insisted. "You're not part of that organization, remember? You're part of one that's dedicating itself to preventing shit like that from happening ever ag—"

"Anymore."

"…eh?"

"I'm not a part of that organization anymore, Cross," Tashigi clarified through grit teeth, tears brimming in her eyes. "I still actually joined them, I still served at their behest… because I had faith in them. I had faith in the Marine Corps, in the World Government. And even after you helped show me what you did, I still had faith in them, in that there was some measure of good left in the Marine Corps, in spite of the corruption obviously infesting it! But now…"

She reached beneath her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Now I know the corruption runs to the very top, to the Fleet Admiral himself. I…" She let out a pained groan as she shook her head. "I honestly didn't see it coming. I just…"

"None of us did, Lieutenant," Smoker said, softer than any present had heard from him. "We all thought that Sengoku of all people would be the unyielding pillar of Justice we all see him as, that he wouldn't resort to these methods." The Commodore then directed an acrid glare at the snail. "So unless you're going to tell me that you lied about Sengoku's name being on that many entries in the black book, in which case there will be consequences—!"

"Commodore Smoker."

A sharp, ironclad interjection from Cross interrupted the Marine's accusation.

"In the history of the SBS, the only time I have ever lied was when I said that the golden bell on Sky Island was lost, and that was to prevent a second genocide over its possession," Cross replied venomously, before slumping and heaving a dejected sigh, his expression downcast. "No… no, as much as I hate to admit it, Sengoku's signature was indeed on at least a third of those pages, with Kong's, the Elder Stars', and any of the Admirals' on the rest. Granted, the pages Sengoku approved were relatively more acceptable than the examples I listed, but…" The snail shook its head in defeat. "Well, by their very nature, nothing CP9 did was ever pretty."

Tashigi knocked the back of her skull against the wall, groaning as she ground her fist into her forehead. "Damn it…" she bit out. "I feel like such a—!"

"But!" Cross hastily interjected, his demeanor swiftly reversing itself. "That being said, I still have faith that Sengoku isn't corrupt."

The Marines stared at Cross's proxy in confusion.

"But…" Tashigi started hesitantly. "I thought you said—?"

"If you'll recall my words at the time, anybody in Sengoku's position would have no other option but to make some tough, ultimately morally compromising choices. We all knew it, the only reason we're actually taking issue with them is because I aired them all," Cross explained. "Put it this way, all I did was reveal he's human. Chances are that he isn't beyond hope. If all else fails, I know one secret that could change his mind, but I'm not going to be able to use it anytime remotely soon."

Smoker narrowed his eyes accusingly. "Cross, any other time, I'd put up with your cryptic BS. But after the hell of a day we've had, which you've caused, I'm not willing to take your word for it without details. Spill. Now."

Silence reigned for a moment, until Cross sighed. "Alright, it's… innocuous enough… just don't go spreading it around, alright? Mention one name in all of this to the wrong person and you are beyond screwed."

"We won't," Smoker snorted.

"Well, alright, then, where to start… remember awhile back, when I said that Vergo had beaten a mole within the Donquixote Pirates within an inch of his life?" He didn't wait for an answer. "That mole was Donquixote Rocinante, Doflamingo's biological younger brother… and he was pretty much Sengoku's adopted son."

The silence in the room was deafening as the Marines gaped at the snail.

"…you're serious," Tashigi flatly stated.

"As a bullet," Cross confirmed. "It's a long and… seriously messed up story, but the end message is that Rocinante died at his brother's hand, protecting a boy he himself had adopted, which Sengoku doesn't know, and that nobody besides us here and Sengoku himself know of his relation to Rocinante. If nothing else, me even mentioning his name should give him one hell of a pause."

"…And what's Sengoku's unknown grandson doing now?" Smoker inquired.

"Eh… that depends. You mentioned that a bunch of rookies recently went nuts, right? Do you know where the Heart Pirates were in it all?"

Tashigi and Smoker exchanged shocked looks before the former thumbed through her notebook. "Uh… they… teamed up with the Bonney Pirates and invaded base G-76. It seems that besides looting the place from top to bottom, they paralyzed the Marines positioned there and used them for a… game of… Jenga…" she said, green creeping onto her face.

