Chapter 38 - Water 7 Pt 3 2/3

"Unfortunate," I conceded. "But with any luck the away team will bring it back with them and we'll be back in business before we reach Enies, so I'll be able to enact the next stage of what I've got planned."

"Cawe tah shawe juhst waht zis pwan of yours ish?" Carue asked in a doubtful tone.

"Mmm…" I hummed contemplatively as I considered the question before smiling innocently. "Nah! I think I'll keep it a surprise for now!"

The supersonic duck slapped a wing to his face with an exasperated groan. "Ah dunno what I wath exshpecting…"

"Nagagagaga!" Kokoro chortled. "I wouldn't expect anything else from him."

Carue huffed.

"Well!" Vivi announced. "Now that it seems like the only thing we have left to do is wait, anyone up for a game of gin rummy?"

I made to respond—

"LOOK OUT! AQUA LAGUNA, DEAD AHEAD!"

—and instead grinned eagerly. "Sorry, some other time. Right now, I'm much more interested in watching the kick-ass show that's about to happen! LUFFY! ZORO!" I called out, grabbing the attention of the two Monsters with us. "You're up! And for names, I suggest rounding it up to Three Hundred Pounds!"

"Right," the two nodded as they marched out to the engine.

I looked around at the rest of our crewmates. "Anyone else want in on this?"

"Eh…" Chopper tilted his head thoughtfully for a moment before shaking it in denial. "I'd better not. Sure, it'd be a great way to test my latest formula, but I think it'd be more prudent to conserve my ammunition until we hit the Lobby proper."

"Ditto," Usopp concurred.

The TDWS looked at Leo, who was sporting an uncomfortable grimace. "I would, but the fact is that I'm still sandbagging whenever Zoro can see me so that he doesn't crush me like a seashell."

"And I honestly do not have the firepower, so I'm right out, too," Lassoo muttered before rolling over and going back to sleep.

"Suit yourselves!" I shrugged as I jogged up to the engine. "But still, I suggest you guys keep an eye out! Things are about to get e~pi~c!"

With that, I ran out into the Rocketman's engine cabin, got a firm grip on a railing as I hung myself out the window… and promptly found myself at a loss for words.

"Hooooooly shit!"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

Well, any intelligent words, anyway, but honestly, it wasn't like it was my fault.

Aqua Laguna… geeze, where to even begin?

I… I suppose that the closest approximation that I can think of would be to call it an elemental variation of the Red Line. Where the Red Line replaced the horizon with pure stone, Aqua Laguna replaced it with water. Innumerable metric tons—not even gallons, tons—of ocean, rising up and rushing at us almost as fast as we were rushing at it. It could even be defined as grander, because unlike the Red Line, which held a majestic silence, Aqua Laguna came at us with an almighty roar that dwarfed any Sea King I'd ever heard in my life.

The simplest way to summarize it?

"I think we might have a few too many Devil Fruit users on board," I whispered around my face-splitting grin. "Because holy hell is the ocean fucking pissed off at us!"

"YA GOT THAT right, sonny boy!" Soundbite cackled eagerly.

"ALL HANDS, PREPARE TO FIRE! HURRY, OR ELSE IT'S GOING TO SWALLOW US WHOLE!"

However, it seemed like the Franky Family didn't quite share my enthusiasm for the wonders that our ever-abusive Mother Nature had to offer.

I snapped my fingers at Soundbite before twisting my head to look back at the Franky's trailer home. "BELAY THAT!" I bellowed out. "I TOLD YOU BEFORE, DON'T SHOOT AT THE WAVE! YOU'LL JUST BURN AMMUNITION FOR NOTHING!"

"WHAT!?" Zambai shouted back incredulously. "BUT IF OUR GUNS ARE USELESS, THEN HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THROUGH THIS DAMN THING!?"

"EASY! WE USE SOMETHING BETTER THAN ANY NUMBER OF GUNS AND CANNONS!"

"Gum-Gum—!"

"Three-Hundred Caliber—!

I snapped my focus back to the wave, my grin going from ear to ear and looking no doubt utterly demented. "A pissed off Luffy and Zoro working in tandem. Now, START TAKING PICTURES!"

"CANNON!"

I honestly think that the most impressive part of the attack wasn't the sound, but rather the sudden absence of sound that followed the attack. The roar of Rocket Man, the roar of Laguna, the roar of the storm—hell, there wasn't even a storm at this point, the sheer force of the cannon had blasted away all of the rain around us!

It really just went to show: Mother Nature was strong, sure… but we pirates, who braved her wrath on a daily basis for the fun of it? We outclassed her by a complete and utter factor. And that was clear for the duration of the time that Rocketman… well, rocketed along the track through the watery tunnel, split like the Red Sea all around us until, at last, we emerged on the other side.

