CHAPTER 10 [END]

CHAPTER 10

I get off James' bike when he stops it in front of my house.

"See you in class tomorrow?" I ask him, nibbling on my lip as a sign of my nerves. James hasn't said a word since we left his house, and that has my head spinning for a lot of scenarios.

"Tomorrow" he nods, looking down at his hands on the bike.

I nod as well, not knowing what else to say.

I stand in front of him, silent, waiting for him to say something.

He says nothing.

Good.

An involuntary sigh of sadness leaves my lips and I turn my body to enter the house, but James' hand stops me.

"Wait..." I don't turn around, I stay in the same position, facing the house. "Your mother won't suspect that you slept with me?"

I shake my head, disappointed by his words.

I thought he'd tell me something else.

"I'll tell her you went to Diane's to pick me up," I say over my shoulder so he can hear me. "I'll be fine."

I try to let go, but his hand puts more pressure on mine, preventing me.

"Thea, wait" he forces me to turn around, leaving me right in front of his face. "I... I don't know how to tell you."

"What?" I ask, thinking he's going to finish something we haven't started.

"What Dereck said has been gnawing at my head and I..."

"You?"

His green eyes close for a second and, when he opens them, fear shines in them.

"Do you want to be" he swallows "... my... my... my... girlfriend?" The last word is said in a barely understandable whisper, but I can read his lips.

Fireworks, like the ones that explode at Christmas, begin to explode in my belly.

"What?" I ask with a small smile.

"I..." He closes his eyes as he says: "Forget it, I'll tell you later."

Oh, he can't get any dumber. Why is this so hard for him? It's not like I'm going to refuse. I shrug and decide to play along.

"Okay" I look over my shoulder to see the neighbor's house, which now has cute newborn kittens. "As you wish" I whisper, thinking if there is milk in the fridge to take to the newborn furballs.

"What are you going to do today?" I let myself be moved by him as he pulls me into his body, his arms wrapping around my waist and his hands dropping to my ass.

"You shouldn't do that in front of my house" I tell him, referring to his restless hands on me.

"Your mother loves me" he reminds me with a smug.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that" I put my hands on his hard forearms. "If she finds out what we did last night, be sure she won't love you."

"And are you going to tell her, Mouse?" H He asks, raising an eyebrow with obvious mockery.

I deny immediately. If my mother finds out, she'll be very angry. And if my dad finds out, which he will if my mom finds out, he'll send me to a convent on the other side of the world so I never see James again.

"World War III would break out in my family" James laughs at my words, but I don't find it funny at all. Really, I'm not lying. Blood would run all over the place if they found out what happened yesterday.

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm not," I assure him fervently, but he keeps smiling, making me angry. "Hey... hey... you fool!" I hit his chest hard. "Don't make fun of my possible misfortunes."

"You're a little bit exaggerated, babe" I bite his fingers when he tries to remove my glasses. "Fuck!" He screams in pain.

"I'm going to laugh at you when your father kicks your ass about the party" I reply, feeling very smart.

Oh God, I'm getting so mean!

"That's not going to happen," he looks at me reluctantly. "You didn't tell me what you're doing today."

"A little controlling, aren't you?" The words escape my lips before I can think them. James catches his bottom lip between his teeth to keep from laughing.

"And you're getting a little sassy, aren't you?"

"Of course not!" I exaggerate the words as I pronounce them. "Anyway, tough guy, today I'm going to see my neighbor's kittens" I answer his previous question.

"What cats?"

"My neighbor's" I answer him with obviousness and a tone he doesn't like because he frowns. I smile tenderly. "What's wrong?"

"I don't like cats."

My eyes widen like saucers.

"How can you not like cats!" I pull his hands out of my T-shirt, which moments before he had reached inside to touch my skin. I fold my arms and look at him angrily. "Cats are a beautiful thing, James. Even more so when they're little. They're a furry ball of fur that look like little tigers. They want to be playing all the time. Poor sore mama gives them milk that they feed on like crazy, but I'm going to bring them some milk from home, because apparently the neighbor's cat isn't giving enough milk for the baby kittens. They are beautiful and, of course, they are not mine, but it's as if they were because the neighbor has told me that I can come and take care of them whenever I want and of course I will!..."

"Thea..."