"…Well, then, I guess Law just spent the day playing Jenga."

Tashigi's strangled squawk was mirrored by Nami's.

"Oh, we are not even getting close to that psycho."

"Trust me, this is tame by his standards," Cross reassured. "And just to be clear here… we're getting allied with him."

"Of course we are!" Merry cheered eagerly. "In this kind of situation, the only options are alliance or destruction!"

"Or getting chopped into a thousand pieces while staying perfectly alive and unharmed," came a cool female voice that caused Tashigi's old wounds to throb.

"Mimicking Robin's voice does not give you carte blanche to be creepy!" Nami snapped irritably.

"EH? THE HELL ARE YOU talking about, I DIDN'T SAY—!"

"MOVING ON!" Cross barked hastily with a somewhat panicked expression. "What's the next question here… AH! Right, what are you guys' current marching orders?"

Smoker glanced at Tashigi in puzzlement, and the only response she could muster was a confused shrug, so for the sake of the last frayed threads of his sanity he decided to ignore whatever the hell that was. "My ship is currently en route to the G-54 base. Most of the surrounding bases have either mutinied or been attacked, so they're sending me to handle anything that comes up while they send a higher-ranking officer from HQ as a permanent replacement. It'll be a short assignment."

"As for everyone else," Tashigi continued. "T-Bone's been summoned back to Marineford for an after-action report, though the scars he's gotten should speak louder than anything he has to say, which is a good thing. Jonathan, as you can expect, is holding down his fort and mainly keeping the gates open as a makeshift rest stop for any Marines near them. And finally, Hina is currently heading for the Twin Capes to start cutting down on the number of psychos that our Blue bases are reporting headed for Reverse Mountain."

"Perfect!" Cross said happily. "If Hina's heading that way anyway with her full fleet, she can handle what I was going to ask; do me a favor and pass along a request to her that she either swing by Little Garden herself or that she send… eh, two battleships? One if her ships are big enough."

Tashigi frowned in confusion. "Officially, Little Garden is a prehistoric wildlife preserve and unofficially it's a death sentence to all who land there without an Eternal Pose. Why would she need to go there?"

Cross donned his usual shit-eating grin with immense eagerness. "Ooooh, no reason, it's just that for the past century, Little Garden has also been the arena for Blue Ogre Dorry and Red Ogre Broggy's honor duel, and they need a lift to Water 7 so that they can rendezvous with their crew."

Tashigi's expression promptly fell flat. "Of course. Because why not," she droned, and started reaching for the snail. "Look, Cross, I've had a hell of a week and I just want to get some sleep, so if there isn't anything else—!"

"Wait!"

Tashigi froze mid-motion when Merry suddenly spoke up again.

"Lieutenant Tashigi…" the young 'girl' started with uncharacteristic hesitation. "I… look, I know a lot about my crew's past stunts and whatnot, but admittedly there are quite a few gaps in my knowledge, centered around when my crew was on shore. But from what I've pieced together… you saved Cross's life in Rainbase, right? When you took down Mr. 3?"

"Ah…" Tashigi hedged slightly. "Yes, against my better judgment. Why?"

"Well, in that case…" Merry adopted an angelic smile as she beamed at the Marine. "I just wanted to thank you for saving my life, too, is all."

Tashigi blinked slowly as her mind tried to process what she'd just heard, the words bouncing around in her skull without sticking. "…huh?" she finally managed to get out.

"Well… yeah," Merry nodded as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, after all, if you hadn't been there, then he would have died, and then I would have died. But because you saved him, he was able to save me. Which means… you saved me too. So…" She nodded again. "Thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to live. For letting me fulfill my dreams. I… I owe you everything, Tashigi, just as much as I owe Cross, and I'll always be grateful for this chance you've given me. Just… thank you."

Tashigi's jaw worked itself silently, but she eventually clenched her mouth shut. "…Permission to excuse myself for a moment, sir?" she whispered softly.

Smoker didn't even hesitate to jerk his thumb at the door. "Go on and get the hell out of here, Marine."