Of course, the silence couldn't last forever, and was promptly broken by Zambai crying out in tearful euphoria. "WE SURVIVED!" he cheered. "WE ACTUALLY BEAT AQUA LAGUNA!"

"It's a good thing that we made friends with them, huh, Mozu?" Kiwi muttered from where she was staring out of the car. She then paused and glanced back at her sister before starting in shock when she caught sight of the green hue she'd adopted. "Mozu!?"

The other square sister shuddered in terror. "I-If it weren't for the SBS, the Straw Hats would have just been another pirate crew coming into Water 7… and then Zambai and his guys would have—!"

Kiwi paled in horror as she followed her sibling's logic. "So glad that we made friends with them," she repeated in a far more sickly tone.

I chuckled in amusement as I slid back to safety and started to walk back into the car—

"Why do you need our help?"

—before pausing as Paulie stepped in front of me, looking pensive and slightly confused.

"Not," he held his hand up placatingly. "That we wouldn't come anyway, we all want our pounds of flesh, but I'm just curious is all. Try and clear this up for me: why do you need our help when you guys are so strong already?"

I took a second to ponder that before shrugging indifferently. "Because strong as we are, Enies Lobby is a World Government installation garrisoned with several thousand troops. We need your help to take down them down because we can't handle an army on our own yet."

Paulie considered that for a second before nodding in understanding. "Yeah, alright, that's fair."

I nodded and continued walking away, then grinned when I heard Paulie choke behind me.

"Wait… 'yet'!?"

"We gon' be BADASSES?" Soundbite giggled ecstatically.

"Such badasses," I confirmed gleefully.

"But you already knew that."

Our attention was diverted to Nami, who was standing by the car door, a somewhat playful look on her face.

"After all, Wyvern," she nodded her head at me. "Managed to take down a whole ship of bounty hunters on his own, remember?"

"MMMYEAH," Soundbite hummed, nodding his head in agreement before grinning toothily. "BUT IT'S still nice to get confirmation, ya know?"

Nami rolled her eyes with an exasperated but nonetheless fond sigh. "Yeah, well, I guess…" She then focused her attention on me. "Still, speaking of confirmation, mind sharing what's coming up next?"

I glanced upward as I started to wrack my brains. However, I didn't get very far into my thoughts when Soundbite suddenly grinned eagerly.

"Oh oh oh, I GOT THIS ONE! Yo, T-Bone, how's the weather?"

"Rather horrible, I'm afraid, my dear Soundbite," T-Bone's groaning voice filtered throughout the car. "I'm soaked straight to the bone… though honestly, I suppose that's not saying much, is it?"

"Heh, skull-joke, nice!" I snickered.

"W-Wait, that's Captain T-Bone!?" Mozu yelped.

"That's not good!" Kiwi cried in panic. "That man's known as the Ship-Slasher! He's a Captain straight from HQ with a reputation for dismantling pirate ships with his blade alone, carving them apart like steaks! He's going to cut us to pieces!"

There was a brief instant of silence before Soundbite frowned grimly. "You're transmitting me to the whole of the train you pulled out of nowhere?" he asked testily.

"Ah, keep your shirt on and let me handle this," I scoffed, rolling my eyes before raising my voice. "Alright, listen up everyone! Yes, that is Captain T-Bone of Marine HQ, but do not worry. He's an ally of ours and he's not going to hack us to pieces. Don't worry, we're safe. Just make sure not to spread the fact that we do know him…" I grinned malefically. "Or else he really will hunt you down and hack you to pieces."

T-Bone sighed wearily as the non-Straw Hats in the car clamped their hands over their mouths. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't turn me into a boogeyman, Cross."

"But your face makes it so easy~!" I sang.

"Mmrph…" T-Bone grunted before his expression became solemn. "I'd also appreciate it if you didn't make promises that you can't keep."

I blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

Cold sweat suddenly started trailed down Soundbite's body. "AH, CROSS? I just noticed something. THERE ARE THREE TRAIN CARS FLOATING FREE UP AHEAD…" The trail of sweat evolved into a cascade. "But T-Bone's still on the tracks!"

"EH!?" I squawked in shock. "What-!? T-Bone, what the hell do you think you're playing at!?"

"I am truly sorry, Jeremiah Cross," T-Bone intoned in a voice not unlike a funeral dirge. "But I have no choice. So long as you and yours make for Enies Lobby, I have no other choice but to oppose you."

"Are you kidding me!?" I demanded, jerking Soundbite off my shoulder and into my palm so that I look him in the eye. "Then what the hell happened to MI5, huh, to defending justice, righteousness!? Was that all a lie!?"

"Do not mistake my intentions, Jeremiah!" the captain barked back with just as much heat. "This is not a matter of morality, your righteousness was never in question! This is a matter of strength! Strength of body, strength of will, strength of conviction, nothing more and nothing less!"

