21. I See You

"Eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place."

-Robert Brault

Simon's P.O.V.- (for this chapter only)

When was the first time I saw her….? I suppose it was soon after we met, got engaged. My plan was working like a charm; I told that girl to stay away and she had. I was lucky to have such an obedient fiancée.

Wait. My eyes blinked startled. Did I just think of Miss Bridgerton as my "fiancée"? Huh, I suppose I did- unintentionally of course. She wouldn't be my "fiancée" much longer if I had anything to say about it. I didn't want to see her; I didn't want to talk to her. As soon as we were together, I couldn't get away from her fast enough. For as much as I hate to admit it, everything about her drew me in. Her pale skin, the shimmer in her eyes, the flush in her throat, the smell of her hair; they all called out to me. But I ignored their siren cries just like I ignored her. Losing her would be akin to losing a pebble in one's shoe- it couldn't happen fast enough.

So then why…..?

It was very near after the engagement ball. Lady Danbury and I were back on my estate and had just had an argument on one thing or another; I wasn't really paying attention. All I knew is that according to customs, we had to dine with the Bridgertons until the wedding. Good lord, that is the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I didn't want to dine with them; I didn't even want to mingle with them. But alas, social appearances must be cultivated. I begrudgingly agreed to go, but not without sulking at home about it first. That means I'm going to see Miss Bridgerton again soon…. Jesus! Well I'll simply turn off the charm and act like my usual cruel self; she'll get the message soon enough. Maybe she'll get it quicker if I tell her that I hate her? Do I…. hate her? Certainly I do! She's the reason I'm not still enjoying my bachelor lifestyle. Or not as much as I would like.

I had another lady of the night over that evening. I bedded her- it didn't last long. It never does. Afterwards she laid there naked while I got up to dress; I'd be spending the night in my own bedroom alone. That's the way it was- always alone for me, and that's how I liked it. I had my women when I wanted them, which made them so much better than a wife. A wife isn't someone you could dismiss as soon as you were done with her. She- I didn't know her name- gave me a peck on the cheek before I left. I decided to take a stroll through the garden before heading to bed; I liked taking my walks at night. Not that I really thought of anything while on them; the exact opposite, in fact. It was the only time of day where I got any peace and quiet, and my mind could just "be". I walked out into the garden near the rose bushes and let my mind just go anywhere of its own accord. My feet came to a halt so I might close my eyes and take in a deep breath of night air. My head tossed back with my eyes still shut. I wasn't smiling- I never smile. Only smirk. But I did enjoy this right here….. I closed my eyes, letting the cool night breeze wash over me.

A sound made me open them, and I gazed forward to the cultivated rose bushes; they were fresh in bloom. All of a sudden it was light outside, despite it being after eleven o'clock. It was clear as day and I discovered- to my utter shock- that I was no longer alone in the garden. My jaw dropped; my chest tightened as I momentarily forgot how to breathe. My hand actually drew up to clutch onto my shirt so I might not tumble backwards.

Kneeling there, right before me, was a familiar figure. Small, petite, and gorgeous. She was the most beautiful, most breath-taking thing I'd ever seen….. Only I had seen her before. This women, this…. this goddess was my fiancée, the one I called "Miss Bridgerton". She was here! She was here, kneeling down to smell the roses. While I spotted her immediately, it took her a second to peer over at me. Her flawless head spun in such a way that I came into her vision; she saw me….. and she smiled. God, her smile; it's indescribable. You'll never be able to convince me she wasn't crafted by anything less than angels. She's too perfect, too immaculate to be mortal. That wasn't me putting her up on a pedestal either; she was already high up there on her own accord. No one needed to lift her up- she was already so high above this sinful world, above me….. I swear, I could watch her for eternity and never want to look away. Why would I? I look at her and I see everything. I see the sky, the stars, the moon. I see….. My lips started to part a sliver. I see…

I see the sun.

She's like a sun, and I should look away, but her light still reaches me. How is that even possible? I know her without seeing, without looking; I need not look, and she comes to me clear as day. Yes, I know her… She's like the sun, touching my earth each and every day without my consent. Even if I don't want her to come, there she is. I see her without looking, I experience her without trying. Because that's what Miss Bridgerton is- an experience. I've looked at many other women before, but I've never "experienced" one before. I had no idea how she did that, but somehow, without my knowledge or will, she did…. She came to me like the sun she was, with that radiant light of hers. The next man who basks in her glory has no idea what he's in for…..

My body tensed up, my hands curled into unconscious fists. Wait, "next man"…..? Who said anything about a "next man"? And that was the first time I recall feeling real, unadulterated jealousy in my life.

"Uh, my lord? Is everything alright, sir?" My back has never arched sharper in my life. To my horror, I found myself surrounded by darkness again and I was breathing like I'd just been punched in the gut. I was sweating and panting, not realizing how long I'd been standing there motionless for. My head turned like a shot to see one of my watchmen nearby; he was holding up a lantern and watching me confused. I blinked at him wildly before giving my limbs a much-needed shake. "U-Um, yes! Yes, I'm fine! Everything's fine!" My voice cracked as I hollered back. Was everything fine? I…. Yes, everything was alright; why wouldn't it be? I was ok….. wasn't I? Walking back to the house was a blur. I don't remember going up to my room or getting into my bed. All I know is that the next time I opened my eyes, it was morning and I was alone again… Always alone.

No- not always alone. Not anymore. I'll never understand why, but ever since that night I'd had visions of Miss Bridgerton on a daily basis. She'd pop up in my peripheral view for the briefest of moments, and then she'd be gone as fast as she came. And I was never, ever prepared for it…. for her. Each time she was more stunning, more enchanting than the last. It got to the point where I was almost looking forward to….. But I wouldn't let myself finish that thought. How could I? Miss Bridgerton and I were going to break off our engagement. That's what I really wanted, wasn't it? Wasn't it…..? Miss Bridgerton and I would part ways, and I'd never see her again.

But somewhere deep down I secretly knew that I would. She came to me without my permission every day now, and I never got bored of her. How could I? That was impossible; one look at her and I knew that was impossible. Even if I didn't see the real Miss Bridgerton, I'd still see her… I'd see the sun rise every day.

I'd see Daphne.