The swordswoman was out of the room before he was even finished. The smoke-man waited a few seconds after the door swung shut before turning back to the snail. "That was a load of bull and you know it."

Merry's smile took on an apologetic tinge. "Yeah, I know, but can you honestly tell me that even mattered a little bit, and that she didn't need to hear that?"

Smoker was silent for a second, and in that silence he listened to the light, hiccupping sobbing wafting through the crack in the door.

The corners of his mouth turned upwards. "…no. No, I can't," he admitted quietly.

After a minute or so, the noise died down and Tashigi re-entered the room, furtively swiping at eyes that were pointedly not red or puffy.

"T-Thank you very much for informing me of that, Merry," she said, a small smile on her face.

"Thank you," the girl-ship chirped virtuously.

"Heh. Glad to have you back, Lieutenant," Cross nodded happily. "Anyway, while I have you, I did have one more question before we wrap this up: do you two have any idea why Akainu and Kizaru weren't at Enies Lobby? I expected Sengoku to throw everything at us, and while Kizaru could be expected to duck out from sheer laziness, I wouldn't expect Akainu to miss us burning Enies down for the world."

The two Marines exchanged glances of perfect understanding, but before Tashigi could say a word, Smoker snapped a finger up and silenced her. "You seriously lucked out with Kizaru," he grunted. "A training accident sent him flying into the Red Line when he tried to use his abilities to reach you. He'll be recovering from it for a few days."

The lieutenant stared at him in confusion before the commodore drew the word 'ego' in the air with his smoke, prompting her to pale and nod vigorously.

"What? How the heck did that work? I mean, I know the general mechanics of the Glint-Glint Fruit as a Logia, but how did he—"

"Mirrors," Tashigi deadpanned.

"…How did I not think of that sooner? Nami, if we end up meeting Kizaru, be ready to throw up a mirage; play it right, and he could end up on the other side of the world."

"I will absolutely remember that," Nami promised fervently.

"Damn ri—eh? Hey, you two alright?"

"F-Fine, Cross!" Tashigi wheezed as she recovered from a rather ragged coughing fit. "A-Anyway, I'll let Rooster fill you in on the details himself, but suffice to say that where his actions were concerned, they were more than enough to warrant Akainu going after him personally. He avoided him by sailing into the Calm Belt, but then Boa Hancock of the Seven Warlords was sent after him. Capricorn confirmed that he's still alive and free, but…" She shrugged helplessly. "We're not sure of the finer details."

Cross slowly blinked in shock. "…Huh. That's… unexpected, to say the least. No clue how the hell he'd outrun her in the Calm Belt… I will definitely have to ask him about that. Easy money says that it'll be one hell of a story."

"I'm inclined to agree in this case, Cross," Smoker grunted in agreement. "But we'll be learning it for ourselves soon enough. This call was just a status report so that we could touch base with you before we get into our assignments. Like I said, it should be short, no longer than a couple of days, but we'll be out of touch in that time."

"But once that's done, we'll have the opportunity to get in contact with you in earnest," Tashigi promised, "Get ready Cross, because this will almost certainly be the most important meeting of MI6 to date."

"Sounds good to me," Cross nodded solemnly. "I'll arrange matters with our own allies and when the time co—!" The pirate trailed off, stiffening in shock. "Wait a second, did you just say MI-6!?"

Tashigi blinked as she realized the cause for Cross's confusion, and she made to answer before an impish smirk slowly spread across her face.

"You know what, Cross?" she simpered sweetly. "I think that this time, I'll leave you with the unanswered questions. Buh-bye!"

"What are you—!? NonononoWAI—KA-LICK!"

Tashigi hung the snail up before the pirate could get another word in and started howling with laughter a moment later.

"Ohohohoooooh, that was fun!" she cackled as she shot her fist in the air. "Woo, I am feeling utterly pumped!" She spun on her heel and snapped a salute at Smoker. "Permission to go on deck and practice my flying slashes on the cloud, sir?"

Smoker cocked his eyebrow at her before waving his hand dismissively. "Get out of here, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, sir!" And with that the swordswoman shot out of the room with a whoop of glee.

