Sixteen

The day had come. I had to say my last few words to my best friend and I don't think I was ready, how do you even form a good enough sentence? but then again, I should have seen this coming, who in my life has stayed with me? I have my mum, that's really all the family I have had that haven't decided to kill themselves or gotten hurt by something life changing. I should be used to pain by now, I used to be so good at getting bad news and dealing with it and now look at me, I'm all soft and warm, I couldn't hurt a fly with the way my brain is now wired, all thanks to Vincent, I had a new look to life like it was worth living and every moment I had to live the fullest.

"Are you going to eat at least a bite?" Vincent whispered over to me as we sat at the kitchen table eating Helena's favourite morning breakfast, it was a cream cheese bagel with whatever you wanted inside, I went for Salmon but Vincent had a Bacon one compliment but her signature almond milk iced coffee, could you blame me for not eating? I wasn't hungry the only thing I cared about was what I was going to tell her as they pulled the plug, do I tell her that I wish it was me instead of her? do I tell her that I would miss her, or maybe I tell her that I will see her soon and that we love her with all our hearts, maybe I don't say anything at all it's not like she can hear us anyway, right?

I looked over at Vincent with a tired and sad look on my face and brought the bagel up to my mouth and slowly took a bite, he nodded and rubbed my back as I swallowed it and placed the bagel back on the plate, the room was quiet both the mums quietly eating and Zack also doing the same, nobody really had anything to say or wanted to bring up the sad event that we were going to have to deal with today, it was not comfortable silence but it definitely wasn't too uncomfortable.

We all loaded into the car and made our way to the hospital, we were greeted by Dr Wheeler who also looked worse for wear, " I know this is a rough decision to make, Helena was always so kind hearted and even though she was a pain in the ward sometimes I loved her like my own daughter" Dr Wheeler said as we were all standing outside her room, really just not wanting to go in and far the music.

We walked in to be greeted by Helena sound asleep and a man sitting in the chair next to her also passed out asleep "Max?" Patricia asked a little louder then she had expected to sound, he shot up and adjusted himself on the chair letting go of Helena's had and looking over at us, "Oh I am sorry I was just on my way out" he got up out the chair and started to collect his jacket when I sighed "No! stay, this is your daughter to, I know you weren't on best terms but you are here now, she needs her family here one last time" I said as Vincent grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, I looked up at him and gave him a half-hearted smile "you've got this, it's Helena's day today remember" I whispered to him as I rubbed his hand with my thumb and he took a deep breath.

Vincent and his dad still hadn't been on speaking terms and you could tell, even though I asked him to stay I think I regretted that as soon as we started to make ourselves comfortable in the room, Dr Wheeler brought in more chairs so that we could all sit down and just be with Helena for a few hours before everything was finalised, the room was silent and the atmosphere was horribly thick and gloomy.

"Anyone want to speak, I hate that in this time and space all this tension is apparent, can you not feel connected for once, just in this moment for Helena?" I spoke out as everyone started to fidget in their seats, "okay I take that as a no, Mr Ricci may I ask why you are not on speaking terms with your son?" I asked as I swivelled myself on my chair so I was facing Vincent's dad, "Did Vinnie do something wrong? is it still you are not over the fact he found out about Helena?" I asked as he looked down at his hands then back up at me, Vincent shuffled in his seat looking between myself and his dad, "I have been trying to sort myself out, that news was settled in the worst way possible and I hurt both Helena and Vincent, I could see myself in Vincent, partying, drinking, doing stuff I shouldn't be just to deal with things that were out of my hands, I felt like I let my son down, he was looking for a role model and that was something I couldn't be" he said as I looked Vinnie who was squeezing the sheer life out of my hand, "I wanted to tell you, I wanted to let you know about Helena but it was never the right time and you were this star and I didn't want you getting bad press and just negative things thrown at you" Mr Ricci spoke directly to Vinnie as we all just listened into this man completely break down in front of us.

"I just wanted some help, this is beyond Helena, where were you before I found out about Helena?, always pushing me to do things because it brought in money and not for my wellbeing or because I wanted to do it" Vinnie spoke up as he was very much still squeezing my hand, I think he had forgotten that I was a living person and not a stress ball, Mr Ricci took a deep breath and sighed as he got ready to speak "I am sorry I wasn't there, I want to do better, I want to be there for you and your mum and your brother, I swear I am trying my best" Vinnie rolled his eyes and I swatted his shoulder.

"And as for me?" Patricia spoke up as Mr Ricci snapped his eyes over to Patricia who was now looking at him for some kind of answer, I was getting a bad feeling about Patricia, I know she was lonely towards me but it was different towards others, she seemed to be giving very pick me, what about me vibes and I wasn't liking it.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to apologise enough for what I left behind after our divorce and cut off, I mean yes I understand I did a lot of things wrong but I know that it was you who cut Helena and I off, I tried my best and helped via money that now Helena will die with only knowing, I hope that after this we can have a better relationship, even if she is no longer" he added as she had a little frown on her face, I guess she wasn't happy being placed with the blame, she took a big sigh and nodded slowly "I can't be asked to argue with you about this whole relationship with Helena, but I think she would want us to be civil and have some kinda of relationship after she has gone" she looked over at him as he nodded with a weak smile.

Dr Wheeler came in and the room fell silent again, "So are we ready to proceed with the last few words and goodbyes" he said with sadness draped into his words, as if the room had already had tension in it we all took a deep breath in unison and the goodbyes started.