Chapter 36 - Water 7 Pt 1 2/2

"Challenge accepted. Alright, anyways, moving on. People of the world, a while back I promised to speak on the topic I will share with you today, a very important one at that, and considering that I've got a lot more time on my hands now, it is my opinion that I may as well dive on into it. Today's topic? The fishmen. Or rather, both fishmen and merfolk… and tolerance."

The three sisters promptly stiffened in shock as every iota of their attention was locked on to the snail, ignoring even the slight tingles of fire and pain they felt dancing on their backs.

"Now, for those of you who know of this crew's reputation from before we created the SBS, you may find it strange that I would want to speak favorably of fishmen, considering what happened with Arlong. In response to you who wonder that, it's the same standards that I go by with pirates and Marines: one fragment is not necessarily a fair representation of the whole. Which actually brings me around to the central point of this particular discussion: explaining just why we hate one another, when in the end, we're all exactly the same. …Heh, I imagine that I just confused a lot of people, considering how the entire topic is based around our differences, huh? Let me try and explain what I'm talking about."

-o-

"Well, let's start with defining our differences, so that you can understand why defining their species by them is, frankly, ridiculous. Fishmen and Merfolk are, as their names so clearly imply, part fish. Sometimes the traits that define them as such are blatantly obvious, such as tails, fins, gills, extra limbs, and so on and so forth. They've developed martial arts styles that let them manipulate water as they like, they're physically stronger by about ten times than any normal human—though considering the Grand Line, let's be honest, that's not saying much—and, of course, most poignant and definitive of all, they can survive underwater as easily, if not better than, if they were on land. When you put all that together, you get a person who's nothing at all like an average human, don't you? Someone who can do the impossible and who looks completely different, right? Well, see… I can actually name humans just like that: Devil Fruit users."

"What does he mean, Martin? Devil Fruit users can't swim—" asked a young blue tang fishgirl.

"Shh! Quiet, Lori, we'll get in trouble if we get caught!" hissed an older and much more serious clownfish fishboy, who took the time to glance out into the darkened streets of the Fishman District and guarantee that yes, nobody with a very specific tattoo was around to see them. "Why do you think we're listening to this in an alleyway?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, if Hody's guys find us they'll crack our skulls together, but still—!"

"He'll probably explain, now shush!"

"Allow me to clarify a bit: Devil Fruit users are capable of incredible, impossible feats, things beyond the capabilities of even fishmen, and yet… we still treat them as human. Why? Because they look like every other human? Because intellectually, we know that they were born human? In case you haven't noticed, there's a rather spectacular double-standard going on here: we hate fishmen for being different, but we don't hate Devil Fruit users in spite of them being different. Well, there are admittedly a few people who see people with Abilities as monsters, but I'm fairly certain those are just uneducated hicks, or the user in question has earned that reputation, so I'm counting them as exceptions. Anyway, where was I…"

"Yeah, where was he?"

"Lori, have you been skipping your pills again?"

"They make my head spin!"

"They make your head work!"

"Ah, right, now I remember!" Cross chuckled sheepishly. "Now then, now that I've defined just how we're different let me tell you how we're similar. Let's start from the most simple: we're all made of the same stuff. Same flesh, same bone, same blood. We bleed the same, we breathe the same, half the time anyways, and we eat the same. When it comes to lifestyle, they're still the same: they live, they love… and they even hate. Yes, some fishmen, like Arlong or those like him, hate humans just as much as some humans hate fishmen. But the question is… why do we hate each other? As I've just pointed out, our differences aren't all that pressing, while our similarities are through the roof! Come the final tally… we're all one and the same. So… why? Why do our species hate each other so thoroughly?"

"Hey, he's actually got a good point," the blue tang fishgirl pointed out.

The clownfish glanced out of the alleyway for a second before gesturing for her to go on.

"Well, Hody and his guys always tell us that humans are bad and junk, right? But I've never even really seen a human, and I don't think I've ever heard about humans doing anything to them either, and from what I've been hearing via the SBS they actually sound pretty cool! So…" Lori tilted her head in confusion. "Why do Hody and his guys say we have to hate him?"

Martin opened his mouth to respond, then slowly closed it without a word.

"Now, before I go on, I'll readily admit that a good number of fishmen and merfolk have every reason to hate our race due to what I described the last time I mentioned fishmen: slavery. I won't go into the specifics, but it's a long and bloody history that's justified hatred for the human race among any who went through that hell, or knows someone who did. And I'll readily admit that I have no point of reference for how they feel, so what I'm saying here may not be all that reasonable. But even so, the fact is that for every fishmen that's been enslaved, there are still others who haven't. There's a new generation who haven't ever met the other race, who should have no grudge against them, but are still being told that they must hate them anyway. There are fishmen who've never met humans, and humans who have never met fishmen… and yet, they know with all their hearts that they must hate one another without mercy. Why do they hate each other, if they've never even met each other? If they have no personal grudges? The answer is simple… yet horrifying."

The fish-children leaned in close, listening intently.

"They hate one another… for the sheer sake of hatred itself."

Lori opened her mouth to say something…

"Oi, you two."

And then she and Martin both froze as a pair of hands clamped down on their heads and a sickeningly familiar voice sounded behind them.

"Tell me…"

The children's heads were turned against their will, forcing them to stare down the leering beak of the New Fishman Pirates' primary recruiter.

"What the hell…" Hammond hissed viciously. "Do you think you're doin'?"

Martin swallowed heavily, fighting to keep his bladder under control. "N-N-Nothin'… j-just killing time…"

"Y-Yeah, yeah!" Lori nodded frantically in agreement.

"Oh, really, now?" Hammond slowly cocked his eyebrow. "Because it looks to me…" He turned their heads back to stare at the snail. "Like you two're listening to that human drivel that Captain Hody outlawed from the Fishman District. After all, the last thing any decent fishman needs to waste their time on is listening to a human."

"W-W-We're sorry…" Lori whimpered tearfully.

"Heh…" Hammond's leer widened by several teeth. "Funny thing, that. The last bloke we caught listening to this garbage, he was sorry too. Pleaded and pleaded, but he said he liked listening to the damn thing." The pike conger fishman leaned in close to the kids so that he was hissing in their ears. "Ya know what we did to him?"

Martin's eyes shot wide in panic. "Nonono, please don't, we'll never listen again, we promise, we—!"

"That's right!" Hammond crowed as he forced the clownfish-kid forward so that he was face to face with his borrowed Transponder Snail. "Since he said he liked the human's words so much, we made him eat them. Rather clever play on words, that. Came up with it myself, made the boss laugh, all poetic and junk. And would ya look at that! This here source of words is an adult one! That's good!" He forced Lori forward as well so that she was side by side with Martin. "That means that you two can share."

"Nononono—!"/"Please, I-I'll do anything, just leave her alone, please—!"

"Ah, will you two shaddup already?" Hammond shook his head with an aggravated growl. "You kids don't seem to understand here: either you prove that you're actually sorry about listening to that garbage…" He cracked his neck side to side. "Or we make certain that you never listen to it agai—GRK!"

The New Fishman Pirate's diatribe was suddenly cut off by a massive blue hand encircling his throat and crushing his windpipe shut.

"Let. Them. Go."

Hammond promptly complied, whipping his hands away from the kids' heads in favor of scrabbling at the fingers that were choking the life out of him.

The blue-skinned whale shark fishman glared bloody murder at the conger fishman for a second before sparing the children a concerned glance. "Are you two alright?"

Martin and Lori nodded in confirmation.

"That's good," Jinbe sighed in relief before putting a finger up. "Please be patient for a moment." He then darkened his expression as he lifted Hammond off the ground and twisted his grip so that he could stare him in the eye.

"Now, you listen, and you listen good, you two-bit slaving hypocrite. You are going to go back to Hody and you are going to tell him that I am enforcing a new taboo in the Fishman District: anyone who tries to stop anyone else from listening to the SBS will have to deal with me. Do I make myself clear?"

Hammond gurgled in both terror and fury as the grip on his throat loosened just enough for him to speak. "You… traitor… Hody's gonna—!"