After a moment, Smoker left the room as well, heading for his quarters. 'I guess the rumors really are true,' he reflected silently, the corners of his lips turning upwards ever so slightly yet again. 'There's just no end to the Straw Hats' capabilities.'

-o-

I blinked slowly as I processed what the hell had just happened before leaning back on the bed I was sitting on with a weary sigh. "Damn. Beaten at my own game. And by her, of all people! Could this—aaand I'm stopping right there," I declared in a suddenly cheerful tone as I shot to my feet. "Because I have no desire to suffer! Well, if you'll excuse me—!"

I made to stride out of the house, and was promptly halted by a hand clamping down on my shoulder and the barometric pressure in the room nose-diving so fast that my breath caught in my throat.

"Did you honestly think I'd forget about this much money?" Nami asked in an honestly insulted tone.

"WERE YOU SERIOUSLY LEAVING ME TO HER MERCY!?" Soundbite howled indignantly.

"…every sapient for himself?" I whimpered pitifully through the tears cascading down my face. "And honestly, I was hopeful that what with how rich we are, and the fact that I'm responsible for it, the two events would even one another out?"

There was a moment of tense silence as Nami thought it over before the storm looming over us dissipated and she patted my shoulder with a chuckle. "Alright, Cross, alright, I'll foot the bill out of our coffers. Given how much we have, even with what we'll be paying Franky once Sodom and Gomorrah are ready to set out, it's really not that much in the long run."

I heaved a sigh of relief and I was about to thank her when she patted my shoulder again and walked past me.

"I'll just do one thing once all's said and done," she stated, popping a single finger to go along with the announcement.

For some reason, I couldn't help but feel a stab of existential dread. "And… that would be?"

Nami turned on her heel, and proceeded to smile the most innocent and yet utterly evil smile I'd ever seen in my entire life.

"I'll put it all on your tab."

The last thing I heard as everything went black was Merry howling with laughter.

-o-

I woke up a short while later to a recently-returned Chopper's smelling salts, and after hasty assurances that I wouldn't be having a (entirely warranted, in my opinion) panic attack, he set about checking on our still-healing crewmates while Merry observed the also-returned Sanji's experiments with eager glee. Credit where it was due, in spite of the utterly inedible ingredients he'd been forced to procure, the presentation and even the smell almost made me want to try it.

…Yeah, Luffy'd be stealing it at least once, no doubt about it. I'd have to keep my Vision Dial handy, because there was no way in hell I was missing the one chance I might get to immortalize either Luffy blowing chunks or Chopper pumping his stomach.

Anyway, once I was back on my feet—and after I dealt with the existential crisis of not having any money ever again in the foreseeable future—I got to work on the next item on my inordinately packed agenda: that is to say, contacting our other allies.

I had no delusions; the next time I spoke to MI6, I'd be telling them everything there was to tell about me, so it would be best to bring everyone in on it so that I wouldn't have to tell it again. It should have been a straightforward endeavor, really: get in, tell them to be on the lookout for a conference call with all of our allies in the next few days, move on with my life. Simple, no?

But of course, I was a Straw Hat, so simple things were rarely even close to easy for me. As such, both occurrences found me surprised with the developments that ensued. The first of these surprises came about when I came in contact with Foxy first…

-o-

"Oh? So, we're finally going to find out exactly how you know so much? Well, I'm certainly looking forward to that," Foxy grinned eagerly. "But if I may, I'd like to make a recommendation for another addition to the little Zodiac of the Damned we've been setting up."

"Zodiac of the—? Huh… that's actually a pretty good name, I think I'll steal it. Anyway, you are our recruiter, so I'll consider whoever you have in mind. Ah, who would that be, exactly?"

"Oh, I think you might know him." Foxy smirked as he waved the person at his side forward. "Care to speak up?"

"Apapapa! You know I never don't! Heyo, Cross, bet you weren't expecting on hearing from me so soon, eh?"

"The hell—!? A-Apoo? You—but—he—how—?"

"Oh, how I love being able to make him speechless," Foxy chuckled as he cradled his chin in a semi-cool stance.

"I think that's a universally shared opinion, it is pretty amusing," Apoo snickered as he mirrored the other captain's pose.

