CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 9

When I awaken, I do so by the blinding light coming through the window and shining wondrously into my eyes. I bury my face in the pillow with a grunt escaping my lips. The last thing I want to do is get up from the softness of this bed.

"Close the window" I tell James without opening my eyes.

He ignores me.

"Close the window, James" I repeat, this time adding a jerk to his leg that is crushing me at the waist.

"You close it" he growls, slapping my ass with a gentle slap.

At what point did we come to these confidences, Thea?

The moment you allowed him to have his face between your legs, my rational self tells me with an evil look.

"Where's the gentlemanliness?" I ask, opening my eyes for a second to see his sleepy face just inches from mine. "Go and close it, James."

"I never said I was a gentleman" something akin to a snort escapes his lips. "Shut up and let me sleep, my Mouse."

"Ush, rude" I retort, standing up.

"Ush, rude" I hear him mimic me, but I choose to ignore him.

In between my clumsy sleepy steps where I juggle my way to the window, I stumble against his study table. A notebook falls to the floor as a result of my clumsiness.

"Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy Thea" I scold myself under my breath as I pick up the booklet.

Oh, wait.

That's me, I think as I look at the sheet where the booklet has fallen open.

I look over my shoulder to make sure James is still asleep, and when I see that he is, I turn the next page to find my face drawn in charcoal again. I'm surprised because I didn't know James drew and knowing that I'm the one he's drawing brings a strange, but at the same time familiar feeling to my belly.

I keep turning the pages to find more and more drawings of me. It's me laughing, in others I'm thinking, in a few more I'm serious. It's me just being me. And I don't know what kind of magic his drawings have because through them I look really pretty. I would even say beautiful.

Is that how he sees me?

The thought brings a smile to my lips.

I turn another page to find another drawing of me, but this one is different because it only shows my profile and I'm wearing a hat I vaguely remember. It was light blue and as soft as cotton. I remember that was the reason I bought it, because of how comfortable it was. It felt like my head was on cotton pillows when I wore it. It was my favorite hat until it stopped being mine. And what surprises me is not that he drew me in that hat because I wore it so much, what surprises me is that that hat Diane stole from me months ago. Many months ago. About five months ago when we were just starting the school year.

Since then, I haven't worn it.

"What are you looking at?" James asks behind me.

I don't dare turn to face him, I just stare at the portrait of me in the booklet.

"S-since when do you like me, James?"

"What?" I can hear him stand up from the lazy shuffle of his feet as he walks. "What are you talking about?"

"How long have you liked me?" I shiver when I feel his presence behind me.

"Oh, shit" he rests his jaw on my shoulder. "That's fucking embarrassing. I wasn't planning on you seeing my drawings."

"So?" I turn my face a little to meet his profile. "Since when do you like me?"

"A long time" he accepts, saying the words softly. "Since the first time I saw you, to be honest."

"And why didn't you ever say anything to me?"

"What chance did I have?" He laughs slowly against my neck, like a whisper of laughter. "You were dating Mathew's ass-licker" he remains silent as he stares at the drawing in my hands next to me. "The first time I saw you, you were wearing that hat. You looked so full of life to me. Always smiling at people as if they were all your favorite person in the world, so different from me. You were constantly blushing and I had no idea why you were doing it. Sometimes you would just stare at a fixed point and smile by yourself, as if you were in your own world. Then I was surprised to have this strange desire to know your mind, to know you. I had never desired anything with such fervor before... So that first day while all the teachers were showing up to start the shitty new school year, I was trying to catch a glimpse of you while I was drawing you."

"That's why you only drew my profile" I mumble, musing out loud.

"It was the only view I had of you from where I was sitting. You know, the last seat in the classroom" his voice is soft against the skin of my neck and sends electricity throughout my body. "You wore that hat practically every day, until one day you didn't come in with it anymore."

"Diane stole it from me," I say grimly. "And now it looks awful. She's put glitter and some patches on it that make it look like it belongs to a clown."

"I'm not surprised."

"I wish you would have told me how you felt" I bring my hands to his hands, which are on my belly covered by his T-shirt.

"Of course not, you were afraid of me" well, that's true, but only because I didn't know him. "That's why, when I was fortunate enough to have Mathew's ass-licker send you to sit with me, I did my best not to talk to you. You were trembling around me, you know that?"

"Well..."

He laughs at my insecure tone of voice.

