16. Waiting is the Hardest Part

Kara wasn’t sure how long she stayed out there on the edges of the breathable atmosphere. Long enough that she was nearly numb from the cold and the silence. Long enough that Alex’s windows were dark, her apartment still and quiet. Kara nearly turned back, reluctant to drop yet more of her problems in her sister’s lap, but she had nowhere else to go. Not with this.

And Alex would kick her butt if she spent the night freezing it out in space.

Kara tried to be quiet, swooping in through her usual window and landing softly on the rug, but she’d forgotten about Maggie.

“Fuck! Damnit, Danvers!” Maggie yelped, shaking out her hand. “Tell your freaking sister to call first!”   

“I’m so sorry!” Kara sped to the freezer and brought back an icepack. “I didn’t mean to scare you...”

“You didn’t scare me,” Maggie snarled, snatching the icepack out of her hands and pressing it to her knuckles with a sigh of relief. “If you’d been human, you’d be on the floor. You just surprised me is all. Don’t you know better than to sneak up on the people with guns?”

“What gun?” Kara felt the need to ask. “You punched me.”

“Yeah, well... I left it under my pillow,” Maggie admitted, grudgingly. “I was getting a drink of water, not checking the perimeter for intruders.”

“Kara...?” Alex mumbled, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she climbed out of bed.

“Sure,” Maggie snorted. “Sleep through the home invasion.”

“It’s Kara,” Alex explained, only half-awake. “She has a particular woosh sound. My brain knows who it is. What’s wrong?”

“Alex...” was all Kara got out before her voice broke and her vision blurred with unshed tears.  

 “Kara, honey...” Alex pulled her into a hug.  “You’re freezing,” she scolded her.  “Maggie, could you grab the comforter from the bed? First we’ll get you warmed up, and then you can talk.”

“Sure... my hand is broken, and she gets the hug?” Maggie complained, but she got the blanket.

“Your hand is fine,” Alex said, taking the blanket and wrapping it around Kara’s shoulders before pushing her down to sit on the couch. “If it was broken you wouldn’t be bitching this much.”

Kara let their familiar bickering wash over her, pulling the comforter closed under her chin. She was starting to shiver. Alex dragged Maggie into the kitchen and Kara heard the sounds of the kettle being filled and put on to boil, and the murmur of hushed voices just low enough that she could choose not to listen to them. Alex came back with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.

“There will be hot chocolate in a minute, but here’s a sugar fix for now,” she said, setting them down on the coffee table.

Kara looked down at the cookies and felt the last of her defenses start to crumble.

“Hey...” Alex sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close as the first tears spilled over. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

“No it’s not,” Kara cried, burying her face in Alex’s chest. “It’s happening all over again. I’m going to lose them...”

“Lose who?”

Kara didn’t know whether to laugh or sob, nearly choking on the tangled knot in her throat. “My family... We’re going to catch Mxy, and Lizzy is going to disappear, and then Lena is going to h-hate me, and I don’t know what to do, because I’m supposed to be a hero, but I love them, and I w-want them, and it’s not fair, Alex!”

“Aw, shit kiddo...” Maggie sat down on her other side, and started rubbing her back.

“Fucking, hell,” Alex echoed.

“Yeah...” Kara sniffed. “That.”

“Remind me again,” Maggie said. “Because every time I stop thinking about it, I get hazy on this whole thing again. Why can’t you keep the kid?”

“That’s why,” Alex said softly. “Your memories, and most of National City’s have been distorted. Reality twists itself up around her. Not to mention the hoards of unruly aliens trying to find their very own magic lamp that we’ve been dealing with. People have already gotten hurt, and it’s only going to get worse until we fix it.”

“Huh...” Maggie thought about that for a minute. “Well then... Fuck reality.”

 “What?”