I balked in confusion, and Nami and I exchanged hesitant looks before she spoke up. "What… exactly are you talking about?"

T-Bone snorted grimly. "I am sorry, Miss Navigator, but Jeremiah Cross is an integral factor in our crusade! Like or not, whether we shall succeed or fail rests upon his survival! And now he makes for the lion's den…" He bowed his head apologetically. "I am sympathetic to your plight, truly I am, but you now make for the lion's den at all speeds and I… I cannot let you continue any further! At least…" He looked back up, and I swear to God I felt a paper cut on my finger just from that gaze. "Not without a test! RORONOA ZORO!" he suddenly roared at the top of his lungs. "I KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME! PRESENT YOURSELF AT ONCE!"

Soundbite provided Zoro's reaction from where he stood on the nose of the train, cocking his eyebrow flatly. "What do you want?" he asked.

T-Bone ground his teeth. "Roronoa, your crew's cause is just, but your destination is beyond perilous! As such, I have no choice but to test you all! The strength of your blade will determine whether or not you are truly worthy of continuing your quest, or if your endeavor was doomed from the start! FROM ONE SWORDSMAN TO ANOTHER, I CHALLENGE YOU! EARN YOUR RIGHT TO CONTINUE YOUR QUEST TO SAVE YOUR COMRADE, OR RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!"

Zoro didn't even hesitate to grin savagely. "As if I would ever say—!"

"WAIT!"

Everyone looked around in surprise for a few seconds, at least, up until a Dugong clad in a blue bandanna strode forward.

"I'll take you on," Leo announced. Zoro's reaction was merely to raise an eyebrow. Everyone else… not so much. The rest of the TDWS were particularly vocal.

"Leo, what the hell—!?" Raphey spat.

"Dude, are you insane!?" Mikey squawked.

"Leo, if Boss finds out about this—!" Donny started to protest.

Leo weathered them all for a second with a clenched jaw—

"SHUUUT UUUP!"

Before throwing his head back and roaring at the top of his lungs, killing any remaining protests in their respective throats.

The Dugong huffed for a second as he got his breath back before speaking. "Now listen up, all of you," he snarled as he cast a glare about. "Let me make this clear… if Zoro fights that captain, right here and right now, then he will win, we will move on…" He jabbed his 'finger' at Soundbite. "And it will all mean absolutely nothing!"

T-Bone gave Leo a flat look. "What are you talking about, Dugong?"

"I'm talking about the fact that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link," Leo growled firmly. "Zoro can beat you, sure, but what will that prove, that one of our strongest is strong enough? No." He shook his head. "It would be utterly pointless! You want to duel with a swordsman? You want to see how strong we truly are? Then you'll fight me!" Leo slammed his fist into his chest before adopting a scowl. "And besides… this was my fight from the second you uttered your challenge."

He slapped his flipper on the floor of the car. "For the duration of this voyage, this Sea Train is our ship, and we Dugongs are the ships' guards! It is our duty to protect this train with all that we are, and all that we have to give! If I cannot stop you, if I cannot fulfill my duty…" Leo flung his fist out furiously. "THEN WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO CHALLENGE ENIES LOBBY!"

Stunned silence fell—or as silent as you could get in the middle of a storm like this—for the next half minute. Then Luffy broke it.

"Do you think you can win, Leo?" he asked seriously.

The Dugong jerked his head with an indignant snort. "I know I can,"

"Well, then, you'd better get up here, because I can see the Steak-Man!"

A pause, and then a chorus of facepalms rang out. Even Zoro could be heard slapping a hand to his face.

"We really should have seen that one coming," Usopp groused.

Nonetheless, Leo swiftly pulled himself together and nodded firmly. "I'm on my way." With that, he leapt to a window—

"…go, Leo, go…"

And paused when a soft voice sounded out. He twisted his head around to stare at the source.

Mikey met Leo's gaze before slowly pumping his fist and speaking again. "Go, Leo, go," he repeated solemnly.

Raphey and Donny gaped at Mikey for a second before glancing at one another and then gaining determined expressions of their own. "Go, Leo, go," they chorused with Mikey, pumping their fists in synch with him.

Chopper, Usopp and Carue joined in for the next round. "Go, Leo, go."

The Square Sisters entered on the next, adding a degree of energy to the cheer. "Go, Leo, go!"

Then came the Galley-La employees, with Tilestone's bellowing amping it up by another factor. "Go, Leo, go!"

And finally the Franky Family as a whole joined their voices to the chorus, turning it into a straight-up roar. "GO, LEO, GO! GO, LEO, GO! GO, LEO, GO!"

Nami winced and dug a finger into her ear. "Good grief, they're loud…" she mumbled.

"Gotta admit it's pretty epic, though, right?" I said.