"But I wasn't going to waste my chance to get close either. So I was just about to find my way to you when you showed up with that box of chocolates" I blush as I remember. "It was my perfect opportunity and then I discovered something new."

I laugh as he snakes the tip of his nose around the arch of my neck.

"What?"

"I had the ability to piss you off so easily."

I roll my eyes because he's right.

"You were a... a... an asshole."

"That foul mouth," he says amused, "I have to say that being an asshole comes naturally to me, but with you I was making more of an effort because I loved pissing you off."

"That's not funny, James."

"It was fantastic," he laughs against my skin again, "You weren't afraid of me anymore, now I was pissing you off and I thought it was so hilarious."

I frown because I don't agree with him.

"Why would it be funny for you to piss me off?"

"Because I've always been used to girls doing what I told them to do, without objection. With you everything was new. You never said or did what I expected" he turns me around to meet his gaze and takes the booklet out of my hands to put it back on his study table. "And because I pissed you off, I was able to find a way to get to you little by little."

"Did you have it all coldly calculated?" I ask.

"No" he smiles and Holy Macarena, he even looks handsome when he's just woken up. "But I can say that things went in my favor."

"You can say" I agree with him. "Hey, hands off!" I scold him when he shamelessly slips his hands down my shirt to wrap around my waist, leaving a clear view of my underwear in his wake.

"After what we did last night, you shouldn't be embarrassed if I see your underwear, Mouse."

Did he have to remind me? That the memory is latent in me as if it happened a second ago. I still can't believe I let him do... do that to me!

"And what are you going to ask me now? To pose naked for you?" I ask as the image of Rose posing for Jack in the movie Titanic invades my head. Where could I get a diamond like the one she wore?

"Mmmm..." he murmurs with his lips on the skin of my neck. "It wouldn't be a bad idea."

"James..." I notice when his fingers start playing with the elastic of my panties.

"I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?" He asks and although I don't see him, I do feel his smile on my skin. And I'd bet all my mom's cookies that it's his cocky grin he's wearing right now.

"No, you're not doing anything wrong" I swallow as he pulls me up on his study table. "You're just turning my world upside down."

"That sounds very tempting to me, Mouse" just as his hand is about to enter my underwear, the door rings with a resounding bang.

"Open the door, Nate!" Someone shouts at the top of their lungs.

"Fucking Dereck" James drops his forehead on my shoulder and grunts some poorly understood expletives. "Timing as usual."

"If you're not out in five minutes, I'll get the keys and come in!" Dereck shouts.

"Go take a bath, Mouse" James breaks away from me with his body fully tensed and without looking at me turns around to turn his back to me. "I wait for you downstairs" I stop his hand before he moves further away.

"Wait, are you angry?" He denies without looking at me. "Then why don't you look at me?"

I can hear him take several deep breaths before he answers me: "Because if I do, I'm not going to give a shit that Dereck is on the other side of the door and I'm going to finish what I was about to start."

I swallow hard.

"Oh."

"I'll wait for you downstairs, Mouse."

And he leaves the room without looking at me at any point.

***

I focus my gaze on my hands because the bluish gaze of the boy sitting in front of me at the dining table has me totally nervous.

"So, Thea" Dereck pronounces my name with amusement, "did you spend the night with Nathan?"

I fiddle with my hands and avoid his gaze as much as possible.

He and Anna have come to tidy up the house. I felt a little guilty because they put everything in its place while James and I were asleep.

"Leave her alone!" Anna shouts lovingly at him as she prepares breakfast in the kitchen. I offered to help her, but she absolutely refused.

"Let me do it" he grumbles like a little boy. "I'm not bothering her. She's happy to talk to me. Aren't you, Thea?"

Why is James taking so long bathing?

"I..." I bite my lip. "Yes?"

A smile stretches across Dereck's lips and if James didn't exist in my life, I would surely be dazzled by his smile. It's completely beautiful.

"See, my love?" He says loud enough for Anna to hear. "Thea loves to talk to me" he leans back against the back of the chair and rests his hands together on the table as if this were a police interrogation. "What are your intentions with Nathan?"

"I... What?

"You know" his eyebrows furrow in a frown that could be feigned. "Do you want him just to steal his virtue?"

"His v-virtue?"

James is a virgin?

"I was kidding" he shakes his head with another smile and then stares at me again. "Are you really interested in him?" I nod shyly and he raises his eyebrows in astonishment. "I can't believe it. Do you know he's a bitter, messy, foul-mouthed, lazy, carefree, irresponsible and..."