“You heard me,” Maggie said. “Screw it, Kara. What has reality ever done for you? Your planet is gone, your family is dead, your cousin is a dick, and you’re still here, busting your ass for people who don’t even know who you are. Who cares if a few thousand people think Lena Luthor married Cat Grant’s assistant three years ago, and gave birth to her alien baby? I think we’re all pretty sure it was going to happen anyway. The tabloids were just a little ahead of schedule.”  

“But...” Alex blustered, while Kara just gaped. “What about the aliens attacking the city?”

“That’s our job.” Maggie poked Alex in the shoulder. “Come on, we can handle this. They want that magic talisman or whatever? Fine. We find it first and get your tech guy to lock it up tight in some kind of dampening field, and stash it at the DEO out of reach. They’ll give up eventually.”

“And if Mxyzptlk comes back after his banishment wears off?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Maggie said. “But didn’t Kara handle him just fine last time? And we’ll have his magic-whatever it is. I know the whole Genie thing is just a story, and it’s not exactly a lamp, but we can use it against him, right?”  

“I...”

“Look,” Maggie said. “I know you have this whole self-sacrifice thing going on Kara, but if you can stop making this about your damned survivor’s guilt for five minutes and think about it; whoever’s daughter she is or isn’t, this kid is here, alive and at least half human, and technically a citizen of National City, so doesn’t that make her one of those people you’ve sworn to protect?”

A little stunned by Maggie’s fervor, Kara nodded slowly.

“Then just fucking protect her, okay? And let us take care of the rest.”

“Alex?” Kara asked, almost too afraid to hope...

“Kara...” Alex had on her hard truth face, and Kara’s heart sank. “I think— No,” she cut herself off, “you know what? Forget it. I’m with Maggie.” She threw her hands up. “Fuck reality.”

“Seriously?”

“Up high, Danvers.” Maggie grinned, high-fiving Alex over Kara’s head.

“Okay,” Kara whispered. “Okay,” she said again, more firmly. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a family...”

Alex smiled. “You have a family, Kara.”

“You’re an aunt... and you too, Maggie. Eliza is a grandmother, and J’onn will be like a grandfather, and Winn and James can be uncles, and I...” she gulped. “I’m a Mom...I have a daughter.”

“You’re just figuring that out?” Alex teased.

Kara shook her head. “It wasn’t real... I wasn’t letting it be real...” She shrugged out of the blanket, letting it fall to the couch as she stood up. “I have to go!”

She rushed to the window, only to double back and catch first Alex, and then Maggie in hugs just shy of bone-crushing before she left.  “Thank you, both. So much!”  

“No breaking the sound barrier!” Alex yelled after her.

She didn’t, but only because she was already so close to home.

Home...

Kara savoured the word. Allowing herself to hope for the first time that it was true, that she finally had a place to belong, a place that was hers. Alex had made Earth something like a home. She had given Kara the closest thing she’d had to a family, but it wasn’t the same. Alex and Eliza and Jeremiah, they hadn’t needed Kara. They had accepted her, loved her, but she wasn’t theirs. Not really.

Family was about more than blood. But when all of those ties were just... gone. And then suddenly they weren’t.

 It was more than she ever could have asked for.

The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon when Kara touched down lightly on the balcony and crept inside on tip-toe, gently easing the doors closed behind her. She padded down the hall to the bedroom, slipping inside without a sound.

Lena was asleep in the bed with Lizzy sprawled beside her like a little starfish, one chubby arm wrapped tightly around her white dog, and the other around her tiger as she drooled into orange fur, snoring softly. Lena’s hand was on her back, her pale skin almost white against the dark blue sleeper, two silver rings gleaming faintly in the rising light from the window.

Kara twisted her own ring around her finger, wondering if Maggie was right. Would they really have gotten here on their own? She hoped so.

It seemed silly to change into pyjamas this close to morning, so Kara didn’t bother, settling for taking her shoes and sweater off before easing onto the bed and laying down facing Lena with Lizzy between them. She hadn’t launched herself of Alex’s balcony and raced all the way here to watch her family sleep, but now that she was here, she wasn’t quite ready to wake them up yet. 

But...

