Chapter 38 - Water 7 Pt 3 3/3

"Alright, Cross!" 13 roared at the top of his surprisingly potent lungs as he waved his relatively massive shotgun around. "Our patience is at an end! Either you come with us, or else—! Ah…" The otter trailed off and slowly lowered its gun as it took account of the identities of the rest of the passengers in the car, his shattered sunglasses falling slightly askew in the process. "Hoo boy…"

Friday swallowed audibly as she dropped her machineguns and raised her wings above her head. "I knew we should have waited for the concussions to wear off. This sounded like far too good of a plan."

13 whimpered as he mimicked her. "In retrospect, you're entirely right."

"You two are really stupid," Luffy deadpanned, albeit with a hint of an edge to his voice. "Hey, Sanji, can you cook them?"

Sanji took a drag from his freshly-lit cigarette and eyed the assassins menacingly. "In all honesty? I doubt it. Not a lot of appetizing recipes that involve otter and vulture…" He took an extra-deep drag, allowing the flame to highlight his face in shadow. "Meaning that we won't be wasting any food by wasting these two and tossing their bodies into the ocean."

"Oh, please, allow me," Boss said with a smug grin, cracking his neck in preparation. "Now, it doesn't matter why, but I am friends with some Bananagators."

That snapped me out of my shock and allowed me to shoot a glare at Boss. "Cool your jets, Carville, there's no need to go that far."

The Dugong shot me a skeptical look. "You sure, Cross?"

I leveled my eyes at the two assassin-animals. They stared back in equal parts hatred and fear. I thought things over for a second and then… I turned my back on them. I turned my back on them and waved my hand in what I knew was a clear show of dismissal. "A couple of bastards that can't let go of a grudge? Just tie them up and toss them on the tracks so that they can walk back to Water 7. If it's my say in the matter you want, my opinion hasn't changed: they're not worth killing."

I kept my back turned to them even as the sounds of a brawl suddenly rang out, rodential squeaking and avian squawking echoing around the room until finally they were overpowered by the sound of the car door slamming shut.

I nodded decisively before turning back to the rest of the group, unwilling to waste any more thought on the pests. "Alright, with that out of the way, Soundbite, call the others in. It's time to get to planning our assault."

In short order, the crew, the Franky Family, and Galley-La were surrounding me as I sat on a seat and got my thoughts in order.

"Alright, first off, descriptions of CP9. Starting with the section chief, Spandam."

I looked up, pure hatred in my eyes, and everyone flinched back. "As we discussed back on Water 7, Franky has a past with him, and he didn't get all of his anger out for what he did to Tom. So, he'll need to stay alive until Franky has his revenge, and most likely Robin too while we're at it. But after that… unless I find a way to make it so he'd prefer death, unlike the pests from earlier, you have a green card to make sure and utterly certain that he doesn't make it out of Enies Lobby alive."

Several of my crewmates were facing me with disturbed expressions, as were the few outside of the crew. My next words wiped that away. "He framed Tom's Workers to force Tom into accepting the punishment for building the Oro Jackson, solely for the purpose of advancing his career. And he's going to be torturing Robin in every imaginable way from the moment she gets to his office, solely for amusement. That's two examples, and the rest of what I know about him aren't any better. Anybody still feeling generous?"

And that was the end of their reservations.

"Didn't think so. Physically, he's nothing; the only weapon he has besides his authority is a sword that ate the Elephant-Elephant Fruit. And an elephant, bladed trunk or not, shouldn't be a problem for any of you."

Everyone nodded, fury blazing in all of their expressions, and I shook my head as I focused on what came next.

"As for the actual assassins… Luffy, you'll be fighting Lucci. You can handle most of it yourself, but I need to warn you about one thing." Luffy's eyes narrowed in discontent, but he nodded, and I continued. "The fighting style may be called the Six Powers, but for true masters of it like Lucci, there's a seventh technique called the Six King Gun. It takes a ton of energy to use, and it only works at point-blank distance, but its effect is about the same as using a Reject Dial." I held my arms in front of me, fists clenched and turned to the sides, like holding a steering wheel. "If you see Lucci take this pose, steer the hell clear. He'll only use it as a last resort, but it'll hurt you a lot more than it'll hurt him."

Luffy nodded in grim acceptance, and I turned my gaze to our first mate.

"Now, moving on to the second strongest. Zoro, Kaku considers himself a user of the Four Sword Style; he wields two swords and is a master of the Tempest Kick technique. Besides that, he should have received the Ox-Ox Fruit, Model: Giraffe from Spandam. He may look silly for it, but it's made him a lot more powerful and given him a lot more reach, so be careful."

"A giraffe," Zoro replied flatly.

I snapped a finger up. "Consider: Tempest Kick works by sending out a gust of air from a fast-moving limb. Giraffes are known for what prominent feature?"

Zoro cocked an eyebrow. "Long ne…" He trailed off before nodding firmly. "Got it."

"Right." I moved on to our cook. "Sanji, the next strongest is Jabra, a wolf Zoan. His specialty is the Iron Body technique; you'll need Diable Jambe to even hurt him. Besides that, just don't let your guard down and you should be able to crush him without that much trouble." Sanji nodded in confirmation, and I considered what to say next.

"Blueno is next, and the gap between him and Jabra is huge. Luffy could beat him in a straight up fight without much trouble, and he could wipe the floor with him as soon as he started using Gear Second. Really, the most threatening thing about Blueno is his Door-Door Fruit, especially the fact that he can make doors out of the—"

I trailed off with a pained gurgle as a horrifying thought hit me.

"What is it, Cross?" Zoro asked sternly.

"…The air. Blueno can make doors out of the air to another dimension where he can see everything that happens on this side. The only way in and out is his powers… that's why Luffy took him out first. If Blueno takes Robin into the Air Door, there's literally nothing we'll be able to do to save her before she gets to the Gates of Justice and out of our reach." I snapped a desperate look to our captain. "Alright, priority one is taking him out, before anything else."

Luffy nodded again as he slammed his fists together.

I shook my head as I tried to get my head back on track before turning to Chopper. "The next strongest is Kumadori. Big guy, long pink hair, and a master of Life Return, otherwise known as Bio-Feedback. He's also so hammy he might as well be cured, so if you praise him, you may be able to get some secrets out of him before the fight revs up."

"Oooooh, I like the sound of that," Chopper's eyes shone as he grinned eagerly.

"Don't get too eager there, Heterodyne-lite," I warned with a rap of my fist on his forehead. "The guy gets away with acting like an idiot because he gets his job done, and his job is killing people. If you give him an inch once you start fighting, you won't get back the mile he'll take. Put it this way: the way I saw things, you were only able to beat him by resorting to 'that'. And that would be potentially deadly for all of us right now. BUT!" I stuck a finger up when Chopper paled in horror. "If there's legitimately no other choice, if he is guaranteed to kill you if you don't…" I smiled and gave him a thumbs up. "Do it. Do it without a moment's hesitation or worry, knowing that we will take 'that' down, no matter how it's evolved, and that we will not let it harm anyone. Alright?"