"Mergrgr… how much does he know, exactly?" Cross managed at last.

Foxy's charisma shattered fantastically as a heavy sweatdrop dripped from his brow. "He… figured out that I was Luffy's subordinate pretty early on, the same time I figured out that you and he were friends rather than rivals," he awkwardly admitted. "I haven't told him much beyond the fact that you and I share a sizeable number of contacts, but he was willing to keep my secret, and I figured that since you two are on good terms anyway, why not?"

The snail fell silent, and slowly looked at the soon-to-be Supernova. "Apoo, I'm willing to trust you with this, but as your friend, I have to warn you: this is going to be both a massive undertaking and a perilous one. We're talking about more than just sharing contacts; if you get in on this, then you're in for the long haul. If that's fine with you—"

"Causing more trouble on the magnitude of what you and your crewmates have been pulling off over the course of your entire career?" Apoo snickered and shook his head. "Sign me up for this haul, it sounds like fun."

"…Well, Vivi certainly hit the nail on the head about your tribe, didn't she? Alright, then, you had your warning. We'll decide on your code name at the main meeting."

"I can only imagine that half of them will be thrilled to count you among our number," Foxy chuckled as he wrung his hands eagerly.

That brought the Long-Arm up short, prompting him to blink in confusion. "Wait, how many others are part of this?" he asked curiously.

"Weeeeell, for starters," Cross grinned eagerly. "I myself go by Ophiuchus. Foxy's code name is Goat. We also have one by the name of Rooster, who I'll be calling after this, and I've recently recruited one other crew who we'll be introing to this endeavor and giving their codename at the same time as you. Besides that, we've got six officers in the Marine Corps going by the Western Zodiac: Cancer, Pisces, Capricorn, Scorpio, and Sagittarius. I know there's one more, but because they've decided to screw with me, I know neither that officer's identity nor the codename they've elected to go by."

Cross's mouth twisted into a smirk. "Though going by my crew's luck, I have my suspicions for the former. And of course, aside from Pisces and possibly the newest officer, all of them have their own respective subordinates and crews that are also part of this."

"…Impressive," Apoo breathed as his eyes widened in shock. "Well. Definitely count me in now."

"Alright. Fair warning, though: once you've found out my secret, there's going to be no chance of turning back, and trust me, this particular rabbit hole goes way deeper than our previous arrangement. Foxy, I'll leave the general explaining to you, I need to let Rooster know about this."

"Very well. Goat out." And with that Foxy pressed his finger into the snail's speaker cradle.

Apoo cocked his eyebrow at the trickster Captain. "So… how deep does this rabbit hole go, exactly?"

"Feh feh feh feh," Foxy chuckled grimly, shaking his head as he strolled over to the door of the cabin and cracked it open. "Hamburg! A full cask of our finest rum, on the double!" He then turned a weary smile on his suddenly nervous compatriot. "We're gonna need to get hammered for this."

-o-

After that particular surprise, I then moved on to Bartolomeo, hoping for a relatively saner conversation.

But of course…

-o-

"Puru puru puru puru—KA-LICK!"

"Rooster."

"Ophiuchus, and allow me leap straight to the point!" Cross barked. "If Pisces is to be even remotely believed, then I'm having a hard time choosing where the hell to start. So you tell me, who would you prefer to explain first, huh? The freaking Admiral or the freaking Warlord!?"

"Hehahahaha!" Bartolomeo cackled. "Eh, let's start with the Mad Dog! Not much of a story there, ta be honest! All I did was punch out a Celestial Dra—"

BAM! CRASH!

"I'll keep saying it until you get it right, you shark-toothed bastard!" Gin snarled at his captain as he worked to yank his head out of the wall his first mate had punched it into. "I knocked him out! Why can't you just be satisfied with personally taunting the Five Elder Stars?!"

Bartolomeo yanked his head out of the woodwork and rounded on his subordinate with a scowl of his own. "Go choke on a cannonball, deadeye!" he bit out, flashing a sizeable middle finger with his barriers before turning back to the snail. "But anyway, yeah, not that big a deal. I just wanted to help you guys out, draw some heat off a' you, ya know? I'm sure you woulda done the same for me!"