"And stop trying to scare Thea" James finally comes in and smacks his upside the head hard. "Thanks for reminding her of my shortcomings."

"I was just making sure she knew what she was getting into with you" his eyes sparkle as Anna sets the breakfast plate down in front of him.

"Thea knows me perfectly well. Thank you so much for trying to help" James sits down next to me and gives my knee a gentle squeeze that immediately relaxes me.

"You're welcome, Nate" Dereck seems totally unaware that James' words were laced with sarcasm. For now, his attention is on the food and I appreciate it because Holy Macarena, he really gets on my nerves!

"I hope you like bacon, Thea" Anna says, setting a plate of bacon and fried eggs in front of me.

"Yes, thank you" I comment, my mouth watering.

I'm so hungry!

I start eating right away. When I'm halfway through my plate, I hear James' little laugh next to me.

"What?" I ask, leaning over to him so he can talk in my ear.

"Apparently having an orgasm makes you hungry, Mouse."

I choke on my food and James' laughter becomes extremely loud.

How embarrassing!

"Holy mother, Thea" Anna comes over to me and gently pats my back, which James should be doing, but doesn't because he's too busy laughing at me. "Are you okay?"

I nod slowly as I calm down.

"I told you he was a foul mouth," Dereck says, looking specifically at me and I almost choke again.

How did he hear what James said to me?

I hear Anna laugh and sit back down to continue her breakfast.

"And how long have you been dating?" She asks, looking at James and me with sparkling eyes.

"Two months" James replies.

Two months?! But he hasn't even asked me out!

I tap his foot under the table and he immediately stifles a groan of pain with his hand.

"Two months..." Dereck muses as he looks at me with narrowed eyes. "I bet he hasn't even asked you out, or am I wrong, sweet Thea?"

"I don't need to ask her," James interjects with a growl. "She knows she's mine."

I blush completely.

"So this is for real?" Dereck suddenly becomes serious. "Does she know about your past, Nathan?"

He nods.

"She knows" he grunts.

"All of it?"

"What the fuck, Dereck?!" James yells.

"I'm just protecting you, you bastard" Anna sighs next to her boyfriend as Dereck continues talking: "Don't let his past dictate who he is, Thea" again his bluish gaze falls on me. "He's an asshole, but he's also one of the most decent guys I know."

"Shut up, Dereck..."

"In case this fool hasn't told you, I'll set you straight. He sold drugs to protect his sister, not because he wanted to. They had him under threat, he was practically forced into that world when he was just a kid in order to keep her safe. Fortunately, we've resolved those issues" Dereck completely ignores James' growls. I'm just flabbergasted at the blue-eyed man's words because I had no idea that those were James' reasons. "He almost died for her, too. Have you seen the bullet wound in his shoulder? It's proof that what I'm telling you is true."

"Love, you should let him be the one to tell her everything."

Dereck shakes his head at Anna's words.

"He will never tell her the truth" finally a smile stretches his lips. "He likes others to see him as the bad guy."

"Look, asshole..." James begins.

Dereck shuts him up again when he starts talking: "Don't expect him to say cheesy things to you or tell you he loves you. He doesn't say it in words, he shows it. So, if you know all this about Nathan and you still want him with you, go ahead. But don't go hurting him, sweet Thea. He is more vulnerable than you think."

The table falls silent when he finishes speaking.

"Well, do you want more bacon, Thea?" Anna asks to lighten the mood.

I nod, still unable to articulate a word. It is at these moments that I wish I was more normal, with the ability to speak and speak my mind without some invisible thread tangling my tongue so that I can't speak.

When Anna approaches me to add more bacon to my plate, she murmurs discreetly in my ear, "Don't hurt my brother, please."

I look at her as she sits back in her seat and give her a reassuring smile.

I'm not going to hurt him.

"Then..." Dereck speaks again: "How many condoms did you use last night?"

And just like that, the awkwardness goes away to be replaced by a more fun atmosphere.

James throws some napkins at Dereck as he continues his inappropriate comments while Anna and I laugh at his jokes.

They are a family, I think as I look at them. They protect each other and I'm thankful James has that for him. People like Anna and Dereck by his side.

I'm mesmerized watching James' smile as he listens intently to Anna, who is telling something I have no idea about because her brother's smile takes all my attention. A thought invades my head as I look at him there, sharing with Anna and Dereck.

This is Nathan, the boy who loves his family.