Chopper swallowed before nodding firmly and began rifling through his arsenal of test tubes. I looked upwards again in thought. "The last one that wasn't on Water 7 is Fukuro. He'll stick out like a sore thumb: round body and a zipper over his mouth. His specialty is the Shave technique. Franky will probably end up fighting him, but he's a gloating S.O.B., so with any luck we'll be able to take him down ahead of time, in which case it'll be all the better for us."

I turned towards Nami. "Kalifa is the weakest of them, and she'll probably be using her new Bubble-Bubble Fruit powers to fight. Quicknotes version for strategy: don't let the bubbles touch you, don't let her touch you, use water to counter, and as soon as her guard is down, electrocute her. She can use her new powers to guard against lightning if given the chance."

Nami nodded confidently, and I looked at the Galley-La foremen and Zambai. "You guys will be responsible for taking out the small fry. Sodom and Gomorrah can plow through most of them, but there are a few things to be wary of. A group of fifty soldiers who ride on wolves and have knives on their forearms; the Just Eleven Jurymen, eleven huge men who swing around steel balls and chains as big as they are; and Judge Baskerville, three people in one costume who swing a giant sword. Oh, and watch out for the mortar cannons, too."

The four of them nodded grimly.

"But!" I snapped a finger up. "All of them are your second priority; the first is reaching the courthouse at the end of the island. There are two towers on the sides of the courthouse, and there are switches at the top of each tower guarded by the Jurymen. If you pull both switches, a drawbridge will lower from the courthouse to the Tower of Justice. Priority one is lowering the bridge and keeping Baskerville or anyone else from stopping it."

"Got it. So, what's the plan for going in?" Zambai asked.

"Right!" I clapped my hands together firmly. "First things first! Luffy!"

"Yeah?" Luffy perked up promptly.

"As soon as we reach Enies Lobby, you're to charge ahead and crush all resistance as you head for the tallest tower at the far end of the place. That's where they're keeping Robin. Take out as many as you can, stay alive, and above all else?" I grinned eagerly. "Have fun!"

"Right!" Luffy nodded with an oblivious smile.

"WHAT?!" chorused most everyone else in the car.

"Oh!" I snapped my fingers as a thought hit me. "But do me a favor and leave the ones at the second gates conscious, alright? I want them awake for what I've got planned for them."

"Shishishi! Got it, Cross!" Luffy snickered.

I then held up an arm to block the dope slap that Nami aimed at me.

"Do you think that Luffy would be able to wait five minutes to hear our plan?" I deadpanned before cocking my head to the side. "No, more plainly: do you honestly think he would follow a plan at all?"

The indignant reactions from my crew promptly snapped into resignation.

"Didn't think so. Rule one of planning tactics around the Straw Hat Pirates: you don't try to get Luffy to follow the plan. You try and plan around Luffy," I explained.

"Fine, fine, I can't argue with that," Nami grumbled despondently.

"Now, besides that," I said, pointing at the leaders of our allied factions. "The Franky Family, Galley-La Foremen, Usopp and I—!"

"EH!?"

I gave our sniper a flat look. "You're a sniper, they have snipers. Your job is to keep me from getting a new hole in my head, capiche?"

I took his panicked gibbering as a yes.

"Anyway, we'll all head ashore first on Sodom and Gomorrah, and everyone else will wait five minutes for us to clear a landing zone for the rest of us to arrive in. I'll give further instructions as they become necessary."

Everyone started to nod before freezing in realization. "Landing zone?" they all echoed with varying degrees of terror and excitement.

The only answer I deigned to share was a demented grin.

"Ah… I'm sorry, but..." Conis raised her hand hesitantly. "What was that about leaving the ones at the second gate conscious?"

I grinned menacingly as I contemplated what was to come. "Suffice to say… I have something special planned for them. But!" I clapped my hands, causing everyone to jump. "That's for then. For now, everyone go ahead and relax and get ready." My mood darkened significantly. "We're heading into the hardest fight of our lives to date." With that, I moved to a lonesome section of the car, leaving the rest of my crewmates and allies to ponder what was to come.

"So, Soundbite, will you be able to make the call now?" I asked.

"OF COURSE! But what are you—?"

"Wait for it, you wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise. But in the meantime…" I eyed Soundbite curiously. "How can you make that call? I thought you said that the Transceiver was an all-or-nothing amplification?"

"Ah," Soundbite, well, 'ah'd' in understanding. "Well, that's how IT WORKED AT FIRST, but I WORKED OUT HOW TO get around it back when we were FLOATING DOWN FROM SKYPIEA. It's nowhere near easy, but I CAN PIGGYBACK OFF of the signal to make calls solo LIKE ANY OTHER ADULT SNAIL." He smirked confidently. "AND I learned something else while I was at it. LEMME SEE THE idiot box!"

I gave him a curious look before conceding and drawing the transceiver from its bag, holding it up for him to see.

"See that red knob, far left end?" Soundbite gestured his eyestalk at the control in question.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"TURN THAT THING CLOCKWISE AND THE BOX WILL EMIT A DEAD ZONE!"

I snapped a shocked look at Soundbite. "Wha—you mean that this hunk a' junk will block Transponder Snails!?"

My hopes were dashed as Soundbite clicked his tongue and shook his head "You only wish. NO, THE DEAD ZONE doesn't block all snails. BUT!" He promptly regained his cocky attitude. "IT DOES BLOCK SNAILS from hearing the SBS!"

Now I was really shocked. "Seriously?!"

"WHY DO YOU THINK Pinkie and the Brain haven't been receiving it SINCE Conis joined? Ya know…" He grinned impishly. "AFTER you fiddled around WITH THAT THINGAMAJIG?"

I whistled in awe. "Hot damn… that's… wow…"

"EEYUP!" Soundbite cheered. "RIGHT NOW, IT'S ONLY SET to a few meters wide, but the max IS ABOUT TEN MILES! Enough to cover a whole island!"

I let out a low whistle as I considered the potential of that. Then I blinked in realization. "Wait a second, how do you even know all of that?" I asked incredulously.

"WELL, first, the thing was literally BUILT FOR ME! ALL I HAD TO DO WAS PAY MORE ATTENTION, and I could tell more ABOUT THE FUNCTIONS," Soundbite crowed, before sobering up. "But MOST OF IT…" He sent a hesitant glance at the box. "I JUST… LISTENED to it," the gastropod grimaced. "And it's NOT A SIMPLE VOICE."

I winced and patted his shell sympathetically before grinning as I considered the implications. "Well, however you did it, nice going. With this, we can broadcast the SBS in live combat without worrying about the enemy hearing what we're saying." My grin became downright vicious. "Which means that we can still take Spandam by surprise. I wish I could see the look on his stupid face, but I'm pretty sure that this," I tapped my finger on the box. "Will be a close second."

"Eheheheh!" Soundbite chuckled ecstatically. "Sounds FUUUN!"