Cross gaped silently at him for a second before chuckling softly, his mouth set in a wry grin. "Yeaaah, you're not wrong there, Barty. Credit where it's due, though, I knew you had big brass ones before, but this…" The pirate nodded gratefully. "Thanks, Bartolomeo. That took guts. You're a hell of a pirate and a damn good friend."

There was a moment of silence, during which the Transponder Snail grimaced uncomfortably.

"He's paralyzed from sheer joy, isn't he?"

Mr. 5, Gin and Miss Goldenweek shook their heads in silent denial.

"Huh… dancing a jig a little ways away?"

More head-shaking.

"…" The snail's expression fell as flat as a board. "He's bowing and worshipping before a shrine of what few bounty posters we have?"

"I'd love to call you conceited, Cross…" Mr. 5 drawled, before kneading the bridge of his nose with a groan. "But all of those are typical things he does. In this case, however…" The ex-bounty hunter cocked an eyebrow as he watched Apis idly pop bubbles coming from their captain's mouth. "He's fainted from sheer euphoria and foaming."

The snail sighed. "Ooof course he is. Well, that won't do, will it? Time for a wake-up call."

The assembled crewmates stiffened fearfully before scrambling for the snail—!

BWAAAAAAAAAH!

—and reeling back in agony when it belted out an ear-rendingly loud honk before they could stop it.

"GYAGH!" Bartolomeo yelped, clutching his ears as he shot up.

"I love this thing," Cross snickered.

"WE KNOW!" the top brass of the Barto Club and Soundbite roared.

"Oh, good, Barty's awake. Get your head in the game, man, we're not done yet. And for the record?" Cross grimaced uncomfortably. "The hero-worship is starting to get a little bit creepy, so if you could curb your enthusiasm even a bit…?"

"That's about as likely as Crocodile allying with your captain, you damn all-luck magnet," Miss Valentine groused from the corner of the room she was slumped in. "Just let it go, it could be worse."

"Right, then, who vetoed the Luffy figurehead?"

That got shocked looks from everyone.

"How the hell did you know that?" Gin demanded.

"Pfheheheh," Cross chuckled grimly. "Trust me, you guys are lucky. Any other day I'd bullshit you all, but in all honesty, Barty'll be learning the truth soon enough at a not-so-little get-together I've got planned in a few days' time. But that's in the future. For now, we still have the matter of Boa 'World's Most Beautiful and Second-Deadliest Woman' Hancock. I don't know how the hell you guys are navigating the Calm Belt, but considering how she can do it with ease, how did you manage to avoid her?"

"Who said they avoided us?"

The snail's eyestalks snapped to attention as the sumo-like Kuja Pirate who'd remained silent until then chose to speak up.

"…Going by the voice, the sheer authority and the relative age, I'm guessing…" the snail's eyestalks swiveled around in order to cock inquisitively. "Boa Marigold, youngest of the three Gorgon Sisters?"

"As impressive as ever, Jeremiah Cross," Marigold replied evenly. "In case you were curious about my presence here, suffice to say that your words have had a significant impact on my oldest sister; we've become quite the fans of your SBS, and when we learned that Bartolomeo was not only a mutual fan but also allied with you, Hancock elected to falsify a report of failure while I remained here to await your inevitable contact. We were very interested in speaking with you."

Cross blinked in surprise before beaming triumphantly. "Hancock actually likes my show? That's great! I suspected she'd either be keeping an ear open for my work or banning it wholesale because of my gender. Lemme guess, Nyon didn't stop blaring it in the palace until she finally gave up?"

Marigold smirked momentarily before frowning. "As… amusing as that would have been, no. Suffice to say that one of your… earlier broadcasts caught our attention, and we've been listening intently ever since."

The expression on the snail snapped from smug to solemn so suddenly that the serpent-sumo stiffened. Cross had proven himself to be well-informed, but was it possible that he could know—?

"This might not be my place," Cross said, snapping her out of her thoughts. "And even wholly insensitive and maybe even more than a bit frightening, but I feel like I must offer what condolences I can. What you went through…" The pirate shook his head morosely. "The fact that any of you are functioning at all is a miracle. I can't even begin to apologize on behalf of… hell, pretty much the entire human race for the sins you were unjustly forced to suffer."