"My mother said she would give me money to take them to a vet. As soon as they are fit to be without their mommy, I will give them up for adoption and you are going to help me. Of course, if I could, I would keep them all, but at home they will only let me have one and that's why I am very sad, but I can't do anything because daddy..."

My words are silenced by a kiss.

I hit his chest and immediately pull away.

"I was talking to you!" I yell at him, hitting his chest again.

"Christ, Thea" he shakes his head as he laughs. "You sound like a tape recorder. And I didn't understand half of what you said."

"Of course not," I grumble, "You weren't paying attention to me."

"Of course I was!" He protests. "But I only understood the words cat, milk and I want to kiss James."

"Hey, I didn't say the word..."

Again he shuts me up with a kiss.

I hit his chest and push him away again.

"Stop..."

Kiss.

"James, let me talk..."

Kiss.

"Kiss me, Mouse."

I drop down on his chest and kiss him back.

Not because he told me to, it's because I want to.

His huge hands are firm on the skin of my waist, pulling me closer to him to intensify the kiss. I pull away when a growl escapes his lips and his bold hand reaches my ass again.

"We're in front of my house," I tell him, breathing hard, "Don't be mischievous, Mom can see us."

He grumbles, but listens to me because he knows I'm right.

"See you tomorrow at school," he gives a last kiss on my forehead. "Good luck with the cats, crazy cat lady."

"Assh..." I shut up when I realize what a swear word I was about to say.

No, no, no! How rude, Thea! - I think to myself.

I feel myself turning as red as a tomato when I hear James' loud laugh.

Holy Macarena, I spoke out loud. Now he's going to wonder what kind of crazy lady he spent the night with.

"Bye-bye" a nervous giggle escapes my lips.

I turn to retreat inside my house, dead embarrassed.

"You're adorable and just a little crazy!" He screams as I put my feet on the driveway.

Holy mother, did I think out loud again?

I hear James' loud laugh again and, steeling myself, I turn and give him the rude middle finger. His laughter gets louder and, before I can yell a swear word at him, he yells at me: "Pretty!"

A stupid grin forms on my lips. Then the words come out of my mouth before I can think: "Yes, I accept to be your girlfriend!"

I rush into the house, but before I do, I catch a glimpse of a smile forming on his lips. When I'm in the shelter of it, I lean my back against the closed door, feeling my heart beating fast against my chest.

A chuckle escapes my lips, but stops abruptly when I see the person sitting in the living room at home.

"Mathew?" I blink twice to try to get a better look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"You spent the night with him," he says with his jaw clenched and standing up, "You never stayed with me, but this asshole comes along and you do whatever he tells you to do."

I don't like his tone, I don't like his words and I don't like his posture.

But I'm not willing to fight with him.

"Where is my mom?" I ask, ignoring his words and walking past him into the kitchen, where I assume she is.

Her hand takes mine and stops my steps.

"She went to buy something for dinner. She said I could stay and wait for you to arrive."

"Let go of me" I growl as she uses her grip on me to pull me closer to her body.

"I've learned my lesson, Thea," he speaks confidently, "You don't have to keep pretending you love this guy. I already understood that you go first, I won't do it again. Stop with your lesson or revenge, whatever you want to call it."

"What are you talking about?"

He's lost his mind!

"You think I'd believe that story about you liking a punk like him?" He looks at me with a cynical smile on his lips. "He's not our kind, Thea. There's no comparison between him and me, accept it."

"I can assure you that punk is better than you" I spit the words angrily. "Don't compare yourself to James because you wouldn't like to know the outcome, Mathew."

"Stop pretending!" I shudder as he brings his face close to mine. "You want me and I'm going to prove it to you!"

Then he kisses me.

And I'm so stunned that I don't pull away.

All I can think as his lips move over mine motionless, is that it's not his kiss I want, it's James'.

His lips are cold, not warm. My heart doesn't flutter like crazy against my chest. My hands don't tremble and my stomach doesn't light up with fireworks.

I feel absolutely nothing.

His lips are nothing but dead weight moving over mine.

He continues to leave insistent kisses, trying to get me to react, but I don't because I want him to understand that I don't want him, not anymore.

"Kiss me, Thea," he insists, but I still don't respond.

When he finally seems to understand, he breaks away from me and turns his back to me.

"You don't love me anymore" I hear his hoarse and angry voice.

I deny even though he can't see me.

"I love you" I affirm. "But not the way you want me to."