"Ooooh, it should be," I nodded in agreement. "Now, all we need to do is—!"

"HEEEY! I CAN SEE IT! ENIES LOBBY, DEAD AHEAD!"

I glanced upwards at where the call had come from before standing up. "—get nice and amped. EVERYONE LISTEN UP!"

All noise in the car died as my crewmates looked at me.

"I wanna clarify something for you all before we arrive. I want to make it perfectly clear just how these bastards are manipulating Robin." I paced to the front of the car as I slowly moved my gaze across everyone. "As it stands, it would be safe to assume that the World Government threatened to use the Buster Call on her to make her compliant." I narrowed my eyes menacingly. "That would be false. They did not aim the Call at her. Rather, they aimed it at all of us. They threatened to obliterate us in the most horrific way Robin knew unless she cooperated. Do you understand the implications of what I'm saying? Allow me to clarify."

I held up a finger pistol to my own temple. "They held us hostage. They put a gun to our heads that only Robin could see and threatened to blow our brains out. They played on not only her insecurities, but also her bond to us to make her obey them. In the simplest possible terms…" I scowled furiously. "They used us. Used our friendship, used our trust, as a means of hurting Robin. They took something sacred and they twisted it into a weapon."

My crewmates were stock still in their seats, emotion blazing in their eyes and weapons and fists clenched. It was Zoro who broke the silence by standing up, his face hard as the steel in his swords. "You don't need to amp us up, Cross," he growled. "We all know what those bastards did, and we're more than pissed off enough for this."

Glancing over the rest of the crew, I saw the same look in their eyes, prompting me to grin viciously. They really didn't need me to fire them up, did they?

But hell…

I slammed my fist into my palm as my grin became downright demonic.

Damn if it didn't feel damn good.

"Alright, in that case, who wants to raze some land and salt some earth?"

The resounding cheers that shook the car were answer enough.

"Well, that was fun!" Soundbite cackled. "Now, let's GET OUR GRR FACES ON!"

-o-

"So, Zambai, you ready for this?" I asked with a grin to match his own as I watched Luffy disappear over the top of the Main Gate.

"You better believe it!" Franky's right hand roared, pumping his fist before giving me a once-over. "Looks like you're ready for war too."

I grinned confidently as I thumbed the collar of the new jacket I was wearing. Credit to Vivi, she'd definitely done a good job of choosing the clothes needed to make me look like a badass.

Besides my headphones and cap, I was clad in a hooded brown leather jacket decorated with a multitude of silver clockwork gears cracking and shattering as they ground against one another, visible even past the harness Lassoo was resting in. Beneath that, I had on a black t-shirt that had a bright yellow biohazard symbol practically spray-painted over the chest, with the word 'TOXIC' etched above it in the same color. And to cap it all off, some good ol' fashioned cargo pants. Why mess with what worked, right?

"You're damn right I am," I chuckled. "This… This is going to be something."

"Heheh, yeah!" Soundbite snickered before glancing behind the both of us. "Although, it looks like NOT EVERYONE IS QUITE SO COOL. SERIOUSLY DUDE, a cape?"

"S-S-SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE PEST!" Usopp yelped fearfully as he pointed a quivering finger at my shoulder. "I-I-I'M ABOUT T-T-TWO STEPS AWAY FROM PISSING MY PANTS, S-S-SO JUST GIVE ME THIS, D-DAMN IT!"

"Ah, cheer up, Usopp, it's not so bad!"

The sniper jumped slightly in surprise before glancing down at Mikey.

The Dugongs as a whole had decided to upgrade their wardrobes a bit. The Squad had all adopted flak jackets like Boss had found back on Water 7, along with adding their own personal touches. Mikey had a pair of ammo-laden bandoliers crossed over his chest, Raphey had tied a bandanna with a mouthful of fangs over her mouth, Donney had strapped on a pair of bottle-lensed goggles, and Leo… well.

Initially Leo hadn't put on anything all that special, but he'd been halfway through re-tying his headband when Zoro and Boss had exchanged a look. Zoro had then proceeded to yank the Dugong's headband off before he could react and toss the blue fabric to Boss, who then unfolded the bandanna to its full length and tied the entire thing around Leo's skull.

It had taken the swordsman a few seconds to process what had happened, at which point he nodded in grateful acceptance.

Finally, Boss had simply chosen to don a dark-green boxing headpiece he'd pulled from somewhere, over which he'd tied his headband.

It took Usopp a second to muster his nerve, at which point he gave the orange-wearing Dugong a hesitant grin. "Y-Y-You really think so?"

"Totally!" Mikey popped an enthusiastic thumbs-up. "I mean, we're about to march right into the belly of the beast! This is going to be a bloody edge-of-the-scythe battle of the decade! There's gonna be every single chance of us dying at every single second! There won't be a point where this won't be aweso—GRK!"

"THAT'S NOT HELPING, DAMN IT!" Usopp shouted in the Dugong's face as he shook him back and forth by his collar.

"Usopp, calm down!

Luckily, our negotiator was quick to grab his shoulder.

Vivi'd gone for a rather impressive outfit that was a combination of practically flexible and fashionable. She was wearing a white halter top that had a lotus-and-vine design sewn into it in light blue thread, as well as a pair of similarly colored and styled arm warmers that started just above her elbows and ended a few inches below her wrists, partially hiding her hands. Below the waist, she had on a pair of denim shorts that stopped mid-thigh, as well as a frill-edged blue-colored white-detailed sarong that was angled in such a manner that her left leg was hidden.

"They're half trying to psyche you up, half legitimately excited for the coming fight," Vivi soothed him. "And besides, you're going to shore with almost sixty battle-ready guys at your back, I'm sure you'll be fine!"

"Psh, yeah, sixshty againsht sheveral shousand…" Carue snickered as he tilted down the knight-style visor he'd affixed to his hat.

"Oh, God…"

"Not helping!" Vivi slapped the back of her snickering duck's head with a sigh. "Alright, can someone please back me up here? I think I might be losing him."

"Let me try!" Conis eagerly said. She was wearing the same style she'd had on at Water 7, but she'd swapped out her color palate in favor of a light-toned urban-camo long-coat over her white turtleneck and donned a pair of light gray combat pants.

The angel was quick to give Usopp a comforting one-armed hug. "You just need to trust in us, Usopp! We'll have your back every step of the way!"

"And besides!" Su crooned from her partner's shoulder. "Look at it this way!" She slapped her tail against the exhaust pipe of Conis' bazooka. "None of them will be toting a Boom Beach Heavy Industries Burn Bazooka! Or—" She swiped her tail over to Conis' rifles. "A pair of ENTAC high-calibre combat rifles! Or!" She zipped to Conis' waist and tapped her paw on Conis' holster. "Four, count 'em, four Brown & Boehringer large-bore pistols!" Su cocked her head in a teasing manner. "Trust me, however many weapons those guys have got, they are categorically outgunned."