Our navigator allowed the corner of her lips to quirk up. "Well, I never said that it wasn't…"

I chuckled a bit before turning my attention to Leo, who was still balancing in the window, and I couldn't help but feel my heart swell at the sight of the tears shining in his eyes. Sadly, I only got a glimpse of them before he blinked them away in favor of a gaze of pure steel before flipping out of the window and up to the roof.

I cackled eagerly as I ripped my jacket's hood up and shoved Soundbite onto my shoulder. "Oh, no way in hell am I missing out on this!" And with that, I ran out between the engine and the car and climbed up onto the roof.

The sheer Gs of being on the roof of a speeding train? Insane.

The rain and seaspray whipping into me? Freezing as all hell.

The effort required to stay standing on the slick steel surface of the Rocketman without falling into the drink? Impossible if not for Zoro's training and the convenient smokestack to cling to.

The scene of complete and utter epicness arrayed before me?

Worth it in more ways than I can possibly describe.

"IS THIS ANOTHER OF YOUR MASTER'S ROMANCES, YOUNG DUGONG?" T-Bone roared over the raging of the ocean. Squinting ahead, I could barely make out his gaunt form on the tracks.

"NO!" Leo shouted back, tightening his bandana's knot as he balanced on Rocketman's nose. "TO DEFEND ONE'S HONOR AT ALL COSTS, AND TO PUT ONE'S LIFE ON THE LINE FOR THE SAKE OF ONE'S FRIENDS IS NOT A MATTER OF A MAN'S ROMANCE! RATHER!" In a flash of movement and steel, the Dugong drew his blades and slammed them together, one blade held horizontal before his face, while the other was twisted into a vertical position so that the blades formed a cross of steel. "IT IS A MATTER OF A MAN'S PRIDE!"

T-Bone snorted as he drew his blade up and positioned it horizontally over his brow. "SMOOTH SOARING BIRD: BONE…!"

Leo tensed even further. "Two Sword Style..." He whispered to himself, audible only with Soundbite's aid.

The Captain uncoiled in a single smooth motion, sending a wave of pure force ripping through the air as it swooped and spun towards us at absolutely insane speeds. "PHOENIX!"

The Dugong swordsman stood firm even as the attack came ever closer, eyes squeezed shut and teeth grit…

Until the attack was a few feet away, at which point he snapped his eyes open… and they blazed.

"Cross of the Baptist."

In the space of an instant, Leo moved.

And in that same instant, T-Bone's attack was annihilated, and the Captain himself sent flying through the air, blood flying from both his slack jaws and the cross-shaped slash carved clear through his armor and into his chest.

I winced sympathetically even as I felt a surge of satisfaction.

"Brutal…" Soundbite whispered in awe.

Leo panted as he let his swords hang slack before drawing himself upright and slowly spinning his blades into his sheathes. "Thank you, Captain T-Bone…" he whispered breathlessly before sliding his blades the rest of the way in. "For justifying my position on this crew."

CLONK!

"YEOW!" Leo snapped his flippers to his skull when Luffy and Zoro rapped their fists over it. "WHAT THE HELL, BASTARDS!"

"That was for doubting your right to be on my crew!" Luffy snorted indignantly.

"And for holding back," Zoro added, paralyzing the Dugong with his frigid glare. "When this is all said and done, we're going at it on Water 7 and we're not stopping until you've given me everything you've got. Got it?"

The only response Leo could muster was a pained whimper.

I chuckled as I watched Leo shrink back from Zoro before sliding back down to the engine and car coupling. Well, that was sufficiently epic. Now, to get out of these sopping-soaked clothes and—!

I paused midway through taking my hat off and stared thoughtfully at it for a second before grinning madly and running into the car.

"Hey, Usopp!" I called out, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Got a rush job for you, priority one, ASAP!"

-o-

"Alright, beret girl," Franky said, cracking his knuckles. "Are you ready?"

"You keep asking that question. I'm starting to wonder if it means what you think it means," Conis dryly replied.

The cyborg cocked an eyebrow in interest. "Huh. Sarcasm. I didn't think a sweet girl like you had it in her."

Conis pointedly spun one of her pistols around her finger. "I'm a trained commando armed to the teeth who has a fox as a companion. I've got it in me, I just keep it buried."

"Su su~!" Su yipped proudly.

Franky shrugged as he flipped his palm open. "Fair enough. Alright, go in three."

Conis spun to face the door and raised her leg. "Three."

SMASH!

The door shot out of its frame like a cannon… and only got a scant few feet before being reduced to sawdust.

Franky and Conis darted into the car behind the door, and they had their weapons up and ready just as the cloud was starting to settle.

When the dust cleared, it revealed that all four Cipher Pol agents ready and waiting with guns in hand and aimed at the pirates, with Robin standing in the corner behind them.

All in all, it was a perfectly textbook Mexican standoff… save for a single detail.

