Back in time (3)

The sunny weather was never short of making me happy every morning, but I suddenly had this gut feeling that something bad was going to happen today. And surely enough, it was.

After everything I had done to get to know Mu Feng had come crashing down as I found out from one of my friends that Franklin liked me again, and that he told Mu Feng that I was obsessive and annoying. That was when he stopped texting me. That was when our relationship, one I tried hard to build, had come falling down. All because of the words of my ex. Never in my life would I forget his compulsive and disgusting behaviour.

I had reached a stop point to be honest and time passed extremely quickly during this period as I had my mock exams to prepare for so my mind was elsewhere. Nevermind that, I was still thinking about him and my heart was honestly hurt at his actions to believe my ex but on the other hand, couldn't do anything about it. Moreover, Franklin even told me that Mu Feng had a crush or soon to be girlfriend in China.

Sad is and understatement to how I felt. It was inexplicable dejection and disappointment I had, because I felt that it was all my fault that he didn't like me. But at the end of the day, could you help someone else's feelings? No. You couldn't.

This went on for a long year, mixed with exams and studies my mind was not too overcrowded with the thoughts of Mu Feng but sometimes when I built up the courage to talk to him, I'd fall in love with him all over again. Stupid right? Yes, it was but even now, 10 years on, my heart still falls for him in the same way.

I noticed his strange behaviour though, during the exams. He seemed distant and alone and didn't talk to anyone in his group. My friends and I were in his group although I wasn't that close with them as some of my other friends were so we slowly caught on on how conservative he was being all of the sudden. It was strange but I heard a few times that the boys in the group weren't that close with him because he'd talk with his friends in China so I suppose I could understand his struggles. Yet I didn't see this coming.

I completed my exams successfully before breaking for school holidays when I received the worst possible news. He was leaving forever. Mu Feng was leaving to china forever. I needed to confess to him quickly before he left because it was now or never. I had gone along with this stupid little crush of mine for over 2 years and it was time to tell him.

I was petrified he'd reject me, or maybe I already knew he would, it was just a matter or my pride being on the line to tell him how I felt. My palms were sweaty, my heart was pumping and I typed out the exact words,

"I like you."

Quickly, I left the app and shut off my phone and waited. I waited for 5 minutes after he replied, to which he wrote question marks. My heart instantly dropped but I suppose he must've been surprised so I just reiterated my points and left the app again only to be confronted with a message that said,

"Sorry, I already have someone I like but you deserve someone better."

My eyes were balling at his response. Not at the fact that he rejected me, because I saw that coming already, it was just how he worded it, how considerate he was of my feelings even though I can't say I didn't wish his answer wouldn't be different. This was a closure for me, for this part of my life and it was time to start fresh and anew.

It was time to stope chasing feelings, to forget about Mu Feng and Franklin and to start thinking about me.