"Not to mention the fact that we've got Sodom and Gomorrah on our side," Kiwi piped up. "Bullets are like bug bites to them."

Usopp's trembling grew weaker, though it didn't subside. "Y… Yeah, you have a point there."

"That's the spirit!" I said jovially, clapping Usopp on the back. "Now, come on, let's make these guys wish they never heard the name 'Straw Hat Pirates.'"

And so it went, most the Franky Family charging through the few guards at the main gate that Luffy hadn't annihilated while the rest of us performed the laborious task of getting Sodom and Gomorrah mounted on treads.

The yellow King Bull Sodom glanced at his brother. "It's five miles to the Tower of Justice, we got bellies full of fish, a trailer full a' fighters, it's day in the middle of the night, and we're wearing goggles," he summarized blandly.

Gomorrah snorted. "Hit it!"

I gave a cackling Soundbite a flat glare as the bulls steamed for shore. "There was never a chance of us leaving these waters without you quoting those two and using their voices, was there?"

"NOT A ONE!"

Lunacy aside, we arrived at the Judicial Island's front door in short order and made our way past the crowd of Marines and Agents that our one-man vanguard of a captain had kindly downed for us. Once the Destroyers blew the doors off their hinges, we strode through... and took a moment to pause and take in the sights before us.

The fact that the island was lit up like it was high noon at midnight had been an incredible enough sight already, sure, but the island itself…

Damn, where to even begin…

Anywhere was viable, really.

The Gates of Justice, which had apparently been designed to emulate the Red Line and Laguna with how they formed a horizon of metal and ensured that none could possibly mistake the global symbol for pure, unflinching order emblazoned upon them.

The falls all around us, which swallowed the ocean uncountable tons at a time and roared and howled with such intensity that not even the blind could forget their presence, seeing as the noise went so far as to shake the innards of everyone even remotely nearby.

Even the island itself, hanging over the gaping abyss below, unwavering and unmoving in spite of the veritable city built upon its back, standing as a testament made material to the sheer, unflinching power of the Justice of the Marines.

It was just a pity that we'd be the last ones to ever appreciate it.

Sodom and Gomorrah charged forward, meeting no opposition, up until the soldiers of the main island gate came into view, at which point I stopped and snapped my fist up. I could feel several incredulous looks snap to stare at the back of my head, but regardless, Sodom and Gomorrah slowed to a stop.

I nodded gratefully and moved to dismount. "Usopp, you're with me."

The sniper whimpered as I slid off the King Bull, slowly following me. I then stepped forward in front of them, Usopp behind me, and waited. After a minute, the Marines began moving closer, two soldiers stepping to the front lines and coming to a stop directly in front of me.

"You are trespassing on Government property. Identify yourselves and state your business," one of them said, though his tone clearly stated that us being here meant we were in deep shit already.

I grinned pleasantly as I sucked in a slight breath. "Hello there, my name is Jeremiah Cross. I am the third mate, tactician, and public relations officer of the Straw Hat Pirates, as well as one of the two co-communications officers and co-hosts of the Strawhat Broadcasting Station. Maybe you've heard of me?" I took a lot of pleasure in the way the soldiers tensed up. "With me are Soundbite, my co-officer and co-host—"

"HOLLA!" the snail in question sang.

"Our sniper, Usopp—"

The long-nose swallowed audibly.

"And a small host various friends and allies who shall remain anonymous. As for our business, it's a matter of theft." I widened my smile slightly. "See, you—that is to say, the World Government—stole our archaeologist, Nico Robin from us. As such, we are here to retrieve her. In pursuit of this goal, we intend to invade the Judicial Island of Enies Lobby, defeat the Cipher Pol No. 9 Agents garrisoned within the Tower of Justice, including the famed soldier of Dark Justice Rob Lucci, raze the island to the ground in a hail of hellfire, and then be on our merry way."

I kept my smile in place as I paused, soaking in the awkward silence as everyone present gaped at me in both awe and horror.

"Ah!" I suddenly snapped my finger up. "But before all of that, I'm going to zap… you!" I jabbed my finger at the soldier on the left. "With lightning," I finished in a calm and utterly honest tone of voice.

For a moment, there was silence.

Then the soldiers started to laugh.

Then I started to laugh.

Then Usopp started to laugh, albeit nervously.

Then I dropped my baton into my hand and snapped it out to its full length before ramming it in the gut of one of the Marines and pressing the button my thumb had been hovering over, discharging a few thousand volts into the man.

Everyone stopped laughing after that.

Specifically, the soldier who was still standing cursed and fumbled desperately with the polearm he was carrying, so I spun around and rammed my fist into his stomach, causing him to double over and breathlessly dry-heave.

By this point, the Marine I'd zapped had had time to marginally recover and was starting to get his wits about him, so I grabbed the back of his head and rammed him into a knee that I brought up, which resulted in him stumbling back with an agonized howl as he clutched his thoroughly shattered nose.

I then turned to the non-zapped soldier as his breathing started evening out, took aim and dropped an armored and very heavy elbow on his exposed upper back, laying him out flat.

Meanwhile, the soldier I'd tazed and kneed had stumbled back towards me and was slouched over just enough for me to grab the sides of his hat—

CRUNCH! "Grhgrgh…"

—and ram my forehead into his already-demolished nose, which resulted in the soldier collapsing into blissful unconsciousness.

Finally, I turned back to the prone marine, who was only just starting to crawl to his hands and knees, and stuck my hand below his face, which resulted in him tensing up in anticipatory terror.

"Impact," I drawled before flexing my palm.

The resulting blast of kinetic energy smashed the soldier's face in and flipped him onto his back, his pained gurgles making it clear that he was well and truly down for the count.

I took a second to pause and roll my shoulders in preparation before shooting a deathly glare at the rest of the Marines who were still standing paralyzed at the Island Gates. "You Government bitches had better go and get the best you got," I called out to them. "Because the next person who comes out here?"

I reached my left arm over my shoulder and pulled Lassoo into position, cocking him menacingly.

"I'm going to do my best to send them back in a bodybag."

The Marines stood frozen for a scant second before scrambling around amongst themselves. Ultimately, one of them was booted from the pack and sent running back into the gatehouse, where Soundbite didn't even have to lift an eyestalk for us to hear several distinct yells of "OIMO!" and "KASHI!"

I grinned impishly as I slid Lassoo back onto my back. "Worked like a charm."

Soundbite whistled in awe. "Hot damn, HOTSHOT!"

Usopp, to his credit, wasn't trembling quite so much as I'd have expected, though he was gibbering uncontrollably. "Bu-Bu-Bu—!? But they—!? But you—!? But h-how—!?"

I gave our sniper an amused look. "How? Three easy steps. The two halves of number one—" I spun my baton in my hand and rapped my armored knuckles against my forehead, producing a metallic clang in the process. "You made! Love the lightning-stick, even if it does give me some minor flashbacks, and as Luffy has repeatedly demonstrated, you can never have too hard a head! The armor-plating and padding you sewed in is just icing! Number two, Zoro's training." I shuddered in horror. "'Nuff said. And as for number three, well…" I shrugged indifferently. "Never underestimate the element of surprise. Simple as that!"