"Why are you all pointing your guns at me?" Conis protested in a tone that was dangerously close to a whine, in spite of nearly a half-dozen firearms being pointed at varying parts of her body.

"Because Franky's bulletproof," Kaku deadpanned.

"SUPER bulletproof, squarenose!" Franky barked with an indignant scowl. "Tsk, you never did say it right…"

"Well, while we're being honest, I'd like to throw my own hat in the ring," Kalifa spoke up. "Do us all a favor and get over that mountain you call an ego, you puffed-up gorilla."

Franky glowered for a second more before smirking wryly. "Y'know, maybe you should take Cross' advice and try being more bubbly," he remarked.

Kalifa looked as though she'd bitten into a lemon… or a Devil Fruit. "I would sooner kiss that bastard than take his advice."

Kaku smirked slightly. "I'll second—!"

"Enough."

Kalifa and Kaku's expressions promptly wiped themselves clean as Lucci's voice all but whipped through the air.

The lead agent eyed the two pirates. "Surrender now and you will be taken in alive. Resist, and you will be terminated."

Franky scoffed as he cracked his head to the side. "Two things. A: if Cross was right about even one layer of Impel Down—and there is a SUPER amount of evidence to support that!—then death is better than being taken alive. And B: those Iron Bodies of yours are pretty SUPER, sure, I know that better than anyone…" Franky grinned malevolently as he raised his scope to his eyeline and twisted his wrist, causing the scope's focus to zero in. "But one flaw I couldn't ever fix in me were the eyes. You guys have any better luck?"

Kaku, Kalifa and Blueno flinched infinitesimally, all of them instinctively snapping one of their eyes shut.

Lucci, however, remained entirely unfazed as he stared down Franky's barrel. "I would advise against such a course of action."

"And why would that be?" Conis asked testily as she alternated her targets.

"Because if you should harm any of us…" Lucci stepped aside, and Conis and Franky tensed at the sight that was revealed. "Then these two will die."

Boss and Sanji were lying prone on the ground, each held down by a dozen autonomous arms and both with a significant number of the limbs wrapped around their necks.

"Sorry, my dear Conis," Sanji wept somewhat dramatically. "We ran into something of a snag."

[Snag nothing!] Boss barked indignantly. [What we ran into is a hostile fucking host—GRK!] The Dugong was cut off by a foot stamping his face into the carpet.

"Be quiet," Kalifa ordered.

"What happened to Robin's condition to not go after any of us?" Conis growled.

"You're the ones who came after us. Therefore, your argument is irrelevant," Blueno replied tonelessly.

"And they won't harm you if you just go!" Robin insisted with more than a little desperation. "Just leave me! This is my choice! If you all were to sacrifice yourselves for my sake, then my life…" She hugged herself with a desperate shudder. "Then my life would have no meaning…"

"As Straw Hat would say, for someone so smart, you're really stupid, Nico Robin," Franky said.

Robin was silent for a moment before smiling tearfully. "And as Cross would no doubt say… love and fear make people do stupid things."

"Enough with the semantics." Lucci's voice chopped through the conversation like a guillotine. "For now, it would seem as though we are at an impasse."

Silence fell for a single second before Robin spoke again, her head bowed. "Please just leave. You'll be safe if you just do the right thing and leave me," she begged.

Conis shook her head. "I'm sorry, Robin, but we can't do—"

Clink-clink!

All noise in the car stopped as the tinkling sound of glass drew everyone's attention to the center of the room, where a smoking vial was rolling to a halt.

"Su su~!" Su announced triumphantly as she spread her paws in the closest approximation to peace signs she could manage.

Rob Lucci scowled darkly. "Oh, you little—!"

FWOOM!

The pink smokescreen that exploded into the car a moment later drowned out the remainder of Lucci's words, along with the barrage of gunfire that blasted out as everyone fired their guns at once.

"Damn it, I can't see worth shit!"

"Stop them, now!"

"Easy for you to say, not all of us are Zoans!"

"Gah, who just bit me!?"

[My bad!]

"Agh! No, let go of me!"

"I got her! Now come on, let's get out of here! 1.5 COLA! COUP DE—!"

"Look out, he's going to use—!"

"BOO!"

PPPHHBBBT!

"OH, THAT IS RANK! WHAT THE HELL, FRANKY!?"

"Ugh… fuck this, I need a smoke."

"NO, WAIT, DON'T—!"

CLI—KA-BOOM!

The resultant explosion blasted the train car in half, launching the Cipher Pol agents into the half still attached to the train engine, while the Straw Hats landed in the other half.

"I'm sorry, Sanji…" Conis groaned as she lifted her dust-clogged goggles from her eyes. "But that was not your brightest moment."

"In my defense…" the cook pointed into the air with a slight slur. "I might or might not have gotten kicked in the head a few times. And it's also all Franky's fault."