"If I hadn't followed Ariana's whims, if I had..."

"No, Mathew. You don't understand" I say softly because I don't want to hurt him anymore. "It's not because of what happened with Ariana. I didn't fall in love with James because I wanted to forget about you. I never thought about that. It just happened and I'm sorry, but nothing that has happened between James and I, has anything to do with you. I've never thought about you when I'm with him, that's the truth."

"No, you are with him as a product of my mistakes?"

"No!" My scream surprises him and surprises me too. "If Ariana hadn't happened, I would have met James in a different way and I'm sure I would have fallen in love with him anyway. It has nothing to do with you."

"That's not true," he growls, "You fell in love with him because I failed you. If I hadn't made that damn mistake, you'd still be with me."

I'm not capable of insisting to him that none of what he says is true.

I didn't fall in love with James because Mathew was no longer with me. I fell in love with him because it was meant to be, I feel it in my heart every time I see him. And I am not able to deny Mathew's words because I am not able to tell him that what I feel for James is purer and more intense than what I felt for him.

I confused love with friendship, now I can understand it.

I just wanted to live the dream of many girls, the one who longs for her best friend because he feels they make the perfect couple. But I don't want the perfect couple, I want the tough guy in my class who makes me rage, who steals my food, who annoys me in class and who makes me love him more every day. I love James. As imperfect as he is, I want him. No one else.

"Go away, Mathew" I tell him quietly before I can say words to him that will hurt him more.

He leaves and a single tear falls from my eye.

A tear because I never meant to hurt him.

***

"Mathew talked to me today," says Ben as he walks me to my locker to put my things away.

James in the last hour of school was very strange. I have my suspicions that it was because of a text message he got and he wouldn't tell me who it was from. Also, as soon as the bell rang indicating that classes were ending, he stormed out of the classroom without telling me anything.

"Yesterday Mathew also talked to me" I tell him when we get to my locker."

"He doesn't give up on you" he looks at me with concern shining in his eyes. "I told him you were with James and he doesn't want to accept it."

"At some point he's going to have to accept it" I put things away and turn to look at him." Why did you stop talking to him? And don't say because of what happened with me, because I'm not going to believe that story."

Ben tenses visibly, proving that I'm right.

"What happened with you made me mad, but that's not why I stopped spending time with him."

"Then why?"

His gaze drops to the floor and his hands ball into fists, as if he's remembering something that infuriates him.

"When I was with Mathew, Ariana was always stuck to him like gum...I couldn't stand her."

"And that's why you distanced yourself from Mathew, because you couldn't stand Ariana?"

He shakes his head, denying.

"No, it wasn't because of that. It was because of the things she was saying," he grimaces angrily. "She kept talking shit about everyone, criticizing. But she got on my last nerve when she started ranting crap about Diane. She said horrible things about my girlfriend and I swear I didn't hit her just because she's a woman."

"And what did Mathew do?"

Ben laughs bitterly.

"He defended Ariana when I yelled at her to leave my girlfriend in peace" his eyes fix on mine, flashing with anger. "You know Diane is the most important to me, Thea. And she may be crazy, but she's my crazy and I'm not going to let hollow bitches talk bad about her. And if Mathew was going to put an apparition over our friendship, fine, that's as far as it goes..."

He shuts up when Diane comes running in, agitated and with a face full of worry.

"James and Mathew are fighting in the parking lot!"

Holy Macarena!

I knew something was wrong with James!

I run in a hurry to the parking lot, scared of the image I might encounter. And I'm scared of what I find. I'm never going to get used to seeing James like this.

He's beating Mathew like he's his punching bag.

Mathew says things to him that I can't quite hear, but they manage to make James angrier if the expression on his face is any sign of it.

"James!" I yell and he stops for just a second to look at me, a second in which Ben takes the opportunity to step between them and pull James away from Mathew.

My feet stay anchored on the concrete as I look at the state Mathew is in. Blood gushes from his lip, eyebrow and nose, but that's no deterrent for him to stand up and words begin to spill from his lips.

"You know the saying, "One nail drives out another"!" He shouts loudly, looking at James who is being held back by Ben. "That's what Thea did with you to forget about me! How does it feel to be second choice! Huh?! How does it feel to know that it's me she wants?!"

"Let go of me!" James shouts, trying to break free from Ben's grip, but taking care not to hurt him.