Usopp eyed me warily before shrugging and looking forward. "Alright, then. In that case, w-why did you need me here?" He glanced at me out of the corner of my eye. "And why did you ask for their strongest, anyway?"

I waited a second, before grinning as I felt the ground begin to shake beneath our feet. "Oh, that's easy. I wanted you here and I called them out because there's something of a… personal connection between the three of you."

Usopp opened his mouth to speak… and kept widening it in horror as a pair of massive shadows fell over us.

I tilted my head at him with a curious expression. "You still like giants, right?"

The shrill wheeze/shriek crawling out of Usopp's mouth was answer enough.

I very casually looked up at the two very different but nonetheless very imposing giants that were towering over us, one muscular and wielding an axe while the other was stout and brandishing a club. Both were grinning down at us in obvious menace.

"Jeremiah Cross and the Straw Hats, huh?" Kashi huffed as he scratched the back of his head with a weary expression. "Well, that's a real shame. You guys're the funniest distraction we've had since we started working here." He shrugged indifferently. "But oh well."

"Yeh, it's too bad," Oimo said, stretching his jaws in a bone-cracking yawn. "But hey, work's work. Now c'mon." He unslung his club and let it slam into the bridge, causing more than a few stones to shake loose from the edges. "Let's get this over with so that we can get back ta' sleep."

The two started to step forward…

"WAAAAIT!"

Before pausing when I raised my voice, an endeavor which Soundbite gladly aided in.

I took a second to huff and get my voice back before continuing at a more sedate—if still amplified—tone of voice. "Before we jump into the fighting and the squashing and all that…" I spread my arms invitingly. "Do you mind if we spare a second to just sit down and talk?"

The giants blinked dully as they glanced at one another before leaning down and eyeballing me.

"Huuuuuh?" Kashi droned in a disbelieving tone. "And why would we do that?"

"Yeah," Oimo snorted. "You guys're trying to pass the gate, and it's our job to stop you! We don't have any reason 'ta talk!"

"Crooooss…" Usopp hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

I ignored him in favor of spreading my hands in a clear show of innocence. "But, sirs! We haven't tried to enter the gate yet!"

That got a lot of people to blink at me in surprise.

"Huh?" the giants chorused.

"Well, I mean, I took down some gate guards, sure." I toed one of my downed opponents, causing him to flop bonelessly over. "But my friends and I haven't even made a single move towards your gate yet. So! We're technically not enemies. So whaddaya say, huh?" I sank down to the ground and tapped what scant grass there was in invitation. "Why not sit down and talk a bit? Just… to kill some time! Come on, pirate to pirate!"

That got Oimo to blink in surprise. "Heeey, how'd you know that we're pirates?"

"Three kinds of Giants leave Elbaf: slaves, Marines or pirates. You're not in uniforms or chains, so there's only one option. And you still haven't answered my question!"

While the giant guards glanced thoughtfully at one another, I snapped my fingers in front of Soundbite and pointed at the Marines still milling about the Island Gate, prompting him to tune them out even as one of them got it into his head to start yelling up at Oimo and Kashi.

Ultimately, the pair grinned and nodded.

"Alright!" "Sounds like fun!"

And with that, the two sank into cross-legged sitting positions, leaning forwards in ill-concealed eagerness.

"So, whaddaya wanna talk about?" Kashi asked eagerly.

"Hm…" I tapped my chin in exaggerated thoughtfulness before snapping my fingers. "Ah, I know, maybe you can answer a question! See, I find myself to be quite curious: what are a pair of Giant pirates, the most honorable pirates on all the Grand Line, if not the world, doing guarding the gates to the World Government's front step?"

Just like that, the pair's expressions darkened. "Ya never pull your punches, do you…" Oimo muttered as he scratched the back of his head before sighing heavily. "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to tell you. Kashi and I used to be pirates 100 years ago. We were the strongest crew around, nobody could ever stand up to us… up until that fateful day, when we visited a certain island. Our co-captains got into an argument, and they got into an honor duel, which would have been fine…"

"But neither of them could win!" Kashi flung his hands up in frustration. "They just kept fighting and fighting, and Elbaf's word clearly says that so long as both don't back down, the duel only ends when there's a victor! Their honor would be destroyed if they stopped the duel otherwise."

"Of course, of course," I nodded understandingly, even as I noticed Usopp starting to blink in realization. "I understand completely. Honor is a serious matter for the giants of Elbaf, neither could back down while theirs was still threatened."

"Exactly!" Kashi jabbed his finger at me. "And because it was a duel of honor, none of us, their crewmates, could interfere! The only thing we could do was take our captains to an island where no one would interfere and return home to Elbaf while we waited for them to finish fighting! And we did wait!" Kashi then trailed off and hunched forward with a sigh, balancing his chin on his fists. "For fifty years…"

"But neither of them ever came…" Oimo picked up in a sorrowful tone. "Kashi and I got worried, so we backtracked along the Grand Line to try and reach the island where they were, so that we could check up on them!" He snarled and cast a rueful glare at the still-muted Marines behind him, causing them to flinch back. "But on the way, we got captured by Marines."

Kashi ground his teeth as he gripped his helmet and ground it into his scalp. "Then these bastards told us the truth! The reason why our bosses were late was that they'd been captured! The Government caught them in the middle of their duel and tossed them in Impel Down so that they'd rot!"

"We were desperate…" Oimo moaned. "We said we'd do anything if they'd let our bosses go, so the Government made a deal with us: if we defended the gates of Enies Lobby for a hundred years, then they'd let our bosses go and we could all go home! Since giants live to be 300 or so, we didn't think it was a bad deal, so we accepted."

"It's been fifty years since that day…" Kashi stared upwards wistfully. "We're halfway there, but there's a catch: if we get beaten even once, then we need to start over, and our bosses will be long past their prime when they get out if that happens. Either we make it all the way… or bust."

"There've been some fun times, sure, plenty of good fights…" Oimo admitted. "But still… doesn't change the fact that it's been fifty years since we've been proper pirates. And a hundred since we saw our bosses."

A hand landed on my shoulder all of a sudden, and I turned my head to observe Usopp as his expression combined both an apoplectic flush and a ghastly pale. "Yeeesss?" I crooned.

"Are they saying… what I think they're saying?" Usopp ground out.

I jerked my head at the giants. "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

Usopp visibly balked for a second as he stared at the mournful titans… but it was only for a second, after which he steeled his gaze and back and strode forwards. "He—!" His voice croaked for a bit, but it firmed up once Soundbite amped it. "HEY! You two! Your captains, were they named Dorry and Broggy?"

Everyone opposite us jumped, giants and Marines alike, though their motivations were different. The giants did so in shock, while the Marines… they did so in bowel-dropping terror.