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" the Cyborg scoffed as he stood up. He then grinned triumphantly as he realized that he was still carrying someone under his arm. "And I mean it all worked! We got Nico Robin! How's that for SUPER?"

"How'd you find her, anyways?" Conis questioned.

"Eh, just grabbed the first person with breasts and no wings that I could find. Though…" Franky frowned in confusion. "It's weird, I coulda sworn that she was bigger…"

"That's sexual harassment."

Franky's eyes shot wide in terror. "Oh, shi—!"

THWOCK!

"Hoorgh!" His words devolved into a pained groan as he folded around the elbow Kalifa had buried in his gut.

The pirates all stared in horror as the blonde agent stood up and dusted herself off.

"B-But if she's here—!" Conis stammered.

"Then it means that you all have lost," Kalifa confirmed. An instant after she finished speaking, a thorn-like whip snapped from the other half of the car a few metres away and wrapped itself around the other half.

"Owowowowow!" Kaku winced as he struggled to hold the cars together, the whip digging through his Iron Body. "How do you even use this thing, dagnabbit?!"

"It's all in the grip," Kalifa called over her shoulder. She then affixed Franky with a glare. "Now, as for you—!" She proceeded to slam her heel into the Cyborg's jaw, launching him to the side… and through a door that had opened into the air and into Blueno's waiting arms.

"In case it bears repeating…" Kalifa adjusted her glasses as she started to step through the door herself. "You are under arrest."

"And just where do you think you're going?" Conis demanded as she clawed her way to her feet, legs shaking as they did their utmost best to support both her and her bazooka, while Boss forced his way into a tentative kneeling position with his fist.

"To Enies Lobby, of course." Kalifa tossed her hair as she turned to leave. "You're free to follow us if you so choose, but honestly, if you have any respect for your crewmate?" She gripped the edge of the 'doorway'. "Stay away."

Boss leapt forwards, Conis was flung on her ass as she fired…

And both missed spectacularly as the door slammed shut.

An instant later, a door opened in the air on the remaining traincar, disgorging its three occupants and prompting Kaku to release the whip he was clutching.

In a matter of seconds, the Puffing Tom was almost a mile away and all the pirates could do was stare.

Boss ground his cigar between his teeth for a moment before slowly starting to sign. {We're going after them, right?}

"Damn straight," Sanji bit out darkly before shaking his head with a sigh. "Damn it… the only thing I regret is that we weren't able to do anything more damaging in the process…"

Conis started to nod in agreement as she stood back up, before pausing as she noticed something, and then grinned ecstatically. "Actually," she spoke up in a much lighter tone. "I'm pretty sure we've managed to accomplish something that's going to do a lot of damage to the World Government."

"Oh, yeah?" Sanji asked as he and Boss turned their heads. "Whaaaa… ooooh…" he trailed off as he caught sight of what she was looking at.

"Su," the fox said smugly, her paw resting on a familiar leather bag.

"I think that Cross will be happy to have this back," Conis stated.

-o-

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" I repeated ecstatically as I swung a somewhat dizzy Conis around.

"He-e-e's ha-a-appy…!" Conis got out in a bit of a groan.

"Really happy," Su snickered from where she was safely perched on a nearby bench.

"Really, really happy," Yokozuna croaked out from beside one of the windows he was watching through.

"Extremely happy," Kokoro agreed.

"Sooo happy!" I repeated as I redoubled my grip on our gunner.

"My spine!"

"Ooooo-kay, happy man,"

"YEOW!" I yelped, dropping Conis as a result of Nami suddenly giving my ear a hard yank.

"No paralyzing our crewmates," she deadpanned.

"No rendering us deaf either, damn it!" I yowled miserably.

"Technically, losing an ear would only maim you; so long as your eardrum was left uninjured—!"

"NOT HELPING, CHOPPER!"

"Alright, as amusing as this is," Boss interrupted, staring at me. "I know that you want it to be her story to tell, but now that we're back with you all and we've got a chance, would you mind clarifying just what the hell her freaking malfunction is!?"

"Ah…" I glanced at him hesitantly.

"Seriously, Cross, I tried to talk her into coming back, and the more I went on, the more she withdrew." Boss grimaced uncomfortably. "I've seen it before in the older members of the clan, but this…" He shook his head with a haunted look. "At the lowest point, she was curled up and laughing in a way that made my blood freeze. I've seen some shit, but that was… like nothing I've even heard of."

"A traumatic flashback," Chopper decided. "They must know whatever she went through and are using some sort of stimulus from it to coerce her. The sheer fear of the trauma is overriding all logic, so she's acting irrationally in a manner that makes sense to her. In a manner of speaking… she's gone temporarily insane." A concerned expression spread across her face. "But the sheer degree of trauma you're describing… I've only ever heard of it in the case of war survivors or the worst kind of child abuse…"

I sighed as everyone's eyes fell on me—and I mean everyone's—but ultimately, I reasoned that since Aokiji had given away some of it, I could afford to give away a little more. But no more than I needed to.

