Seventeen

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I think I have had to do, I ended up telling Helena that I would live her life through me, even if that meant to fully give in to the fact that there is a higher possibility that I do survive the second time, I promised her that I would look after Zack and remind him that she would want him to move on and find her in someone else, I also let her know that I wouldn't be letting Vincent go even if my life depended on it, I was sticking to my promise to her.

A few days later Vinnie was getting more tattoo's to his already tatted arm and just by pure instinct I thought why the hell not, so I decided to get a tattoo in tribute to keep Helena as close to me as possible, and my mum very much disagreed and hated it because she thought that I had Helena in my heart, why would I need her on my body, but in my heart wasn't enough and I missed her voice and her humour and just her absolute hate for life, I got "Am I there yet?" on the side of my boob as well as the letter H on my middle finger in red ink, this was my way of letting her know I was always going to think of her. My little Angel.

"It feels weird not being able to speak to someone you know, while I'm doing college work, and going shopping is different, even skateboarding feels weird," I said as I was sitting in Vincent's room as he was doing some kind of video on his phone for his fans, he looked over at me and smiled weakly "you'll get used to it babe, it's only been a few weeks nobody expects you to get over it just like that," he said as I nodded and scrolled through my phone looking at all the new things that had happened recently, nothing much but nothing I couldn't distract myself with.

After a while of doing absolute nothing Vincent spoke up "maybe we should go to a party tonight, get your mind off of everything, and just enjoy it" I looked over at him with a confused yet shocked face on me, "are you serious? it's only been a week, am I allowed to morn still?" I asked as he shrugged and smiled cheekily "please for me, I promise you, you can cry and sob afterwards, I'll even lend a shoulder" he said as I smiled a little from the corner of my mouth and then rolled my eyes "fine, but only because Helena would want me to" I pointed my finger at him and wiggled it a little.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

I wasn't sure what party it was that we were going to but all Vincent had said to me was that I would have to dress somewhat smart yet somewhat casual, since our little relationship became official, I actually had to start wearing clothes that allowed me to look presentable, I had started wearing corsets and suit trousers and just you know presentable clothing. Tonight, was the same vibe as whenever Vincent asked me to go out somewhere, it was always nice, so I decided on a corset and trouser combo.

"Vinnie! I need some help" I shouted from his bathroom, I was nearly finished getting ready, I had done my makeup, nothing too fancy it was a simple gold eyeshadow, white liner on my waterline, and then just concealed the parts of my face that had started to de-colour and looked blotchy.

"what's up" he entered the bathroom to see me staring at myself in the mirror and holding onto my corset, I looked at him through the mirror with a little smile as he returned the expression and rubbed his hands together "you need a little help huh?" he asked as I rolled my eyes and turned around and nodded, the only thing with getting ready and looking the part was I actually made an effort sometimes, so I had put on some stick-on nails and well I was useless with them on.

He walked closer to me and took a hold of the corset, "you gonna keep the bra on?" he asked as I stifled a laugh, sometimes I forget that Vinnie is still a boy and they still have the tendencies to let their minds wander to places that are definitely not needing to be wandered to at times, "no but you aren't going to see anything you shouldn't be, so less talking and strap me up" I said as he did just that without any further questions.

We weren't at that part in our relationship where we had seen everything and were super comfy with each other's bodies yet and that was fine, I mean that kind of stuff takes time and even though I was this new more positive person I didn't want to give him false hope about me being here forever and well yeah, I couldn't give him what he wanted and then die on him, it wouldn't be fair to him or myself.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The party was pumping, it was like all the parties we had been to before, like that one where Libby got super drunk and fell asleep in Vinnie's bed, yeah it was exactly like that but for like posh people.

"Vinnie!" a voice yelled from the top of the staircase, we both looked up to see this guy with jet black hair slicked up into a quiff, he had an open shirt on and a blazer with suit pants to match his jet black hair, Vinnie smiled and let go of my hand as the guy came down and embraced him into a bear hug, "this must be the best-kept secret yet huh?" the guy looked over at me as I smiled and did an awkward wave, he chuckled and pulled me into the same hug as Vinnie was currently in, after a few minutes we pulled away and I let my eyes roam around the room "do you guys want a drink? I have beer, wine, you name it?", I still hadn't gotten the boy's name but alcohol was involved so I wasn't too concentrated on his name, "I am all good man, I am driving so can't be under the influence" Vinnie winked over at me and then looked back at his friend, "come on Vin, one won't hurt" he pleaded with Vinnie but Vinnie is pretty good at being blunt and not backing down from his word, so this guy should have seen the no coming.

Feeling out of place was a normal thing for me, it comes with the nature of my being, just accepting that I was allowed to be cancer-free once and people even then didn't treat me like I was normal, it was always "are you sure you can drink that?" or "are you sure you are allowed to do that?" like yes, that's why I am doing it.