One of them tried to snap open a compartment in his gauntlet to talk to a baby snail hidden within, but Usopp responded by snapping his hand to his side before reconsidering and shooting it to his back. In less than a second, he unfolded Kabuto, drew, took aim, fired, and pegged the bastard between the eyes, dropping him like a sack of potatoes. Going by how the rest of the Marines snapped their hands up, where we could see them, nobody felt particularly lucky.

Meanwhile, Oimo recovered and blinked at Usopp in confusion. "H-How did you—?"

"And the island you and your crew left them to duel on!" Usopp forged on. "That was the prehistoric island of Little Garden, right!?"

"Eh!?" Kashi slowly clambered to his feet along with his companion as he stared down at Usopp. "How could you know that?"

"How could we not know? Before we came here, my crew met those bosses of yours, and we saw them fighting their duel! The great warriors of Elbaf fighting the same duel, over and over again, for the last hundred years!" Usopp boldly proclaimed, all traces of fear now long gone.

Oimo and Kashi fell on all fours, their eyes close enough to us that we could see our reflections in them. "WHAT!?" they bellowed in a furious synchronization. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!? IF YOU'RE LYING, WE'LL CRUSH YOU LIKE ANTS!"

"I'M NOT LYING!" Usopp shouted back at the top of his lungs, and on his own at that. "I'M TELLING THE TRUTH! ASK ME WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT THEM! ABOUT THEIR WEAPONS, ABOUT HOW THEY FOUGHT, ABOUT HOW THEY LOOKED, HOW THEY LAUGHED, ALL OF IT! I'LL ANSWER IT ALL! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ASK, IT'S THE TRUTH! I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT THIS! THOSE TWO…"

Usopp bowed his head for a moment before snapping his gaze up, determination blazing in his eyes. "I SAW THEM AS MY TEACHERS, MY MASTERS! THEY TAUGHT ME WHAT IT WAS TO BE A WARRIOR OF THE SEAS, TO BE SOMETHING I ONLY EVER DREAMED OFF BEING! I SWORE TO BECOME A GREAT MAN OF PRIDE LIKE THEM ONE DAY! YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THIS?! IT'S A FACT, AND I'LL SAY IT AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES! WE MET THEM! THEY WEREN'T CAPTURED FIFTY YEARS AGO! THAT'S NOTHING BUT A BIG, FAT, LIIIIEEEE!"

"AND I CAN PROVE IT!" I bellowed in agreement as Usopp took a moment to pant and wheeze desperately before dropping my volume and letting Soundbite take up the slack, though I indicated that he keep it between the four of us and only us. "On our way here, I got in contact with a friend of mine called Pisces, who I asked to call a friend of hers called Capricorn, who got me the number of another friend of mine I call Rooster, who let me speak to a friend of his called… let's go with April—!"

"CALLBACK!"

"Shut it! But anyway, April got me the number for the Transponder Snail of a friend of hers called, eh… Candle." I snapped my fingers before Soundbite with a grin. "Let's give them a ring, shall we?"

Soundbite smirked as he narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth. "Puru puru puru puru! Puru puru puru puru!" he sang out, letting the dial tone waft across the bridge.

After a few seconds, however, Soundbite clicked his tongue and adopted a—

I blinked in surprise. The hell? I thought I'd called Dorry and Broggy, not Gedatsu.

"HELLO!" a very loud and very fake falsetto voice bellowed out. "WHO IS THIS? THIS IS MISTER THREE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Your false accent sucks," Broggy's voice spoke up in a bored tone.

"Seconded," I said in the same tone.

"SCREW THE BOTH OF YOU!" Dorry roared indignantly.

That snapped Oimo and Kashi out of their open-mouthed shock.

"BOSSES!"

"OW!"

As evidenced by the two of them murdering my ears.

"Looooud…" I groaned as I dug a finger through my ear.

"Eh?" Dorry blinked in surprise. "Wait, was that Kashi just now?"

"And Oimo too!" Broggy beamed jubilantly. "Hello, boys! Wow, it's been forever since I've heard your voices! How have you been? How's the rest of the crew? How are things on Elbaf?"

The pair's joyous expressions promptly collapsed into sheepishness, and Oimo spoke up first. "The crew… we're sorry, Bosses, but the crew didn't stay together," he admitted shamefacedly. "A bunch went off solo, others settled down, and the rest… well, they went Marine, but that was just 'cause they wanted good fights and the Marines could deliver that without bein' as dangerous as some of the new crews that have popped up! Dangerous crews, strong crews!" He bowed his head sorrowfully. "Kashi and I… we're some of the last diehards…"

Broggy's expression promptly became regretful. "Ah… is that so? Well, I guess I can't blame them. It'd be selfish to think that time would stand still for us. I just hope they're happy."

"And what about you two, huh? How have the years treated you?" Dorry said, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Which only brought Kashi's mood lower. "That's the other thing…" he muttered. "Bosses, we're not calling you from Elbaf. We're calling you from Enies Lobby."

That struck the twin captains silent. "What?" Dorry whispered incredulously.

"The… The Marines…" Oimo sniffed tearfully, his voice full of shame and regret. "Th-They said that they'd captured you… that they'd locked you up… so we cut a deal to act as guards for your freedom!"

"We've been here for the last fifty years…" Kashi groaned. "All because we doubted your strength… we're sorry, Bosses, so sorry! We've brought shame to the Giant Warrior Pirates! Shame to Elbaf!"

"Ho-Hold on! O-Oimo, Kashi, just wait a minute! I-It's a trick!"

Soundbite flinched and cast a glare over at the Marines, specifically the one who'd stepped up and was shouting at the top of his lungs. "Sorry, got caught up in the moment, JUST LET ME—!"

"No, no," I stopped him and Usopp with a raised hand, my eyes never leaving the soldier. "Let him speak. I'm… morbidly curious as to how deep a grave he can dig."

The Marine had to pause to catch his breath as he caught up to the Giants, but once he did he jabbed an accusing finger at me. "H-He's lying, he has to be! We really do have Broggy the Red Ogre and Dorry the Blue Ogre in custody! He's just using his snail's powers to trick you into thinking you're speaking with them! I-If you turn on us, then they'll never go free, and you'll join them!"

"YOU DARE—!?" Dorry and Broggy started to roar in synch, but I silence them by clamping my hand down on Soundbite's mouth.

"Now, now," I said soothingly. "Don't be so harsh! After all, he's quite right! That is a possibility! It's well within Soundbite's capabilities to fake the voices of these two's captains! After all, all he needs to do is listen to a person's voice only once to imitate it. Even a single word would do it!"

Oimo and Kashi both stared at me with betrayed and horrified visages, Usopp and Soundbite seemed to be channeling Nami with how hard they were glaring at me, and everyone behind me was shouting at me to, to summarize, 'STOP SCREWING AROUND, DAMN IT!' But honestly, how could I when this was so fun?

"H-Ha! You see? He even admits it!" the soldier crowed, getting his bravado back. "So, hurry up and—!"