Jinbe jerked Hammond close, so that their faces were only a few inches apart, and snarled, emphasizing his size and fangs as much as he possibly could.

Hammond paled and started nodding frantically. "A-Alright, alright, alright! I-I'll tell him, I'll tell him, I sw—!"

"Good."

Without further ado, the fishman Warlord smoothly turned his torso and swung his arm, and one second later, the New-Fishman Pirate slammed into the building across the street from the alleyway.

"Now leave," Jinbe ordered in a barely calm tone. "And if you say anything else—!"

Judging by how fast the slaver shot down the street, the whale-shark fishman had gotten his point across.

Jinbe glared after him for a second longer before taking a moment to soften his expression and look back at the children. "You're both certain you're alright, yes?"

Martin and Lori looked at one another for a second before nodding firmly.

"Yeah, we're fine. It takes more than that to hurt a fishman!" Lori proclaimed proudly.

"We're as tough as Fisher Tiger himself!" Martin concurred.

Jinbei smiled proudly as he leaned down and patted their heads. "Yes. Yes, you most certainly are. Now then, if you'll excuse me," he said as he stood up and turned to exit the alley. "I need to go and make sure the rest of Hody's crew gets the message properly. Please, feel free to keep listening to the SBS, and make sure your friends listen too. It's quite educational."

"Yes, sir!" the clownfish-kid nodded.

Jinbei started walking…

"Ah, sir?"

Before pausing and glancing back as Lori tugged on his pants leg. "Yes?"

"Uh, well…" the blue tang girl kicked the ground shyly. "Mister Cross said that Hody and his guys hate humans… just because, right?

Jinbei's expression saddened slightly before he nodded. "Yes, that's correct."

The girl's face twisted in confusion. "But… But that's just stupid! …Isn't it?"

The Warlord stood stock still for a moment…

And then he slowly turned around, crouched down, and patted the girl's head with a very proud smile.

"Yes. Yes, it is. That is exactly right," he confirmed, tears shimmering in the corners of his eyes.

-o-

"Now, again, I can't speak for those who have true darkness in their pasts. But for the rest, the ones yet unaffected, I believe that it should be plain and self-evident just how utterly asinine this motivation is. To propagate love for the sake of love, fun for the sake of fun, happiness for the sake of happiness? These are all perfectly acceptable motivations. But to propagate hatred for the sheer sake of hatred itself… there is no justification. No acceptable motivation, no righteous enough cause, and definitely no benefit that anyone with a heart or a lick of sense would consider acceptable. In the end, hatred… is utterly pointless."

In a kingdom of pure white, hidden from the rest of the world, a former amnesiac and a brocade perch fishman observed as their female friend listened to the SBS broadcast with an expression of sheer, unrestrained joy on her face.

"I was looking forward to him talking about this from the second he first mentioned fishmen," she whispered more to herself than anyone. "And I… I am not disappointed."

"I know that I must seem preachy or naïve or stupid to so many, I'm sure, but… honestly, the fact of the matter is that somebody has to say it. Somebody has to say this to everyone, all at once, and make them realize… make them realize that this has to end. This cycle of hatred, of revenge… if we keep grinding against each other, then one way or another, it's all gonna end in pain. As a wise man from my homeland once said, 'An eye for an eye shall make the whole world go blind.'"

There was a brief period of silence as Cross seemed to gather his thoughts, followed by him sighing heavily. "Look… my words are nice and all… but the fact is that this cycle, this hatred? It's never gonna end unless somebody does more than speak. It's not gonna end until someone… until a lot of someones extend their hands in friendship. In kindness. And this can't just be from one side, either. I know… I know that there are elements on Fishman Island doing the good work, fighting for the beautiful dream of peace and unity, but that's not enough. If we want peace, if we want the hatred to end on both sides, then we need to meet them halfway. Somebody has to take that first step… and hold out their hand."

Koala hiccuped tearfully as she cradled her own hand. She jumped slightly when a hand landed on her shoulder, but she smiled up at its owner when she recognized whose it was. Hack smiled back kindly as he gave a reassuring squeeze.

"And as much as quite a few people, and myself, if we're being honest, would like for it to be, that somebody is just not me. It can't be me. I've got a big voice, sure, but I can't speak for everyone. I can't speak for the fishman rescued from slavery. I can't speak for the human brutalized by fishman pirates. I don't know their stories, their experiences, not in that unique way only those who have experienced it do. It just doesn't have enough weight coming from me. I… ergh, I'm rambling a bit, but… look, the point is that whoever it is that takes that first step, it has to be someone who has heard both sides… no, not heard both sides. Someone who has heard and listened."

"So, Koala…" Sabo started lightly, slowly allowing his usual grin to slide back into place. "Are you still going to kick his ass when you meet him in person?"

Koala blinked as she mulled the thought over before folding her arms behind her head and adopting a mulish expression. "Most definitely. First I'm gonna give him the mother of all concussions with a palm straight to his skull!"

In spite of being behind her, neither Sabo nor Hack missed the soft grin that had grown on Koala's face, or the lines of water dripping from her eyes.

"And then…" she whispered. "I'm going to break every bone in his body with the mother of all hugs."

-o-

"Well, that's all I have to say on the matter for now. Now, on to more positive matters—!"

CLICK!

Sandersonia and Marigold jumped in shock as they were broken out of the miniature trance they'd been in. They were equally shocked by the sight of Hancock pressing her finger to the Transponder Snail's cradle, forcing it back to sleep.

"S-Sister, what—?" Sandersonia started to stammer.

"Quiet," Hancock ordered, her voice quiet but firm. "I need to think."

The Zoan-users complied and allowed a tense silence to fill the air, interrupted only by Marguerite's labored, raspy breathing.

Hancock's head remained bowed for several minutes, and then she stepped towards her sisters, taking hold of Marguerite's chin and forcing her hanging head up so as to stare her in the eye. "What was your intention coming to ask us about our powers?" she asked, not in a cold voice, but rather a calm and measured one.

Marguerite swallowed, clearing her throat as she mustered the strength needed to speak. "I… I only wanted to understand better. You are the strongest and most beautiful warriors in all of Amazon Lily, and… I wanted to know w-why you would keep the true source of your m-magnificient powers a secret. I…" Marguerite trailed off as tears started to leak from her eyes. "I…In retrospect… it's so obvious… the reason you would lie… despite being so strong and so proud… it's something you're all ashamed of, isn't it? Something… Something horrible. And I…"

Sandersonia and Marigold glanced uncomfortably at each other as the Kuja started crying, and not from the pain either.

Marguerite shook her head with a sob. "I'm sorry… so sorry… I-I shouldn't have—! I should have realized—!"

The Kuja's babbling stopped abruptly as Hancock placed a hand on her cheek. Looking up at the empress, Marguerite saw that she was smiling warmly once again.

"It's alright," the Pirate Empress said softly. "I forgive you."

"ARE YOU—?!" the serpentine giants started to roar before Hancock silenced them with a raised hand. The Snake Princess refocused her attention on Marguerite and gently imposed her will on her. More than her meager—if relatively impressive—willpower could withstand, but not enough to utterly strike her down, instead gently sliding her into the realm of oblivion.

Hancock tossed her hair as she took a step back and looked up at her green-haired sibling. "Sonia," she stated firmly, her voice brooking no argument. "Take Marguerite to the nearest doctor. Inform her that she was caught in our training, that it was an accident and that she is not to be punished."

The anaconda hybrid still looked incredulous and a second away from mutiny, but nevertheless she ultimately transferred Marguerite from her tail to her arms and shot down the stands and into a corridor heading out of the arena.

Once she was gone, Marigold reverted to her human state and turned towards Hancock with just as much incredulity. "Sister, she knows. And it's already a pure miracle that no one else has realized it! What on earth are you thinking?"

Hancock refused to meet her gaze, staring at the ground as she spoke. "Tell me, Mari… Over the years, over the course of our rule over our home…" The Empress's hand strayed unbidden towards her back. "How many of their habits do you think we've adopted?"

"Wha—none, sister! We would never be like them!" Marigold responded fervently.