Kara reached out to lay her hand gently on top of Lena’s, feeling the slight rise and fall of their daughter’s breath. “Lena...” she whispered, brushing her thumb over pale knuckles. “Can you wake up a little?”

Lena stirred at her voice and her touch, nose crinkling adorably as she blinked her eyes open. “Kara?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it morning?”

“Not quite,” Kara admitted, hastening to add, “I came back to tell you something. You were right, and I’m an idiot.”

Lena’s hand under Kara’s closed into a fist around blue fabric, but she didn’t pull away. “Right how...?” she asked carefully.”

“About keeping our daughter safe, and here with us,” Kara said. “And you were right too that I can’t put my own happiness first, but...” She smiled down at Lizzy. “I can put her first. Her life is something I can fight for.”

“What are you saying?”

Kara’s smile widened into a grin. “I’m saying the fifth dimension can have her back over my dead body.”

It wasn’t easy with Lizzy between them, but somehow Lena managed, pulling Kara into a fierce hug; one arm wrapped around her neck, and her face buried in Kara’s shoulder.  “Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you...”

Kara held her close, feeling Lena’s shoulders shaking under her arm. “Hey, it’s okay,” she said soothingly. “I’m just sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner. Are you sure you know what you’re signing up for, though?” she added jokingly. “This kid is half kryptonian. That could mean flying, laser vision, broken everything, and a lot of ruined birthday cakes...”

Lena shoved at her shoulder. “I don’t care,” she said, her voice muffled. “She’s ours. She could be covered in scales and breath fire, and I would still love her.”

“What about me, then?” Kara asked, hesitantly, all joking aside. “Do I... stay here with you? When Mxy is taken care of?

Lena pulled back a little at that, frowning. “You really are an idiot,” she said.

“Yeah I know, but...” Kara took a deep breath. “Could you tell me anyway?”

Lena sat up, tugging Kara up with her. She took Kara’s left hand and held it up, pressing her own against it, three bands of silver, side by side, one glittering like starlight. “After all of this, do you really still think we wouldn’t have gotten here on our own, eventually?”  

Kara blushed, eyes downcast. “It’s still new,” she admitted. “I didn’t know I... but you...you’re just... I’ve been so confused,” she finished with a huff, glancing up just in time to see Lena’s poorly hidden smirk. “You’re enjoying this,” she whined. “You’re the worst.”

Lena raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t exactly been innocent here either,” she countered. “But, you’re right. It’s new for you, and I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for.” She took her hand back, tucking both of them neatly into her lap. “I can wait.”

Kara wasn’t sure she could wait, but Lena had a point. She didn’t quite have everything sorted out in her own head and heart yet. Still... “You don’t think you’ll regret it? Not doing this the right way? I mean, not just us, but Lizzy too... We’ve missed so much with her.”

“Regret missing three months of throwing up? Stretch marks and swollen ankles? Not to mention the constant crying, feeding and changing with a newborn?” Lena shuddered. “No thank you. I’d do it if I had to, but I’m not sorry about the workaround, and as for us... that depends. How long do you think it would have taken you to finally ask me out?”

More blushing... and also, “Wait a minute, why would I have to ask you?”

“Because I thought you were straight,” Lena explained, as if that should be obvious.

“I thought I was straight,” Kara grumped.

“Well.” Lena shrugged. “That answers that question. If we needed to get married before you were ready to question your sexuality, then I think this was exactly the right way, don’t you?”

Hard to argue with that logic.

“I guess we’re lucky she showed up then, huh?” Kara said, running her fingers through Lizzy’s unruly curls.

“Very lucky,” Lena agreed. “She has your eyes, you know,” she said, smiling down at the sleeping toddler. “That’s how I knew she was really ours. The apartment, the pictures...” She waved a hand as if to indicate the general disarray of reality. “I could have explained those away, but I see you, when she looks at me.”

“My father’s eyes,” Kara said softly. “Kal and I both have them. She has your chin though,” she added. “And your brains.”