And that gesture only makes him love him even more.

"That's not true!" I scream as Mathew's words hit my head. "None of what you say is true and you know it!"

"Isn't it true?!" Mathew shouts back. "What about the kiss we had yesterday, Thea?! Why did you let me kiss you if you still don't feel anything for me?!"

James' face immediately uncrosses and he looks at me with a pain in his eyes that manages to pierce every molecule of my body.

"Is it true, Thea?" He whispers, pulling his eyebrows together in a wince. "Yesterday you kissed?"

"I..." the words get stuck on my tongue and tears begin to wet my face. "James..."

"Yes or no, Thea?! Answer me, damn it!"

"Yes" I accept in a sob and my heart squeezes painfully when I see him close his eyes as if he can't bear to look at me. "But..."

"Let go of me, Ben!" He shouts full of rage. "I'm not going to fucking do anything, I just want to get the fuck out of here!"

Ben gently lets go and my feet immediately run towards him.

"James..."

"No!" He shakes my hand gently as I try to stop him, "Fuck you, Thea."

I flinch at how raw his words sounded, totally devoid of feeling.

When I come out of my daze from the shock and pain I felt from his words, James is no longer in my field of vision.

My feet again try to run towards him, but a hand stops me.

"Let go of me, Mathew!" I scream in total rage, more furious than I've ever been in my entire life.

"Why can't you see that we can be together now, Thea, stop pretending!"

I explode at his words.

I explode no matter that half the school is looking at me.

"You're a fucking son of a bitch!" Mathew is stunned when he hears my scream, but I don't stop. "You know very well that nothing you say is true! You're nothing but a selfish and resentful man who can't accept that I love him! And not you!"

"It's not true..."

"Of course it's true! And the only reason I didn't separate from you yesterday when you kissed me was because I felt sorry for you! But no more, Mathew! I'm not going to let you control my life!" I push him hard in the chest. "You want the truth?! Here's your fucking truth! I never loved you, I never did!" His face fills with pain, but I don't care. "And yes, James is a thousand times better than you! There is no point of comparison and I don't plan to lose him because of your fucking selfishness! I loved you as a friend, I always did! But now you have damaged that too because after today, I don't want you near me! Never, Mathew, never!"

"Thea!" He shouts, but I ignore him completely.

My breathing is ragged as I run around the huge parking lot like a madwoman, but I'm not going to stop until I find him. And if I have to go all the way to his house to make a fuss so he'll listen to me, then that's what I'll do.

When I finally see him, he's banging like crazy on his bike.

Wild animal-like growls come from his lips and I'm startled when, with a loud kick, the bike falls to the ground with a thunderous noise.

"James!" His body tenses even more when he hears my voice.

"Go away!"

I grab his arm with a strength I didn't know I had and, when I manage to turn him towards me, I fervently crash my lips into his.

His hands don't hold me like he does when we kiss. It's just my lips on his as I do my best to elicit a response from him, but tense movements of his mouth are all I get.

At least he's kissing me back, I think, trying to inflict courage on myself.

"I love you," I whisper shyly, pulling away for only a second before bringing my mouth back to his.

He stands still and if I was getting a tense response for the kiss before, now I get nothing.

James stands completely still.

"What did you say?" He asks, pulling away from me and looking at me as if I've grown another head.

I bite my lip, now not feeling so brave under his intense gaze.

"I lov..." I take a deep breath before continuing, "I love you."

"You're lying," he says without taking his "Thea's grown another head" look off me.

"I've shouted it to Mathew in front of half the school" I wrap my arms around his neck and he doesn't push me away. "Ask them if I'm lying."

"You what?"

"You like to do everything in a big way," I reply, remembering our first kiss. "I must have learned something from you."

He keeps looking at me like I'm crazy and, indeed, he says it: "You're crazy."

I shake my head and hit his chest hard because he has pissed me off.

"I'm not lying!" I growl, pulling away from him. "Yes, yesterday Mathew kissed me, but I didn't kiss him back! I made it very clear to him that I love you and today I yelled at him that what I felt for him was just friendship!" His lips pucker to try to hide a smile that I suspect, is mocking. "He's just a selfish bastard who can't accept that I prefer you over him, because you're a thousand times better. And yes, I love you. I'm not going back on my words and you put up with it. A tough guy wants to be told he's loved too, and don't try to deny it! I'm going to tell you every, single day until you don't doubt my words. So get used to it or get used to it, because I don't plan on losing you."