Hancock's lips quirked into a melancholy smile as she let out a dry chuckle. "Yes… That would once have been my answer, too… but in retrospect?" She slowly turned her gaze to stare at the Transponder Snail snoozing a few feet away. "Hatred for hatred's sake, judging the totality by the minority, unnecessary cruelty…" Hancock slowly sank onto one of the stadium's benches, a shaky smile spreading across her lips even as she cradled her face in her hand. "I now think that the answer would be 'too many.'"

Marigold opened her mouth to say something, to say anything to refute her sister's thoughts—then opened it even further as she realized that she just couldn't think of anything. "Oh… Oh, God…"

Hancock chuckled again as she nodded in agreement. "Indeed, indeed…" She lapsed into silence for a moment before speaking again. "You know what the worst part of all this is?" she said with a sad smile, tears streaming down her face all the while. "I'm actually going to have to concede to that old witch's demands and get some therapy. How… How pathetic is that?"

Marigold took that in before slowly shaking her head, a bitter smile on her own face. "Less pathetic than we would be if that loud-mouth hadn't started that show and we'd never realized our hypocrisy."

Hancock chuckled at that. Her chuckle slowly evolved into laughter, which evolved to take on a hysterical tone, and then devolved into sobs, at which point Marigold hastily enveloped her in a hug, letting her sister cry herself out as long as she needed.

-o-

"—and throw in a few cups of rubbing alcohol. After that, just let it stew for a few days and voila! You have a bottle of foolproof bugspray that reeks to high heaven! Fair warning, don't use this on covert ops unless you're heading somewhere that smells like hell, because you sure as heck will!"

"Apapapa! Now, that certainly sounds useful!" Apoo whispered as he leaned back into his seat, arms twisted into a comfortable position so that he could finish writing the recipe down. "Good for both pranks and to keep from getting bugbitten! It's a really nice change of subject after that heavy stuff earlier!"

"Hm… what else…" Cross mused before sighing wearily. "Ah, geeze, I shoulda planned things out better, I don't have any material! Hrm… oh, I know! How about I pass things off to Soundbite for some music, hm? To pass the time?"

"Sounds good to me! I GOT A GOOD SONG in mind!"

"Well, alright, then, let's do it! Allons-y!"

Apoo promptly shot out of in his chair and slammed a hand down next to his active Transponder Snail, grinning eagerly as his other hand snatched up the snail's mic, where it had been lying next to the snail proper. "Apapa!" he whispered to himself. "Finally, it's showtime!"

"Livin' on sponge cake,

Watchin' the sun bake;

All of those tourists covered with oil.

Strummin' my six-string on my front porch swing.

Smell those shrimp, hey, they're beginnin' to boi—!"

Apoo chose that point to take ahold of his lower jaw and twist, causing his mandible to spin and his teeth to grind together in such a way that they produced a staticky noise. The static traveled through his mic, across the connection that he'd established a few minutes prior, and then out of the mouths of every Transponder Snail in the world connected to the SBS, cutting Soundbite's music off and causing him to squawk in well-faked panic.

"WHAT THE heck?!"

"Huh?" Cross blinked in surprise. "What was that, Soundbite?"

"Not a clue! ALL OF a sudden it WAS LIKE SOMEONE WAS—!"

The long-arm-man twisted his jaw again, producing a longer and more wavery squawk of static.

"YEOW, THAT stung! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING O—!?"

Apoo twisted his jaw harshly a third and final time. Once he finished producing the electronic squeal, Apoo adopted a wide grin and belted out an eager cackle. "APAPAPA! Finally! After all that time searching, I've cracked your signal! Move over, Cross, the Roar of the Sea is taking over the SBS!"

"Wha—!? Wait, 'Roar of the—'! Hang on, I know you!" Cross barked in shock. "You're Apoo, aren't you!? Apoo, Long-Arm-Tribesman and Captain of the On-Air Pirates!"

"Apapapa! I take it my reputation precedes me, hm?" Apoo preened proudly.

"'Reputation'!?" Cross spat in a voice full of vitriol. "Hardly! You're just a 70 million blowhard who my captain could pick out of his teeth, with bad taste in music to boot! What the hell are you doing on my show!?"

Apoo hastily snapped a hand to his mouth in order to obscure his snicker before adopting a scowl and responding. "First of all, that's seventy-five million! Get it right, you no-bounty big mouth!"

"BIG MOUTH?" Soundbite roared. "YOU HAVE THE GALL TO CALL ANYONE BIG MOUTH?! THAT'S FUCKING RICH!"

"And second!" Apoo pressed on, ignoring Soundbite's taunt save for a withheld chuckle. "Tastes in music are exactly why I'm here! Ever since your dumbass snail started blaring that drivel it has the gall to call 'music', I knew that I had to get on to this show no matter the cost!"

"The hell are you on about, you incompetent excuse for a disc jockey!?"

It took all of Apoo's willpower to contort his mouth so that he was sporting a leer rather than a grin. "I'm saying that you and your slimeball of a snail's music sucks every inch of ass it can! It's absolute junk, total garbage that's an absolute waste of time to listen to! So, for the sake of audio everywhere and forever, I've been dedicating my skills to trying to hack onto your broadcast for one purpose and one purpose only!"

"And what the hell would that be?" Cross growled, his voice utterly dripping with contempt.

Apoo smirked deviously, and that was one emotion that he didn't need to fake. "Why, what else? To educate you on what music really is! Ladies and gentlemen of the world, I am truly happy to welcome you all to Scratchmen Apoo's Music Hour!"

"APOO'S WHAT!?" Soundbite roared indignantly. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR salt-addled mind!? I WOULDN'T VOMIT YOUR garbage if you FED ME A BOTTLE OF IPECAC!"

Apoo had to turn away in order to hide his silently laughing mouth, spending a solid minute pounding on the wall before turning back with a leer. "Yeah, well, you're going to spread it all across the world whether you like it or not, you Subpar Bullshit Spewers! APAPAPAPAPA!"

For a second, less than an instant, a smile flashed across the snail's face; Apoo was certain that he would have missed it if he wasn't already looking for it. The next instant, however, the snail was back to scowling furiously. "You wide-mouthed long-limbed degenerate piece of-!"

"Okay, I think we've all had heard enough of mister blowhard!" Apoo whistled innocently before twisting his jaw again, sending out another flurry of static.

"Hey wha—ZRRRK!—You ca—ZRRRK!—I'm gonna—ZRRRK!—rip your—ZRRRK!—and then—ZRRRRRRRK-CLICK!"

"Oh, dear, ladies and gentlemen! It appears that Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite have been disconnected. What a pity," Apoo drawled. "Now, as I was saying, let's get to Scratchman Apoo's Music Hour! Our first selection, a piece of music very near and dear to my people's hearts! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the sound of music not being pumped from a Sea King's bowels!"

And with that, the living instrument maestro began to play the Long-Arm Tribe's national anthem. And as he smiled and played, said maestro could only hope that his fellow musical friends were having half as much fun as he was.

-o-

"PFFHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA!" I alternately roared and wheezed, pounding my fist on the crate I was leaning over. "OH, MY GOD, THAT WAS HILARIOUS! PFFHAHAHAHA!"

"HOOHOOHOOHEEHEEHEEHAHAHA!" Soundbite cackled in agreement. "They actually think we hate each other! NO ONE HAS A CLUE!"

"We are evil bastards, EEEVIIIIIL! PFFHAHAHAHAAAAA!" I crowed ecstatically.

As Soundbite and I reveled in the genius of our ruse, I reran what, exactly, the ruse was in my head.

In essence, back on Skypiea, Soundbite, Apoo and I had collaborated to engineer a form of DJ feud. First, before I started the SBS, I called Apoo on Soundbite so that we had an open line running throughout the broadcast. Then, once I was good and ready, I spoke a predetermined buzzword to get Apoo's attention. Once that happened, he 'took over' my show and proceeded to strike up the mother of all radio-station feuds with me, trading insults and 'shutting down' Soundbite before deploying his own music. And this was just the start; in time, I'd 'learn to disrupt his disruption', and then we'd be giving a different meaning to 'fighting music'!

It was gonna be sooo much fun, and I just couldn't wait!