“Best of both worlds then.” Lena’s grin was impish.

“And the worst,” Kara added feelingly. “I can’t believe she punched that little boy! And the kitchen yesterday? Did you teach her that trick with standing on the books?”

Lena laughed. “No, she figured that one out on her own, but I’ll admit, I may have... encouraged her.”

Kara sighed. “She really is our kid, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Lena said. “She really is.”

“Guess we’re stuck with her, then.”

“I guess we are.”

“It’s not going to be easy...” Kara warned her. “We still have to find the rest of the talisman and protect the city and then find a way to put it together and hide it while we figure out how to use it against Mxy...

“And don’t forget the Gala,” Lena added, feigning seriousness. “We have appearances to keep up after all.”

“Ugh!” Kara collapsed back on the bed, hands over her face. “I forgot about the Gala. I still have so much to organize!”

“You can borrow Jess,” Lena offered, leaning over her and tugging one of her hands down. In spite of her promise to wait, she couldn’t quite seem to resist tangling their fingers together and resting them on Kara’s chest. “I still need to get back at her for pretending to be under the spell with everyone else, anyway. She hates this sort of thing.”

“Are you sure we can’t just skip it?” Kara asked hopefully, dropping her other hand to cover their joined ones, just in case Lena was thinking about taking hers back.

“Think of it as your coming out party,” Lena teased, laughing and holding on tight when Kara tried to cover her face again to hide her blush.

Kara could have overpowered her easily, but she liked this playful side of Lena too much to discourage her. Instead, she let Lena “win,” catching each of Kara’s hands in one of hers and pinning them to the bed to either side of her.  Lena’s smirk told Kara she knew exactly what she was doing, but she played along, feigning surprise when Kara turned the tables by tugging her down on top of her.

“Oof, I thought we were waiting...” Lena whispered, her voice suddenly gone husky and green eyes just beginning to smoulder. 

“Maybe I don’t want to wait,” Kara breathed, heat pooling in her belly, nerves forgotten, or at least ignored. Lena felt amazing pressed against her, all warm curves and soft skin, and like nothing she’d ever had before.

“Kara...” Lena whined, closing her eyes and dropping her head against Kara’s shoulder. “As much as I would love to take you up on that,” she mumbled. “And I would. I mean honestly, you have no idea, but we have a toddler in the bed, and precocious as she is, I’d rather wait to have that conversation until she’s out of diapers, wouldn’t you?”

“Well if you put it that way...” Kara sighed. “Darnit.”

“I can think of more colourful words,” Lena drawled, sitting up reluctantly. “But essentially, yes, my feeling as well.”

Kara propped herself up on her elbows, unable to resist a pouting a little. “Raincheck?”

“Definitely.” Lena winked. “But for now...” she stooped and pressed a swift kiss to Kara’s cheek before pulling away again. “I’m going to remove myself from temptation and get ready for work.” She slipped from the bed and headed for the bathroom. “Are you with Alex today? Or has Snapper finally pinned you down?”

Kara stared after her, fingers pressed to her cheek where she could still feel the press of Lena’s lips. “I uh...um...” she stuttered. “Alex is still in interrogation today I think. I was going to drop Lizzy off with Eliza and go in to Catco...”

“Meet me for lunch?” Lena asked, pausing in the doorway. “We could eat in...” She caught her lower lip between her teeth, releasing it slowly as the corner of her mouth tilted up in a suggestive grin.

Kara nearly choked on her own tongue. “You are having way too much fun with this,” she said weakly when she had mostly recovered.

 “Is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes.”

“Good.”

Satisfied she’d left Kara in as flustered a state as possible, Lena retreated into the bathroom and shut the door. After a few seconds Kara heard the shower come on, and she flopped back down onto the bed beside Lizzy with a sigh. “Kid,” she said. “Your mother is trying to kill me.”

Lizzy just snored.

Kara snorted. “Yeah, figures you’d take her side.”

It was going to be a long morning.