"Buuuuut!" I cut in smoothly. "I just need you to clarify one iiitty bitty little thing in that case."

The soldier flinched back nervously as he fought to keep his cocky visage up. "O-Oh yeah? What?"

"Well, answer me this," I crooned as I leaned in close, so that my face was inches away from his, so that I could see the terror in his eyes. "Just tell me… when we could have gotten their voices."

Even with the falls around us, you could have heard a pin drop.

The now white-faced and wet-pantsed Marine swallowed heavily. "W-W-What?" he whispered breathlessly.

"You heard me," I hissed back. I then jerked forwards, causing him to flinch back and fall on his ass, at which point I loomed over him with a demonic grin. "When did I get their voices? When did I slip away from my crew, on my lonesome, infiltrate the impenetrable underwater gaol of Impel Down, locate Red Ogre Broggy and Blue Ogre Dorry, snag samples of their voices, sneak back out, and rejoin my crew?" I leaned over him, doing my best to channel Doflamingo with every word I spoke. "Weeeell, Marine? When?"

The soldier's teeth were outright chattering as he stared at me. "I-I-I—!"

I leaned in closer and looked him dead in the eye. "Speak up, Marine."

He was silent for a second before swallowing heavily. "I…" he stated in a quiet voice. "Am going to run away now."

I stood back up with a contented smile. "Yes, why don't you go do that?"

The Marine got to his feet in a cool, calm and collected manner, brushed himself off… and then ran past me like there were demons on his ass.

Soundbite cast a dismissive look at the rest of the Marines still standing by the Gate. "Any other takers?"

Turns out? There were over three dozen. The rest had either fainted or were pulling off an impressive 'terrified goat' routine.

Soundbite rolled his eyes with a scoff as the soldiers ran past us. "The strong and proud my non-existent ass."

"Hey, that's U.S., not W.G., don't sully our good name," I muttered back.

"Impressive, Cross!" Broggy laughed. "And we thought you'd come a long way since we met you before! This new generation never fails to impress! Gabababa—!"

"Quiet, Broggy," Dorry interrupted.

"Hey, what're you—!?"

"Why are the Straw Hat Pirates on Enies Lobby, Cross?" Dorry asked in an even tone.

"—ahbuh!?" Broggy choked in realization.

"Master Dorry, Master Broggy," Usopp spoke up again, his fear dead and buried as it was before. "The World Government threatened our crew, and one of our crewmates sacrificed herself to them in a misguided attempt to save us." He crossed his arms and bowed his head solemnly. "We're going to invade Enies Lobby and get her back, no matter who or what tries to get in our way."

For a second, there was nothing but silence, then…

"Guess there's no other option, is there?" Broggy grunted in a grim tone.

"Not a one," Dorry snorted before raising his voice in a bark. "OIMO! KASHI!"

"SIRS!" the giants snapped out twin salutes, snapping into kneeling positions.

"AS OF THIS INSTANT, THE STRAW HAT PIRATES ARE OFFICIAL ALLIES OF THE GIANT WARRIOR PIRATES!" Dorry bellowed.

"HERE ARE YOUR ORDERS!" Broggy roared. "SUPPORT THE STRAW HATS WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! HELP THEM RESCUE THEIR COMRADE, AND BURN THAT BLASTED ISLAND TO THE GROUND!"

"DO WE WE MAKE OURSELVES CLEAR, WARRIORS?" they concluded with a united bellow.

"YES, CAPTAINS!" the giants roared as they pumped their fists in the air.

"Glad to hear it," Dorry sneered viciously.

"We'll contact you once all is said and done," Broggy concluded. "Elbaf be with you, Straw Hats."

"And with you, Captains," I nodded respectfully.

The instant the connection dropped, I shot a nice and evil grin up at the two giants, who matched it tooth for tooth.

"Now then, boys…" I purred as I patted my bag. "What do you say we start this joint venture of ours… in style?"

-o-

"Don don don don!"

A chorus of tired groans surfaced among the Red-Haired Pirates as the snail began blaring.

"That loud-mouthed brat… it's the middle of the night!" Shanks glowered as he grabbed the speaker and dislodged it. He then fell back onto his back as music began blaring out at the top of the snail's lungs.

"FROM DEEP INSIDE THIS SPREADING DARKNESS, A REVOLUTION I'M STARTING TODAY! AND I CAN'T LET ANYONE INTERFERE WITH WHAT I'LL DO, OR GET IN MY WAAAAAY~!"

The rest of the Red-Haired Pirates promptly became much more awake and much more irritated, though the lyrics of the song grabbed their attention. Finally, a minute or so later, during which the crew began picking up bottles to try to fend off the coming insanity…

"Good choice for music, Soundbite. Now… hello, everyone. Jeremiah Cross here, bringing you a very special edition of the SBS!" The human host's grin suddenly took on a somewhat menacing overtone. "Which begins right now."

"PFFFT!"

And one and all, every single one of the Red-Haired Pirates, Shanks included, spat out their drinks, instantly sober and on their guard.

"He started the SBS. He started the SBS. I'm not the only one who realizes that that is never a good sign, right?" Yasopp asked nervously.

"This is going to be a broadcast to remember…" Benn mused as he fingered the butt of his rifle.

"Heheh, well at least there's a bright side to all of this!" Shanks snickered as he grabbed up a new bottle of grog. "I have a good excuse now! Long live the Straw Hat crew, they drive me to drink!" And with that, he knocked his poison back.

"Now, I imagine that you're all probably on the edges of your seats wondering what makes this particular broadcast so special, huh? Well, dear viewers, I'll tell you! We of the Straw Hat Pirates have decided to engage in some good ol' fashioned piracy! And I mean the dictionary definition! Just to see what it feels like and prove that we don't fly the Jolly Roger for shits and giggles. As such…" If Cross's smile was menacing before, it was downright predatory now. "We're about to invade, pillage, and burn an island to the ground. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"PFFFT!"

Only to spit it out immediately afterwards.

"SAY WHAT!?" one of the Four Emperors bellowed indignantly.

-o-

Sengoku sighed in relief as he leaned back in his chair, casting a thankful eye to the heavens. "So, there actually is a God, huh?" he muttered to himself as he smiled morosely. "Good to know."

The Fleet Admiral started to compose a prayer for those families about to lose their homes in the pursuit of proving, once and for all, that good pirates really were nothing but a myth.

"So, ladies and gentlemen, before I begin explaining exactly why I'm doing this, I'd like you to listen to the following sound, committed by our two newest allies. Ready, Oimo?"

Only for that voice to utter that name, causing him to snap his eyes open in horror. "What."

"Yep!"

"What!"

"And you, Kashi?"

"What!"

"I've been wanting to do this my whole life!"

"WHAT!?"

"Then in that case… do it."

"WHAAAAAT!?" a very large, very golden, very pissed Sengoku roared as he instinctively blew the roof off of Marineford.

"RIGHT!"

SMASH!