Sadly enough, however, this particular session was coming to a close as I recognized the notes that indicated that the song Apoo was playing was coming to a close.

"A—hoo!—Alright, Soundbite, alright…" I wheezed as I reined my laughter back into control. "Showtime again, let's play it cool. Think you can keep the mirth out of my voice?"

"I'LL—HEEHEEHEE—I'LL NEED TO pull double-duty, but I'll try!" Soundbite snickered.

As we drew in gasps to calm ourselves down, Apoo finally brought his song to an end. "Well, that's my time, people! With any luck, I've fixed the damage those two dipshits have done to your musical palates! For now, I have to go, pirate business to handle, but don't worry! I'll be back whenever those pathetic excuses of 'entertainers' dare insult the good name of music! Apoo out, apapa!"

I had to cough out a few chuckles behind my fist before I managed to get some semblance of anger and indignation into my voice, which I managed with relative ease by thinking of Zoro's exercises. An electric click came over the connection, indicating that I was 'back in control'. "Triple-jointed menace…" I grumbled. "Alright, viewers, the good news is that the SBS is finally back under our righteous control. The bad news is that I am officially too burned out to bother continuing the show, and really, it's worn on enough as is. Well, at least I can satisfy myself knowing that I got the important stuff out of the way—"

"SPEAK FOR yourself!" Soundbite whined, seeming almost ready to cry. "I WANT MY MUSIC CORNER!"

"Mmph… well, we'll just have to make sure that this doesn't happen again," I sighed, trying to force being cut down and dropped hard to the deck to the forefront of my mind to mask my mirth. "Well, viewers, that'll be it for now. So, until next time, when maybe we won't have our introduction and our show stolen, this is Jeremiah Cross—"

"And Soundbite…"

"Of the SBS, signing off."

I hung up the transceiver and immediately fell back on the ground laughing. It took another minute or so before I could bring myself to speak calmly.

"Hoo… ha… alright. Well, that was fun! So!" I clapped my hands as I sat up. "How long do you think we have left before we get to Water 7?"

"LAND HO!" came Usopp's excited voice from out on the deck.

"I guess not very long," Soundbite drawled in a deep masculine voice.

"Oh, come on, Soundbite, save Andre's voice for someone who deserves it," I scolded goodnaturedly.

"Fine, FINE."

Nodding, I picked him and the transceiver up and walked out the door before turning to climb the stairs. "Now then, let's get a look at our next destinatiooooooooh holy SHIT." I felt my jaw drop as I took in the sight before me.

"Ditto…" Soundbite nodded in awe.

It… It never really sank in until I saw it, you know? It was so… so obvious in retrospect. According to Tom, the shipwrights of Water 7 had had their mitts on the blueprints for Pluton for generations.

They'd had the blueprints for a weapon from the Blank Century for generations.

That meant that Water 7, like Alabasta, had been present since the Century.

Now, granted, the architecture had changed over the years on account of the island sinking and Aqua Laguna, but I only need to glance at the architecture of the island to know that its history was still alive and well.

How else could an entire city essentially be a fountain? A massive, singular love letter to the very element of water, gushing thousands of gallons of liquid—and I was probably seriously lowballing that number—thousands of feet into the air, all day every day without interruption. How else could there be doors built into the very infrastructure of the city big enough to fit two galleons side by side? How else could there be canals of water large enough to be rivers flowing down the slope of the city, sparsely interrupted by smaller offshoots winding through the blocks, like veins pulsing with the metropolis' lifeblood?

Water 7… it wasn't just any old Grand Line city. It was a living, breathing testament of resistance, its very existence a monument of defiance in the face of the World Government, Mother Nature, and their best efforts to bury the truth of what happened so many centuries ago!

It was, in a word, absolutely breathtaking.

I licked my lips as I finally got my mind working again. "Wow…" I breathed.

"You can say that again…" Soundbite whispered.

"Wow…" Conis repeated in my stead.

I blinked as her gasp brought me out of my stupor, shooting her a grin. "The Grand Line never fails to impress, huh?"

A goofy grin slowly slid across Conis' face as she shook her head eagerly. "No. No, it does not."

"I am currently of the opinion that I love this mad ocean!" Su giggled as she waved her tail.

"I think I'm getting a hint of how Luffy feels about spoilers," Mikey mumbled in awe. "I wouldn't give up this feeling for the world."

"Are you kidding?" Raphey scoffed fervently. "Even if Cross had said that the island was a giant fountain, this wouldn't be any less amazing."

"I know exactly what you're talking about," Vivi giggled euphorically. "I've seen this island almost half a dozen times in my life, but I swear that every time is even more breathtaking than the last."

Sadly, as great as it was to observe the splendor of Water 7, the moment couldn't last forever. Nami was the first to snap out of it, and she turned to me with a questioning look. "So, Cross, where should we dock?"

"Hmm…" I tapped my chin thoughtfully for a second before shrugging. "Eh, why not kill two birds with one stone? Let's circle around the island, the Franky House is on a peninsula, and we can—"

"That's not a good idea!" called a voice from beside the ship. A quick glance revealed an unremarkable boat inhabited by a middle-aged man with a fishing rod in his hand who'd drifted near us without us noticing.

"What do you mean, it's not a good idea?" Sanji asked curiously.

"I don't know what business you guys have with the Franky Family, but if you're going to approach their house, the only safe way is the front door," the fisherman replied grimly. "They've got booby traps out the wazoo to prevent attacks from the sea, plus those two King Bulls of theirs are monsters if they think you're a threat. I lost one of my better boats when I made the mistake of sailing into a keel-ripper they had submerged."

I grimaced and slapped a hand to my forehead. "Argh, right, that figures. They hunt pirates, they'd want to make sure that nobody with a grudge could just come up and blast their house to pieces with cannonfire." I clicked my tongue dispassionately. "Well, that's annoying. In that case, what's the best place for us to dock our ship so that we can get in contact with Galley-La and not get jumped by Marine or World Government stooges while we're away?"

"There's a cape that pirates always use, over that way!" the fisherman said, gesturing down the coast and away from the city proper. "Try and hide it from plain view if you can, those Government types really like to pry!"

"Don't have to tell us twice…" Vivi bit out acridly as she marched away to grab up a line of Merry's rigging.

"Oh, and one more thing!" the fisherman said quickly. "Do you know about Aqua Laguna?"

I processed that, and then my heart skipped a beat; I thought that the timeline was paused on Long Ring Long Land, but I forgot about that monster of a wave! If we missed it—!… Actually, if we missed it, we'd be better off for it, wouldn't we?

"Yeah, what about it?" I called out to him, fighting to keep the hope out of my voice.

"Well, it's just that it's scheduled to come in tomorrow night or thereabouts, and it's predicted that it's going to be the biggest one in living history!"

I snapped my fingers with a curse. "So close!"

"What's Aqua Laguna?" Usopp asked in confusion.

"Oh, it's a tsunami that strikes the island every year like clockwork," Vivi casually explained as she pulled on Merry's lines. "It's common knowledge around here actu…al…ly…" she trailed off as she noticed how quiet things had gotten before spinning around and scowling at our accusatory looks.

"Alright, in my defense, I have absolutely no reason to keep track of Water 7's tsunami schedule! Even if I had remembered it before now, how could I have possibly known that we would be arriving at the one time of the year that it would hit?"

"I'm sorry, have you even seen this crew!?" Su scoffed in disbelief.

Vivi opened her mouth to protest, and then shut it with a hiss of frustration.

"Well, either way, I suggest you kids rent a bunker for your ship sometime soon and then get some rooms on the upper level!" The fisherman indicated the higher parts of the city. "Be careful, or else the sea might swallow you whole!"

"We will, thanks!" Luffy waved gratefully as we sailed off.

A few minutes later, we were anchored off the coast of the cape he'd pointed out and in the process of removing the bags of solid gold from storage, as well as the solid mass that we'd cut up and reforged throughout the ship. Usopp and Boss were in the process of forging the wealth into a rather hefty pile of ingots, while Nami ran calculations and the rest of us relaxed and waited for her final tally. We were all wiling away the time in our own way: Robin was reading, Conis was cleaning the arsenal she was sporting with Su's nimble help, and Chopper was messing around with a chemistry set with only a few mad mutters here and there.