"Those in the Marine Corps who have obtained the rank of Admiral are granted the authority to use the Marines' ultimate weapon, known as the Buster Call. Once the authorization signal is sent, the Marines will send five Vice Admirals and ten battleships to the designated location… and said location will be summarily obliterated. No mercy, no restraint, no discrimination, just pure destruction. Once all is said and done, all that's left is a lifeless rock that will not be included in the following year's maps. All records wiped, all memories erased. They kill the island, full stop." I grabbed the brim of my hat and tilted it down solemnly. "At the age of eight… Robin had a front row seat to the onslaught, in all its horrific glory."

I shook my head at everyone's horrified expressions. "Spandam, the Chief of CP9, has in his possession the means through which to send the signal. Maybe Aokiji gave it to him, maybe he stole it, but it doesn't really matter in the end; the mere threat of him pushing that button is all that's needed to bring Robin's trauma screaming back to the fore and shut down every logical part of her brain." I scowled grimly. "If we're going to snap Robin out of it and get her back on our side, we're going to need to do something drastic." I grinned confidently. "The good news on that front, however, is that I've got the perfect stunt in mind."

I moved to sit down—

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!"

"GAH!"

When I was suddenly accosted by a ballistic ball of white fuzz latching onto my collar and snarling into my face.

"This jackass has been screwing with us and dangling morsels of knowledge before us for as long as we've known him, and my patience is at an end!" Su bit out viciously. "Either you talk and you talk right goddamn now, or I will take your damn snail and turn it inside out for answers!"

"TRY IT, puffball!" Soundbite snarled, snapping his jaws for emphasis.

I opened my mouth to refuse before slowly shutting it as I thought better of the idea. I'd said that I would settle for telling everyone else sooner if worst came to worst, and it seemed that it had. And this was the calmest things were going to get before we hit Enies, so…

"I was hoping to tell Robin at the same time, but considering that at this point, that would require waiting until we got back to Water 7…" I gently peeled a suddenly compliant Su off of my chest and handed her off to Conis. "Fine, you've waited long enough. Everyone who's not part of the crew, please give us some space. This is the kind of intel that'll either drive you mad, land you in a looney bin, or get you killed."

The Galley-La foremen, Zambai, and the Square Sisters complied, exiting to the roof of the train car and the Franky Family's floating trailer. Regardless, it would pay to have extra security. I nodded to Soundbite, noise filled the air, and then I began the talk the same way I had when we left Drum. "Have any of you ever heard of the multiverse theory?"

Unsurprisingly, the only one to raise his hand—or flipper, in this case—was Donny. "I heard about that when I was eavesdropping on a few scientists who came through Nanohana! Something about there being infinite other worlds out there for everything that could happen. Like, in one world, we may have never met Boss, and in another, Eneru may have killed us—"

"And in another," I cut in before he could build up steam. "There may be a completely different history from the dawn of time, to the point that there was never a Grand Line, a Pirate King, or a World Government. Heck, maybe even most of the landmass in the world was on seven continents instead of countless islands."

"Ah..." Donny blinked curiously. "Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Simple," Su remarked, drawing everyone's attention. "He wouldn't give such a detailed description of a world unless it were his world."

I chuckled in response to her reasoning and everyone else's incredulity. "To quote Satori, 'it would appear that the sayings about the intelligence of foxes are true'."

"Eh, more logic than anything," Su said dismissively before tilting her head, her expression still inscrutable. "But that raises more questions than answers. If you're from another world, then by all rights, you should know nothing about ours. But instead, you know far more than most people, even the most informed. How is that possible?"

"It's simple, really," I smirked almost bitterly. "Let's continue our… little hypothetical from earlier. Imagine, if you will, that in that other world, a man, an average, everyday—GRK, OWOWOW!" I suddenly cut off as a migraine hit me like a sledgehammer. "M-Make that glorious and beyond talented superhuman?" I tried desperately.

I sighed in relief when the pain went away. Well, looks like 'Goda' is alive and well. That or B.R.O.B. is a diehard fan. "Anyways… imagine that that person began to publish a comic book, and said comic book happened to portray another world. For the sake of conversation, let's say it's about a world fraught with impossibilities and oceans and islands, that a very specific crew was traveling. Imagine that that comic book grew to be incredibly popular all over the world. Imagine that some fans of it even thought about how awesome it would be to live in that world, and wished that they could go there."

I looked up at them, smiling sheepishly as I scratched the back of my head. "And imagine that one fan with a big mouth happened to say that within earshot of a real Bastard of a Random Omnipotent Being, who immediately granted the wish, and marooned him on an uninhabited island in that world where he met a Transponder Snail that ate the Noise-Noise Fruit."

