Normal

Im up at six and taking a longer shower than usual. When I hear her open the shower door she is looking at me and I look away. She steps in and closes the door coming behind me she grabs onto my waist and lays her face against my back, I tense up when she does I feel her open her mouth to talk about what happened last night but I beat her to it.

"Don't." I say.

And she lets out a little breath, I take her by surprise when I turn around and pick her up, her legs wrapped around me and her arms around my neck, I bring her under the water watching as her hair turns darker under the stream. I move away her hair slowly nipping at her neck as she gently scratches my back and shoulders, she brings her head back and I suck on her warm tender skin on her neck then her shoulder when she urges for more with a whimper. I let her legs go and pushing her back against the glass, I turn her around and pin her hands up I see her slightly smirk. I push her legs apart with my foot slightly pushing my hips and forming erection against her ass, I let go of one of her hands and she grabs onto my dick shoving it into her ass. And once again I grab onto her hand returning it to the glass, I start thrusting up into her as she glides up and down the glass I graze the top of the back of her neck with my teeth. When she grabs onto the pole of the glass and my thoughts immediately head to my neighbor and then to what I did, I bring my mouth away and go faster.

I sloppily finish up leaving her in the shower with a suspicious look in her eyes. Knowing about the other things that had happened in that shower. I head out to my closet and get changed I hear her turn off the shower and start to come out but I beat her out the door. I get in my car and for the first time since Luke I head to work after taking a leave for "family problems". I'm in the car driving my head just fills with anger for no reason, I let out all my rage on the steering wheel. And I cant get the nightmare out of my head, it had been awhile since I had those memories in my head but still somehow they always came back. I get to work and step out walking I see a big ironic sign just staring at me, "Fairfax virginia hospital" I'm a surgical resident here.

                 People who say its for the money, well they don't understand, while most people want to go out have fun hang out with others the one thing it comes down to for me is the scalpel. The idea of cutting, of being in control, it all comes down to that one moment with a quiet room all except for the constant beep of the machines all eyes watching for the the slightest slip, mistake, or regret. And in that change of moments where the steady blade in our hand goes from resting to making that first incision that first look at the inside of body, its like you can breath and for the first time in a long time you don't feel like you. Instead your normal, in the eyes of others for once you're helping instead of hurting, where your secret thirst for blood is masked by the want to help others, where your want to be and look normal, for once is real. Where the self hatred stops, where the pain for tiniest amount of time is hidden. Where all the nights of asking yourself why your brain can't be normal and think and function the way everyone else's does. Where all the self doubts about you being sane go away, and the thoughts and questions to yourself about needing help disappear. And for what feels like an eternity of darkness it reveals a sliver of hope, not only in yourself and your life but in your eyes, and for once you can relax breath and smile.

                     That is until you come back into the painful reality that is life. I've been on call for the past 13 hours, it's around 9 at night and I'm starving, I stop by the nearest chinese place in hopes to stall and be gone long enough to find her sleeping. I'm quietly opening the door and it's dark and for a few seconds I'm relieved that is until the lamp next to my bed turns on as Im closing the door and I freeze, turn around and there she is.

"Oh I didn't know you'd be here," I tell her.

"Well you left me here and I wasn't gonna let you leave me like that." She says.

"I'm sorry I didn't know I had kept any promises to commit to a hoe who sleeps around with about anything with a dick that gets hard," I retaliate.

I see her eyes momentarily darken as she says, "you're right just call me next time your dick is hard and you need to get off," and she turns to leave.

"Wait," I say. And she stops.

"Don't give up on me, I know there is something wrong with me trust me I would know." I tell her.

"If anything Im the only one who really know the whole of it," I continue.

"Then tell me, I won't judge your not the only one with a bad childhood Im guessing you had one too," she says.

"It's nothing," I tell her.

And she looks at me with mysterious eyes like trying to unlock a vault in the dark.

"What happened this morning in the shower," she asks.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I coldly say.

She looks me dead in the eyes and I return the stare. I take off my shirt leaving myself in low hanging jeans that hang at the end of my v cut and barefoot, her mouth opens the slightest bit and her chest starts to rise and fall quicker and I can basically hear her moan from the bottom of her throat. She drops her purse to the ground and comes my way and I make my way toward her, I'm undressing her and she reaches down for my pants but I pull my hips away her eyes look at me with confusion and I just smile. She is in a black pair of lace panties and a matching bra I keep going as I wet my lips. When she is finally naked I grab her thighs lifting her up onto the granite counter in the kitchen, goosebumps take over her skin. I lay her down with her legs bent and I get on top hovering over her, I place my hands on the edge of the other side of the counter right in front of her shoulders I'm on my knees and I bring her legs over mine. Bringing down my zipper but not my jeans, I grab a condom holding it up to her mouth and having her rip it open with her teeth spitting out the end and taking out the condom with her mouth she places it in the grip of her lips and brings her mouth down to my already throbbing cock with the condom still in her mouth she rolls it down with her mouth putting just the slightest bit of pressure.

My dick is pulsating, the blood rapidly flowing and is hard as a rock. As soon as I enter her, her eyes flutter back and she brings her finger to mouth and sucks on it taking it back out and spreading her saliva over my lips. I grip the counter harder and begin to rock into her soft but swiftly, she grabs onto the back of my neck bringing my head down and pulling my lip in between her teeth. A groan comes and I thrust rougher and deeper bringing us both into climax, as soon as we both cum I carry her to the bed and give her a little smile I reach to the cabinet and reach for a bottle of lube. I squirt a big dollop of lube onto my hand and rub it in, I also reach for a vibrating anal butt plug and rope. I tie her hands together under her knees I stick in the vibrator but don't turn it on yet and with my lubricated hand I make a fist, with her wet clit still dripping cum from minutes ago it gives me an easy way in. The lips from her pussy halfway down my arm and wrist I push in as deep as I can and she springs back to life her eyes fully open and contracted she takes a deep breath in. Turning on the vibrator and bringing my hand in and out of her tightness its clear she's never been fisted before, I keep going until I know for sure she has gotten used to how slow my hand moved when I fiercely go at her  and her moans get louder along with her cries of pain until she cums once more. I put everything away and turn off the lights, I playfully slap her ass and get into bed but the thought of her comes into my head. The thoughts, they all come racing back I can't go to bed with her in my mind those nightmares I thought they were gone. But still my eyes betray me and they heavily close and sleep overtakes but not for long.