Finally, Nami looked up from her books and glanced at me over the brim of the glasses that I was certain she didn't need. "Alright. Cross, the biggest thing for me to consider right now: how much is the new ship going to cost?"

I grimaced at both the answer I was going to give and the reminder of our circumstances, but my voice was firm. "The thing that set the Oro Jackson apart is that it was built out of the strongest wood in the world, the wood of the immortal Jewel Tree Adam. The stuff is outlawed now since ships made from it are all but unkillable, but if you've got enough money like we do, and the right contacts in the black market—"

"Like I'm guessing Franky does?" Donny guessed.

I snapped my fingers and pointed at the dugong before continuing. "—then you can find some of it for sale. Of course…" I swallowed as I built up my nerve. "As you can imagine, the illicit and valuable nature of the good makes it quite… expensive."

Nami was silent for a moment before folding her hands on the table, her eyes firmly shut. "… How much?"

I flinched back nervously. "… He used ฿200 million originally, but considering the size of our crew and how much gold we have available… I'd say we let him run with 500 and see what he comes back with?"

In an instant, everyone near me jerked away as though they were waiting for me to be struck by a meteor… or lightning. I couldn't blame them, seeing as I myself had thrown my arms up in defense.

However… Nami didn't react. Rather, she just stared at me over the brim of her glasses, not moving, not twitching, maybe not even breathing. Finally, however, she slowly slid her glasses off, clicked them shut, and pinched the bridge of her nose with a weary sigh. "Let me be perfectly clear here, Cross: you are so very lucky that we're far enough beyond any normal definition of rich that that amount of money barely makes a dent in our finances. Or else…"

"Got it, got it, never again without damn good reason, I swear…" I waved my hands placatingly before allowing myself a sigh of relief as she turned her attention back to the books.

"Alright, listen up," Nami ordered casually. "My initial estimate back on Skypiea was at least ฿2 billion. But after becoming more intimately familiar with our hoard—"

"Unhealthily so," Robin muttered with a slight twitch to her eye.

"—I've found that, even if the SBS hasn't increased the value of this particular gold through fame or infamy alone, we have approximately 50% more than I expected. After taking out ฿500 million for the new ship, and another 500 million to prove to Iceburg that we can deal, we're left with ฿2 billion. And as we… agreed on Skypiea, a full billion of that goes to the crew as a whole."

Grins grew on everyone's faces.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Nami groused as she shuffled her papers. "Now, while that means we can definitely afford some luxuries, we can't go overboard if we don't want to get back to the point where we barely have enough for Sanji's shopping list. So, the funds appropriated for this island are as follows. Chopper, Boss, you get five and a half million for your requests."

"Thanks, Nami!" Chopper said eagerly, while Boss merely pumped his fist.

"Conis, three million for your wardrobe."

"Thank you very much, Nami!" Conis smiled in glee.

"Sanji, ten million for food. Three million for Luffy, seven million for the rest of us."

"Ah, my thanks, my most wonderful Nami-swan! I can finally shop without worrying too much about Luffy's stomach!" Sanji swooned happily, before shooting a glare at our obliviously grinning Captain. "At least until he gets his teeth on our meat, anyway. We're getting a lock on the fridge, right?"

"World-class, don't worry."

"Awww!"/"There is a god, and he is just!"

"And unless there are any more special requests, everyone else gets two million for spending money," Nami concluded, scanning over the group with a look that just dared anyone to speak up. Nobody did, either too cowed or too happy. "Alright. Obviously, most of that will have to wait until we've cashed in this gold, so for now, we split into three groups. Zoro, you stay here to guard the ship for now."

"Can do," Zoro saluted lazily as he leaned back and promptly fell asleep.

Nami rolled her eyes before nodding at me. "Sanji, Chopper, Robin, you'll take the cash that we have onboard now and get started with the necessary shopping. Everyone else is with me to trade in the gold, and then we'll split up to meet with Iceburg and Franky."

"I'll be leading the latter group. Boss, I'll need you to come with me, you and Franky will get on like a house on fire the second you meet," I cut in.

"Oh?" The dugong master cocked a curious eyebrow. "How so?"

"You have…" I hesitated as I looked for the right word. "Similar attitudes."

That got a massive grin out of Boss. "Color me… interested."

"Right…" I trailed off uncomfortably as I contemplated what the hell I had set in motion before moving on. "Alright, besides that… Vivi, I may need your negotiating expertise in case he asks for more, and Conis… well." I gestured at the pile of wealth shining on the deck. "We're gonna be carrying around our weight in gold. Any objections to acting as our muscle?"

Our gunner nodded with a determined smile. "I won't let you down, I swear!"

"Alright, then!" Usopp suddenly crowed, leaping to his feet and pumping his fist in the air. "So it's settled! As of this moment, Operation 'Payday' is underway! Yeah!"

"YEAH!" the rest of us, even Nami and Robin—though she didn't cheer—pumped our fists in the air along with him. We reveled in the joy of the moment—!

Pssshhh…

Before a chemical hiss drew attention to the suddenly-bubbling chemical set lying at Chopper's feet.

The human-reindeer's pupils dilated as he took in the way the liquids were swapping color. "Uh-oh."

"'Uh-oh'!?" Soundbite squawked. "What's 'uh—'!?"

KER-SPLAT!

I stood veeery still as I processed what had just happened. Then, veeery slowly, I moved my hand up to my face and wiped off the poly-chromatic ooze that was covering my eyes, along with my… everything. A glance around at the rest of my crewmates revealed that they were all in the same state.

"Before anyone can panic or say anything!" Chopper piped up hastily. "I promise you that this stuff is completely benign. And I'm fairly certain that it doesn't hurt paper either, so Nami, Robin, please don't skin me alive."

"We will take that into consideration, Mister Emergency Supplies," Robin droned frigidly.

"Right…" I trailed off uncomfortably before clearing my throat. "Alright, a slight change of plans: first we change and get cleaned up, then we head out and begin the operation. All in favor?"

"Aye."

"Then we are agreed."

As most of the crew began filing inside and the dugongs jumped overboard, I took the opportunity to grab Chopper and pull him to the side, specifically out of Robin's line of sight. "I need to talk to you," I informed the diminutive doctor.

"Come on, Cross, I already said it was an accident and that I was sorry, isn't that enough!?" Chopper whined. "If this is about your clothes—!"

"This isn't even remotely about that," I cut him off, and my tone of voice immediately sobered the Zoan.

"What's wrong?" he asked, even having the good grace to lower his voice.

I glanced again in the direction Robin had been, confirming she was gone before continuing. "When you go out shopping, I need you to stick to Robin like glue. Don't let her leave your sight, don't let her go anywhere alone, tag her with a scent marker if you have to, I don't care. Just make sure that you are completely aware of her at all times. Got it?"

Chopper frowned uncomfortably as he took in what I was saying. "Somebody's going to try and hurt Robin, aren't they?"

I grimaced and shook my head. "Honestly, that's a secondary priority. Right now, I'm more concerned with stopping Robin from hurting herself."

"What!?" Chopper squawked in disbelief. "B-But Robin said that she trusted us! Don't you trust her!?"

"I do, I do!" I hastily reassured him, only to grimace and wave my hand side to side. "To an extent, anyway. There are only two… three things in the world that are infinite, Chopper." I started counting down on my fingers. "The universe, Luffy's appetite… and human stupidity."

"Robin is one of the smartest people I know!" the Zoan protested incredulously.

"Up here, yes!" I said, tapping the side of my head. "But there are two kinds of stupidity in the world, Chopper. The stupidity up here…" I moved my finger down to tap my chest. "And the stupidity down here. And you know the lengths to which that kind of stupid can push us to, don't you."

Chopper winced as his hoof shot to his banded horn. "Low blow, Cross…" he growled before sighing in defeat. "But… I see your point. I'll be careful."

"Great. Oh, and Chopper!" I stopped him as he started to walk away. "Just… look, Robin's been doing this for years, and the people we're up against are professionals who were trained to do this their whole lives—!"

"What are you trying to say, Cross?"