Boss was looking at me with wide eyes, his cigar fallen from his mouth, and Donny and Leo had similar expressions. Even Su seemed surprised.

"Uh… what's your point?" Conis asked.

"I don't get it either," Raphey and Mikey chorused.

I facepalmed with a weary sigh. "Boss, Su, I believe you know the appropriate course of action here."

CLONK-CLONK! SMACK!

"Oww…" Mikey and Raphey moaned, nursing the goose eggs on their scalps.

"That hurt, Su," Conis said in frustration, rubbing her right temple where Su had tail-whipped her.

"You three deserved that," Zoro said with a shake of his head. "Luffy's the only one on the crew who has any right to be that thick."

"Hey!" Luffy cut in. "I'm not that thick!"

"You kept trying to eat those pink clouds we ran into a while back even after you fell through them," Zoro countered.

"But they looked soooo good! Like cotton candy!"

"He's saying that it's not a hypothetical situation, morons," Boss clarified, pointedly ignoring Luffy. "He's the one who got dropped here by that Random Omnipotent Bastard or whatever it was, and he knows so much because he read the story about this world. Specifically, the story about this damn crew."

"Exactly," I said. "The story was far from finished when I got sent here, so I don't know everything that's going to happen." I grimaced nervously. "Especially now that I've started the SBS. I'm just lucky that it would take something seriously warped to throw off the basic outline of the story, so I can still use what knowledge I do have to help our journey however I can. Obviously," I indicated the train car around us. "That doesn't always work out as well as I'd hope."

"So… you're stuck in this world?" Conis clarified hesitantly.

I shrugged indifferently. "B.R.O.B. said that I'd be able to travel between my world and this one whenever I want… after Luffy becomes the Pirate King. Though mind you!" I promptly stuck my finger in the air. "I'm not part of the crew to guarantee that, that was already a foregone conclusion before I joined and not due to Luffy being the protagonist, that's for damn sure—!"

"Never doubted it," the erstwhile uninformed stated in unison.

I smiled in relief before scowling. "But in the meantime, I'm expected to keep it entertained during our voyage, and I don't have any room to ask for favors since it gave me the transceiver. But, while I'm thinking about it…" I snapped a glare upwards. "I can't believe I'm doing this, but… look, a bargain is different from a favor, alright? Quid pro quo in whatever capacity I can give! And after coming this far, after doing this much…" I snapped my hand into a trembling white fist. "I'm willing to try making one if it means I can save Merry. So… you game?"

Silence for a moment. Then a window blasted open out of nowhere and a note slapped me in the face. Pulling it off with nary a flinch, I scanned over the words and exhaled wearily. "'Just do what you do, and maybe if I'm amused enough, I'll give you half a chance. Otherwise, you'll have to go through what Prince Bellett did if you want to save her.'"

"Who's that, Cross?" Luffy asked curiously.

I opened my mouth to reply, but paused, frowning in confusion. "…Actually, I'm not sure. Sounds like he could be from either here or my world…?"

An unnoticed half of the paper suddenly unfolded. I scanned over it, paled, and promptly folded the paper back up. "Right!" I said in a too-high-pitched voice. "I might love Merry, but I sure as hell don't love her that much. Hope for the best, plan for the worst, agreed?"

"What kind of attitude is that, Cross?" Boss barked indignantly, waddling right up to me with the Monster Trio close behind him, their expressions thunderous. "You said you swore to do anything you had to, and if that's the only way—"

I shoved the note in their direction. The captain and the three toughest people in the crew, at least as far as emotions went, scanned over the paper once before they paled as well. Boss then began shredding the paper in the most efficient and complete manner possible.

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Agreed," he mumbled in a dull tone as he tossed the paper scraps out the window, with Zoro, Luffy and Sanji nodding along, and everyone else too scared to not accept.

"Right!" I barked as I slammed my hands together in an attempt to force things forwards. "Now, that's my secret told. Unfortunately, however, if you're hoping for some knowledge on what I've seen about you, I don't have much to offer; none of you were with the crew in the story. You only joined due to my interference."

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm sort of wondering about way back when we first joined the crew," Raphey spoke up. "When Soundbite gave us our group's name, and you complained about sanity—?"

"And what about my voice, eh?" Su concurred eagerly. "Who's… Vulpix, was it?"

"That can wait until after we've burned Enies Lobby to ash and gotten our archaeologist back," I stated, my tone brooking no argument. "Anything else critical, or shall we get to strategy planning?"

RATATATATATAT!

I snapped my gaze upwards in aggravated confusion as the sound of an intense gunfight erupted from the roof of our train. "Oh, what the hell now?"

"GUYS, LOOK—!" Zambai suddenly bellowed.

SMASH!

Before another window suddenly imploded, allowing a gun-toting otter and vulture to barge into the car.