I take a sharp intake of breath because I'm out of air.

"Are you done?" He asks calmly.

I look at him sulkily.

"Yes."

He smiles arrogantly.

"Repeat something I didn't hear very well... What did you say?"

"What?" I ask haughtily.

"Something about someone being a thousand times better? What was that, Mouse?"

"You're a snob!" I yell at him, angrily, "I'm not going to tell you again that you're better than Matthew!"

His arrogant smirk has never seemed so cute and punchable to me. Ush!

"You just said it again, Thea" he raises an eyebrow, now adding amusement to his arrogant smirk. "And you said something else... something you would tell me every day.... What was it? What did you say, Mouse?" He plays dumb, as if he's forgotten when we both know he remembers my words perfectly.

"No! I'm not telling you anything anymore!"

"What a pity, because I lov..." He shuts up when I look at him with an arrogant smile.

"Say it!" I shout at him, exasperated.

"I fove fou too" he mumbles between his teeth.

"What?" I ask, pretending not to know.

"That I fove fou too!" He shouts.

"Say the words right, James! It's I love you! I love you! No I fove fou!"

He very... very... very... fool shrugs his shoulders.

"I fove fou" he says, smiling superiorly.

"Ush, you idiot."

"Ush, you idiot" he imitates me, pulling me to his chest. "What was it you said yesterday before entering your house? That you accepted what?"

"That I accept to be your girlfriend" I hit his hand when he pulls my hair. "Stop it!"

"How crazy, Thea, you accept something I didn't ask for" he says with amusement.

"You asked me!"

"I don't remember" I reach out and pull him ear hard, really hard. "Fuck, Thea! It's okay, it's okay" he squeals, in pain. "We're boyfriend and girlfriend, don't abuse me."

"You asked me to, accept it" I pull harder.

"Yes, yes, I asked you to. Let go!"

I let go and smile smugly when he says the words.

"Good, boyfriend. Now get me out of here and take me somewhere we can be together."

He looks at me with a mischievous grin and I look back at him blankly.

"Are you asking me for sex, my Mouse?"

"Hey, no!"

He stops my hands when I try to hit him and pulls me in for a kiss.

I immediately give in when his tongue outlines my lower lip, asking for entrance and, of course, I give it to him so he can kiss me properly. His hands cup my face and lift it up so he can have more access to me so his mouth can continue its free intrusion. My hands make fists in his shirt when he bites down deliberately slowly.

"Okay, let's get out of here," he says as he pulls away from me.

When he lifts the bike off the ground, I say, "What a mess you made of your bike, Nathan."

He freezes when he hears my name calling.

"What did you call me?" He turns to look at me.

"Nathan? Isn't that your name?" I ask, confused.

"You always call me James."

I walk up to him and decide to tell him the truth, because there's no point in hiding it. I want him to know how much I care about him, how much I'm obsessed with him, how much I love him.

"And I'll keep calling you James, you know why?"

He nods. "Because you're forgetful."

"No" I shake my head and bring his lips to mine to whisper over them: "Because first I met James and then I met Nathan."

"Huh?" He looks at me like that again, as if he thinks I'm crazy.

"That I fell in love with James first, and then when I met Nathan, I also fell in love with Nathan."

"Honestly, Thea," I shudder as his hands slip inside my shirt to wrap around my waist. "I think you are in desperate need of a shrink. James and Nathan are the same person, Mouse."

I deny because he's wrong about that.

"Nathan is the loving boy who loves his family."

"And James?" I let him lead me on as he lifts me onto his bike and settles between my legs, running his nose along my neck. "Who is James, Mouse?" He asks again when he notices that his touch has distracted me.

I shake my head, concentrating.

"James is the tough guy in my class."

He laughs against the skin of my neck and, again, a shudder invades my body.

"I fove fou" he says, lifting his face to look at me.

And yes, I don't doubt that he does.

His words may not be clear, but his eyes are, his actions are, his heart is.

He kisses me again and there he doesn't tell me that he loves me with words. At that moment, he tells me with his heart, with his soul.

"I love you too, my tough guy."

And being James, he kisses me again without any shame, molding his hips with mine.

Holy Macarena, the tough guy in my class has turned my world upside down!

The end.