I was uncomfortably silent for a second before hanging my head with a sigh. "If anything goes wrong… I want you to know that it's not your fault and we don't blame you."

Chopper silently stared at me for a few seconds before turning to face me completely. "I know that I don't really look like it, Cross, but I'm not a little kid. I won't break down over every little mistake I make all the time," he explained in a calm and mature tone. Then he smiled lightly. "But… thanks."

I returned his smile. "Anytime."

-o-

"Ergh…" I groaned as I peeled my shirt off and held it at arm's length. "This stuff might not be chemically toxic, but it sure as heck smells and feels it."

"BLECH!" Soundbite spat, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"Want me to immolate that for you?" Lassoo requested, whining as he clamped his paws over his nose.

I tsk'ed and shook my head as I tossed the ruined article of clothing away. "Oh, how I wish, but the potential for flammability is too high for me to risk it. Once we're done here, this all goes overboard. For now, though…" I turned and started rummaging through the clothes I'd brought with me into the kitchen. "Let's see what's good for today…"

In the end, I settled for simplicity: plain blue cargo jeans and a white t-shirt, covered by a white hoodie with the outline of a blue lobster stenciled onto the front, claws pointed upward, along with a differently colored hat. Plus my headphones and armor, which altogether was nothing special for the Grand Line.

"How do I look?" I said as I spread my arms out and turned around to give them an eyeful.

"Honestly? Compared to what you usually wear, you look pretty bland," Lassoo deadpanned.

"SECONDED! Too plain!" Soundbite concurred.

"That's the point," I retorted, crossing my arms with a huff. "In case you missed it, there are a lot of people in the World Government who want me shut up forever, and this town just so happens to be a hop, step and a train ride away from their doorstep. If I catch the wrong person's eye here, I'll disappear into the shadows."

Soundbite promptly paled, while Lassoo scoffed…

"And seeing as you'll be latched onto my back when they grab me, you'll come along for the ride!"

And then winced and scratched the back of his head. "Point taken, sorry."

"Right. Now—"

I was cut off by a rapping noise coming from the kitchen's door.

"Excuse me, Cross, could I get your opinion on something?"

I blinked in surprise as what was unmistakably Robin's voice emitted from the other side of the door. "Huh? On what?" I called out.

"Oh, just my choice of attire is all," she informed me. "I'd ask the girls, but I'd rather a male's perspective, and you're the most well-adjusted member of the crew. Would you mind?"

I shot a flat look at Soundbite. "Why did that 'well-adjusted' sound more like 'average'?"

"Are ya really gonna protest WHAT YA KNOW TO BE TRUE?" he shot back.

I nodded, silently acknowledging the point, and turned to address Robin through the door. "Yeah, sure thing, come in."

The door swung open… aaaaaand I severely regretted my decision.

An ironic statement to make when the cause is a beautiful woman wearing only a too-thin t-shirt and frilly black panties walking through the door, no?

Soundbite was left speechless for once as his jaw struck the table, while Lassoo snickered into his paw. "Well, I've certainly missed seeing you pull this trick," he guffawed.

My eye twitched slightly as I looked her up and down before finally forcing the words out. "I am… severely conflicted."

Robin's eyebrow cocked in amused curiosity. "Oh? Are you saying that you're disappointed? You don't like what you see?"

I ground my teeth as I dug my nails into my upper arms. "The very opposite is one half of that conflict. On the other hand… I thought that you were done trying to kill me, Robin."

That made the archaeologist blink in surprise. "Oh? And how would this lead to that?"

I gestured flatly at my neck. "Because my flesh and bone are weak, whereas Sanji's feet are capable of denting iron."

Robin chuckled softly. "Be serious, Cross, Sanji wouldn't really… ah…" She trailed off as she caught sight of my paper-flat look. The statement hung unfinished in the air until she coughed in her fist and a hand appeared from the wall to close the door behind her. "Right, my apologies, I didn't quite think that through."

"And you have all of five seconds to explain just what 'that' was before I decide that this little incident is enough to justify doubling the payback that you've already built up," I growled, not taking my eyes off of her. Robin, for her part, only chuckled. "Oh, you don't get to laugh at me. Take a minute to remember exactly what I'm capable of, let alone my partner."

"MUHUHAHAHAHA!" Soundbite provided.

Robin's demeanor faltered slightly before she regained her cool, and her smile became more sincere. "Very well, but if I may rationalize my behavior: my life might have been a bit jilted, but I do believe older siblings embarrassing the life out of their younger ones is typical, no?"

I… honestly kind of froze as I processed that statement, a hurricane of emotions whirling in my head. Still, I was able to recover enough to cover my shock with a careless scoff. "Yeah, well, newsflash: this kind of juvenility is more typical of the younger. Now, you were saying?"

Robin chuckled and held her arm behind herself, accepting a bundle from an autonomous arm that pushed the door open slightly. "I was serious when I said I wanted your opinion on my attire. Here, take a look." She unrolled the bundle, displaying the outfit she was planning to wear on the island.

The very, very form-fitting outfit she was planning on wearing.

I gave the one-piece a once-over before gracing Robin with a flat look. "Well, it certainly says something to me, though considering how the language of leather is one of few words, I don't think you wanna know what that 'something' is."

And it wasn't just the leather that made me say that. Honestly, I couldn't be surprised by what I saw considering how I'd been half-expecting it, but still… a white, polka-dotted slip, a black leather dress with long sleeves, and black leather boots that reached to halfway up her thighs, leaving just about nothing to the imagination and sending a very… specific message. No doubt about it, it was definitely the same outfit she wore while she was held a prisoner in Enies Lobby and, now that I thought about it, the one that she wore while still on Water 7 proper.

"So, that's your honest opinion, is it?" Robin asked casually.

"And I would lie, why?" I scoffed.

"Perfect," Robin purred, several arms sprouting to help her put the outfit o—ah, damn.

I promptly turned to the side and held my hand to my face with a grimace. "You fight dirty, witch. You hear me? Dirty. And don't say—"

"Pi~ra~te," she crooned.

"…that," I grumbled with a roll of my eyes.

Soundbite, meanwhile, had an entirely different opinion to share. "HUBBA HUBBA! NOW THAT'S what I call a nice—ACK!" He was cut off by two hands grabbing his eyestalks and effectively blinding him. "SPOILSPORT! YOU WOULDN'T do this to CROSS, and you're NOT DOING IT TO LASSOO!"

"I'm smart enough not to look," the dog-gun huffed as he covered his eyes with his foreleg.

"And Cross wouldn't blare it all out over the ship," Robin added.

"…fair enough."

I grumbled and tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for her to finish up. Come on, that thing was slim, but no way in hell was it that hard to put on! "Seriously, though, I understand why you were wearing clothes like this back when you worked for Baroque Works, but what's your motivation now?"

"Heh. Isn't it obvious, Cross?" I could hear the smirk in her voice. "Not all men are as strong-willed as you are. I predict many a lowered price thanks to this particular outfit."

I glanced upward with a tortured groan. "My kingdom for a few appropriate Bible verses that I could mutter about now…"

"Would you prefer Deuteronomy, LEVITICUS OR GENESIS?"

My eye twitched slightly as the words 'fire,' 'brimstone,' and 'Sodom and Gomorrah' flashed through my head before casting a glare down at Soundbite. "Learn to recognize sarcasm, slimestain."

"Only SU can call me THAT! You may address me as THE ANNOYING VOICE IN YOUR HEAD. And YOU need to learn to recognize SNARK!"

"Ever hear of a little thing called timing, you—?"

"Break it up before I bite you both," Lassoo ordered in a bored tone.

Soundbite and I gave one last snarl at each other before falling silent.

An airy chuckle then came from my generated blindspot. "Amusing as always, you two. And for the record, I'm almost done. Would you mind zipping me up, Cross?"

I stared dead ahead with as I popped up my other hand's middle finger. "You are the last person I want to hear that line from."

"Can't blame a girl for trying." Once again, I could hear the smirk in her voice. I sighed in relief as the sound of a zipper… well, zipping sounded out. "I'm decent now, so hopefully I won't offend your fragile sensibilities. Now, your opinion, if you wouldn't mind?"