"…I am now acutely aware of two facts about you, Jeremiah Cross," Marigold stated in a thoroughly shaken voice. "There is no chance that you are allied with the World Government…"

SMASH!

The Barto Club Pirates staggered back in shock when Boa Marigold suddenly snapped into her hybrid form and encircled the terrified Transponder Snail, baring her fangs mere inches from its face.

"And there is nothing that I can be utterly certain that you do not know," she snarled. "Regardless of how IMPOSSIBLE IT SHOULD BE FOR YOU TO KNOW IT!"

In spite of its shivering, the snail's eyestalks remained steady and firm, before slowly bowing sadly. "…For whatever it's worth, I haven't told anyone else. Not even Soundbite knows the details."

"Speaking of Soundbite!" The snail's eyes then snapped up with an indignant glare. "Drop the fangs, would ya!? THIS SHIT IS MURDER ON MY MOUTH!"

Silence fell for the longest seconds of the Barto Club's lives as they looked between the shivering snail and the haunted expression of one of the most fearsome pirates on the seas. Then, at last, the King Cobra hybrid shrank down to her normal (though admittedly still very tall) size.

"My apologies," she said quietly.

"Same to you," Cross shook his head regretfully. "I shouldn't have brought up your past like that, it was an impulsive move and…" He shook his head again. "Anyway, in what is simultaneously a desperate bid to change the subject and a return to business, may I offer you an invitation to the get-together I mentioned earlier, Boa Marigold? I assure you, you'll find our discussions to be quite… pertinent."

Marigold froze, taking a moment to process the implications, before shaking her head with a defeated sigh. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we can't truly support your crew—"

"—for fear of the World Government revoking Hancock's title and making Amazon Lily fair game, right," Cross finished with a grimace. "Yeah, that would be a concern, wouldn't it?"

"Does that even matter?" Bartolomeo spoke up with honest confusion. "I mean, anonymity is what the whole code name system is for, right?"

"That's its intention, yes, but it's not infallible," Miss Goldenweek shrugged dismissively. "While everyone involved in this… undertaking, for lack of a better word, are all at risk should their identities be compromised, Hancock's status means that the threat to her is aggravated. She's already taking a monumental risk by letting us go."

"Amazon Lily…" Miss Valentine mused as she eyed Marigold. "Going by the name and the composition of your crew, that's a literal name, right? Only women, nobody else?" She shrugged with a sigh when Marigold nodded in confirmation. "Well, there you have it. Without the immunity the Pirate Empress's position offers, chances are that the World Nobles would get the Marines to rip the entire island apart so that they could split the…" She shivered in disgust. "Spoils between themselves. And last time I checked, we don't have the manpower or resources to prevent that."

"Not yet we don't, anyway…" Cross practically snarled.

Another pause as that sunk in. Then Marigold spoke once more.

"I will consent to at least attending the meeting, so that my sisters and I can have a bead on the situation. But I make no promises beyond that," she said firmly.

"I don't ask for any beyond one," Cross assured her. "Keep everything you hear at the meeting a secret. You can tell your sisters and Elder Nyon if they want to know, obviously, but nobody else. If this gets out, heads won't roll because there won't be any heads left."

The warrior nodded firmly. "I expected nothing less."

"Right then. Well, I think that covers everything I needed to…" Cross trailed off as a thought apparently occurred to him, before a smile slowly slid across his face. "Actually, one more recommendation, Marigold, which I'd pass it on to Hancock when you have the time: try out the floating restaurant called Takoyaki 8. Consider it as much a recommendation from me… as it is from her fellow Warlord, the Knight of the Sea Jinbe."

Marigold's eyes widened, and a tentative smile spread across her face as well. "I see. I'll take your recommendation under consideration, Jeremiah Cross. Good luck to you and yours."

"Same to you, Boa Marigold. See ya 'round, Barty! KA-LICK!"

Once the snail fell back asleep, the good cheer hung around for a second before the atmosphere plummeted into uncomfortable silence.