Anyway, what I am leading to is that the more Vinnie got comfortable with being at the party the more I got uncomfortable with being the party, it wasn't the same as when Helena was here to distract me from feeling out of place, I was the only one in the room that was terminally ill and you couldn't deny that be a fact. I felt like crap.

I think Vinnie could sense that I was uncomfortable, he tightened his grip on my waist as we were now standing in the kitchen listening in to a couple's conversation about how different it's been since they moved in with each other, it was fascinating to me that young teenagers and adults were moving in with each other, especially at like 19 years old and 20 years old, I don't think as a 20-year old I'd move in with Vinnie if he asked, that's too much-married life kind of drama to live with right now, let alone when the time comes.

Vinnie and I had split up, I was with the girls and he was with the guys, which was a rookie mistake seen as I literally had nothing in common with the rich girls of Hollywood, "So how crazy was it when you and Vinnie started talking?" Josslyn asked as we were all sitting on the beach stairs near the pool, each with a cup of beer, me with a cup of juice, their eyes darted at me and sunk into my eyes burning my face up, "um I mean he was an egotistical narcissist that needed to be taught a few lessons but I guess he found a soft spot for me and vice versa" I said with a questionable tone.

"Aw, that's so cute! like an enemy to lovers kinda relationship, you guys look so cute together as well like especially with you know...your cancer" Liv said in a whisper as the girls darted an angry look at her and then looked back at me, I was a little taken back obviously but at the same time it's a fact and I shouldn't be angry at her from stating it, "Ignore Liv, she's a bit of a dits when it comes to being insensitive" Josslyn said as I nodded and took a sip of my drink "anyway, you guys must love living this life" I said changing the subject so that they could ramble on about their cars and money and I could overthink everything they had just said.

"and then I was like...uh no" the girls all burst out laughing as I shook my head and brought myself back to reality, I had been in my head about just everything and I guess the rich talking about their riches does make you dose off, "Look who it is," Mandy said as we all looked over to the boy walking towards the girls, he had a little smirk on his face and I rolled my eyes as he got closer and stood behind my beach chair looking down at me "look at them" the girls cooed as I smiled up to him, he winked at me and then reached over and grabbed my cup and took a sip "hey!" I said as I stretched up and as he finished he played it back in my hands and thanked me.

"you guys are so cute! I ship this so badly" Mandy said as Josslyn rolled her eyes "they are already together you idiot! you can't ship a ship that's already sailed you goose" Josslyn added as I laughed "so what are we talking about here?" Vinnie asked as the girls looked at him in awe "we were just talking about the latest with us nothing too fancy" Liv said as Vinnie leant on his arms against my chair then kissed me on the cheek "that's good to hear" I frowned my eyebrows at the smell of alcohol on his being.

"have you been drinking?" I whispered barely audible, he tore his eyes from the girls and looked down at me with a frown and then lowered his head so I could repeat myself, "have you been drinking?" I repeated as he rolled his eyes "I've had one, that's it" he added, I know what one cup of alcohol smelt like, I knew it wasn't what he smelt of right now, I can literally smell the types of alcohol he had consumed, "I can smell vodka and cider so a little confused how that can be sold together?" I said as he looked down at me again with a deep frown "really? right now? I could have easily asked for a mixed drink or mixed the drinks in one cup myself" he added as I got up and grabbed my phone from my pocket.

Vinnie was hot on my heels and the girls didn't really say anything, I guess they assumed couple troubles or I needed to pee or something, "I think that's all for tonight" I said as I stormed into the house and right out the other end and onto the pavement "we'll have to leave your car here and get an Uber or I can call my mum to pick us up" I said as I unlocked my screen to see a message from my mum

Mum - Where are you? it's late, are you still with Vinnie?

Me - On our way home now

I looked over at Vinnie who was sitting on the floor just looking up at me "what are you doing?" I was getting more and more agitated as the night went on with his boy, I mean first drinking when you said you weren't going to and then now sitting on the floor just being a drunk idiot "get up and let's get home".

me - can you pick us up, please.

mum - Sure! send the address to me

I sent my mum the address and she was going to be here in about 20 mins to half an hour to say I was over the moon it was a short drive was an understatement, "mum is gonna be here soon" I said as I looked over to nobody "Vinnie?" I shouted as I saw the door to the party wide open "uh man" I said as I trailed back up into the house and looked around, no sign, I walked a little more inside but still no sign, however, I did see his friend the jet-black hair guy, "hey jet black hair" I shouted as he spun around with eyes red as the blood moon and clearly out of it "here we go, have you seen Vinnie?" I muttered and asked as he smiled and nodded " he said he was hiding from his girlfriend I don't know where though" he said as I rolled my eyes, I was glad that he wasn't walking around the street or abducted but this was childish, "well when you see him tell him I've gone home" I said, not the brainiest of ideas because I doubt the kid will remember but it wasn't like I wouldn't drop him a text too.

I wasn't waiting up for him and he had his car here so he could stay here and then drive home in the morning when he was back to feeling himself but for now, it's all about my safety and where the hell my mum was.