Grinding my teeth and fists, I turned back towards her. I thought that I was ready, but honestly, only the fact that she was smiling kept me from immediately flashing to her standing on the Tower of Justice, screaming that she wanted to die. I searched around for something matter-of-fact to remark on, anything to keep me from spilling right here and right now—and suddenly, a perfectly innocuous remark came to mind. One that I had been curious about for a while.

"Huh, not bad," I whistled. "Just one question, if you don't mind."

"Oh?" Robin put her hand on her hip and cocked it out slightly. "And what would that be?"

"Well, what happened to your hats?"

…Wow, that made her freeze almost as bad as Ohara. "Ah…"

"You know, your cowboy hats?" I forged on, trying to break the tension. "You wore one when we first met you, all through Alabasta, even on most of Skypiea. Why'd you lose them? I actually thought they looked pretty cool on you."

Robin remained stock still for a moment before turning away and coughing into her fist. "I… I wore those hats because I needed them. And now… I don't."

I frowned in confusion as I tried to puzzle out the deeper meaning that was clearly present in her words. "…What, for blocking out the sunlight or something?" My frown deepened as she merely shook her head. Just what was she talking abou—? I froze as I caught sight of the fact that her grip on her upper arms was white-knuckled and shaking vigorously. Was it something from her past? I thought hard about Ohara, but none of the scholars had anything to do with it, and the only other person she was close to was—

Ah. Well, I'm as thick as a dictionary, aren't I?

Moving very carefully, I stepped up behind Robin and landed a hand on her shoulder, wincing in response to her reaction. "You know…" I started softly. "You don't just have to wear them when you need to be strong, you know? It's… It's alright to wear them because they remind you of him."

Several emotions flashed across Robin's face. She promptly shot her thumb to her mouth and started gnawing on the nail. "I-It's a strategic inconvenience. T-Too much chance of it getting caught o-or obscuring vision or—"

Right, the bullshit train comes to a halt now. I grabbed her shoulders and spun her around so that she was facing me dead-on. "Robin," I enunciated, both kindly and firmly. "Jaguar D. Saul would be overjoyed to see you wearing that, and we both know it."

I severely regretted my words at first when Robin locked up, her eyes indicating that she was somewhere far from the Merry.

Seconds later, however, she was back, and after another round of emotions crossed over her face, she finally settled on a calm, almost serene smile.

"Thank you, Cross," she whispered. "It's not often that I act like a fool and… and I appreciate you pointing out this instance of it. Now, if you'll excuse me—" She extricated herself from my grip and started to walk towards the door. "I need to go and see if my wardrobe has anything that doesn't clash with my current selection."

I was prepared to let her go, just like that, when a pang of uncertainty struck me dead-on. "Ah, Robin—!" I stepped forward, my hand raised, but I froze when she turned back to me with a curious expression.

"Yes, Cross?" she asked.

My jaw hung open as I searched for something, anything I could say to her… and in the end, I was forced to settle for coughing slightly as I straightened up. "You… You know we'd go to the mats for you…" I eyed her hesitantly. "Right?"

Robin blinked at me in confusion as she processed my statement. And then she smiled.

A real smile, an honest smile, a smile of belief and hope that shone throughout her, even in her eyes.

"Of course I do."

I didn't even hesitate to smile back.

-o-

"Demons…" I hissed grimly. "They're demons…"

"In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti!" Soundbite whimpered from within his shell, babbling Latin on and on in a half-demented tone.

The 'they' in question were Vivi and Nami, who were currently preening victoriously as they watched the employees of the Water 7 Gold Exchange bring out tray after tray of freshly liberated bills and stacked them cleanly and professionally in well-armored suitcases.

"Aye," agreed a scruffy, bearded pirate captain who was watching the display next to me. "I been sailin' these seas for well-nigh twenty years, and I've never seen the like."

The 'like' in this case had been the jaw-dropping display of two of our female crewmates positively browbeating the Exchange staff into giving us way more than fair compensation for the gold we'd acquired for them.

"Ta-da!" Nami purred as she hugged one of the filled suitcases. "3 and a half billion beris! Oooh, it's almost a shame that we have to spend it! Good job, Vivi! I think I'd kiss you if you weren't ready to punch me if I tried!"

"Oh, I can't take all the credit," Vivi primly replied as she patted one of the cases. "You were quite terrifying in there, after all, I was mostly just coasting off of the pure rage you were pumping out!"

"Oh, but your negotiating skills are so far above mine; a humble thief like me can't compare to a true royal," Nami shamelessly proclaimed.

"Okay, I'm stopping this before it gets any further and you two actually start making out," I interjected, shaking off the last of my terror. "Let's get this all loaded up and ready to go, guys." There was no answer, and I turned around. "Guys?"

I honestly should have expected this: Boss was staring at the two girls, quivering in either fear or excitement, possibly both, though the rest of the squad was quivering behind him in what was most definitely terror. Conis and Su had scrambled against a wall, trying to get as far away as possible, and the cloud fox had procured a rosary from… somewhere and was holding it out towards them, while Usopp mimicked her with a crucifix. And Carue and Luffy…

"What?" the duck asked, turning around from where he'd been kicking a ball with some kids. "Oh! Awe we done yet?"

"I hope so!" Luffy whined with a pout. "I wanna gooo!"

"Okay, the moron I get, but you're that used to it?" I deadpanned.

"Aftah wiving wit' her foah yeahs? You bettah bewieve i—!"

FWEEEEEET!

"AGH!" We all reeled in agony as Nami somehow managed to produce a hellish whistle worthy of Luffy himself.

"Alright, you idiots, listen up!" Nami barked as she patted one of the briefcases she and Vivi were flanking. "The division is ฿700 million in bills and the rest in validated ingots. The ingots are for wealth and show, and the bills are for spending. For this endeavor, both teams will be carrying two briefcases with them! The first!" She patted a huge metal briefcase, three-feet by one-foot by two in area. "Contains ฿400 million in ingots, good to show off just how much wealth we have on us. Luffy, Boss, if you'd pick these up, please?"

The captain and the Dugong promptly walked up and grabbed the briefcases' handles—

CL-CLICK!

"GAH!"/"WHAT THE—!?"

And reeled in shock when Nami slapped cuffs on them.

"Safety measures," the navigator explained as she latched the other sides of the cuffs to the briefcases. "Because like it or not, you two are morons and not to be trusted."

"Ooooh, cool!" Luffy chuckled as he let the metal case swing from his arm like a pendulum.

Boss, meanwhile, rolled his eyes as he heaved the case onto his back with ease. "Whatever lets you sleep at night, missy."

"And the second," Nami continued, patting a much more normal-looking briefcase. "Contains ฿100 million in bills, to be used for immediate payment. Now then, considering your survival instincts… Cross?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said tiredly, extending my own arm. She clicked the cuff around my gauntlet and one of the briefcases, while cuffing the other to herself.

I tested the weight briefly. Heavyish, sure. Not light by any measure, but at least it wasn't too much of an inconvenience.

Nami then proceeded to direct our attention to the other five pairs of cases. "Now, as for the rest of this gold, it goes back to the Merry for now, to be stored and divided up. And considering that the fastest and most secure way back is through the water… GUARDS!"

The TDWS abruptly straightened and saluted. "YES MA'AM!" they barked in unison.

"Take the cases and swim back to the Merry. Load it onboard and then resume your responsibilities guarding the ship. And if you lose any of the gold along the way…"

Within moments, the cases were gone, and only trails of bubbles indicated where the dugongs had vanished to as well.

Nami sniffed primly. "You've trained them well, Boss."

"Thank 'ye kindly," the dugong tipped his cigar with a smirk.

"Right. Now, then, let's saddle up and get going!" I declared as I hopped into the boat Lassoo was snoozing in.

"Right," Vivi nodded as she and Carue settled into their own vessel, while Conis took the third. "And remind me again what you call those accents?

"So, ya guys all ready to go?" the bull who was towing me and mine asked eagerly. "Just tell ol' Two-Fin Joey where ya wanna go and we'll getcha before you can say 'Galley-La?"