"Sooo…" Bartolomeo coughed as he side-eyed Marigold. "What the heck do we do until that big call he was talkin' about happens?"

There was another silence, until Apis held up a deck of cards.

"Anybody up for a game of strip poker?" she beamed innocently. Then she paused in confusion as everyone stared at her in utter shock, looking at Miss Goldenweek in askance. "Did I do that wrong? I said it how you told me to."

"Nope," Miss Goldenweek smirked ever so slightly as she bit into a rice cracker. "You did that exactly right."

-o-

And all of that brought me to the present, the afternoon on the second day following Enies Lobby, where everything seemed to be going fine, with everyone sans Zoro, Vivi, Robin and the Dugongs trickling back into the backup headquarters and nothing outside of the crew's normal circumstances going on. Heck, even I was finding the time to relax.

And then in walked Kokoro and her family, with Yokozuna moving to the window after trying to force his way in through the door.

Yeah… as it turned out, the day was only getting started.

-o-

"Well! It's great to see you all back on your feet again! Honestly now, sleeping for a full day? You had us all worried there! Buuut then again, I guess that after what you all went through, that's only natural!" Kokoro smirked as she caught sight of all the food on a nearby table getting sucked away at a breakneck pace. "It's also good to see that the king to be is back on his feet!"

"Ooooh, I wouldn't quite say that…" I muttered as I turned the page on the book I was reading, keeping an eye on Soundbite's snoring shell all the while.

"Eh?" Kokoro blinked at me in confusion. "The heck do ya mean? He's clearly moving!"

"Take a look at his face, Granny," Lassoo yawned languidly.

"What are ya…" Kokoro slowly trailed off as she processed the clear and present nose-bubble Luffy was snoring out. "…He's asleep?"

"Luffy learned how after Alabasta because he never wanted to miss that many meals after a fight again," Sanji sighed in defeat as he placed yet another platter of food in the rubber-man's reach. "Credit where it's due, at least it's keeping him busy."

"And it's actually aiding in Luffy's recovery as well…" Chopper mused from his own bed, where he was splitting his attention between a number of papers arrayed before him that he was alternating between writing on and poring over. "After all, he's ingesting a good amount of nutrients for his body that his metabolism is putting to good use, all while getting the rest he needs. It's certainly better than merely strapping him down and waiting, which would undoubtedly result in a longer resting period."

Kokoro stared warily at Chopper before sending me a nervous look, and I responded with a helpless shrug. "He hasn't actually done anything yet other than work, so…"

Chimney, meanwhile, had ambled up to Chopper and was looking at his papers with wide-eyed eagerness. "Whatcha workin' on, Mister Reindeer?"

"I'm—argh, wait a second…" Chopper leaned back from the papers, groaning as he rubbed his eyes. "Four minutes, thirty-six seconds. Marginal, but progress is progress. Anyway, to answer your question…" The human-Zoan waved his hoof over the papers. "Over the course of my fight with Kumadori, I managed to pump him for information on the biofeedback he was utilizing. Now, granted, there are some…" He spun his hoof helplessly as he tried to come up with the words. "Translation errors, due to the excessive usage of metaphors and whatnot used to describe it, but I still managed to get some valuable information, which I transcribed, interpreted, and am now extrapolating upon using my own research."

"Oooooh…" Chimney nodded slowly. "So, why ya doin' it?"

"Because," Chopper grinned eagerly as he leaned forward, a glimmer appearing in his eyes, yes, but this one was entirely natural and healthy. "I think I'm approaching a breakthrough. Using what I have and what's been given to me, I truly believe that I can compose a treatise that extrapolates upon methods through which Zoan-users like myself can deliberately manipulate the… polymorphic… nature of…" The human-reindeer slowly trailed off before pinching the bridge of his nose. "You don't understand even a word of what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No, no, I do, I do!" Chimney smiled and nodded eagerly. "You're doing mystery research, right?"

THUNK!

"Not another one…" the reindeer moaned as he repeatedly thunked his forehead against his bed's backboard.

Chimney blinked in confusion before hiding her giggle behind her hands. "Mister Reindeer is funny!"

"Yeah, he'sh a real funny guy!" Gonbe snickered in agreement.