But no amount of fury was able to mask or alter the sound of a titanic amount of stone suddenly shattering like little more than glass.

"To those Marines who might have found the names of our two compatriots to be somewhat familiar!" that fucking voice grinned in honest, chaotic amusement. "Allow me to refresh your memories! Those were Oimo and Kashi! Members of the Giant Warrior Pirates who, up until all of three minutes ago, were detrimentally employed by the World Government to act as guards for the GATES OF THE GOVERNMENT'S JUDICIAL ISLAND, ENIES LOBBY!"

"GAUTAMA FUCKING DAMN IT!" Sengoku raged as he planted a brilliant fist in what little of his office wall remained before raising his voice. "SOMEONE GET ME GARP! GET ME TSURU! GET ME AOKIJI! GET ME EVERYONE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"

"E-Everyone—!?" stammered one of the very few Vice Admirals who hadn't fainted in the initial blast of existential pressure that the Admiral of the Fleets had emitted.

"EEEVERYYYOOONE!"

"Huh, didn't think he could get that hammy anymore…" Garp muttered around the ricecracker he was munching on as he warily eyed the roof of his office.

Said ricecracker promptly found itself inhaled when a golden hand shot through said roof and grabbed his head.

"GET THE FUCK IN HERE AND PAY FOR THE SINS OF YOUR BLOOD, YOU DAMN BASTARD!"

"Shit," Garp summarized weakly before he was pulled up and out of his office.

-o-

"To reiterate, ladies and gentlemen of the world, that sound you just heard was us breaking down the gates of Enies. Lobby."

"PFFFT!"

"AGH, SERIOUSLY!?"/"THIS IS FUCKING DRYCLEAN YOU ASS!"

Ace ignored the protests of the two captains he'd sprayed his drink over as he stared at the Transponder Snail on the table in naked awe.

"I imagine that many of you must be severely confused about the series of events that led us to this moment, huh? Well, let me back track a bit. See, earlier today, the World Government made the absolutely mon-u-mental mistake of stealing one of our crewmates from us. Said crewmate was none other than our mystery member whose identity we've been obscuring up until now: our archaeologist, Nico Robin."

"WHAT!?" Squard yelped in shock. "The Demon of fucking Ohara!? Christ, does your brother have a death wish or—!?"

CRACK!

"YEOW!" the shark-toothed captain yowled, falling back with an impressive knot on his forehead. "What the hell—?!" he started to get out before freezing as he noticed the rod of metal pointed between his eyes.

"Watch it," Ace scowled viciously as he swayed his pipe back and forth, forcing the captain to trace it with his gaze. "That's my little brother's crewmate you're talking about. And besides that, the whole 'sins of the parent' shit is so stupid that I only expect Marines to be dumb enough to use it. Don't let me catch you being that stupid ever again." Pulling the pipe back a few inches, he lit a flame on the end of it. "Got it?"

Squard swallowed in terror as the foreign will cracked over his mind before nodding dumbly. "Got it…"

"Good," Ace snorted as he put his pipe back down. "Now shut up and listen."

"Now, mind you," Cross continued in a conversational tone. "I'm not going to give an ultimatum. We are…" Cross trailed off into a derisive chuckle. "Oh, we are so far past that. This is a statement of pure fact. An… An example, if you will. We're going to take a leaf out of the pages of the big black book of piracy! Only…"

The tactician scowled viciously. "It's not the edition you were hoping for. We're tearing this straight out of the Four Emperors' personal playbook: you touch one of ours? We fuck you up. This goes beyond a mere rescue mission, this… this is nothing short of a crusade. We are going to pummel the men stationed here. We are going to take back our archaeologist. And besides making the World Government look like the idiots they are in the process? We are going to burn this fucking island TO THE GODDAMN BEDROCK AND CAST IT INTO THE FUCKING ABYSS IT'S HANGING OVER, SENDING IT RIGHT BACK TO WHERE IT FUCKING BELONGS! WHO'S WITH ME!?"

"YEAH!" A chorus of warped and distorted voices cheered at once.

Whitey Bay and Squardo could only gape at the snail in mute awe, but though Ace mirrored their expressions for a moment, a different sort of look came into his eyes very quickly as he got to his feet.

"Set sail for Banaro Island."

The two other captains shot questioning glances his way.

"Ace?" Whitey asked.

"Cross said that Blackbeard would be on Banaro Island the next time Luffy's bounty shot up. If this doesn't make that happen, nothing will." The New World captains shot back when Ace suddenly burst into a bonfire. "It's time for Teach to pay for what he did to Thatch!" The Second Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirate shot a furious glare at his comrades. "WE SET SAIL NOW!"

-o-

"Now, rest assured, oh people of the world…" I chuckled into the mic I was clutching. "I won't just leave you all on that. Matter of fact, you're all going to get front row seats to the first act of true justice to occur on this island since its conception! I can't promise it will be uninterrupted, sadly, but I'll do my darndest to make this show as constant as possible. Don't touch those dials, listeners..." I rammed the mic back into its cradle, making sure that it was facing outwards and thus didn't hang up. "This is going to be the show of the century."

With that, I strode forward to stand alongside Usopp, Paulie and Zambai and join them in eyeing the sheer mass of people arrayed before us.

"So," I started. "What're we looking at here?"

"2,513 individual soldiers," Soundbite provided in an analytical tone. "1,708 Marine soldiers, 805 WORLD GOVERNMENT AGENTS." He then gained an impish grin. "Not counting those who are running away, OR THOSE SNIPERS WHOSE EARDRUMS I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF DEVASTATING."

"Good snail," I chuckled as I petted his shell.

"Best friend!" he cackled back as he preened from the attention.

"And on our side, we have two King Bulls, two giants, the fifty-five members of the Franky Family, two of Galley-La's foremen, the Straw Hat Pirates sans Straw Hat himself, and the four of us?" Paulie confirmed as he slowly wound coils of rope around his knuckles.

"Doesn't seem fair, does it?" Zambai asked morosely as he tapped his bazooka in his palm.

"No, it really doesn't," Usopp shook his head regretfully as he loaded up his Kabuto's pouch. "These poor bastards don't even stand a chance."

"Please…" I scoffed as I hefted Lassoo onto my shoulder with one hand and flicked my baton out with the other.

"You say that as though they ever did."

Xomniac AN: "What would be a good expression for a giant concentrating to fake an accent?" I never thought I'd find myself asking that question, and yet I nonetheless did while writing this chapter.

Hornet AN: Sorry for the delay. Real life issues again, on all of us but especially Xomniac.

Xomniac AN: Damn my family pulling me away for dinner, what's wrong with instant noodles, huh!? (Just kidding, love you mom, it was great to see you!)

Patient AN: *Rolls eyes.* Buuut it's still within seven days of our previous chapter, so I'm sure you're not too upset.

Hornet AN: August 3rd wasn't seven days ago.

Xomniac AN: Well then shit.

Patient AN: My mistake: it's still within fourteen days of our previous chapter, so we're not behind schedule this time.