"Brooklyn," I grit out from behind the hand I had pressed to my face. "It's racist-as-shit Brooklyn."

"BE GLAD THAT THEY'RE amphibious enough that I can do anything AT ALL! 'Sides, they're a species of cabbies, WOULD YOU RATHER I'D USED UNIDENTIFIABLE MIDDLE-EASTERN ETHNICITIES!?"

"Grgrgggghrghhhh…"

"Ey, oh, relax, my friend, relax!" Joey chuckled casually. "As it is, we guys are just happy to be able to talk at all, along with the rest a' da bulls near yah little friend here! It's mighty convenient for business, it is!"

"Heh, I do what I can!"

"Yeah? Well, what you 'can' just got youse and yours some very powerful friends!" The bull's grin widened by several teeth. "Congratulations, you've got friends in the Union!"

I cocked an eyebrow curiously at the comment before shrugging it off, deciding to puzzle it out later. "Sounds great. I'd be a bit chattier usually, but right now, we're a bit pressed for time. Mind stepping on it so as to head for the quickest way to Franky House?"

"Ya mean Big Boss Gom an' Sod's home? No prob!" Joey nodded confidently as he turned his head back around. "Youse'll be there before ya know it!"

"Great!" I nodded thankfully before waving over my shoulder at the rest of our crewmates. "Good luck, guys!"

"You too!" Luffy waved back.

And with that, we were off, our Yagaras tugging us down water-logged street after water-logged street. I took the time to enjoy the truly exquisite scenery as we went, but in the process, I noticed the tension present in my crewmates, who were constantly looking around for danger.

"Come on, guys, relax a little, will you?" I prompted with a chuckle. "Sure, we've got a lot of cash on us, but we've also got some damn good firepower on our side too. Nothing's gunning for us, so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride, no? Observe!"

Deciding to lead by example, I leaned back as we approached a rounded a corner and started to approach a bridge, utilizing my briefcase as a makeshift pillow. It was almost like a lazy river, it was so relaxing. Ah, what a beautiful day.

The sun was shining…

Seagulls were cawing…

Clouds were drifting…

Miss Friday was eating water-water meat on the railing of that upcoming bridge…

…

Waaaaaaaaait a second.

I snapped up into a sitting position just as our bulls were entering the bridge's underpass and confirmed that yes, there was a buzzard perched on the structure's railing. She was clad in a pristine three-piece suit, a fedora, and sunglasses and was serenely tearing away at a shank of meat that she had in her talon. Not once did her reflective gaze leave my own until the bridge broke our line of sight.

"Sooooundbiiiiite?" I began in a very deliberately calm voice as I twisted my neck to watch behind us.

"One bird in a CITY, GOOD LUCK DIFFERENTIATING!" Soundbite squawked fearfully, having noticed the exact same issue.

"Cross, what's wrong?" Vivi asked in concern.

"Miss Friday just saw us into a killbox…" Lassoo growled, grinding his paws into his muzzle.

"It's THE UNLUCKIES THREE, The Revengening!" Soundbite snarled.

Vivi promptly paled in terror. "Shit."

"Precisely," I nodded grimly.

"The 'Unluckies'?" Conis asked in confusion.

"What's that, some kind of a wannabe rock group?" Su snarked.

"I wish," I snarled aggravatedly before snapping my fingers. "Joey, guys, fullstop, stay under the bridge."

The yagara twisted his head around to look at me in confusion as he and his friends complied. "What's up, bub? You'se know dat wrinkly featha'd thing?"

"You could say that," I growled irritably as I eyed the mouths of the bridge uncomfortably. Damn it, I needed to think… "Mr. 13 is an otter and Miss Friday is a vulture, and both are professional assassins. Soundbite and I managed to spark a vendetta a while back, and it appears that they're being more diligent than I thought in their efforts to kill the two of us before they retire. They're trained with guns and knives and they're no pushovers physically either; get in their way, and you're likely to wind up either maimed or dead. Any questions?"

"Yeah, just one," Lassoo raised his paw with a flat look.

"What?"

"We saw Miss Friday waiting for us outside… so where's Mr. 13?"

I tensed as I realized what he was saying. "Ah… that's…"

Soundbite blinked in surprise before whipping his eyestalks around curiously. "Hey, yeah, that's right! WHERE IS THE DAMN WATER—!"

Soundbite choked off in horror, and we slowly turned our gazes to look at each other, before sloooowly looking downwards.

A moment of silence.

Then…

"MERDA!"

I snapped to the front of the boat and slapped my hand on Joey's back. "DEATH FROM BELOW, GOGOGO!"

It was a testament to the bull's experience that he didn't even question me, instead complying without hesitation and snapping from zero to sixty in half a second.

SPLASH!

Considering how Mr. 13, clad in his own somehow-pristine suit and fedora, suddenly exploded out of the water we'd been floating over a moment earlier, a spinning, rabid flurry of blades and violence that would have doubtlessly eviscerated us in seconds? He wasn't a second too slow.

Sadly, seeing as 13 started tearing after us a moment later when he made contact with the water, ripping through the surface as though it were paper? His reflexes weren't rusty either.

"CROSS!" Vivi called after us in concern.

"STICK TO THE PLAN!" I shouted back. "I'LL DRAW THEM OFF, YOU JUST KEEP GOING! I'LL SEE YOU AT FRANKY HOUSE!"

Within moments we were at the mouth of the overpass—

Where Friday suddenly swooped into view, wings flared and underslung machine guns trained on us.

Without missing a beat, I jabbed my finger at her with a snarl. "CANI-BLAST!"

Lassoo dropped his jaw open and roared, sending a pillar of blazing air at the bird.

He missed, of course, on account of the vulture flapping her wings and nimbly dodging out of the way of the blast, but he at least managed to give us a long enough reprieve that Joey was able to hang a hard right and tear down a water-filled alleyway.

As our mount churned up the water in an effort to escape, I took the time to glance back at our pursuers.

Miss Friday above, flapping after us and training her guns on us in hopes of squeezing off a shot, while Mr. 13 pursued below, ripping through the water at speeds equivalent to a cheetah.

Really, there was only one way to define this situation.

"Gentlemen," I announced grimly. "The hunt is on."

Patient AN: May it be that ye are wiser now, lest we surprise you again with something so very… farfetched, as the idea that we would ever make a normal chapter less than ten thousand words.

Xomniac AN: Also, just FYI, CV had to check out before he could run a total final check, so forgive any errors you see, we'll release an updated version once he's had his time.

Cross-Brain AN: And for those of you who are complaining about Omatsuri not being canon, we present a compromise in the form of the following epilogue omake:

Before she held out the papers in her hand, Kokoro paused thoughtfully and then spoke again. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask, and now that you're not all depressed about your ship…" She trailed off, clearly thinking over what she was going to say. "How are you holding up after Omatsuri?"

"What's Omatsuri?"

Kokoro turned to stare at Luffy. "You know, the island you just visited?"

"Wait, really?" Luffy said, tilting his head to the side. "I thought it was called Ling Ling Rong Island or something like that."

"That's Long Ring Long Island, Luffy," Nami reflexively corrected.

"Yeah, that!"

Kokoro blinked, still staring at Luffy. "You're saying you didn't go to Omatsuri Island?"

"Yeah!" Luffy replied, before tilting his head to the side. "Wait, what's Omatsuri Island again?"

"The one you just visited!"

"I don't remember that island," Luffy said. "What did we do on it, again? Because I don't remember that island."

"Yes, you said that already!" Kokoro snapped, her annoyance clearly growing.

"Captain," I interjected. As amusing as it was watching this, we did have a tight appointment to make. "Do you ever get nightmares?"

"What are those?"

"Well, that answers that," I said smugly. "I don't know why we all had the same nightmare a few days ago, but I'm gonna blame it on Grand Line weirdness and call it a day."

Kokoro looked around at the Straw Hats as realization swept over her. "You… You're denying that anything happened to you. Do you actually think that that'll work!?"

We all glanced at one another before giving her a confused look. "Do we think what will work?"

Kokoro silently worked her jaw for several seconds. Ultimately, though, she just threw her hands up in exasperation. "Fine! A nightmare! Believe what you want!"